How to "break up" with a client?

[Fast Gunn]

To be perfectly frank, none of the suggestions I've read so far make any sense to me.

Dumping a good client simply because he is friends with a friend of your father does not make any sense to me.

The facts are that it's going to hurt him emotionally if you dump him unceremoniously and it's going to hurt you financially to lose a good client especially in today's economy. That's a double-edged sword and nobody wins going down such a dismal route.

Let me present what I believe is the best way out of your quandary.

Sit him down and explain the situation from your perspective with total honesty.

Years ago, I personally, did not understand how important it was to a provider to maintain total anonymity in the hobby, but I have come to understand the importance of it better now.

Suppose you explain your concerns to him and he may prefer to stop being friends with the friend of your father or if you trust him enough, perhaps a sincere promise from him that he will never breathe a word of your "arrangement" to his friend might abate your fears.

Both parties win and everybody's happy.

[Jake2.1]

What about soft selling the whole falling for him bit. More of a . ."I have truly enjoyed our time we have spent together, but I am dealing with some personal things in my life and I feel that our relationship needs to dissolve. I have a friend that I think you might like to meet (passing the guy on to ease his pain)." If he goes into wanting more info, you just tell him its personal.

If you were to ever have that situation where he realizes who you are, he may then understand what you were "dealing" with. If he is a nice gentleman, he should know not to "know" you. And I agree with the above that it is never a good idea to tell Dad that you tapped his daughter and that should keep things under control there.

[Jake2.1]

I do think that he has no right to know who you are. At worst, state that your personal life is getting to close to your professional life. And that discretion is the pillar of this business.

[Eliza]

Originally Posted by Fast Gunn

To be perfectly frank, none of the suggestions I've read so far make any sense to me.

Dumping a good client simply because he is friends with a friend of your father does not make any sense to me.

The facts are that it's going to hurt him emotionally if you dump him unceremoniously and it's going to hurt you financially to lose a good client especially in today's economy. That's a double-edged sword and nobody wins going down such a dismal route.

Let me present what I believe is the best way out of your quandary.

Sit him down and explain the situation from your perspective with total honesty.

Years ago, I personally, did not understand how important it was to a provider to maintain total anonymity in the hobby, but I have come to understand the importance of it better now.

Suppose you explain your concerns to him and he may prefer to stop being friends with the friend of your father or if you trust him enough, perhaps a sincere promise from him that he will never breathe a word of your "arrangement" to his friend might abate your fears.

Both parties win and everybody's happy.

Perhaps it does not make sense to you for me to end the dates, but it is simply too close for comfort to me. I adamantly prefer to keep this professional life far away from my intimate personal life. I am considering explaining the predicament from him, but I'm also trying to view the situation from his perspective. Why would he break off a good friendship for me, someone who holds no weight in his public life? Not to discredit myself, but there are plenty of other beautiful and charming companions that he could find. He has history with his friend, not to mention - from what I can tell - a strong friendship. I wouldn't even dare ask him to start rearranging his personal life for me. The biggest concern about me telling him the situation is that silence is not a guarantee. Furthermore, I am also not comfortable with relinquishing my anonymity. I use a different name for a reason.

[Eliza]

The soft sell idea, especially me referring him to another lovely lady, is starting to grow on me.

Oh, how life was so simple (relatively speaking) before lunch today. To add a bit of humor into this thread, I joined my father and the mutual friend for a long lunch today and when the mutual friend started mentioning my client's in a very affectionate manner, my eyes about fell out of my head. At first, I told myself that it was simply a fluke and perhaps there was another guy with the same name. Then, the mutual friend pulls out a picture of him and my client to show my father the results of some fishing trip they had been on. By the time the mutual friend was saying that my father should join them next time, I had to excuse myself to have a mini-freak out session in the bathroom. The chances of something like this happening were so low because I usually do a little research to see if a potential client frequently bumps shoulders with people I know on a first name basis, but this completely slipped over my head. I wasn't prepared for this.

[Jake2.1]

It really seems that one of the most important things in this business is the ladies comfort level. Anything that messes with that will mess with the session/meetings. So even if you don't do anything, I would predict that the meetings will get less and less good for both of you and it will end anyways. You would be out the friendship and the money no matter what IMO.

You are simply thwarting it earlier.

There was a thread called "close calls" somewhere on here. The above would definitely fit

[charlestudor2005]

I have to weigh in against, strongly against, being honest. This not only gives him the information that you so desperately want to keep from him, but also gives him leverage you don't want him to have. In addition, he shouldn't have the kind of leverage this would give him. He could then control you life, demanding free sessions for all time.

You have to find a way to get out of this without him knowing the connection.

I think you've got some good choices here. You need to sleep on it and try and figure out the best one to fit you. None of them are perfect, but one will be best.

[atlcomedy]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

I have to weigh in against, strongly against, being honest. This not only gives him the information that you so desperately want to keep from him, but also gives him leverage you don't want him to have. In addition, he shouldn't have the kind of leverage this would give him. He could then control you life, demanding free sessions for all time.

You have to find a way to get out of this without him knowing the connection.

I think you've got some good choices here. You need to sleep on it and try and figure out the best one to fit you. None of them are perfect, but one will be best.

Being honest with him doesn't necessarily mean reavealing who you are or what the connection is; simply that there is one.

[Guest112113-3]

Unless you think he is a psycho......

I am with Alt on this one.... give him credit to being a smart person and can handle the circumstances of you leaving in one aspect or another.

[hesitantly]

I found this story in the dictionary, under "dilemma"! ;-)

My cut at it is this: You don't want him knowing who your dad is (see comments about demanding free sessions, above; he may not do that, sober, but...). You don't want one of these three guys referring another friend of your dad (or, even your dad - stranger things have happened) to you. Therefore, you should give up all three of them!

So, tell them that your personal life is getting too close to your professional one, and that you have to discontinue contact with, say, 9 of your clients (or whatever number sounds large enough so as not to center itself on them, specifically). Apologize, and give them the last session FREE (to ease the pain), recommend them to another provider, and move on.

Logical? I think so, and I'm in Mensa. ;-)

[WTF]

Originally Posted by Woody of TX

Unless you think he is a psycho......

I am with Alt on this one.... give him credit to being a smart person and can handle the circumstances of you leaving in one aspect or another.

I agree with these two brilliant assessments.

Unless you have put some super duper loving on him and he is hooked on phonics!

[Cumandgitit]

Rakuguy,

Your suggestion is a REAL problem if someone reviews our person of concern. Then, he might become angry and retaliate in some inappropriate manner.

Eliza MUST stroke his ego and tell him that she is concerned because she MIGHT be falling for him and she is not ready for any relationship at this time and it is not fair to him or to her to continue seeing one another.

This covers her even if she should meet him with her father. He wouldn't dare say anything to her father and she is safe and rid of a client that she doesn't want to see anymore anyway. Plus, he won't bad-mouth her to the clients that he has referred to her. Suppose that he starts to brag about a young woman falling for him. Hell, the guys he would likely brag to are likely older and more likely to think that he's making it up. No young, sexy woman would fall for such an old fart bore!!

Just Cumandgitit's 2¢, but WTF does he know??

He DOES know that the faint of heart have never f*cked the upstairs maid!!

[Carrie Hillcrest]

With respect to the gentlemen who have replied, this is the kind of situation you really should listen other ladies' advice on, specifically those who have been there (needing to stop seeing a client for ANY reason) and done that.

Convoluted story and last hurrah session for free? Faux retirement? Tell him you're in love with him? Tell him the truth? No, no, no, no. I would not advise ANY of those tactics. Think about how badly those could backfire! ("I'm in love with you too! I've just been too afraid to say anything! I left my wife this afternoon so we can be together!")

The easiest and kindest solution is an explanation that is truthful, but that leaves out the messy details. Simply tell him you regret that you have realized that you are no longer compatible, and stop seeing him. Refer him to another lady if he asks, and then cease all contact. Permanently. Even if he begs. Remember that it's something you're doing to protect BOTH of you.

[Cumandgitit]

Honey,

You need to come to Texas and let ole Cumandgitit it git his mitts on yah! It has been said by more than one that magic flows though his healing hands!

[Cumandgitit]

AND, this also makes sense:

" Simply tell him you regret that you have realized that you are no longer compatible, and stop seeing him. Refer him to another lady if he asks, and then cease all contact. Permanently. Even if he begs. Remember that it's something you're doing to protect BOTH of you."