Hobby Dilemma and choices

[BasicGuy]

I started counseling at her insistence earlier this summer. It has helped, but we have t really made any big breakthroughs yet. Just basically the ant I essentially abdicated my authority in the relationship to meet her needs for the past 26 years and now we are just sort of roommates. I earn 3 times her salary and make most of the money to support us and she spends it.

[bobbyb1234]

Originally Posted by BasicGuy

I started counseling at her insistence earlier this summer. It has helped, but we have t really made any big breakthroughs yet. Just basically the ant I essentially abdicated my authority in the relationship to meet her needs for the past 26 years and now we are just sort of roommates. I earn 3 times her salary and make most of the money to support us and she spends it.

A buddy of mine recently went through a divorce, split up his retirement account, she took the house and the kids, split the cash etc etc. He was secretly tracking their marital relations over the last 5 years and found that each time they had sex, it cost him $50k.

Fifty Thousand Dollars each time to have mediocre sex with his wife that typically wanted him to end quickly, and in one or two positions.

[TexTushHog]

Originally Posted by shauk1960

Wise words, Tin. I would either get separated or try counseling. No amount of pussy will help him

But a nice regular supply of pussy won’t hurt, either.

[DallasRain]

Originally Posted by TexTushHog

But a nice regular supply of pussy won’t hurt, either.

best advice ever!!!! smart man!!

[BasicGuy]

Through a series of bad choices and unchecked credit spending, we would have to sell the house to pay off things. Money is so tight in this economy already, and while we combined make great money, our spending habits and her tastes stretch every penny. I do t have enough free cash to get a place for a separation so we are stuck trying to work it out under the same roof. Thankfully the kids are essentially grown and the youngest will be in college next year.

I came home today to her telling me she just felt blah all day and didn’t want to do anything tonight. I asked what was wrong and she just glared at me and looked back at her phone.

I figure I have 30 or so years left on this planet and I am not certain if I want to spend them walking on egg shells and worrying that any decision I make will be wrong or will trigger some type of drama. We live in a small town, so a divorce would be very public and I just don’t need that drama either.

Funny that I am getting some better feedback here than from my therapist!

[playerplano]

Tell her to fuck off and maybe she will make the whole thing easier. If you make most of the money tell her she is on a budget. I can’t stand people that expect you to keep doing nice things but think it’s ok to treat you like shit. If there was a divorce she would have to learn some frugality start teaching her now. If you are lucky she will get mad and stop talking to you ! My ex did the silent treatment and I loved it LOL.

[TinMan]

Originally Posted by BasicGuy

Through a series of bad choices and unchecked credit spending, we would have to sell the house to pay off things. Money is so tight in this economy already, and while we combined make great money, our spending habits and her tastes stretch every penny. I do t have enough free cash to get a place for a separation so we are stuck trying to work it out under the same roof. Thankfully the kids are essentially grown and the youngest will be in college next year.

I came home today to her telling me she just felt blah all day and didn’t want to do anything tonight. I asked what was wrong and she just glared at me and looked back at her phone.

I figure I have 30 or so years left on this planet and I am not certain if I want to spend them walking on egg shells and worrying that any decision I make will be wrong or will trigger some type of drama. We live in a small town, so a divorce would be very public and I just don’t need that drama either.

Funny that I am getting some better feedback here than from my therapist!

It ain’t going to get better, dude. It’s better to get your ducks in a row and prepare for the collision then live the slow death you are describing.

[Sir Lancehernot]

Orion Taraban, whose podcast was mentioned hear a couple of months ago, had an interesting take on guys whose wives cut them off this week.


Basically, either partner who unilaterally decides that sex is off the table is breaking one of the covenants of the marriage contract. There's more, but that's the gist, and his podcasts are only about 10 minutes long.

[TinMan]

True. And when someone breaks a contract with me and won’t work with me to remedy it, I pursue my legal rights and remedies in court. In this case, a canceling of the contract.

[BasicGuy]

Woke up this morning to a new a new day. She was super loving and trying to start conversations about future plans and what we will do when we are empty nesters. I honestly think she may be bi-polar at this point. I just hate drama and will likely continue taking the bad with the limited good for the sake of just not wanting to deal with things. Thanks for all of the input.

[HenrySwanson]

Originally Posted by BasicGuy

Through a series of bad choices and unchecked credit spending, we would have to sell the house to pay off things. Money is so tight in this economy already, and while we combined make great money, our spending habits and her tastes stretch every penny. I do t have enough free cash to get a place for a separation so we are stuck trying to work it out under the same roof. Thankfully the kids are essentially grown and the youngest will be in college next year.

I came home today to her telling me she just felt blah all day and didn’t want to do anything tonight. I asked what was wrong and she just glared at me and looked back at her phone.

I figure I have 30 or so years left on this planet and I am not certain if I want to spend them walking on egg shells and worrying that any decision I make will be wrong or will trigger some type of drama. We live in a small town, so a divorce would be very public and I just don’t need that drama either.

Funny that I am getting some better feedback here than from my therapist!

If you're life depended on it, could you figure out a way to get out. You sound trapped and too lazy to figure out how to get out of your cage. I almost have no sympathy for people who allow themselves to be abused on a daily basis, just from watching my own parents.


Bite the bullet, down grade your life, and be free.Then reward yourself with some nice young pussy. Make it a goal.



Or live in a castle of shit and egg shells.

[motor]

Originally Posted by BasicGuy

I started counseling at her insistence earlier this summer. It has helped, but we have t really made any big breakthroughs yet. Just basically the ant I essentially abdicated my authority in the relationship to meet her needs for the past 26 years and now we are just sort of roommates. I earn 3 times her salary and make most of the money to support us and she spends it.

When I was married to my first wife I was always trying to do everything to make her happy. I worked 2 jobs to her part time job. We had sex maybe once or twice evy 1 to 2 weeks. I have always been one that always wanted everyone to be happy to the point I was miserable. The straw that eneded it was on my 27th birthday when I came home and she wasn't there. When she finally showed up she didn't even wish me a happy birthday. It was at that point that I guess it finally clicked in my head and told her we either work as a husband and wife or we needed to end it. As the saying goes, it lifted a weight off of me. Listen at the end of the day you will have to make your own decisions on what to do but, when you make it you will find out you are in a lot better place. Good Luck

[mtabsw]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z64bOJQKrqY

[BasicGuy]

Originally Posted by HenrySwanson

If you're life depended on it, could you figure out a way to get out. You sound trapped and too lazy to figure out how to get out of your cage. I almost have no sympathy for people who allow themselves to be abused on a daily basis, just from watching my own parents.


Bite the bullet, down grade your life, and be free.Then reward yourself with some nice young pussy. Make it a goal.



Or live in a castle of shit and egg shells.

I am sort of trapped. We could cut some things, but the amount of fixed payments and college for the kids only leaves me with about $800 a month for spending money, lunch and gas. Plus there is a lot of time and money invested that is commingled and I would lose my ass if I am not careful. The house is built on some shared land, so while I technically could sell the house, the access to the house runs through other property. Good idea at the time, but hard to navigate now. I could afford the house on my own if she takes her bills and check, but that never works out that the husband keeps the house. She has stated a few times she wants me out of the house to give her time, but I believe that would mean I left and gave up the house…. I am going to see how this weekend goes now that she is in a little better mood. I meet with my therapist next week, and this will be a topic…

[pmdelites]

shit or get off the pot.

as others have suggested, get w/ an attorney now to get an idea of what a divorce would entail, result in, and cost (fees as well as the actual divorcibg of assets). better to plan now than having to scramble when it gets to tgat point.

either take some control over your life or just live with it ... and all the mental, emotional, sexual, financial consequences of staying.

good luck.