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FishGuy13 · 02-25-2011, 11:26 PM

OK just to over-shadow some more negative stuff:

As you lie back your muscles tighten.
You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.
You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.
As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.
Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.
He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.
He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle;
that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile
and
thank your dentist.
After all,
it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Naughty,
Naughty!
Excuse me,
What were you thinkin'?

ithyphallicus · 02-26-2011, 12:13 AM

A well dressed elderly business man was walking down the street when a young man approached him and asked respectfully, “Sir, can you tell me the time?”

The man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, “It is a quarter to three, young man.”

“Thanks,” said the younger man. “At exactly three o’clock you can kiss my ass.”

With that, he took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him.

He had not been running long when he came upon an old friend who stopped him. “Why are you running after that guy?” asked the friend.

Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, “That jerk asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three o’clock, I should kiss his ass!”

“So what’s your hurry,” said the friend. “You still have ten minutes.”

Kim Keller · 02-26-2011, 12:27 AM

When I got home from work yesterday, the kids in my neighborhood were playing soccer. I drove into my garage, parked and went inside...changed into my pj's and sat in my driveway on the concrete and watched the kids play. It was cute how this 7 year old was trying to make a sling shot out of a rubber band...he kept doing it the wrong direction and hitting himself...i called him over and showed him how...before going inside...we were shooting berries at my garage door and having a blast...i totally forgot that i was the adult...

Prolongus · 02-26-2011, 06:20 AM

So Ryan, when you fell into that hole in the ground, did you meet the Mad Hatter, the Red Queen and...Dannie?

Guest071315 · 02-26-2011, 10:08 AM

Loved the professions listings!! Never heard that!!

Oh my goodness Italiana!!

EW... that's gross Sami!!

Guest071315 · 02-26-2011, 10:10 AM

Love the corny joke!! This is just what we need!!

That is so sweet!! coming from a lady with wicked in her name

I wish I did Prolongus!

Sami · 02-26-2011, 01:16 PM

I know Right!! lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by RyansFun

Loved the professions listings!! Never heard that!!

Oh my goodness Italiana!!

EW... that's gross Sami!!

Sami · 02-26-2011, 01:19 PM

Lol Fish I posted this one this morning in comedy section and never seen your post.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FishGuy13

OK just to over-shadow some more negative stuff:

As you lie back your muscles tighten.
You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.
You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.
As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.
Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.
He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.
He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle;
that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile
and
thank your dentist.
After all,
it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Naughty,
Naughty!
Excuse me,
What were you thinkin'?

guest062511-1 · 02-26-2011, 06:57 PM

LOVE this thread! This is exactly what this board needs is more fun, positive, and lightheaded posts!

guest062511-1 · 02-26-2011, 06:58 PM

Shit. I meant lighthearted! Haha... Ok, bring it on, I brought it upon myself! Lmao

Sami · 02-26-2011, 09:34 PM

Adrianna yep you sure did, I know where that head is

Your the best!!!

Guest062512 · 02-26-2011, 10:39 PM

Had a funny one today. Went for a massage - no not THAT kind, just a Massage Envy kind - the kind where they cover you up with a sheet and a blanket and only uncover one part at a time to massage it. Well my regular girl had gone home sick, so I got her recommended replacement.

Ok, well, I am only ticklish in a place or two on this whole big carcass of mine. And the first thing the new girl touched??? You guessed it. She put the heel of her hand right square into that exact spot in the middle of my glute.

Well I flinched (big time) then she flinched and the next thing I know I'm layin in the floor - naked - and she's flopped across the table holding the sheet. She's almost in tears thinking she had hurt me. Then I started laughin and she started laughin and we both laughed till we cried. Then she realized that I was still naked and she was holding the sheet - and started laughin again and it only got worse from there.

Eventually I climbed back on the table and we started over, snickering and snorting all the while.

BTW, gents, if you ain't had Ryan's rub, you've missed out (no Massage Envy stuff there).

Thanks for the giggles, hon.

Guest071315 · 02-27-2011, 09:39 AM

Mind in the gutter ladies!!

Holy cow, that poor girl Crossroads!! so funny tho!

Guest041913 · 02-27-2011, 10:37 AM

I just wanted to share:
Always laugh when you can. It is cheaper than medicine.

Count your age with friends but not with years.

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.

Hugs and Kisses to All

Maria of DFW

Sami · 02-27-2011, 11:18 AM

Oh my Crossroads I would have loved to be a fly on the wall. Some of the things that happen with a true honest plan. Thanks for sharing! Started my morning with a great laugh!