I used to be open minded and easily could excuse the married men for being in the hobby...but on second thought....

[Old-T]

Originally Posted by HunterGrace

I have put myself in the position of the wife who has found out that her husband has been seeing providers (theoretically). Would I be mad about the deceit? I would, yes. I would think these things:

Does he think I'm too weak to handle the truth?
Does he think I'm not good enough in bed or not pretty enough?
Where did he get the money?
Why am I buying clothes on sale when his mistress is wearing Creed perfume and Lou Buitton's. Why am I working at a shitty job just so he can donk off two or three days pay on some ho? I should be treated better because I'm home, washing his drawers, dealing w his mother on holidays, raising his kids, cooking his dinner, ironing his clothes and some ho gets the best of him and doesn't ever have to deal with his moodiness, anger, farting in bed, etc.

Why do providers get treated so much better than the wives who are at home doing right?

What I want to know is: have you ever thought about what would really hurt your wife if she found out you were seeing escorts? How do you reconcile the money spent on girls? Does your hobby budget bring down the quality of life at home? Does your wife cut coupons not knowing that her savings are going to girls like me who don't love you and only get your best side? Are providers like me really enhancing the home life like I had previously thought or are we really unhealthy and expensive vices that lower the standard of living for families?

You have made quite a wide, sweeping generalization M'Lady. I am sure there are men that fit your stereotype, but I am also certain that there are many who are nowhere close to that. Different ladies obviously live in different areas and market to different parts of the male populous so you may be describing what you see, I don't know. Any guy who spends money on ANY hobby that should be spent taking care of the family is a slime. Women, casinos, baseball games, drinking, poker night, cars--it doesn't matter.

On the other hand, if I were married I would be only spending my discretionary money here. All my other hobbies are quite inexpensive things and I am fortunate I make a decent salary. The men who see my ATF and her friends tended to be people who made high six-figures and up so I am quite sure it was not an issue for them.

Additionally, I suspect most men treat dates in this business pretty much the way they treat women in general. If they treat you nicely (not talking finances, but the personal aspects) then I doubt they treat their wives vastly different. If they mistreat their wives, I suspect they do the same to the ladies they see.

I could be far, far off--but I suspect not.

[big_g]

I always get a kick out of this when I meet a new provider because my relationship status is usually the third or fourth question every time. The question itself is nothing but the attitude and tone in which its asked is always amusing to me. I have no idea what it is about me that providers seem to think I'm sneaking around in order to meet them while my wife or gf is at home. I've been without a SO since being in the hobby so I'm not sure how I would feel about it whenever I settle down. I'd like to think I'd leave this behind, but who knows...

[Whispers]

Originally Posted by TOTHorns

Um, OP's post clearly said these questions were hypothetical musings about what a hobbyist's wife might ask if she found out. I'm pretty sure this was not about a provider finding out that her husband is a hobbyist.

well..... Having read many similar posts over the years and knowing the attacks the OP has launched on other providers in similar subtle manners both on and off the boards I would tend to disagree with you.

Not that I think it's wrong or anything.

great drama in these things!

[sewperseekret2014]

Originally Posted by HunterGrace

I have put myself in the position of the wife who has found out that her husband has been seeing providers (theoretically). Would I be mad about the deceit? I would, yes. I would think these things:

Does he think I'm too weak to handle the truth?
Does he think I'm not good enough in bed or not pretty enough?
Where did he get the money?
Why am I buying clothes on sale when his mistress is wearing Creed perfume and Lou Buitton's. Why am I working at a shitty job just so he can donk off two or three days pay on some ho? I should be treated better because I'm home, washing his drawers, dealing w his mother on holidays, raising his kids, cooking his dinner, ironing his clothes and some ho gets the best of him and doesn't ever have to deal with his moodiness, anger, farting in bed, etc.

Why do providers get treated so much better than the wives who are at home doing right?

What I want to know is: have you ever thought about what would really hurt your wife if she found out you were seeing escorts? How do you reconcile the money spent on girls? Does your hobby budget bring down the quality of life at home? Does your wife cut coupons not knowing that her savings are going to girls like me who don't love you and only get your best side? Are providers like me really enhancing the home life like I had previously thought or are we really unhealthy and expensive vices that lower the standard of living for families?

Hunter, I think you have some very well put and thought out points. But in my case I was married and it was not that simple. I saw escorts and eventually some others that became more of a mistress/girlfriend type that I no longer paid for. Why did I do it? I loved my wife. I thought I did. I also had kids with her. I loved my family. Unfortunately she didn't really love me back or appreciate me very much. She withheld sex, she was always griping at me, she had this personality that became very ugly, she resented the thought of me. I provided a wonderful life for her. She came from nothing. I met her on a dating site 10yrs ago and I practically picked her up on the side of the road (I'm not joking - for real her car was broken down). With a kid in tow (whom I adopted later that year) and he's now 12. We went on that first date, she was living at her dads, and she never went home. She came back to my place and literally never left from that night forward. True story. We were married about 7 or 8 years in total. My older 12yr old son is hers biologically. I adopted him. She had a small child that night we met. We also had another boy together. But our lives were miserable most of the time. The only good thing out of it was my kids. She was awfully messy, she didn't work or contribute, she literally never cleaned a thing, let clothes pile up everywhere, dishes, nasty rank stuff. And I mean nasty. Like on the Hoarders tv show. Just awful, imagine the most disgusting things. And me, I'm an OCD neat freak kinda person, so imagine that clash.

She eventually came to resent me b/c she perceived me as being superior to her. "Better" than her. The problem I think is she had, and still does have, extremely low self esteem with some debilitating depression. She came to hate me b/c I provided for her and she had to somehow "bow down" to me. The reality is I didn't want anyone to bow down. I wanted a partner. An equal. Unfortunately I made a huge mistake and married an adult child. I should never have let her stay that first night. You might wonder why I married this person in the first place. I was stupid. I wanted a baby real bad. I wanted a family. I was 29 and had tried before and the girl I was with was infertile. I was desperate to have a family. And I'm someone who dives right in to relationships full force. For me this shit is either happening or I wanna move on. I don't want any long courting period. I wanted instant connection. I wanted instant bonding. To some degree that will always be there, I'm just not someone who wants to jack around with "dating" a girl for a year (screw that), but man I was stupid to jump into this one so quick. Like I said literally about a 3hr date and after that we were in the sack and the rest is history. Talk about some kinda world record! It was my achilles And when I met her and she got pregnant right away, that was it, I was starting a family. Worst mistake of my life. You young guys reading this take note.

Even with all of this I was willing to continue forward. To go to marriage counseling. But when she found out about this hobby (she got a hold of my phone once when I forgot to use incognito and erase my shit) it was all over. She even slept with my lousy ass brother, whom had just served 17yrs in prison, a real piece of work psycho, just to fuck with me. In our house, where she was still living, in our bed. She went off the deep end. She ended up in jail for stealing a couple times. I went to the emergency room once to get 10 stitches over my left eye and she went to jail for family violence. That all helped me easily get custody of my kids but it was only for a year. She got them back. She got a hotshot attorney who did her work pro-bono thinking he would clean house with me and get me to pay his fees, and my attorney was an idiot, so she got them back. I gave up on it and just stopped the fight for the sake of our kids. Her attorney didn't get awarded anything. Court ordered her to pay her own fees. Her attorney was pissed. LMAO. We now talk. Try to be friendly.

Anyway, the point is she came to hate me. Or resent me. Constantly nagged on me, bitched at me, had horrible PMS all the time (more like PMDD - a very severe form of PMS that can last nearly the whole month and includes things like temporary psychosis - literally... look it up), rarely ever wanted to or refused to have sex. I don't think I really loved my wife anymore. I say I still do. But I think I loved the idea of my family unit. Of being an unbroken family. I don't think I could possibly have truly loved a woman like that anymore. She was so much not my equal, so uneducated, so filthy, so scatter-brained and unorganized, so mean, bitchy, and incapable of ever saying "I'm sorry". But I couldn't bare the thought of some court breaking up my family, letting this woman have my children. This filthy, hoarding, uneducated, adult....... child. Raising my children, alone? No way. So I kept the status quo. But I'm also a man. And I had needs. So I did what I had to do. That's the end of the story. Hope you folks enjoyed it. Hah!

My point in this long story (thanks for staying with me if you made it this far) is that there are a great many reasons why someone may be seeing you. So before you dismiss every married guy as an asshole that is taking advantage of his cute little helpless loving wife think twice. There's usually a reason (but not always I grant you).

[Old-T]

Originally Posted by sewperseekret2014

My point in this long story (thanks for staying with me if you made it this far) is that there are a great many reasons why someone may be seeing you. So before you dismiss every married guy as an asshole that is taking advantage of his cute little helpless loving wife think twice. There's usually a reason (but not always I grant you).

Thank you. Human interactions are usually complicated and very far from black or white. On this forum especially, it continues to amaze me how rigid and morally inflexible some posters are (Wakeup comes to mind).

[tron]

Isn't' there a joke about guys who are about to get married telling their buddies "I am going to get laid all the time." and guys who just got divorced telling their buddies "I am going to get laid all the time."?

https://youtu.be/Icq0LlvtEy0

[Skip_8]

Originally Posted by sewperseekret2014

Hunter, I think you have some very well put and thought out points. But in my case I was married and it was not that simple. I saw escorts and eventually some others that became more of a mistress/... twice. There's usually a reason (but not always I grant you).

You married a whore, plain and simple.

Even though you are partly responsible, I hope you learned something and are in a better place.

[LimitlessLace]

And this is why it has been slow all week. Damn Jiminy cricket!

[icuminpeace]

QUOTE: "She eventually came to resent me b/c she perceived me as being superior to her. "Better" than her. The problem I think is she had, and still does have, extremely low self esteem with some debilitating depression. She came to hate me b/c I provided for her and she had to somehow "bow down" to me. The reality is I didn't want anyone to bow down. I wanted a partner. An equal. Unfortunately I made a huge mistake and married an adult child. I should never have let her stay that first night. You might wonder why I married this person in the first place. I was stupid. I wanted a baby real bad. I wanted a family. I was 29 and had tried before and the girl I was with was infertile. I was desperate to have a family. And I'm someone who dives right in to relationships full force. For me this shit is either happening or I wanna move on. I don't want any long courting period. I wanted instant connection. I wanted instant bonding. To some degree that will always be there, I'm just not someone who wants to jack around with "dating" a girl for a year (screw that), but man I was stupid to jump into this one so quick. Like I said literally about a 3hr date and after that we were in the sack and the rest is history. Talk about some kinda world record! It was my achilles And when I met her and she got pregnant right away, that was it, I was starting a family. Worst mistake of my life. You young guys reading this take note.

Even with all of this I was willing to continue forward. To go to marriage counseling. But when she found out about this hobby (she got a hold of my phone once when I forgot to use incognito and erase my shit) it was all over. She even slept with my lousy ass brother, whom had just served 17yrs in prison, a real piece of work psycho, just to fuck with me. In our house, where she was still living, in our bed. She went off the deep end. She ended up in jail for stealing a couple times. I went to the emergency room once to get 10 stitches over my left eye and she went to jail for family violence. That all helped me easily get custody of my kids but it was only for a year. She got them back. She got a hotshot attorney who did her work pro-bono thinking he would clean house with me and get me to pay his fees, and my attorney was an idiot, so she got them back. I gave up on it and just stopped the fight for the sake of our kids. Her attorney didn't get awarded anything. Court ordered her to pay her own fees. Her attorney was pissed. LMAO. We now talk. Try to be friendly.

Anyway, the point is she came to hate me. Or resent me. Constantly nagged on me, bitched at me, had horrible PMS all the time (more like PMDD - a very severe form of PMS that can last nearly the whole month and includes things like temporary psychosis - literally... look it up), rarely ever wanted to or refused to have sex. I don't think I really loved my wife anymore. I say I still do. But I think I loved the idea of my family unit. Of being an unbroken family. I don't think I could possibly have truly loved a woman like that anymore. She was so much not my equal, so uneducated, so filthy, so scatter-brained and unorganized, so mean, bitchy, and incapable of ever saying "I'm sorry". But I couldn't bare the thought of some court breaking up my family, letting this woman have my children. This filthy, hoarding, uneducated, adult....... child. Raising my children, alone? No way. So I kept the status quo. But I'm also a man. And I had needs. So I did what I had to do. That's the end of the story. Hope you folks enjoyed it. Hah!

[/QUOTE]

That sounds like the story of my life, but my wife did come from a wealthier family but I have provided a life that even she never probably dreamed off. I think mine resents me because of my advanced education and career and she chose to be a stay at home mom. Now I'm dealing with her depression, anxiety, sleeping pills, anti-depressants, I carry most of the load at home with the kids because some days she just can't function, she has an individual therapist ($), we have a family therapist ($), and I'm sick and tired of hearing the same advise from both therapists - she needs to do something for herself yet she doesn't. In my opinion, it's just another manipulating tool so now I ignore her and her tantrums are no longer as often as they used to be. But don't tell her about spending money because she's definitely great at shopping.

[Lightesttouch]

I would have to say all of the OP's points are accurate (In most cases). That being said this isn't new insight to anyone in the hobby so what's the point?

It is refreshing to see a provider actually calling it like it is rather than spewing the usual hooker logic of "I help marriages" BS.

Still everyone knows prostitution has always been mostly financially supported by self indulgent cheating liars. So what!

I would also agree it is interesting how said provider would suddenly out of the clear blue alienate the vast majority of her potential client base.

As one poster stated it is highly suspect to say the least. Yep I would agree that there's lots of drama likely brewing behind this one. Nothing new with this provider.

[Raikage]

I'm single so I feel no guilt, now I wonder how much guilt the PROVIDERS feel when their CUCK-boy SO's have to deal with them playing with hobbyist's

[irishlad]

Most guys who hobby are probably not doing it because they have attentive, attractive, frugal wives dedicated to their happiness.

I'm guessing a lot of hobbyists are reasonably successful financially, married with kids with substantial joint property so there's no easy exit.

A first trip to a provider probably follows a question like "This sucks and this whole arrangement is completely unfair to me, it's not what I signed up for and she knows it and doesn't care because she knows I can't bail...what can I do independently to make my life better?"

[The Infamous One]

Originally Posted by LeeBeezy

Clearly I'm not in the majority here, but almost every objection you listed does not apply in my life or in my marriage.
1) Wife knows and approves... She will tell me to be taken care of if she is ill, down for her 3-5 days a month, or just not feeling right. Sometimes just for special occasions... as well. She looks at the ad, approves, and I follow up. So it's not full time, and not to any kind of extreme... But it is nice to not have to worry about "being caught" or "deceiving" or "disrespecting her"...
2) Our finances are not such that she has to sling burgers to buy my BJs... We are both 6 figure, educated, intelligent, self realized, secure human beings.
3) We have a girlfriend that we share.. In all honesty, it's more like 80/20... she is 80% more my wife's gf, and 20% mine... Their relationship is emotional, and physical... Me and the 3rd are more like friends with benefits... We often all play together or add in another girl... occasionally a couple. (No MM shit, just like same room play).

Judge if you want... Don't really give a rats ass...

Just before deciding that all hobbiests are shit-heel, back-stabbing, deceitful, kids college fund robbing assholes... realize that some of us are just merely twisted perverts with a very different set of morals and principles, for whom the cost of hobbying does not cost us anything we want or need in life. There is a certain freedom in knowing that your SO would never have to cheat or deceive you...

Soap Box--- Diiiiiiiis-mount!

I rarely read this section, but just wanted to say...my apologies!! I thought you were kidding around when you contacted me. What a perverse little delight to know you weren't! Cheers from one perverse woman to you and your other half.

[TemptationTammie]

In the long run...
Which is better - an affair, where he can get more emotionally distant from his wife and possibly end in divorce? Or paying someone which would make it a business transaction and less emotional to most?

[LeeBeezy]

If any provider wants to talk to a married woman about this as to her mindset, my wife has volunteered... She'll even buy the cocktail...
Just PM me and i'll give you her email