Screening

[burkalini]

I'm not giving any personal info to a provider. I don't even use my real name. I never had a problem seeing anyone ever. I treat them right and in return usually get the same back. I promise you if the provider has an open cell door waiting and your info is the thing that keeps them out then they are giving it up period. This is not being negative to the provider it's just common sense. I'm widowed and my kids are grown and I'm retired so the effect on me would be minimal but others could be devastated by their info getting out. Don't give shit out!!!!

[MaxiMilyen]

Originally Posted by Luvs2Purrr

Screening can be frustrating at times.

I'm going to take a stab in the dark here, but you may also be experiencing this, simply because, many of the ladies aren't screening, therefore the guys move on to the next quickest option? A non-screener, perhaps? LOL

I feel ya, hon. Stick to your standards of safety. I can clearly see you realize, just as I and other ladies do, that it's a dangerous game one plays when one invites in, the unknown. Seriously, look at the difference in the responses here. Screening/research stands a better chance of weeding out the unpleasant, uncooperative, perhaps pushy, and even the least desirable of guys. As some may have noted, there are those who have little or even no concern for our safety and they are easily spotted, IF you take the time to screen and refuse to allow them to mind screw you, before they literally, screw you. LOL

Originally Posted by James1588

Here's a great example of what I'm talking about. Here's someone who spells "hobbyist" correctly. Not one person in ten, here in the demimonde, is able to do this.

I'll bet Max knows the difference between "discreet" and "discrete," too, and uses each in its correct place ... also uncommon in this world. I'll do a little more gambling and wager that Max distinguishes correctly between "dominate" and "dominant."

I think I'm in love. If I didn't live about 1300 miles away, I'd have certainly asked for an appointment before now. And my request would've included every single bit of my RW data. In fact, Max, I'll send you that stuff anyway, if you want it.

Thank you kind sir!



Some day again and sadly, when enough ladies get hurt, ripped off, and all kinda other unpleasant things that some of these poor defenseless men who are terrified of all the ladies is the cause of, the ladies will get back to screening. Otherwise or until then, try not to trip while you walk backward in time. Me? I look ahead, because that is my safest option. Embrace changes for the better of all, concerning certain issues. Screening practices became necessary for some very serious and REAL reasons.

If you happen to share that you have little or no concern for the ladies safety in open public forums for all to peruse, you may be a redneck. I kid! I kid! But....ya definitely made a DNS list or two. Congratulations!

Most guys have no idea what it's like to be a female that has been raped, beaten, and/or left for dead. Nor, are they able to comprehend the impact it has on not just the lady, but everyone she has in her life. Lack of compassion and understanding seems to be an epidemic on this board at times. So yeah....I screen! I have no desire to know what it's like to have a male, no matter how he represents himself, get out of control in a session because I gave in to the pressures of no screening, but please know I do consider it every time I am contacted by an unfamiliar, even if, potential new friend. I'd be remiss if I didn't. Most gents who hobby, would never harm a woman, but if I don't know you, I'm going to find out what I can before I allow you to step one foot over my threshold, because of the few who would. If you believe that's unreasonable, please move along, there are many who are not playing safe right now, so be my guest and I wish you both the best of luck, because you're gonna need it, it's all you are entitled to and while I and others hate any degree of negative experience you may have, it's not like you don't know to screen or see those who do. I, and others prefer a modicum of actual assurance.

Ladies who trust your gut instincts only, please reconsider. Don't let it happen to you, as there are times you too could be distracted by something, and the wrong fella will slip in. Intuition is one thing, luck is a whole other ball game. You are in control of your business only until you allow others to take control for you. I'm not pointing fingers, but some of you need to get back to safer practices concerning screening. Hobby safe and Have FUN! It is possible to do both.

Finally, I don't want to know anything that anyone is uncomfortable sharing with me. However, I do need something I can work with. Your word that you're a great guy, "ain't a gonna cut it". I imagine that's what murderous individuals like Ted Bundy and some other women hatin' creeps, actually told a few gals. Gee? Ya think? LOL Not that any male here is a danger such as that, but I won't take those risks, because I don't have to. None of us do.

[RaevynNichelle]

Originally Posted by Flirtatousfemalefan

Dear Rebecca:
If you were to give a workshop on screening were would you begin? What are the most important elements of information that you can have? What parts of the process do you value more than others? How are your relationships with other providers in terms of getting information and how much depth do you go with respect to your interrogation of providers? Finally how much credence do you give to verification sites and how much of a role does it play within the process?

Hi all!

Im new to this. Being a newbie provider I can honestly say that it was difficult in the beginning to get things running without having to deal with a lot of BP creeps and guys that really are only looking for a QV or a cheap B&G (staying away from inquirers like this made the beginning of my journey very difficult as I wasnt making a considerable profit daily getting only one or two decent prospective clients) was hard. The safer hobbyist that were fairly interested in seeing me, would drop lines in my e-mail saying "I would love to see you, do you have any reviews, what sites have you been verified on." So of course as a brand new provider I had no reviews, which in turn made it difficult to be verified on certain sites.
After explaining this to a gentleman from P411 that had contacted me via e-mail and going through a process to get verified for another site after P411 had denied me (I am now verified) I was given a chance. I understand that guys may not like the screening, and I didnt like the feeling either. That gentleman is now a consistent visitor and one of my favorites. If you want the best, you may have to go through a lot to get it, or even just prove that you are "safe."
I feel that guys that are looking for the best experience will understand that the ladies providing it will only accept the best and will have no problem with a little screening to prove they are one of the best....

Anyway I got way off from the reason for quoting... Is there some where I can go to learn methods of screening that make the process comfortable for both myself and my interested hobbyist?

Thanks!

Rae

[MaxiMilyen]

I'll shoot you a PM with some different methods I am aware of and have worked for me. They may be more, or less than you think ya need, but I'm sure other ladies reading this will also be happy to share their best methods, which cause the least amount of pain, or hey, maybe the most.....LOL

[Flirtatousfemalefan]

Dear Rae:
Their are several spaces on the web that you can go to learn. Try the newbie board on TER; Then try eros because if you can become a member there then there are blogs that you can learn from; Contact Maggie McNeill and Amanda Brooks at Texas Golden Girl. com. Go to southern.gfe ,com they have forums on different things as well. Also go to the Meet and Greet section on TER sometimes they have seminars that address this issue. Also check out Slixa.com they usually have blogs and the like as well.

Originally Posted by RaevynNichelle

Hi all!

Im new to this. Being a newbie provider I can honestly say that it was difficult in the beginning to get things running without having to deal with a lot of BP creeps and guys that really are only looking for a QV or a cheap B&G (staying away from inquirers like this made the beginning of my journey very difficult as I wasn't making a considerable profit daily getting only one or two decent prospective clients) was hard. The safer hobbyist that were fairly interested in seeing me, would drop lines in my e-mail saying "I would love to see you, do you have any reviews, what sites have you been verified on." So of course as a brand new provider I had no reviews, which in turn made it difficult to be verified on certain sites.
After explaining this to a gentleman from P411 that had contacted me via e-mail and going through a process to get verified for another site after P411 had denied me (I am now verified) I was given a chance. I understand that guys may not like the screening, and I didnt like the feeling either. That gentleman is now a consistent visitor and one of my favorites. If you want the best, you may have to go through a lot to get it, or even just prove that you are "safe."
I feel that guys that are looking for the best experience will understand that the ladies providing it will only accept the best and will have no problem with a little screening to prove they are one of the best....

Anyway I got way off from the reason for quoting... Is there some where I can go to learn methods of screening that make the process comfortable for both myself and my interested hobbyist?

Thanks!

Rae

[goodtimes]

I'm glad to see this thread, as I've had a question I've wanted to ask for a while concerning screening.

Why is it that references have a time limit/expiration date for most providers? When I think of references, I think of a pass/fail scenario - either you remember seeing the person and everything is ok, or, you do not remember the person (or remember them negatively) and everything is not ok. What relevance is there to how recent the visit was if the answer from the provider comes back a yes, i saw this person? What other information are you able to glean from I visited this person a month ago vs I visited this person a month and a half ago?

Granted, my references have gone way beyond a month and a half out of date at this point, but that is precisely because apparently once every 3 months is just too far away to qualify, making it damn near impossible.

Really interested in getting the ladies perspective on this one just so I can understand why it is so difficult for me I'm a nice guy. I have references. They remember me. Really. Honest injun.

[MaxiMilyen]

Ladies who screen, normally have a 6 month window. Unless you been through some crazy stressful things in your life, you might still not understand. People can change in a very short time, from nice to nasty. Someone who stepped away from the hobby, may or may not have been waiting for some misadventure to pass that occurred while hobbying and simply won't share that info, and we understand, but.....

Some folks can experience an incident, or a number of incidents beyond their control and in a short time period. Many are not equipped to deal with personal loss, and stressful life situations, and it causes them at times, to behave in ways that are not acceptable. See the thread concerning the escort who killed a fella in self defense. Apparently he lost his Mother, and just kinda snapped. The escort protected herself, but.....

The longer you are out, the more ya become like a newbie. Some ladies need the biz bad enough, that they lower the amount of time offered in providing them, in hopes they make the appointment instead and so they don't appear as a complete a**hat. I think they forget that a ref is a not a favor to the gents, but rather a safety precaution and necessary tool utilized by ladies who screen, including themselves. Seems it's common sense the receiving lady should be the judge of time elapsed since the visit and that she is comfortable with, if the lady even has an idea of info that might be helpful, but to each his own.

I just got turned down for a ref, by a "reputable" lady, because it had been 6 months or more, without her giving me the opportunity to judge for myself. (I may screen, but I don't believe in making anyone jump through hoops) She didn't say she couldn't remember him, , only that she doesn't give them after 6 months, which she probably knew it had been, before she asked me to have him cough up a date, which I gave her, and then she never got back.

Hey, I tried. Was I just a messenger? Maybe, but I will respect each ladies decision concerning her Individual Business. It's hers and she can run it any ole way she desires. It's up to the gents to discuss and share ladies who you might feel put the screws to ya and other ladies in the process. Doesn't mean I would, but I understand all the why's, that she would.

So, if you believe it's frustrating for you, try being one of us. LOL We all got more interference trying to set up an appointment than is necessary at times. Personalities and personal prefs are all taken into account when these things occur. Work with all parties as best ya can and be respectful. It's all you can do.

Originally Posted by goodtimes

I'm glad to see this thread, as I've had a question I've wanted to ask for a while concerning screening.

Why is it that references have a time limit/expiration date for most providers? When I think of references, I think of a pass/fail scenario - either you remember seeing the person and everything is ok, or, you do not remember the person (or remember them negatively) and everything is not ok. What relevance is there to how recent the visit was if the answer from the provider comes back a yes, i saw this person? What other information are you able to glean from I visited this person a month ago vs I visited this person a month and a half ago?

Granted, my references have gone way beyond a month and a half out of date at this point, but that is precisely because apparently once every 3 months is just too far away to qualify, making it damn near impossible.

Really interested in getting the ladies perspective on this one just so I can understand why it is so difficult for me I'm a nice guy. I have references. They remember me. Really. Honest injun.

[goodtimes]

6 months is pretty reasonable I'd say. And of course you respect their decision, but because like you said, screening makes sense. By no means am I debating the need/place of screening in the process. Its definitely necessary, no question. I just want to hear some perspectives on the time thing. I have tried to rationalize it many different ways, but just have not been able to do so, and I want to understand.

So to make sure I understand correctly, the time thing is important to providers because they feel that it is reasonable to assume that a person will behave the same at two meetings provided that those two meetings are within 6 months (or time 'x') of each other, is that correct? So essentially, the time distance provides a level of comfort because it feels like the closer in time the two are together the more likely for the persons behavior to be consistent?

[goodtimes]

Another question I've had, what do other folks out there think about the 'dinner date' concept -- meeting someone on neutral, well populated territory prior to a meeting? If you are amenable to the idea, or have done such a thing in the past, what additional price is involved in such a thing? Is this a common practice at all?

Thanks again for putting up with my questions.

[MaxiMilyen]

Originally Posted by goodtimes

6 months is pretty reasonable I'd say. And of course you respect their decision, but because like you said, screening makes sense. By no means am I debating the need/place of screening in the process. Its definitely necessary, no question. I just want to hear some perspectives on the time thing. I have tried to rationalize it many different ways, but just have not been able to do so, and I want to understand.

So to make sure I understand correctly, the time thing is important to providers because they feel that it is reasonable to assume that a person will behave the same at two meetings provided that those two meetings are within 6 months (or time 'x') of each other, is that correct? So essentially, the time distance provides a level of comfort because it feels like the closer in time the two are together the more likely for the persons behavior to be consistent?

Less likely they are to have changed extremely and in a manner that could become dangerous. Not that someone couldn't have a psychotic break at any point in time. But, I feel that it's fairly safe to say, it takes more than one specific overwhelming incident and maybe even a little time, for the majority of people to adopt or change indicative behaviors that may or may not cause red flags to fly. I'm not a licensed expert on such matters, so you might want to do some research.

I've done lunch and dinner and yes it's a bit more costly for the gent. I charge for my time and while breaking bread with a stranger is uncomfortable for some, I rarely meet a stranger. Each lady decides individually if giving away her time for a bite to eat and so a gent can get an in, is something she wishes to do. Many have set rates for a lunch and/or dinner date. They are normally approximately 3-5 hours and most don't charge full hour as in a one hour appointment, but rather a discounted fee.

[dj8rocks]

I absolutely understand the need and the desire for screening. However, I do have some thoughts on it that may not be in line with normal screening.
First, I have not, and will not ever provide anyone with my real name, my employment or a picture of my drivers license. I have no idea if the provider has a retainment method that could somehow jeopardize my privacy at some date after we have met.
Second, after I have spent time with a lady and we have went our separate ways, I feel that asking her to spend time again and again answering request for screening has no financial gain for her. After all, us guys are always reading about how the ladies have a real life also, and how they hate "timewasters" If I ask a lady to provide references for me, aren't I asking her to waste her time providing answers to screening requests from another lady.
Third, lets be realistic, hypothetically speaking, say in the last 6 months I have seen numerous ladies, who is to say that I have not struck some kind of a deal with a couple of the best ladies I saw during that time frame and offer them a little cash for a good reference? We all know that the majority of these encounters, chemistry plays a huge role in the outcome of the session. Why would I ask for a reference from a lady that I had absolutely nothing in common with, knowing that said ref. is probably not going to be in my favor? Regardless of how much research I did before I try to schedule, sometimes, the shoe just doesn't fit well.
So, with all that being said, here is my idea for screening. I always send a pm thru p411 something like this. "Good evening, I will be in your area on date X, I would like the opportunity to meet you, please check out my full profile to make sure you think we will be compatible. If there is anything else you may need from me, please let me know. Thank you ma'am and have a wonderful evening."

I have 17 ok's on 411, from several different states, and their contact info is listed on their profile. I think it is a better idea to allow the lady I am wishing to see to pick who she wants to contact for screening me. This, in my opinion. reduces any suspicion as to why I picked 2-3 out of the 17 ok's.
I typically do not see ladies that only have a profile on ECCIE, I just feel more comfortable, and have had way better luck with ladies that are on p411.

Although it hasn't happened yet, If a lady I am wishing to see requests any RL info from me, I will be more than happy to provide her with what she ask me to provide her, only AFTER I have received the same exact on her RL info. After all, the vast majority of the guys have a lot to lose as well, that fact tends to get overlooked the vast majority of the time. JMO dj8

[MaxiMilyen]

For me, personally, and even in the beginning when I started, I never thought it was necessary to insist on private real world information. It felt intrusive, even to me. A first name, whether it is your own or your "stage" name, matters not at all to me. I just like to get a name I can give a lady that I send a request to, and she will associate with you. And, addressing a gent by a name that sounds like BR549, just feels a little weird to me, but hey, that's just me. If ya want me to address you as BR549, I'm happy to do so. LOL However, I have never been a big fan of seeing Newbies and left that to the more seasoned ladies who might ask for that info. I dunno....someone else that sees new gents regularly might be able to explain the Newbie issue much better than I can, as I don't see them very often. I'm not the one who is great at making gents jump thru hoops to make an appointment, so I just don't do it often. Others handle it smoothly, and I admire their ability to do so.

I actually check out the ladies a gent has seen and provides as his references or has reviewed. If they haven't been around for a while and or haven't given an OKay on P411 or received a review from a gent I recognize as a reputable hobbyist, I may use them as a ref, for their own sake and understanding that they will be depended on to provide information to other ladies, but I won't use them as the ref who will verify the gent is a safe date. If that's the case, my reasoning is, I don't know either one well enough to ensure my safety. It's not a personal affront to either the gent or the lady, but it takes a bit to get your bearings in a new setting at times, and my life means something to me, even if to no one else in this community. I desire a reasonable assurance of my safety. I paid my dues, built my reputation, and feel safest with those who also supply that assurance through their own associations and actions.

P411. Best tool available to a lady or a gent. I look at the ladies that have given an OKay and 9 times out of ten, at least one, will be a lady I recognize as reputable and I would trust to give an OKay. I don't normally ask the ladies for any info from the P411 gents. I get the request, check out their OKays, and read their profile to ensure we may make a great connection. If there is something there, such as certain likes, my age as compared to the younger ladies he has previously seen, etc.....I will bring the gents attention to the matter. No surprises, and I want to ensure we are each going into the meeting with a certain understanding we each have our facts straight.

If you'd like a lady to give you a ref, and you tip her extra to ensure that she will, that's awesome. Hopefully, you do not expect said lady to do this until the end of time, and there are no ladies out there making a practice of this. I feel an obligation to other ladies to be honest about anything concerning her safety and comfort with any gent, but few details about our encounter, his likes and dislikes, etc., are between us and not relevant. I have gents ask if they can do reviews and who have kept in touch, but I haven't seen them in a certain time frame. I always say "No thank you", because it's misleading and I feel no obligation if they haven't hobbied and what they really seek is ROS access. We got enough embellishment and story telling going on around here.....LOL (Hard to believe, I know) Reviews, a whole other thread...sorry. LOL

Anywho, A few details about the gent are all I normally need to ensure we are in fact, referring to the same gent. First name, age, race, and telephone number a gent uses to contact the ladies. Sometimes, I will ask for the email. None of these should cause a gent to completely ignore my response or act indignant as if I am intruding on his privacy. Sometimes, I also feel, the gent does not want the previous lady to know he is sneaking around behind her back or something......LOL It's like trying to pull teeth at times.

Not to mention, ALL the issues concerning ladies not getting back in a timely manner, or even at all. I always hate to inform a gent his ref sux rocks and doesn't take care of her biz in what I feel is a more professional manner. I don't give my own perception in that manner, but it is the way I will now view the lady. She may not owe him anything, but I do feel each of the ladies have a certain responsibility concerning safety, to the other ladies here. Leave the Diva in ya for other issues, because screening and the safety of everyone could be a direct issue, and your "reasoning" which you believe is sound, may in fact cause the demise of another, and vice versa. Some believe or treat this issue as if they are above being concerned for the safety of others, yet they sure don't mind asking those of us who remain diligent and even if slighted by another lady, and who do not reciprocate that behavior if we are asked for refs. So, please know the issues are on both sides of the fence.

In this community, as in any other, a sense of responsibility to the other members should be something one inherently understands, if not for the other members, than for our own sake at the very least. If there were none of us that felt this way, it really would be a very dangerous community to play in. ijs I don't really judge another's practices or call them on it, but the way a person represents themselves sure affords me an opportunity to make an informed decision about who is reputable enough to trust as safe as I perceive reputable to be, and who is in it for themselves wholly and completely. We all have our reasons for conducting ourselves the way that we do. Do yo thing, but my thing is safety. Please don't begrudge me that.

I don't put all of each side in a category using any adverse terms. We are not all gold diggin' Ho's who have no compassion for other ladies safety or who would endanger a gent, his family, or his job and gents are not all murderous, conniving ATM's with no respect for women. We are all in this together in a sense, and we are each one of us, responsible for own actions, or lack thereof, in the long run. It's how one builds their own credibility and image concerning reputation as safe, trustworthy, and myriad of other descriptors we use, in order to decide if moving on to the next step is in our own best interest. Our associations and actions tell a story about who we are, even if a limited one at times and before we ever get a chance to meet in person. That's as it should be.

Providing the info necessary to be screened shouldn't be the issue it's become, nor should the ladies be resistant to giving each other that info when requested and in a timely manner, whether she is best buds or arch enemies with another lady or even if she is ticked at the gent because he hasn't been back or would dare see another lady. But that's what it's become of late and exactly why I started the thread. Walking backward ain't my thing, and walking forward while bringing attention to the issue that is reverting back to unsafe behaviors and practices, is not an attack on anyone. Just bringing the issue into the light for those who think we are all going to participate in unsafe practices of no screening and last minute appointments which very well may endanger our lives. We aren't. Those that do, please go right ahead, but also, please know that we all participate and play in different manners. There are plenty of like minded ladies, who will see any ole Joe, with no screening whatsoever....go getter. Some of us are just much safer than others, and intend to stay that way. Our personal choices about how we proceed and behave, speak volumes to our intended future friends, about who we are in this community. ijs If a particular look or location is your only concern, more power to ya and I hope you find what you're looking for, but it won't be me or many others who refuse to play that way.

[MaxiMilyen]

Yesterday I referred to one of two attempts to screen a gent and gave a few details of one of the ladies responses and then nothing, concerning my attempt.

This morning, I get a text, 24hr+ after a PM and a text with enough info on both of us for the other one to respond. The text is followed by a text the gent sent her and to which she immediately and only then provided the info I needed in order to book with the gent yesterday. I thank her for her response and am now clear to book with the gent in the near future and when a window opens for him.

I don't know the reasons, so I won't speculate about her delay. I'll assume it was coincidental with no selfish intent on her part. Concerning ongoing situations such as this though....... Is it that some ladies feel other ladies are some kind of competition? Maybe they won't give the info until the gent gives a thumbs up? Maybe they think the gent will give in and go back and see them instead? I dunno, but ladies, be assured, I will not reciprocate that type of behavior nor will I subject another lady's safety or opportunity to work, to my personal advantage. I understand what your needs are and would appreciate if you try to understand the needs of others as well. If you don't want to, that's kewl. While I won't give ya up, it doesn't mean the gents don't share, whether through this website or even other avenues. Your choices are varied and many at any given point, so you decide.

Whatever you feel are justifiable reasons for not getting back with a lady, just remember, you are setting the stage to have that happen to you someday. I hope it doesn't, because I understand just how frustrating it is. There's plenty to go around and the gents are seeking experiences of all kinds and often from many. Try not to c*ck block, bank block, or even behave as just another hormonal female the gents wish to avoid, if at all possible. Pay attention to the bed you make, as you are the one who will lie in it.

[SA Angel]

Originally Posted by goodtimes

Another question I've had, what do other folks out there think about the 'dinner date' concept -- meeting someone on neutral, well populated territory prior to a meeting? If you are amenable to the idea, or have done such a thing in the past, what additional price is involved in such a thing? Is this a common practice at all?

Thanks again for putting up with my questions.

For this it depends on what frame of reference you are using.

Are you hoping that meeting this girl in person will make her willing to see you BCD without screening? If that is the case then maybe for a few ladies. For me personally meeting in public is a standard part of my newbie screening that also requires your RW information. Other ladies may or may not do this...it is what has always worked for me.

If you are asking if dinner dates are something providers are willing to do...yes they are. Be prepared to pay for it though. One piece of advice, the more intelligent you perceive the provider the more likely she will be a good dinner companion, keeping the conversation moving and behave appropriately for the occasion.

As for the main topic:

Ladies...always screen to the best of your abilities before meeting someone. Check references. If an unknown number texts you make them PM you. Always check the national blacklists, infoshare, and alerts. Don't give out your full location until you can confirm that the person is actually there. Also help other ladies and give references. This is not a competition.

Gents, do your own screening. Read reviews, her posts (if any), and any info about her in the men's area. Check alerts! If you have good recent references already then there shouldn't be a need to ever disclose your information again. Stay away from incalls at cheap motels or bad areas of town. If the ladies location makes you uncomfortable about your safety...RUN. Be sure to tell the lady that her location is less than desirable. You don't want her to complain that you NCNS'ed her when you really just wanted to make sure your car didn't end up in a chop shop.