Am I a Complete Dick?

[SweetMelody]

I think RangoFett was on to something. All hormonal birth control methods can effect a woman's sex drive. Most anti-depressants have the same effect. When I was engaged, I was on the depo shot and was rarely interested in sex. Once I cleansed my system of all the chemicals, I became an insatiable sex-fiend and interested in experimenting in areas that I had never been interested in before.
However, if your frustration and her disinterest are causing conflict in an otherwise happy union, then seeing a provider to have a special need met can actually ease the strain on a marriage. I wouldn't recommend seeing one provider on a regular basis. That can lead to emotional attachment, and I don't think that's what you're looking for. Good luck to you, friend.

[Dick Dastardly]

No, I'm the "Dick" on this thread.

I honestly couldn't date someone who didn't like to give head. I was seeing this very sexy girl and after the first few dates I finally got her into the sack and quickly discovered she didn't want to go near Mr. Adventure at all. As a guy, I feel it's my constitutional right to receive a BJ from my sex partners, but the sad fact is some women just aren't having it when it comes to our oral satisfaction. Talk about a let-down. It was almost as bad as when the news hit that Amber Heard was Lezbonese. What a waste of a beautiful woman. But, I digress...

Seriously, your wife obviously loves you to death to make so many sacrifices for you. You owe it to her to try to find a way to work this out. I know you don't have many hours left in your busy days, but you should at least try some counseling and come to some sort of understanding. If she isn't interested in happy time, do you think she would be opposed to someone else taking those obligations off her plate? As a last resort, I would suggest just go purchase your BJ when you need it and be done with it. You're going to drive yourself crazy without sex if you don't.

And, lastly - I would like to second the opinion this is not the best place to seek marital advice. It's worth exactly what you paid for it.

Good luck to you sir.

[jafun]

Jason0313, If I were you I would never divorce her. She seems to a rare gem with whom you can count to spend the rest of your life with. Get some counselling. Allow her to relax and take a break from your routine life. You will never be sorry when you turn 99.

[Iaintliein]

It's not unusual. My guess is that suggesting hiring a maid etc. will only piss her off (it did when I suggested it). From my own personal, very similar experience the key isn't going to a marriage counselor, the key is actually doing what they advise. We went to one shortly after we were married because once a month or so was plenty for her.

The counselor advised me to cut my loses and get a divorce because things wouldn't get better. That was over a quarter century ago.

How difficult is it really for a woman or man not interested in sex to remain "faithful". And "faithful" to what, exactly? How is denying you one of the basic necessities of survival being "faithful". Some people actually like to work, clean house etc., it keeps them from having to do "nasty" things their spouse wants.

Your choices are very few, but very clear, get out, get strange, or get used to it.

And my heartfelt thanks for your service (though I'm not sure the world needs more lawyers).

PS: As the lovely Ms Melody points out, several anti-depresents kill sex drive. I suppose that would be another option for you. Chantix more or less permanently cut my libido far, far more than I would have liked, but at least I don't smoke anymore, it's a Dopamine receptor inhibitor.

[morrissey]

There is some really good advice here despite the sources. I really like the witty ones LOL!

I would encourage you to seek counseling together or for yourself. Being transparent is the best policy. If you (or her) have unmet needs it is best to work together to address these issues. Otherwise you are not doing yourself or your mate any favors. Life is too short to be unhappy.

People do change and grow in different directions over time. This is not a bad thing but just part of life. Nothings remains static. You need to continue to invest and work on relationships for them to continue to grow and prosper.

Just as a side note - most ministers insist you go through a class together to find out how sexually compatible you are. There are other issues outside of sex that are also addressed. With the divorce rate over 50% they feel put off since something is broken. The way you are sexually wired is part of your DNA - this is who you are. Don't expect from yourself or for others for these feelings to change.

[SouthArlington]

Seek counseling together. And thanks for your service, soldier!

[Jasser]

Welcome to married life and it doesn't get any better. If you have no children, I would strongly suggest getting a divorce. No BJ in seven years? Damn, maybe my wife isn't that bad after all.

Seriously, if you don't have kids, I don't see why you want to stay with someone that isn't into you. I know if I didn't have kids, I would have left a loooooooooooooooooooong time ago.

[jason0313]

Thanks for the advice. We married extremely young while in the military, about 4.5 years into the marriage she told me she was molested when she was younger. I have done everything I can think of to support her and help her out when it comes to that issue. We both cook and clean equally, I'm a clean freak and hate a dirty house, I don't expect her to clean after working all day. Anyway, thanks for the advice everyone. I think I will just stick with having a few drinks at the strip clubs.

[ShysterJon]

Originally Posted by jason0313

Am I a Complete Dick?
* * *
I'm on my way to becoming a lawyer....

No, but you will be once you graduate from law school. What's the problem anyway? Being a dick is an occupational requirement for practicing law for both men and those sweet little girls that think they're real lawyers.

[jason0313]

constitutional law. I want to fight the government when they overstep their bounds. I would love to represent people who sue the TSA. Or the guy who kills an intruder in his home and gets charged with murder.

[ShysterJon]

See -- you already sound like a dick. Haha.

[Cheburashka]

She probably has some childhood sexual abuse issues.

[Guest020720]

Originally Posted by jason0313

Thanks for the advice. We married extremely young while in the military, about 4.5 years into the marriage she told me she was molested when she was younger. I have done everything I can think of to support her and help her out when it comes to that issue. We both cook and clean equally, I'm a clean freak and hate a dirty house, I don't expect her to clean after working all day. Anyway, thanks for the advice everyone. I think I will just stick with having a few drinks at the strip clubs.

Whoop...there it is.


SHE needs a sex therapist first.

Don't make it about YOU.

Make it about her. This has probably been fucking with her in more ways than you can even FATHOM for years and years and years. Who knows - she's probably got OCD issues even that revert to the molestation.

The therapist WILL inturn - invite you to the sessions.

You need to find one that has GREAT reviews and good results. From men and women.

That's the best advice I can give on that matter. If you love her - and I mean, she is your soul mate and you want to be by her side as you guys grow old together....then that's what you should do.

If you still want some nasty, sloppy dick sucking and she can't provide it - go throw down an some green and get it down without her knowing.

At some point it's not her fault anymore - and there's nothing YOU can do to fix that.

[Guest020720]

Originally Posted by ShysterJon

No, but you will be once you graduate from law school. What's the problem anyway? Being a dick is an occupational requirement for practicing law for both men and those sweet little girls that think they're real lawyers.

and that's why

[ShysterJon]

See? Girls love big, talking dicks.