when is feedback really appreciated??

[vnurse]

I like receiving feedback when "tending to" someone. If my touch is too light or too deep, if something feels good, if something doesn't feel good. Of course I NEVER hear THAT one!

Everyone is different so what feels good to one isn't necessarily the best thing to someone else but I want to know what works for YOU when YOU are on my table.

I'm tough, I can handle it!

[dunstable]

Originally Posted by pmdelites

ok, you do your research, schedule an appt, visit her. the end result is either "holy fking universe - that was fan-fking-tastic!!", great but not superlative, or it just didnt turn out like you thought.

now, in the first and second cases, i usually tell the woman "that was really fine! i am so glad that we met." in the last case, i usually either dont say anything or say "thanks" and move on.

I say exactly what you say when face to face. But I have never sent her negative feedback afterwards and I would expect doing so to generally provoke a defensive reaction.

The only circumstances in which I would provide feedback would be if I wanted to thank her again for the great time I had had.

I think about my own clients (I have a small consultancy business) and the work I do for them -- most of the time I already know when I have done less than a stellar job and I would prefer that they don't tell me what I already know. On the other hand, I love it when they praise me (I admit I'm inconsistent!).

Another reservation I have about unsolicited feedback is that it so often a matter of someone's personal preference.

I think the times when a person has failed to some extent and doesn't realize it are probably rather rare.

Also, constructive feedback when you can do something about it (i.e. when providing the service) is much more acceptable IMO than when it's all over.

[pmdelites]

Originally Posted by monkmonk

I will only give feedback face to face.

so, monk, what sort of feedback did you give, when during the session did you give it, and what was the reaction??

Originally Posted by Shackleton

I generally think it's a bad idea to give unsolicited, after-the-fact advice to someone you really don't know any better than a one hour business transaction. Most people don't take that well. That goes double for advice about a subject as sensitive and personal as this one.

in 2 of the 5 cases, the women emailed or pm'd me after apparently hearing or reading what i wrote in my review [this happened sometime ago]. in one case, i wrote that her crotch really smelled bad. in the other, i wrote that she kept pushing back the appt time and then when i was there told me waaaaay too much personal information. in both cases, the women dumped shitloads on me. this was not feedback i gave to them, but to the guys reading the review and were reasons why i wasnt going to visit them again and wouldnt recommend them.

Originally Posted by npita

I'm not sure when feedback will be appreciated, but I'm pretty certain that it won't be appreciated if the feedback is self-serving. It's probably best to reserve criticism, (constructive or otherwise) for when you receive an email that asks why you haven't scheduled recently. Unsolicited advice which seems beneficial to the person offering it never comes across well, even if it's helpful and sincere.

so, would you consider that telling a woman she smells bad, talks too much, or her bj wasnt what i was hoping for [see below] is self-serving??

how would you inform a woman that there was something about her or her activities that either might benefit from improvement or were less than you hoped?

would it matter if you were ever or never going to visit her again?
would you just write it in your review so the guys could read it?

Originally Posted by Carrie Hillcrest

I'm torn on this.

On one hand, if there's something I do (or don't do) that's off-putting, I'd like to know about it so I don't inadvertently continue to bother people with it or discourage repeat visits.

On the other hand, I can get as defensive and ego-bruised as any lady.

Hopefully if someone presented me with (legitimate, non-self serving) constructive criticism, I'd be able to put my feelings aside and actually listen to it.

Originally Posted by JamieYoung

I always appreciate feedback as long as its presented tactfully.

carrie and jamie, thanks for your candid reply. i've never visited with either of you, but this is the kind of attitude toward feedback/criticism that i very much appreciate - listen to tactfully presented info and deal with it, not dump on the messenger. whether you act on the feedback or not is less important; hopefully you might.
.
.
.
my cases in point,
in 2 cases, i let the woman know that her bj that ended in a hj was less than what i hoped for. and if that was her m.o. on bjs, i'd rather it just be an appetizer than wind up as a hj tc. both dumped on me big time.

in the last case, i also let the woman know that her bj that ended in a hj was less than what i hoped for. paraphrasing, this woman replied via email "thanks for telling me. i have heard from several guys and have stepped my game up". she offered me a return visit at a discount. as there are other things about her that i do like, i'm inclined to visit her again, but i will pay her full rate.

note that all of the feedback has been about things that are under her control, not things she cannot easily change.

so, seriously, should i just write it in reviews to let the guys know and to heck w/ the woman?

[lisa.lisa0302]

Im all for constructive criticism , personally I like mine face to face.......don't email me, because I will think you were too scared to say it to my face. Not cool. Tell me face to face so you are not thinking about what you are going to write to me on the ride home.

Did you really tell a lady, her crotch stinks, in those words. Brutal, im not a guy, mind you, but that was a simple fix, if you notice an odor, you could have told her to jump her and crotch in the shower, problem fixed. Less than stellar bj, well did you let her know then to spice it up. Maybe she thought she was doing the best she could. I don't know, im not her.

My feelings would be real hurt if a gent told me my crotch stunk. Tell me something like that in person, so I could fix it right away.

[Jasinda]

Originally Posted by lisa.lisa0302

Im all for constructive criticism , personally I like mine face to face.......don't email me, because I will think you were too scared to say it to my face. Not cool. Tell me face to face so you are not thinking about what you are going to write to me on the ride home.

This^^^

If there's something happening during the session that's not up to your expectations, then, by all means, let me know DURING THE SESSION. Telling me later via email or phone or text probably won't help, especially if you're the only person that's had an issue and I know I'm not going to see you again. And how is it supposed to help if you wait 2 months and then write it in a review? At that point, it looks kind of vindictive.

At any rate, tell me tactfully during the session.

Jas

[PT4ME]

..... I am only an expert on what works for me, so far be it for me to tell anyone how to "run their business". The only feedback I can provide is what could have possibly made "our" session better, and generally will only offer it if asked.

WALDT, so I don't offer criticism ever, but will respond if asked if there was anything that could have been done differently or better. I'm not sure how I would handle "stank" or "toothy", as research has kept me out of such predicaments. (knock on wood).

I'm am cracking up thinking the Richard Pryor "GOD DAMN, WHAT'S THAT FUNKY SMELL?" line might kind of spoil the moment. Rather than offer criticism, I would probably find a tactful way to say "this isn't going to work" and leave graciously. I do not want to see a woman that needs to be told that her va-jay-jay was a bit "tart"!

What's between her ears has to be really "attractive" for me to even talk about the "session" afterwards, if it is not, rather than worry about improvement I just choose not to re visit. If it IS someone I would like to see again, I may comment something like "okay but NEXT TIME DAMNIT, when I say "don't move" I MEAN IT!!

(my .02)
-PT-

[Guest100513-2]

in response to pmdelites question above.

I only know what I like, if she is doing something I don't like I tell her. The response has so far been good as most providers want to make sure I am happy.

If she smells bad I let her know why I am leaving. The response has varied from embarassment to offering me a free return visit to calling me a sorry mf'er and yelling at me on my way out the door.

The feedback I have given the most, though not in the last year or so, is that she does not look like her pictures. Never taken well or appreciated.

I don't expect every provider I meet to be my new ATF.

[TinMan]

Originally Posted by JamieYoung

I always appreciate feedback as long as its presented tactfully.

That's the key...that, and knowing when the woman is receptive to the feedback.

If you can't figure those two things out, you should refrain from doing so.

[Carrie Hillcrest]

Originally Posted by monkmonk

I only know what I like, if she is doing something I don't like I tell her. The response has so far been good as most providers want to make sure I am happy.

That is the best time to handle it, I think: immediately. After the fact, I'm like, "Well, damn, why didn't you say anything? I thought I was rocking your socks with those smooth moves!"

But it has to be tactful, regardless. If what she's doing is uncomfortable or just not doing it for you, redirect the action by giving her specifics on your preferences. "Stop doing that with your hands" isn't enough to go on. "It feels better when you do [x] instead of [y]" will give you a better response.

And if she won't stop talking about her ex-husband Tito and his jail sentence or something else you really don't want to know about, change the subject or just start kissing her. Either works on me. (Love ya, Tito!)

[BigEddie]

It is a rare woman that handles personal criticism well.

[TheGiftedOne]

Criticism after sex usually goes over about as well as a trap door on a canoe....

On the other hand, if you "are" going to dole out some constructive criticism/advice the first time is probably the only opportunity you will have. Let's face it, if there is criticism due you probably won't schedule with her again, right?

I usually don't as it seldom is well received...

[blackspanishteacher]

For the record, I'd like/welcome constructive feedback/criticism. I would prefer, while we are in a lesson so that I may have the opportunity to immediately adjust what I am doing, but afterward is okay as well.

IMHO it would be best to:

1. Communicate your likes and dislikes before the session through communication, your P411 profile, etc.

2. During the session if there is something going on that is part of your particular taste, let her know.

3. Afterward (before and also during), don't give false compliments (a pet peeve of mine, I hate to receive and will not give them).

Anyone who has worked in the real world knows that criticism, if given in a constructive manner, is nothing more than an opportunity to enhance and improve your skills.

After a difficult class (real world) I keep some students after class or pull them aside, if I see them in the hallways, to ask their opinion on how I could have presented the lesson more clearly or handled a situation in a more efficient manner.

Sometimes, for no reason at all, I'll ask for two things they like and two that they absolutely abhor about my class, with no personal repercussions against them. It's only so that I can reflect on ways to improve as an educator.

Everyone is an individual with their own personal needs. If hobbyists don’t tell us what their individual needs are and what we can improve on, how will we know?

It's amazing how this relates to a real classroom environment; it’s actually called ‘reflection’, ‘timely feedback’ and 'a differentiated education'.

[nawtynatalie]

Constructive criticism isn't a bad thing, it's nice to know when you have to improve something make yourself A1! If you don't ever think you're doing anything wrong, You probably won't want to do any better.

[daty/o]

Originally Posted by BigEddie

It is a rare woman that handles personal criticism well.

And for some reason, males always seem to learn that the hard way. Criticizing a provider about her abilities sounds like a good way to lose a few fingers.

[Guest062912]

For the record, it's a rare man that handles personal criticism well, also. That's not a woman thing, that's a people thing. Just saying.

Anyway, I've been watching this thread since it was started, and personally thought it was ridiculous. (No offense intended to the OP.) It seems to me that reasonably intelligent adults with at least a spoonful of experience dealing with people would know that any even slightly negative feedback about a provider should be handled PRIVATELY, immediately, and with a large helping of tact. Why is that difficult? You're dealing with a woman and telling her that something very personal about her is displeasing to you. Is it REALLY difficult for you to understand that she's going to have hurt feelings? Really? Maybe I'm expecting too much.

Also, I would think it would go without saying that telling her PUBLICLY (through reviews, board postings, chat, smoke signal, whatever) is definitely not the way to do it. I can't believe any rational human would think that would be a good idea. Now, I'm not saying you should never write a bad review. By all means, if she was mean or rude or bait-and-switch or cash-n-dash or whatever, write a review and crucify her. But if she had an odor or didn't give a BJ the way you like or whatever, that is no reason to publicly humiliate a woman. Tell her what's up right then and there, or keep your mouth shut. None of this coming back later with an email telling her your issues. If it wasn't important enough to mention at the time, then it wasn't important.

Just my $.02.