AWWWW Thanks, Sarah. I know it's my personal choice & one I don't have to share, but I've chosen to place this little one for adoption. I feel a tad guilty because there are many children who have waited for years for a family to come along, but alas, those who are wanting a baby will
wait for a baby. Hopefully that will eventually alleviate my concerns.
I've been taking care of people for 32 years and it's obviously my nature; but I need to start focusing on my own dreams at some point in time. My youngest is 14 and yes, my children will always need me *they'd BETTER*. They know I'm always there for them at least.
My S.O. at the time of conception is a good guy at heart, but we weren't a very good long-term match. We're at least in agreement that neither of us is wanting to start over again as parents. I was torn about abortion vs. adoption but once that little one started moving around inside of me... well... I didn't have the heart not to let *him* keep on truckin'.
I still feel that part of this choice is selfishness on my part due to my readiness to live for myself for once but why would I want to risk feeling resentment toward a child who didn't ask to be born? I'd REALLY feel bad about myself then. Better to let a family eager to love and care for that emerging life nurture and guide him.
I've been down this road before and chose adoption because I knew as a single parent, my child would be raised in daycare more than by myself. The daddy was a loser, to put it bluntly, but a damned bad-ass guitarist! LOL Anyway, having been raised in daycares while my single father worked long hours to keep us fed, housed & clothed, I chose a different path for my first child.
Once married, I stayed home the first three years of my daughter's life and the first year of my son's although we were rather low-income. My thought was that I didn't want my children in daycare until they were able to tell me what was going on. I think you can figure that one out if you consider the many horror stories over the years regarding abusive childcare situations. You have to do what you can to protect your children. You're all they have sometimes.
Now, I'm going to share something simple I wrote back when I was 20 yrs old & trying to justify my first child's placement for adoption. (The poor, yellowed piece of paper dated March 7, '88 has been folded & refolded so many times over the years that it just fell apart. LOL) Anyway, I had posted it for other girls in the dorm at the agency & it was quoted as having helped another girl with her choice. May as well see if someone else benefits.
Self-Preservation
Sometimes it seems as if life's trials are too hard to bear, the solutions to dilemmas impossible to derive, and when you think you've made the right choices, you find yourself besieged by armies of fresh doubts. The only safe tactic is to weigh the pro's and con's and decide which strategy is beneficial for yourself first, and then your fellow cohorts.
Of course, you may decide to place the interests of others before your own, but remember... If it's your decision, then you have to live with it. So, in the long run, you must be true to yourself for your own peace of mind & self-preservation.
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Pretty simple stuff, but sometimes the obvious escapes us. OK, I can't believe it's after 4am. I have to be up & ready to go at 11:30am or a certain someone may just have to spank my butt for being a slacker! *ahem* I prefer to do the spanking, for the record.
Thanks for humoring a gal at a crossroads who's been spending entirely too much time alone & is becoming VERY long-winded because of it.
Nite-nite, Folks.
Thank you from me & the boys...
My Bio Page - Texas - Austin
My Bio Page - Texas - Austin
