Where's the love?

[Ebony Jasmine Love Austin]

Ok am I the only one that sees this stereotype is being perpetuated by the black woman more than anyone else. Lets take a look at this statement. If we take out the meat of it you are pretty much left with nothing of substance.

As a __________________ I have been made to feel less attractive by the ____________and_________ as they both seem to have a preference for ______________.

How can someone make you feel less attractive because he prefers another? You were not made to feel less attractive. You decided to feel less attractive. What about all the guys that think you are attractive? Don't they come into the equation, somewhere?

Does Wendy's feel subpar because some people choose to go to Mc Donald's? No. However, Wendy's will build a restaurant right next to Mc Donald's and give people the option of liking them just as much. And if some still prefer Mc Donald's, Wendy's might send out an incentive to try them (free frosty with a large fry. Mc Donald's doesn't have frostys!)

You will never catch Wendy's putting out a commercial saying "We at Wendy's feel undesirable because everyone likes Mc Donald's. No one wants to eat here. BoooooHOOOOO!"

That would just be a waste of time, energy, and money; most of all, whats left of their reputation.

Anyone could fill in the blanks in that sentence, but would probably end up looking more unappealing (like, "Well if no one wants to eat at Wendy's there is probably a reason for that. Fuck it lets go to Mc Donald's!"). People naturally gravitate to things others like. So if you want to gain some influence in whatever you do, stop mentioning that you have it hard because you are Black, and make yourself look more desirable.

-my 2.... "sense"

P.S. Layla, sorry for going off on just one part of your post. Your posts shine a very confident light on you. You know your worth and it shows. You are a hottie and I wish you well, and welcome!

Originally Posted by !!Layla Angelique!!

As a darker-skinned black woman, I have been made to feel less attractive by the media and by men of my own race as they both seem to have a preference for black women of a lighter complexion.
[/B]

[sixxbach]

I am surprised I am the only one who has wondered why she is not a verified provider. How in the world can a hobbyist make a decision to see her if they cannot access any reviews?

Solve step one darling and then see where it takes you before u bitch...

sixx

[Guest101211-2]

Originally Posted by Ebony Jasmine Love Austin

Ok am I the only one that sees this stereotype is being perpetuated by the black woman more than anyone else. Lets take a look at this statement. If we take out the meat of it you are pretty much left with nothing of substance.

As a __________________ I have been made to feel less attractive by the ____________and_________ as they both seem to have a preference for ______________.

How can someone make you feel less attractive because he prefers another? You were not made to feel less attractive. You decided to feel less attractive. What about all the guys that think you are attractive? Don't they come into the equation, somewhere?

Does Wendy's feel subpar because some people choose to go to Mc Donald's? No. However, Wendy's will build a restaurant right next to Mc Donald's and give people the option of liking them just as much. And if some still prefer Mc Donald's, Wendy's might send out an incentive to try them (free frosty with a large fry. Mc Donald's doesn't have frostys!)

You will never catch Wendy's putting out a commercial saying "We at Wendy's feel undesirable because everyone likes Mc Donald's. No one wants to eat here. BoooooHOOOOO!"

That would just be a waste of time, energy, and money; most of all, whats left of their reputation.

Anyone could fill in the blanks in that sentence, but would probably end up looking more unappealing (like, "Well if no one wants to eat at Wendy's there is probably a reason for that. Fuck it lets go to Mc Donald's!"). People naturally gravitate to things others like. So if you want to gain some influence in whatever you do, stop mentioning that you have it hard because you are Black, and make yourself look more desirable.

-my 2.... "sense"

Jas,

You know I personally think very highly of you and your one of my favorite posters on the board. I definitely agree with the general idea of what you are saying. However, I do believe allot of what Layla was saying about the color... Lighter skin being more acceptable than darker skin. It's more of an emotional thing. Like being picked on in school for being over weight or nerdy. But larger people can lose weight,, but you can't change the lightness/darkness of your skin. Case and point.... I personally adore the darker skinned ladies of color, my soon to be ex is a darker skinned AA. She told me when she was growing up in a small town, that she was often critized and outcasted by her own race for being darker. She told me that when she was in high school, her first big time BF was lighter skinned and his parents didn't like her because she was dark. His parents did everything to ruin their relationship.... and over time succeeded. That situation was out of her hands! She couldn't get lighter to make them happy! But, she is very proud of her ebony color now and should be. In this case she couldn't make a better burger to make his parents happy.

Over time I can see how this would be tramatising for her. Just like the little chubby guy getting picked on in school. Yes! you can grow out of it... Yes, you mature and move beyond it.... But the emotional scars from growing up may still be there.

Just my .02 cents....

[Shutyourname]

I don't what's going on but I love me some chocolate, Layla stop trippen!

[Ebony Jasmine Love Austin]

I see what you are saying Java. I am sensitive to peoples emotional scars from growing up. I have some. But wouldn't you say the "growing" process in growing up, is learning to do everything possible to overcome these emotional scars; so they don't hinder you in the future? Making statements like the OP is just like picking a scab that has almost healed.

As for the burger metaphor, I'm not saying she has to make a better burger (change her dark skin). All I'm saying is try to make the kind of burger you supply more desirable. It all starts with how one thinks about him/herself; which is projected onto others around them. Also, realize that It's ok for people to not want your burger. That doesn't make one this or that; until they unknowingly give a stereotype power.

Stereotypes is defined as : a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.
Oversimplified meaning, a distorted impression of it is given. Meaning the assumption/stereotype is not completely true. So how can a stereotype still be widely held and fixed you might ask? IMHO because the people who are being stereotyped perpetuate it. They it as a crutch to justify why not everyone likes them (what world is that?).

I know not everyone is going to like me. I learned that on the playground. I've had a long time to come to terms with that.

*shrug*


If someone doesn't want you because of preference, so be it. You can't force someone to like you, but the power of suggestion works wonders. I believe suggesting then proving there is a demand for your time and companionship (reviews, rapport with members) would provide a more promising outcome.

If someone doesn't want you because they are a racist, well, since its 2011 I assume they are the ones that have to deal with the difficult image. Let it be their downfall not yours.

I hope this helps understand my perspective. Peace out!

Originally Posted by CupOfJava

Jas,

You know I personally think very highly of you and your one of my favorite posters on the board. I definitely agree with the general idea of what you are saying. However, I do believe allot of what Layla was saying about the color... Lighter skin being more acceptable than darker skin. It's more of an emotional thing. Like being picked on in school for being over weight or nerdy. But larger people can lose weight,, but you can't change the lightness/darkness of your skin. Case and point.... I personally adore the darker skinned ladies of color, my soon to be ex is a darker skinned AA. She told me when she was growing up in a small town, that she was often critized and outcasted by her own race for being darker. She told me that when she was in high school, her first big time BF was lighter skinned and his parents didn't like her because she was dark. His parents did everything to ruin their relationship.... and over time succeeded. That situation was out of her hands! She couldn't get lighter to make them happy! But, she is very proud of her ebony color now and should be. In this case she couldn't make a better burger to make his parents happy.

Over time I can see how this would be tramatising for her. Just like the little chubby guy getting picked on in school. Yes! you can grow out of it... Yes, you mature and move beyond it.... But the emotional scars from growing up may still be there.

Just my .02 cents....

[MarleyMonroe]

I am close friends with a guy who runs a known austin agency here in austin, he too agreed its "harder" to get AA girls apts than it is white girls. I dont know why. I was booking for 2 AA girls, both MODEL material and they got nothing! So one quit but the other is still waiting. I dont understand it... these girls are seriously gorgeous. I dont think it is racism, but i do agree that it all probably has to do with the reviews, or lack of. It's not easy, no apts. with out reviews but yet u cant get a review without an apt! All i can say girl is be patient, without patience you will not make it in this industry. The girl i was booking for expected to make 1,000 a day starting her first day, well it does not work like that. I told her to be patient but nope in her mind she was not getting enough apts... she quit... then a review was wrote and she got requests more often, but she was already gone!

[Logic]

Oh and ps...Get verified and ill bend ya over...

[Fsn57]

I agree with what's been said about it being a preference for a particular flavor, chocolate vs vanilla, and not so much racism. Unfortunately that word, racism, gets used far to often and in many cases where there is no racism at play at all.

My preferences tend to be for white girls, blondes mostly. However, I think one of the most attractive women I've ever seen on eccie is Layla. I think Layla was right when she said not only her skin color, but her ethnic physique really works for her. Who doesn't get excited by this:


Attachment 67977

[Guest101211-2]

Originally Posted by CupOfJava

Jas,

You know I personally think very highly of you and your one of my favorite posters on the board. I definitely agree with the general idea of what you are saying.

Jas,

As I said, I do agree with you 110% however, I should have said.... In addition to what you were saying there is an emotional factor. Maybe some folks haven't moved past that scar or given it a chance to heal yet. I am guilty most of all of having a good heart sometimes and believing that over all people are good! It's my, downfall. As they say "Nice guys finish last".

I love reading your posts and hope to read much more. And yes, as you intellectually put it...

If someone doesn't want you because of preference, so be it. You can't force someone to like you, but the power of suggestion works wonders. I believe suggesting then proving there is a demand for your time and companionship (reviews, rapport with members) would provide a more promising outcome.

If someone doesn't want you because they are a racist, well, since its 2011 I assume they are the ones that have to deal with the difficult image. Let it be their downfall not yours.

I hope this helps understand my perspective

... I couldn't agree with you more.

Java

[Guest101211-2]

Originally Posted by MarleyMonroe

I am close friends with a guy who runs a known austin agency here in austin, he too agreed its "harder" to get AA girls apts than it is white girls. I dont know why. I was booking for 2 AA girls, both MODEL material and they got nothing! So one quit but the other is still waiting. I dont understand it... these girls are seriously gorgeous. I dont think it is racism, but i do agree that it all probably has to do with the reviews, or lack of. It's not easy, no apts. with out reviews but yet u cant get a review without an apt! All i can say girl is be patient, without patience you will not make it in this industry. The girl i was booking for expected to make 1,000 a day starting her first day, well it does not work like that. I told her to be patient but nope in her mind she was not getting enough apts... she quit... then a review was wrote and she got requests more often, but she was already gone!

Wow, who said that Providers weren't intelligent? Jas and MM are really putting it out there!

So true. It's more than just posting an Ad and sitting by your computer waiting for the flood of calls! You have to put some work into it! Get noticed. As it has already been brought up on many threads. It's not a race thing! It's a business thing! These rules apply no matter your race

• Get Verified
• Create a web-page: List rates, menu and plenty of GOOD pics
• Post Ad's, post in CO-ED, GET NOTICED!
• Don't re-invent the wheel! Study the veteran ladies here and what they do. Look at their Ad's, web-pages and posts. Imitation can be the highest form of flattery.
• Attend socials and luncheons (after being verified)

There's allot more... I just named a few.

Another point!

Yes, I may be wrong here... but I am sure I'll be corrected, if so

There is a smaller demand for AA women in Austin, but! There are few AA providers to meet this smaller demand. Yes there may be a larger demand for Caucasian or Hispanic women, but search it!! There are tons of hispanic/Caucasian providers here trying to divide up this larger market! Competition is probably greater and more fierce than say the AA market.

Therefore, AA providers that market themselves, put some work into it are going to have less competition within their market than say a Caucasian provider will within their market.

Looks like simple economics.... supply and demand... I am in no way an expert in economics... but, this looks simple enough for me?

You'll get what you put into it! Your world is your oyster!

Java

[irishlad]

Stereotyping, preference and racism are different things.

Stereotyping is human nature. It's a complex world and we need to look for patterns and simplify things to be able to function. That includes racial and cultural patterns. Sure you lose some fidelity when you do it and you need to be aware of your stereotypes and how they provide you with starting points but not sound conclusions when it comes to specific cases. Further you need to develop your own "stereotypes" based on your own experiences and not just buy into those of others blindly. But we will never not have stereotyping. We need it. It is a useful practice in its place.

Preference is just what you like, what makes you comfortable. People are naturally comfortable around people they understand, people with similar backgrounds and cultural perspectives/contexts. I do not think it is necessarily racist to prefer to be around people like you, whatever that means to you (including white people). It's very myopic if you overindulge because you're choosing comfort over expanding your horizons and becoming comfortable with more things so there is more you can enjoy in life, living a more limited narrow existence, but it does not rise to "racism".

To me Racism is about being threatened or wanting to feel superior and most importantly it is about working against the interests of others purely on on the basis of race. A competitive, semi-conspiratorial us vs. them kind of thing. A racist doesn't think (though he may merely say because most of us condemn racists) "I am not attracted to AA women", he thinks "I will not sink to being intimate with an inferior AA woman" or "Those AA women should be sticking with their own kind and stop tempting white men" or some other ridiculous nonsense. Also interestingly in the context of this thread, a real racist very well may be attracted to an AA women.

Fortunately I think this kind of genuine racist thinking has faded over time, with only the most desperate losers clinging to it because they have little else to make themselves feel special. To some degree I also think the perception that there is still a lot of racism is perpetuated by once victims as an excuse or cynical politicians. But real racism is clearly on the wane - at least against the AA community (I'm not naive enough to think it won't rear it's ugly head in some new place and form). As Chris Rock so perfectly pointed out, this is not because "African Americans have made progress" over the last few generations, it is because finally "white people have gotten less crazy".

[nuglet]

I wouldn't be interested in Halle Berry either, or Beyonce, or... LIKE HELL I WOULDN'T!!!

[Ebony Jasmine Love Austin]

Sorry to change the subject (it's a little stuffy in here anyway. good, but stuffy)... this picture is absolutelystunning. Wow!

The colors, the pose, the body, that orgasmic arch of the back, the setting, the horizontal composition, the implicit nature of her leg adjacent to the horses leg, the one foot in the water.... all involved in this photo (even that patient majestic horse) are geniuses. I want it as a painting on my wall. Just lovely.

Thanks for such a beautiful sight.

Originally Posted by Fsn57

[/URL]

[Guest101211-2]

Originally Posted by Ebony Jasmine Love Austin

Sorry to change the subject (it's a little stuffy in here anyway. good, but stuffy)... this picture is absolutelystunning. Wow!

The colors, the pose, the body, that orgasmic arch of the back, the setting, the horizontal composition, the implicit nature of her leg adjacent to the horses leg, the one foot in the water.... all involved in this photo (even that patient majestic horse) are geniuses. I want it as a painting on my wall. Just lovely.

Thanks for such a beautiful sight.

What a minute? there's a horse in that picture?

Dayumm I'm speechless ... Absolutely amazing

[Carl]

Originally Posted by Fsn57

I'd eat that every day, all day long, if I could.

I'm not talking about the horse.