Welcome to ECCIE - Sign up today!

daberkow · 11-04-2010, 08:55 AM

To be honest , I could care less about the bdsm 'scene'. It has always been and always will be a bunch of overgrown high schoolers tying to impress each other (and then whining about things changing). Let them worry about their 'cred' on felife and do what makes you happy- thankfully today there are many outlets available for people to explore. I think you'll find it satisfying sexually and financially and if somebody has a problem with it, than that is their problem. Be safe and sane of course but do whatever makes you happy.

Krunkman · 11-04-2010, 10:04 AM

Daberkow, the 'scene' as you call it is far more comprehensive than what you see on Fetlife. Unless you have been part of the scene where people earn their respect and monikers, then yeah, you are going to see and experience a lot of trash out there. Like everything else (including this board and its members/posters) there are bad apples and those who make a mockery of things. But having been involved in and around the scene for 20+ years, I can tell you that there is indeed a much more in-depth group of people who practice what they preach in a fair and honorable fashion.

It might not float your boat, but it is a legitimate, if undergound, society.

Redwolf · 11-04-2010, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JadeNow

I have a close fried who used to work as a Domme. She NEVER fully satisfied her clients, that was all part of the "teasing and denial", she called it. I guess there's many kinds of Dommes, just like anything else, but in my understanding, Escorts and Dommes are usually separate roles. It is hard to cover such a wide market, as one person, and attract all the right people.
My friend told me she marketed herself as two different people to be able to advertise two different services, in different places. It became too much for her, and she finally retired. I guess you need to specialize, and focus your advertising so you can reach your target markets. I think it is awesome what you are doing, there's a need for EVERY different type pf person!
Go for it!

I was going to PM Mistress Olympia with the web site of a Lady who does the two different roles to get a sense of how one lady does it. Apparently, this provider and domme just retired. I wonder if we are talking about the same lady, Jade.

daberkow · 11-04-2010, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krunkman

Daberkow, the 'scene' as you call it is far more comprehensive than what you see on Fetlife. Unless you have been part of the scene where people earn their respect and monikers, then yeah, you are going to see and experience a lot of trash out there. Like everything else (including this board and its members/posters) there are bad apples and those who make a mockery of things. But having been involved in and around the scene for 20+ years, I can tell you that there is indeed a much more in-depth group of people who practice what they preach in a fair and honorable fashion.

It might not float your boat, but it is a legitimate, if undergound, society.

There may be some good apples and whatnot, but my point was just that th OP or anyone else does not need anybody's approval or earn anybody's respect before doing as they wish. If you're going to break an unwritten rule and be osrtacised for doing what you like, then there's no need to be a part of that group in the first place.

Krunkman · 11-04-2010, 01:29 PM

Lol! While that's true, the reality is something different. And it's a rule that doesn't just apply to lifestylers. It applies to just about any group any where.

Though to split hairs a bit, pro-dommes aren't always typically considered part of the lifestyle, though that is a highly generalized statement and exceptions abound.

Maybe to put the analogy in more perspective for the board, say a client took pictures of a provider for his own private collection because he wanted a souvineer of his time with her. And lets say he had no intentions of ever showing that picture to anyone else. And the provider discovered it, and told all the other providers in the powder room, and even put him on the national blacklists... So basically he's ostrasized for doing what he likes. Taking pictures of a provider in session is one of those unwritten rules - at least I haven't seen it specifically stated as a prohibited action anywhere.

Guest032514-1 · 11-04-2010, 06:15 PM

I'm with Krunk. There are a lot of posers in 'the scene". Case in point, I was at a weekend 'do' recently. hotel, multiple rooms etc. I'm in a room turn around to go and the organizer of the event is standing in the doorway. Alone. Not talking to anyone or doing anything. All 300+ ponds of him. There was no way for this lil bit to squeeze through. So as I walk up to the door (and he sees I'm headed out) I say excuse me. WELL! You would have thought that I shit on his head the look he gave me. Because he is so_n_so. WTF ever.

ProDommes are an entity apart in the scene as it is. If you have Dom 'cred' within the community and go ProDomme, there will be flack. If you have lifestyle cred, do Pro then go fs Dom/sexual Dom you loose that cred altogether. That is the way it is.

In escorting, no happy ending and there will be flack. That is the way it is.

Me? I have 2 sites, 2 identities. I'd never see my Domina clients if I gave them BJ's and never see my FemDom clients if I didn't. NO way would a p411 guy 'heel' at command and stay there - totally ignored - for four hours. No way would one of my Domina clients ask if tours to the Med were an option.

Two different paths (escort vs BDSM) to two different destinations. Yes, they may be similar, yes they may have likenesses, but they are not alike.

Use your D skills on some dates (max 20% I bet). You'll rarely need escort skills for your Domina dates (my experience).

I will agree with Dkow "Do as you please." but I will add the caveat ...you put your leather on the line w/escorting. Hope this helps.

Shackle · 11-04-2010, 09:28 PM

I personally like the idea of a femdom who also engages is sex but then that is one mans opinion.

MistressOlympia · 11-04-2010, 11:54 PM

Babee: You're right. I know I will be ostracized from the lifestyle for doing this, but I also know what I like, so I'm not very worried about that.

To everyone else, thanks for your insight, I appreciate it.

Krunkman · 11-05-2010, 10:06 AM

Babee has it spot-on when it comes to the scene and providers. It is entirely silly about how pro-dommes get the short end of the stick. Though to be honest, I think I have seen more vitrolic put-downs and isolation from the pro-domme community than anywhere else. They can be quite savage in their rebukes of one of their own. And rather than embracing the member they seem to want to do all they can to discredit and remove her from their circle.

Now I've also seen some very strong women not give a damn either about their competitors and continue to do what they want. And to succeed as well. I don't have anything like a proper statistical survey of all this, but I know a handful of very strong women who DO what the hell they want with no regard for the "rules" put forth by their competitors/community. But it's such an odd duck, this whole pro-domme / provider thing. There really isn't much of a similar thing in the male community (who have their own set of silly rules!) to compare it to. I've always suscribed to the idea of the "sisterhood"... and had my close female friends look at me like I was a frigging lunatic. Lol! Evidently my outside views are quaint and NOT based in reality, or so I'm told at least.

The only thing I would differ on with Babee is the absolute rule about NOT blurring the lines. Speaking from the other side of the fence, all I can say on that is that it's going to be a judgement call. And, of course, BOTH parties need to go into it with their eyes wide open and no pre-conceived notions. Treat it like you would a relationship and see where things go. The drawback though might be if it doesn't work out, how do you go back to what you had, or do you just walk-away from each other. The rewards can be wonderful... but the risks are also just as great.

*GoddessDallas* · 11-06-2010, 05:21 AM

I have been a Domme for many, many years.
Domination is about control...not screwing.

r0ck3rgirl · 11-06-2010, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krunkman

There seems to be an unwritten rule that says pro-dommes shall not shag their submissives (unless its with a strap-on) nor engage in oral sex with them. Or else they get ostrasized by the community as being a hooker domme.

I can understand with those feelings that any domme that would have sex with their client keeps it under the radar and out of the news.

I don't know about any unwritten rule but I know that sometimes a domme wants the cock and will tell her sub to service her. I dont think that wanting her little bitch boy to actually do the deed makes her any less a domme. I think experience and actually being comfortable with the role are the most important things. I have made them service me before and I have used them as boy toys before. When I was a domme it was all my mood and whether he was a good little bitch or a bad one. I don't do the domme thing that much anymore due to lack of equipment but I was pretty good at it for three years.

MistressOlympia · 11-08-2010, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DommeKeliDallas

I have been a Domme for many, many years.
Domination is about control...not screwing.

Is this your way of saying that you don't have control when you have sex? I don't feel this way, I am always in charge when I have sex.

Krunkman · 11-09-2010, 09:49 AM

You bring up an intersting point there Olympia... which I believe is sometimes cited by dominant women and the reason they don't have sex with their submissives. They say they aren't in control when having sex. Which I can see as a valid viewpoint. Though like many other things its very much a personal feeling and judgement call.

Anyone else feel like offering their opinion?

lilsmurf · 11-09-2010, 04:21 PM

Well I dont mind giving up control.... as long as the favor is returned...
and enjoyed of course. Thats my kink. I like being tied down to a bed bllindfolded,
teased a lot, sucked, fucked. She knew that when she untied me after a while...
it was her turn... and was best hobby sex ever!! She is still around too btw, and due to that appt, is on my Permanent top 3 ATF list. But there is no way in Zue's butthole am I gonna pay someone $$$$$ to tie me up, kick me in the nuts, or spank me without offering cimnqns or something simliar.
Hey you asked for my opinion.

yourslave · 11-09-2010, 05:23 PM

It's really more about what you want to do. If you want to mix leather and lace so to speak.... DO IT!

To quote some BDSM sort of lingo... If two people are enjoying doing something together and not harming anyone else... It's worth doing.

You might be shunned by other Femdoms who don't want to have sex with their clients, but who really cares.

In the non-professional world BDSM and sex are very intertwined. It really shouldn't be different in this world.