On the side.

[1blackman1]

Having been a lawyer for 18 years, I can only say that as much as it seems that it will destroy everything around you, divorce is the only real answer. Your current situation is a real lose lose and staying for reasons that you believe make sense are really just making everyone around you unhappy and can result in you paying more than you believe if and when she decides that she wants to catch you. Regardless of what we as men think, women know when we are fucking around and when they decide to make it an issue is when they do. I advise that you speak with a divorce attorney (I happen to know a very discrete one, lol) and really figure out what is best for you.

[grown simba]

You are right it is YOUR fault it’s always our fault if things go wrong it’s cause you didn’t do something right. What you did was give her what she wants not what she needs
Let’s think about this for a second she is cheating no question about it. You are too so who cares you’re even. Women love sex as much as us they want to get fucked just like we do so after all that time if it’s not you it’s somebody. We are very possessive creators “that’s my wife” “my girl” “that’s my pussy” and plant our flag. We make sex to big a deal and put pussy on a pedestal. No pussy is more important than your dick and isn’t worth your manhood or happiness end of story. Put yourself first and get your balls back. I know this is what happen here because in your post all you talked about was how hot she is so that’s all she brings to the table. She like most women she isn’t better than her pussy. You like most men don’t ask her to be better than it. The more you want it the less she wants to give it. We all want what we can’t have. That all she has no job doesn’t cook or clean and you’re doing whatever she wants and the one thing you want you’re not getting and have to go out and buy pure insanity. If you had a dairy farm would you go to Walmart for milk and cheese? She needs to be more than that and you need to ask her to be more than that or be willing to walk away and take your lost.

Us as men have got to stop putting women on a pedestal. It happens every day on eccie some guy gets fucked over. NCNS with a lame excuse she makes you wait 15, 20, 30 min and you wait like an idiot or some other BS just for some pussy you’re paying 250+ for. I have been there too and If you says something 10 guys say “she wouldn’t do that I know her” “that’s not the girl I know” and a ton of other BS. The whole while the lady is on to the next one and that’s what happens in the real world to. I say pussy is powerful all the time but it’s only as powerful as you let it be. It’s like the dollar in the US it matters cause we agree it matters tomorrow if everyone say the dollar is worthless than it’s just paper again. In the hobby world if all the buyers say hey pussy is only worth $100 you know what happen next they will get out of the hobby or sell it for $100. Long is about 95% right with what he said and covered some of what I was going to say. Most of the other guys are spot on too. The only problem is they are looking at it all wrong. Long is even part of the problem just go to the ML and see his thread.
In Patrice’s words we’re sharks on the quest for tuna and have let the tuna tell us to remove our teeth now they run the ocean and guess what they don’t want to run the ocean. Your wife doesn’t know what she wants but you’re letting her drive when you have the map, compass, gps and won’t say you’re going south when should be going east.

Stop letting her walk all over you and watch how things change. I’m not staying beat her or yell but let her know you’re not going for this BS anymore in a clam manner give her structure and a place in your life and I promise you will be happy again. It’s time to put yourself and your happiness first and with or without her. If she’s not with you move on because this ship is going down one way or the other if you don’t make changes. You’re letting her dive right now and you’re going to crash and burn and guess what if she is as hot as you say someone will pick up her life raft and sail off with her while your boat sinks. If you’re the captain you have to drive at all times that’s what it is to be a man.

Al you can’t be afraid to be the man in your married. I’m not questioning your manhood I just want you to think about your post. You let her get away with murder and why because she is Hot and you want peace come on man. Whatever she doesn’t want to do she doesn’t do and you let her off the hook how could she respect you and if she doesn’t respect you why would she ever want to FUCK YOU. Get your balls back bro that’s what she wants she is flat out telling you this but you’re not listening be the man she needs and you will be the one she wants. Have the argument hate and love come from the same place indifference my friend what your getting is death.

In closing check out Black Philip and beige Philip advice show its funny and gave me a different perspective on life. I know you don’t know me many think I’m a dick and now probably a misogynist now but I just a guy who puts himself first. Trust me it worked in my life women love asshole I was just living with three girls and one had a BF and we were all fucking and I was still in the hobby cause it’s just easier sometimes. Good look and don’t be afraid to walk away.

[mriley000]

Al, I am sorry if this comes off as being a jerk. Most are trying to give some insight/advise into what sounds an impossible situation. So what I am about to say may sound crass or off topic. But I will say what I am astounded that no one here has yet put together...

Y'all need a new eccie handle, dude. Al Bundy had a tart for a wife. She always wanted him to have sex with her, but he couldnt/wouldnt. This is the opposite of what you have. Yes he paid for everythng, and yes everything was his fault, but the sexual dynamics of the Real Al Bundy and you are polar opposites (other than the fact that no one was getting sex in that house except the older trollop daughter perhaps). You my friend can easily fix your marital situation perhaps by switching eccie handles.

No seriously, that situation sucks. I would suggest one of two routes. First, cut off being the nice guy. If she will not do anything to please, you cut off her ability to attend college, sell cookware or whatever her next thing is. You pay the bills, yet sounds like you dont get any respect (so maybe you are Al Bundy afterall). Perhaps if she realized the options, she might have to eventually compromise. Maybe she wont like not getting her way all the time as payment for what sounds to me like a frigid woman. The second option is divorce. Again, she will not like what that means in changing her life style. She will likely have to work for a living (what a concept). What an incovenience, so perhaps she will not want to go the divorce route. If she doesnt, you again have soem leverage in making her hopefully see she must compromise in your marital relationship. If neither of these work to make her see compromise as an option, then I agree with others that divorce is the way to go. No sense being miserable for decades to come. What happens when the kids are out of the house? You would want that divorce anyway, but by then you may have missed the boat in finding that one person that will make you happy in life.

Life is too short someone said earlier. Y'all need to find some balls and let this woman know that this will not work anymore(OK maybe you are Al Bundy). Marriage is difficult enough, and partners, real partners, have to compromise and work through issues.

[brownfish]

"Trust me it worked in my life women love asshole I was just living with three girls and one had a BF and we were all fucking and I was still in the hobby cause it’s just easier sometimes."


Can I be your roomate ??

[ilovethemgirls68]

Simba and Miley have great points. I know a woman divorcing her husband right now because he lets her walk all over him. She comes and goes as she pleases, does whatever she wants, she wants him to man up but he won't. She knows she's the type that will steamroll a guy if they let her.

[giantbourbon]

Interesting discussion. My situation is similar, but different in some key areas. I’ve been married to the same woman for over 30 years, and we stopped having sex several years ago. Why? It’s not her fault, but she just doesn’t turn me on any more. Like most men, I suspect, I just can’t get aroused (and therefore can’t perform) if I’m not attracted to my partner. The years have not been kind to my wife, and the nubile little cutie I married has been transformed into something more akin to Jabba the Hutt. OK, maybe that’s a little harsh, but you get my drift. She loves me deeply, but I’ve come to the realization that my feelings for her have changed as well. I do love her, in a way, but not with the romantic fervor I once had. We like each other, and are great friends with a lot in common. But we stay together, more or less, out of habit and comfort. Separation is out of the question- it would hurt too many people, and our financial situation is too complicated for easy untangling. Even if I’m no longer “in love” with my wife, she doesn’t know that, and I still care enough about her to want to spare her from hurt. Our children are grown adults, but I know they would also be very hurt also if my wife and I separated. So, I persist in the masquerade that we’re a happy couple with a marriage strong enough to survive all these years.

And that’s why I’m here. Fortunately, for me, I’m physically apart from my family and it’s easy to find opportunities to hobby. At my age, I don’t have the opportunities to meet attractive women willing to have a “side” relationship, and I’m not sure I’d want that anyway. With providers, I can still enjoy sex with the pretty young things that have always attracted me, make up for some of the missed experiences and opportunities of my youth, and check boxes off my sexual “bucket list.” Occasionally, I meet a girl here with whom I develop slightly deeper feelings, but when the relationship is essentially defined by an envelope of cash, it makes things much simpler.

Often, I’ve wished that I loved my wife the way she loves me, and that I somehow could be attracted enough to her to have satisfying sex with her. But I realize that’s just not going to happen. And even if it did, it might not be enough for me. I’d still see some cute young thing and think, “Gee… she reminds me of [so-and-so]- damn, it sure was fun fucking her…I’d love to fuck her again!” So for me, leading a double life, I’m in a pretty good place. If I had to, I could walk away from the hobby tomorrow and go back to being a devoted husband. Although I’d miss the lovely ladies here and all the fun I’ve had with them, I know that by now I’ve had a sex life that most men only can dream about, and have memories aplenty to carry me through many more years of celibate monogamy. But right now, I don’t have to do that, and I choose not to. I’ll continue to enjoy the smorgasbord of wonderful young ladies this hobby has to offer as long as I can. Am I cheating? Of course. Am I betraying a good woman’s love? Maybe, but that’s a rather melodramatic way of putting it. I prefer to look at it as being able to fill a missing component in my life, and to continue to partake in one of life’s greatest pleasures. If that makes me a selfish asshole, I’m fine with that… after all, it’s just sex.

[albundy]

Originally Posted by ilovethemgirls68

Simba and Miley have great points. I know a woman divorcing her husband right now because he lets her walk all over him. She comes and goes as she pleases, does whatever she wants, she wants him to man up but he won't. She knows she's the type that will steamroll a guy if they let her.

WOW! Didn't expect this. Thanks a bunch for all of the responses. I read them all and they all have great points. I copied the quote from ilovethemgirls68 because the two posts he references hit home the most. Though all of the posts had great advice. I met my wife and started dating in 10th grade in high school. We've been together, except for a long "break" in 12th grade and a while in the military, ever since. I've always been a pushover with her. One of the times we weren't together, a pretty damn good looking woman basically picked me out of the crowd at a party and we started dating. I basically laid down the law from the word go. I wasn't going through the same shit again. That girl practically hung on my every word and she was out of my league. OF COURSE, the ex came back in the picture and, like a f-ckin' idiot, I went back to what was familiar. I don't know if any of you are "Seinfeld" fans, but think of the episode when George was broken up with Susan, but wanted to get back with her and couldn't remember the bad things, only the good things. Got back with her and then BAM!!! immediately remembered "Oh yeah, This sucks! Now I'm trapped again". That was me EXACTLY. It was the worst decision of my life (except for my kids coming out of that decision, the best thing to happen to me.) I was an ASSHOLE and that other woman loved it!

What the Hell is it with women? They want to be treated with respect and as equals, but in their personal life, they want you to wipe your ass with them. Some of them anyway. I'm sure some women want a nice guy. Don't know. What the Hell is it with ME? I know that I'm not good with change. I tend to go with the familiar and that's always been a problem too.

By the way, my kids are all WAY young. All in Elementary school.

As for her cheating on me. I know I sound naïve but I would be SHOCKED if she was. I probably should have mentioned this earlier but it's sensitive. But, we're anonymous on here so let's just say something happened to her years ago that stunted her sexual appetite and attitude toward men. She is EXTREMELY self-conscious. No matter how much I tell her she's gorgeous, she doesn't believe it. She is COLD. She has opened up sexually a few times in the past and it was AMAZING!!!!!!! But, those glimpses into what could be just make things that much harder. I understand how she feels about sex, but after a while I just can't take it anymore. It took her YEARS to even tell me. Of course, that doesn't explain the extreme laziness and her overall selfishness. I am quite certain she isn't cheating. If she was, on one hand, I'd be angry because I'm having to go through Hell and some other guy is getting some from her. But on the other hand, I would have every excuse I would need to not feel guilty about dropping her ass.

I know I cheat. I REALLY would rather not. But you know what rock bottom is in this situation? Jacking off thinking about what it would be like to be having sex with your OWN WIFE!!! After that, the anger and then the depression was deep. I don't want to start over. I don't want to pay for my house when I can't even live there, and I don't want to move in with my parents at 40 years old. This sucks.

[Tetas]

Find her her OWN counselor and then go to a couples one too...it's the only way out of the mess you just described...and even then it's only about 2-98% chance...good luck!

My last ex claimed to have been raped and had an abortion...was all BS to justify what she was doing.
Trust, but verify that trust...

[grown simba]

Al I get it bro you seem like a good dude and you know more then we do so I'm sure you know what's really going on. Even if she was cheating guess what you love her and she loves you and she can't get that love that real love anywhere else but from you. Any women can get sex ANYTIME they want but that love they need and want they can only get that one place and they know who that person is or they're looking for them sex is just that who cares who she fucking as long as she fucking you too.

If I wasn't clear on a few things I was using my phone I'm sure it was not the best to go through but her are a few quick things to try and ask yourself to see if you can't turn this thing around.

Also don't ever stay a women is out of your league that's the BS that got you in this mess. Think about it that women was she just hot. Okay cool big deal as a men do you know what a women ask of you before she will even consider fucking you? We have to be funny, charming, interesting, dress nice, look good enough and pay for everything or pay 250+ a hour and what does she have to do? Show up, be pretty and of course have a pussy.

So, who is out of whose league if you think about it. They're all insecure because society make their weight, looks, how they dress etc. the most important thing in the world you would be insecure too. You have to make her feel sexy and you have to stop getting caught up in that crap if you're this best version of yourself you can be women will want you.

Which brings me to my next point create a biding war. Women are attracted to men who other women find attractive. If nobody else wants you why would she. Show her you have options stop being desperate and let her know you're choosing to be with her just like she is choosing to be with you. Flirt with other women in front of her or something along those lines and watch how into you she is then.

What did you do those few times she open up to you sexually. Really think about it and figure it out and do it again.

Next time she does something unreasonable put a stop to that shit that minute. Again not with violence or screaming but calmly and firmly and let her know how she is fucking up and make sure she understands.

Most importantly make sure YOU"RE happy above all. It is in a real men to provide and a real man who is happy will make sure his woman is happy and his family is taken care of but if you put HER happiness first like you're doing nobody is happy. What do they tell you when you fly put YOUR oxygen mask on first before trying to help other or you both die.

Again I'm not an asshole or a misogynist. I love women they're our greatest nature resource if you ask me. I'm a big fan I have all they're albums but I refuse to let them get away with whatever they want so that they MIGHT fuck me. Once you respect yourself enough to not let them disrespect you things will change.

[KellyRocks]

Take it from a woman, she is cheating. That is what we do when something is missing, and maybe she just is not into you, she does not love you--we show you love and affection when we love you. But when we do not, you know it. More than likely you are the meal ticket, and the other guy takes care of her other needs. She is probably staying because of the kids and life is easier with you taking care of the financial needs. A woman who does not take care of the home or cook for her man, it is a sign. She does not want you nor does she love you.

Glass houses though, you can't exactly speak poorly of her when you are no angel. Might be best to take the guy's advice here and move on, because even though you are not fighting in front of the kids, they know. And that will mess them up in the future with relationships.

[ilovethemgirls68]

I vote to put this Thread in the Men's Hall of Fame!

[trainwreck+]

Originally Posted by ilovethemgirls68

I vote to put this Thread in the Men's Hall of Fame!

Very interesting thread indeed!

Maybe there should be another section in the reviews for the reviewer's emotional backstory? Not mandatory but when there is a "bigger load" in the session? An ROS beyond the ROS?

[Raindog115]

I think GiantBourbon nailed it. I was hoping someone else would make the case so I didn't have to. I don't believe we're hard wired for monogamy. People just get bored with each other after multiple years of being together. I rarely even see the same provider more than once.

[KellyRocks]

Why do you stay married then? I am single and if I ever get married I don't think I would stay if things went sour, regardless of the reasons.

[Guest040816]

A disaster waiting to happen,,,