Dammit, I Did It Again!

[NeedingMore]

I'm assuming he's tasted the goods and LOVES it.

What did you expect him to say...no, I don't like you doing it, it's over? He's giving you the reaction that's not too controlling, which my guess is, what an independent woman wants to hear. He's playing only reasonable hand available.

Sure, or course he might not be into it later...but he might be, because you are an open minded person and doesn't want a traditional relationship.

I feel like to it's too hard to say, not knowing him, however, I'm not sure you know what you want from him yet?

[Lana Warren]

Originally Posted by NeedingMore

I'm assuming he's tasted the goods and LOVES it.

What did you expect him to say...no, I don't like you doing it, it's over? He's giving you the reaction that's not too controlling, which my guess is, what an independent woman wants to hear. He's playing only reasonable hand available.

Sure, or course he might not be into it later...but he might be, because you are an open minded person and doesn't want a traditional relationship.

I feel like to it's too hard to say, not knowing him, however, I'm not sure you know what you want from him yet?

No, he hasn't tasted the goods, yet! LOL!

And yes, you're right......hell, I have no earthly idea what I want from him!

We have any shrinks on the board? LOL!

[PT4ME]

Ummmm, mine shrinks when it's cold...... does that count?

[Lana Warren]

Originally Posted by PT4ME

Ummmm, mine shrinks when it's cold...... does that count?

I set myself up for that one, didn't I?

[NeedingMore]

You only make me expand...sorry

[ItalianaPrincess]

Dannie and Adrianna hit the nail on the head. WHen you're up front about the hobby w/them and when things are going good they(boyfriends) LOVE IT. But when it gets bad it will get UGLY...names WILL be called and that's gut wrenching, when it comes from someone you genuinely have feelings for and have opened up and shared your life with.

I agree with Dannie, in that, I am also old fashioned in my civi relationships. If he is okay with it, that turns me off. I want someone who doesn't want to share me- but thats just me.

Until I find that person my motto is: KEEP IT ALL SEPARATE. That's worked for me in the past, and when things go south you don't have to worry about him jeopardizing your hobby biz OR your clients! There's nothing worse than having to go UTR or quit the biz because of a bad breakup with a guy who knows all your dirty laundry & everything about your biz. It could get scary, AND YES, a heartbroken guy can be very vindictive.

Kuddos to all of you women who's S.O.'s know about your biz and you both are secure with it, and it's working for you. I don't know how you ladies do it. Maybe I just haven't found the right guy yet to slow me down! LOL

Bottomline: RELATIONSHIPS ARE COMPLICATED!!

Lana, follow your gut. Hell, if he hasn't tasted the "goods" yet, you could probably tell him you're a Harry Hines streetwalker giving stripper slides to Logan twice a day and he'd still be fine with it - because he wants in those panties!!! he he he

And if you think that you're just "not that into him" - walk away now before he gets too nosey! LOL


XOXO
ItalianaPrincess

[Traveler64]

(At least) four possible choices:

1. Give him your rates and make him set an appointment. (i.e. treat him like a client.)
2. Let him remain a 'friend' (I know, I shudder too when I hear that word). He NEVER touches the goods.
3. Shut it down now before you both bleed out.
4. Retire from the hobby and live happily ever after. (Ummh, ya might want to consult a couple of ladies herein that have experience with this one.)

All kidding aside, IMHO you're just bringing more oxygen to a fire. It'll make a bigger flame for a little while but then its going to burn out.

[Guest062124]

Originally Posted by PT4ME

Ummmm, mine shrinks when it's cold...... does that count?

Ummm...it would still be 10 feet long, you can stand a little shrinkage.



Ps. boyfriends suck! I love my hobby bf's.

[spaceneedle]

After reading this thread, I realize that men (and women) frequently don't really know what they want out of a relationship, beside the physical aspect. The sex part is simple, everything else seem very complicated. That's why the hobby exist.

[LuckJack]

Lana, you know very well not to take any relationship or financial advise from me but I think you might want to move on. I really don't know why you, THE DANNIE, Adriana and IP apologize for being tradition in your real world relationships...but given you are, your developing feelings will make it harder to do your "job" and it will start to eat at him and the melt down THE DANNIE predicts might happen.

Dannie, No sometimes it doesn't happen.

Originally Posted by Dannie

+1000!

Don't forget to add that the first heated argument you have with him, the fascination ends and he will get to calling you a "whore" or a "slut", and start throwing your career choice in your face. Never fails!

[crashkopf]

Lana:

Is it guilt or shame ? Why do you feel you need to bolt the more honest you are ? What is the fear there ? Self acceptance ? Or is it a fear or falling in love and being without any safety net / security blanket, being emotionally exposed and vulnerable ?
Heck, all of these things are issues we all struggle with. I have a hole in my heart I have been chasing to fill all my life with any variety of outlets.

Being honest with him, and ultimately yourself, is the only course of action. Some of us married guys are way too entrenched with families and responsiblity to unveil our secret life. But you are not, so really celebrate that. This is a fun business for all of us. If he is cool with it, more power to you both. Your income will enhance what he bring to the table as well: More travel, better car, etc.

Does he want to hobby as well on the side ? At my age, I firmly believe it is unrealistic for one cock or one pussy to truly satisfy a human being. At least, thats the way I think, currently. Being polysexual is the only realistic avenue, with honesty thrown in.

Take a hard look at it, as I know you will. You want to be loved, accepted, held, adored, spoiled, as does he. And you will be hurt as there is always pain associated with growth. But don't skate away without taking the risk.. Living involves risk and pain. But the brief moments of the rewards make it completely worthwhile, and all of us become better people from it. And he could be ' The One ' who enhances your soul and heart. Enjoy !

[Gonzo DFW]

Why tell him? I know you may want to reveal all, but look at it this way: whatever you do, or have done, that's what it took to get you to this point and to him. Just move forward. Of course, I understand if you have to divulge all your life experiences and secrets; and if you do, that's why it won't work. But if you can, it might unlock some doors. But I know it's easy to talk about this; living it is just a wee bit more difficult. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Boltfan]

Originally Posted by Lana Warren

Seems like the more honest that I am, the more I want bolt from the relationship!

Originally Posted by Dannie

I like being with a man who wants me all to himself, like bolt

Wow, I never knew you ladies felt that way about me. I am flattered.

[dodger]

Originally Posted by Adrianna Love

@Lana... Girl, from my own experiences, it's hard to make a relationship work when you're in the hobby.. It's the same story with every guy... At first, they like it, are intrigued by it, turned on by it, and say they don't have a problem with it.. In fact, they say they respect the hustle.. Then as time goes on, they start asking questions, start doubting themselves, start thinking they could never be with someone like "us", and before you know it they try and make you quit the biz.. SMDH

No doubt you have more experience in this than I do (which is to say, no experience). But I've wondered .. if I began a relationship with a provider, would I be OK if she continued providing? There are a couple of reasons that would be my first choice.

One, this is what she was doing when I met her (maybe even how I met her), so who am I to come in and change all the rules? Especially if she likes the life? If she doesn't .. if she wants to 'retire', different story. But if she wants to continue ... is this any different than imposing my will and standards in other areas?

Two, might actually help our relationship. Awhile ago a provider told me that .. when she retired .. she was gonna hold on to a few of her regulars for 'stress relief', utr. Considering the sexual appetite of some providers, I doubt I could satisfy or keep up ... if I were the only source of 'stress relief'.

So .. no experience ... no relationship with a provider ... just saying that if I were to find myself in that situation ... I don't think I would insist on her leaving the hobby. Of course ... it's all just hypothetical and seems at odds with those who have real experience.

[Guest082216-1]

From the other side :-)
I have dated a provider, knowing she was a provider. In fact, that was how we met. We clicked, liked each other so we started dating. Honestly? While I was never really happy with what she did, it was a little of a turn on. Ego thing, I guess. I was getting for free what others had to pay for. Does that make me horrorable or just honest?

Anyway, Even though I was not really happy about what she did, I accepted it because the things that attracted me to her far outweighed any doubts about what she did. I knew her schedule so I would not conflict with it, but we never talked about her work that much. Lasted 5 months. Her work as never a factor to me and not part of why we broke up.

Any long term relationship requires honesty. If its casual dating, I would not tell him. Anything else, I think you have to. But also tell him the ground rules. Its what you do but you dont care to talk about it with him or anyone. If he respects your boundries, great, if not, move on. I would want one time to talk about it, get it out of my system, then its just not something to talk about again.