BOYFREINDS – and Open Relationships

[GingerB]

PSD.... & ....DFK

I see your point. Beleive me I do.

BUT...some important questions.....

1. *aren't you attracted to very sexually minded women?
2. *would you feel that a monogamous relationship would really work with them?
3. *if they wanted to - "have variety" - would you agree just to make them happy?

*OR...is it that....you BOTH would FALL SOOO in love with each other....that the desire to continue to discover other "sexual encounters" would be dissovled? Is it so? CAN THIS HAPPEN? TRULY?

In all the relationships I've seen in my life.....I will have to say...that maybe.....0001%....is actually satisfied with their mate...for life.

I really am not bashing the dedicated monogamous partnerships....but I know they are very far and few between.
Me? I want a MATE....but also....a friend....and someone I can feel comfortable to admit that I want sex outside the marriage....and we can agree on it....still love each other....and ride the waves.

GB

[Black Sedan]

Originally Posted by Jobe0111

My opinion is quite simple. I just don't see how anyone can have a true relationship and still feel the need to have variety in their sex life.

If two people agree to have an open relationship, it's not much more than a f-buddy arrangement.

Call me naive, just how I think.

Completely agree.

[otrdriver]

I really am not bashing the dedicated monogamous partnerships....but I know they are very far and few between.
Me? I want a MATE....but also....a friend....and someone I can feel comfortable to admit that I want sex outside the marriage....and we can agree on it....still love each other....and ride the waves.


Hon you stated this well, now the search will be to find the march, Like they say in the car business "There's an ass for every seat" your mission should you except it is to find that match. disclaimer; this message will self destruct in 10 seconds.

best of luck Hon wish I was younger and no strings attached. damn my luck!!!

[PSD]

Originally Posted by GingerB

PSD.... & ....DFK

I see your point. Beleive me I do.

BUT...some important questions.....

1. *aren't you attracted to very sexually minded women?
2. *would you feel that a monogamous relationship would really work with them?
3. *if they wanted to - "have variety" - would you agree just to make them happy?

*OR...is it that....you BOTH would FALL SOOO in love with each other....that the desire to continue to discover other "sexual encounters" would be dissovled? Is it so? CAN THIS HAPPEN? TRULY?

In all the relationships I've seen in my life.....I will have to say...that maybe.....0001%....is actually satisfied with their mate...for life.

I really am not bashing the dedicated monogamous partnerships....but I know they are very far and few between.
Me? I want a MATE....but also....a friend....and someone I can feel comfortable to admit that I want sex outside the marriage....and we can agree on it....still love each other....and ride the waves.

GB

If I may clarify, Ginger...

DFK used this phrase: "...one big way that love will manifest itself is in an exclusive sexual appetite for her."

...which perhaps I misinterpreted as those firey beginnings of a romantic relationship. That initial spark of intense love has always played itself out in my life along with an intense desire to be monogamous and to put all my efforts into a single woman.

However, just as you pointed out, eventually, the flame turns to ember and the monotony of marriage sets in and the eye wanders.

In the end, 2 well-matched people can work through whatever issues arise. And if I may quote myself...

"I've tried vanilla relationships. They don't work for me. I need a woman that can deliver ALL 31 flavors."

For the right woman, monogamy is not a necessity; only honesty and loyalty...

Sorry if I confused things here, Ginger...

PSD

[am-a-pleaser]

Ginger, I had an ongoing relationship with a provider. She saw others and so did I. At times, she had me close by to make sure she was safe when she saw another guy. Other times, she would end up selecting a playmate for me. She stayed in the hobby as did I, realizing we each enjoyed the variety and the attention of others.

Yes, we love each other. We also know that the "benefits" enjoyed with others is not love. Our relationship has deteriorated for reasons not related to hobby activities. It is her not taking responsibility in all other areas of her life.

I think it's very possible to find an understanding SO. He will know the difference between hobby activities and a real relationship.

[Krunkman]

The hardest part is going to be finding two people who genuinely love and cherish one another and don't feel any twinge of jealously when they are with others. What you are asking about is almost a poly relationship, except that one of the partners is in the sexual industry.

I knew a provider friend who was with her boyfriend and he knew (I think) what she did for a living. She had used to be a dancer but got into providing since the money was better and less work. So she humped every day, but said it was just "business". She found out that he had been hitting up this other girl, and as far as I know he never closed the deal, but she went ballistic. Said he was cheating.

I pointed out the dichotomy of what she did for a living, and she said its different. When I told her that if you weren't looking to pay for play, then you had to do the more traditional male work of wooing the girl to actually like you, then close the deal. She still said that was cheating.

I was scratching my head the whole time... I think the danger is having flexible definitions that apply to one partner and not the other. It's not how you get to sex part, but more of the why. And who really knows how the other partner is truly feeling?

Bottom line is I think it would be tough. Not impossible, but difficult nonetheless. It involves a great deal of trust, and I think a much more open mind about sexuality and love than most people are conditioned by society to accept. But if you can find the right partner and are willing to put in the effort to make everything work...it can be fun, fun, fun!

[Mister Tudball]

Hey, Ginger.Well I've tried the monogamous route (several times) and it just doesn't seem to work for me. On the other hand, I'm a pretty easy going, live-and-let-live kind of guy, so maybe being your SO would work. I'm certainly willing to give it a shot.
Drop me a PM and let's see what we can work out.

[Jaleh]

Originally Posted by Mister Tudball

Hey, Ginger.Well I've tried the monogamous route (several times) and it just doesn't seem to work for me. On the other hand, I'm a pretty easy going, live-and-let-live kind of guy, so maybe being your SO would work. I'm certainly willing to give it a shot.
Drop me a PM and let's see what we can work out.

Mr. Tudball thats because you havent come back home to me Your always treated like the King, stop the follishness and come on babe, lol.

[Mister Tudball]

Originally Posted by Jaleh

Mr. Tudball thats because you havent come back home to me Your always treated like the King, stop the follishness and come on babe, lol.

Oooo, I'm so busted.

[Lana Warren]

I personally would like to hear from couples that are still together after living the swinging lifestyle! Funny, so far we haven't!

Let me tell you a little story that happened in my marriage!

Everything, during the first couple of years of my marriage seemed normal (or I thought so).......sex twice a day, laughter, love, etc.! Then one day he came home and said he wasn't happy and need more excitement! He suggested that we swing! Of course I was crushed because I believed in the sanctity of marriage! Obviously he didn't and at that time I considered a divorce! We patched things up and went on about our marriage......kids, jobs, etc.! After a few more years, he was back at it, but this time, he wanted to bring in another woman into our bedroom! I said, "No way in hell", so he suggested another man (no sword fighting), but this time, he said if I didn't agree, he would leave me and the kids! I finally agreed to this because I didn't want my kids to become part of the divorce statistics and I loved him more than life itself! Yes, we did the 3some thing many times and it did make me feel good because it was filling a void for me! Did it make our relationship stronger? HELL NO! In fact, it caused major resentment and hatred! Yes, we had other issues in our marriage that we never could get past, but I stronger feel the mistrust and intimidation in having a "swinging" lifestyle caused our divorce!

If you want that lifestyle, I would suggest that you find a fuck buddy and for goodness sakes, don't have children with him.........with these people, nothing is ever good enough!

[Grabazz]

Originally Posted by Lana Warren

I personally would like to hear from couples that are still together after living the swinging lifestyle! Funny, so far we haven't!

We will not hear from them because there aren't any.

Their relatonship will have a 3 month to 2 year lifespan.
I know of many who have tried and none that succeeded. Unless success is a codependent, miserable existance.

[txcwby6]

Had one. Cute girl that'd mutter "hot ass" whenever she saw a guy she'd like to fuck or suck. "OK" I thought "that's cool" since I'd be scanning the same room and imagining myself eating out the hot little blonde, brunette and/or redhead that'd just strolled by. But it grew tiresome, perhaps even burdensome, when one of us wanted sex and the other was either not interested or unavailable (we both traveled quite a bit and had most of our "open relationship" sex on the road). We'd tell one another about the encounters (hence the open slang) but it became no more interesting or satisfying than listening to your SO bragging about the latest big shopping bargain he/she found. Eventually, we each fucked someone that we enjoyed better than one another (random encounter with a younger almost novice couple at Jet Set) that set up lying to each other becasue it was no longer just the sex and we broke up about a month later. Funny thing is we busted up with our newly-discovered "soul mates" about a year later and ran into one another at the bar at Zaza here in Dallas. We never got back together but we're good for a booty call whenever either of us has that itch.

[MaxiMilyen]

Originally Posted by txcwby6

Had one. Cute girl that'd mutter "hot ass" whenever she saw a guy she'd like to fuck or suck. "OK" I thought "that's cool" since I'd be scanning the same room and imagining myself eating out the hot little blonde, brunette and/or redhead that'd just strolled by. But it grew tiresome, perhaps even burdensome, when one of us wanted sex and the other was either not interested or unavailable (we both traveled quite a bit and had most of our "open relationship" sex on the road). We'd tell one another about the encounters (hence the open slang) but it became no more interesting or satisfying than listening to your SO bragging about the latest big shopping bargain he/she found. Eventually, we each fucked someone that we enjoyed better than one another (random encounter with a younger almost novice couple at Jet Set) that set up lying to each other becasue it was no longer just the sex and we broke up about a month later. Funny thing is we busted up with our newly-discovered "soul mates" about a year later and ran into one another at the bar at Zaza here in Dallas. We never got back together but we're good for a booty call whenever either of us has that itch.

Sorry it didn't work out for you. However, I don't think open relationships are any different than monogamous relationships when it comes to staying together or splitting up. The every day wear and tear and the ease of splitting up or divorcing in this day and age don't seem to make it worth the hassle of "working on a relationship" in order to become happy again or stay together.

Awesome that you got a booty call outta the deal.....LOL

[txcwby6]

Originally Posted by M A X

Sorry it didn't work out for you. However, I don't think open relationships are any different than monogamous relationships when it comes to staying together or splitting up. The every day wear and tear and the ease of splitting up or divorcing in this day and age don't seem to make it worth the hassle of "working on a relationship" in order to become happy again or stay together.

Awesome that you got a booty call outta the deal.....LOL

MAX is correct re the stability (or lack thereof) of any type of relationship and I certainly didn't mean to imply that one kind was better than another. I know (and have partied with) a number of couples in the lifestyle that have strong & very happy relationships. My description pertained to one that didn't work out for me but you could add "married" to it and it'd be just as accurate.

[TheWanderer]

Some very good analysis here.
As we all know, it is very difficult to maintain and foster a regular (civilian, normal, whatever you want to call it) relationship on its own.....
Two egos battling for space...different values....different priorities...different interests....taking each other for granted...familiarity breeds contempt sometimes...getting on each other's nerves and all the other things that push people apart.
Very often, the one thing that holds it all together is the core sexual attraction to each other. Let's not forget that sex between a man and a women is the most special act that you can perform together. It's two people becoming as one.
Now, start throwing others into that mix and you have added an additional wrinkle to the equation that can break the entire bond down.
I'm not being negative to the idea. I wish it could work and maybe it has for some people. Since childhood, we have all had trouble sharing....sharing food, sharing toys, etc.
Maybe two people with complete control of their egos along with very high self-esteem can make it work.... I don't know. The odds are heavily stacked against it.