Closure

[RickO'shayRabbitt]

I'll bite ATL. What would qualify as a "rookie mistake". If I made one, I'll own it. Publicly.

[ElisabethWhispers]

You said in your first post that you had made some poor choices in ladies that you've visited...hence, "rookie mistakes". He was being supportive with saying that we've all done it.

It's pretty common knowledge that men "new" to this demimonde world don't always make the correct choices when meeting women in this sphere of ours. That's all. Please, anyone, correct me if I'm wrong.

Hugs,
Elisabeth

[atlcomedy]

Originally Posted by barneyrubble

I'll bite ATL. What would qualify as a "rookie mistake". If I made one, I'll own it. Publicly.

Originally Posted by ElisabethWhispers

You said in your first post that you had made some poor choices in ladies that you've visited...hence, "rookie mistakes". He was being supportive with saying that we've all done it.

It's pretty common knowledge that men "new" to this demimonde world don't always make the correct choices when meeting women in this sphere of ours. That's all. Please, anyone, correct me if I'm wrong.

Hugs,
Elisabeth

Sorry for not getting back earlier....basically what EW said. It wasn't meant as an insult. Maybe I could have worded it better and not used the word "mistake." A lot of it has to do with experience both in selecting your (not you specifically, but generically for all "rookies") dates and your actual demeanor, confidence level etc. on them. Despite what many say, this really is a YMMV game. If you make them feel comfortable they will make you feel good.


BTW I saw you just posted in the D&T forum. Does this mean you are sticking around? As I said earlier Shack's advice was good. If you want to get away from this world you don't want to be lurking here. These ladies are very tempting

[John Bull]

You're either out or you're in as said above. But if you're in, then be very selective. Check reviews! Check the Boards by searching the name of the Provider! Don't become a pest but do have conversations with her via email or phone or both before you make an appointment.
If you watch the Boards and take part in Discussions, you begin to get a feeling for the people and you can tell the good from the not-so-good. Who is a drama queen etc?
It's been my practice to stick with ladies. Not because I'm trying to have a bf-gf relationship with them but because we're comfortable with each other. She does the things I like and I like the things she does.
I hope this has been some help.

[charlestudor2005]

Originally Posted by John Bull

She does the things I like and I like the things she does.

Isn't that the same thing backwards? I think what you meant was "she does the things I like, and I do the things she likes."

Just sayin'.

[John Bull]

No Charles; it isn't the same because she is a paid provider and it's her job to accept the acts I desire within the bounds of refusing the appointment. It isn't my job to please her.
Now that's not to say I don't try to be a pleasant date or that I have kinks that would be repulsive to most. Just that it's her job to please me and if she has things she does that do, then that's why I return.

[Marcus Aurelius]

6 months isn't enough time. YMMV, rinse and repeat.
I saw a lovely lady recently that has stellar reviews from here to.......well you get the idea. I left thinking "Chit!, Is that all there is?"
Most of the sessions I've had got the job done but I left feeling down.
Then I'll have one that has me walking on air. It's like golf. I hate the f'ing game till I drive the green at 350 yards. Then, "I love this game!"

This may not apply but I'll ad it. If you have played in the (Other realm) I've come to understand that many a sub has problems dealing with it after. Even if they've had a great time. Just trying to help. (And no, I've never tried it.)

[atlcomedy]

[this is not directed at the thread starter but an open question]

Let's start with the assumption you got into the hobby for a reason. There was some gap in your sex life: you wanted variety, you wanted more often, you wanted to avoid the baggage of a relationship/traditional dating, maybe just a BBBJ other than on your birthday, etc. etc. etc. but bottom line there was some gap.

If you leave the hobby, where do you go looking for what you want? Match.com? Couples counseling/sex therapist with wife? Singles bars? The gal at the office that keeps winking at you? Jerk off a lot? Or basically decide you aren't going to fill that gap?

[pyramider]

Never thought of the hobby in golf terms. I can hit the ball long, but it rarely finds anything remotely green.

[bluffcityguy]

Originally Posted by atlcomedy

[this is not directed at the thread starter but an open question]

Let's start with the assumption you got into the hobby for a reason. There was some gap in your sex life: you wanted variety, you wanted more often, you wanted to avoid the baggage of a relationship/traditional dating, maybe just a BBBJ other than on your birthday, etc. etc. etc. but bottom line there was some gap.

If you leave the hobby, where do you go looking for what you want? Match.com? Couples counseling/sex therapist with wife? Singles bars? The gal at the office that keeps winking at you? Jerk off a lot? Or basically decide you aren't going to fill that gap?

I'm in the hobby because, sad to say, I've reached a point in my life where, for some reason, I can't find a woman who wants to spend time with me unless I pay her to do so. I'm single, live alone, and have been/done so for many years now.

So I won't leave the hobby until I find a lady who wants to be with me regularly, if and only if she demands (and I accept) an exclusive relationship. So basically, I won't leave the hobby until I find what I'm looking for (if I'm in fact looking for it; truth be told I'm not trolling dating sites, joining clubs to meet single women, etc., so maybe I should rephrase that "until what I'm looking for finds me").

Cheers,

bcg

[ElisabethWhispers]

Originally Posted by Marcus Aurelius

...

This may not apply but I'll ad it. If you have played in the (Other realm) I've come to understand that many a sub has problems dealing with it after. Even if they've had a great time. Just trying to help. (And no, I've never tried it.)

Yes, it might not apply to your situation but Marcus brings up an EXCELLENT point. IF you were "playing" in this alternative realm that you post a lot in, it completely changes the playing field.

Even for me.

Everyone is different. Everyone has interesting if not attainable expectations. One man will say that he's experienced in x,y, and z and you get there, and he's just on the left gentle side of vanilla.

Or on the other side of the coin, a man says that he wants a little sweet spanking and what he actually is looking for is some extreme flogging ... or you get my point.

ADD to that, and Marcus hit on it, even if you did have a good experience you can have "sub drop", or whatever you wish to call it, when you have some depression and thoughts of, "What in the hell did I just do"?

And to tell you the truth, that happens with me when I've met some guys just meeting them for a regular appointment. Especially when it's gotten a little wild. You just can't help but wonder, "Oh shit. Did I just DO that with him"?

It happens to us all, I sincerely believe.

Good luck, though. You can always come back!!!

Warmly,
Elisabeth

[guest043013-2]

Originally Posted by atlcomedy

[this is not directed at the thread starter but an open question]
Let's start with the assumption you got into the hobby for a reason. There was some gap in your sex life: you wanted variety, you wanted more often, you wanted to avoid the baggage of a relationship/traditional dating, maybe just a BBBJ other than on your birthday, etc. etc. etc. but bottom line there was some gap.

If you leave the hobby, where do you go looking for what you want? Match.com? Couples counseling/sex therapist with wife? Singles bars? The gal at the office that keeps winking at you? Jerk off a lot? Or basically decide you aren't going to fill that gap?

Quite easy to asnwer this question: Perhaps you discover after a time here that your real world life wasn't really lacking after all, perhaps it was pretty dang good. We all think the grass is greener on the other side, but, not always.

I can relate to the original poster in many ways. I understand, at least in some ways, maybe not his particular situation. I have a SO who could, in the looks department, even in her mid-50s, stand proud next to any lady here. And in her younger days, good have held her own in a bedroom with any lady, except for oral activities. (She never did buy in to that area, BJ or daty wise.) Sometimes I wonder what I am hoping for here. (Kind of know, but it would be a topic for a thread all on its on one day.)

But once you decide to leave, you must leave. Completely, without reservation, never look back. I have 'left' this world several times in the last few years, but can't escape. I am plotting my escape again, as a change in my life in the next 6-9 months will make time and money to play here even tougher. Hopefully, I will find a solution, either in escape or embracing this world.

To the original poster, best of luck to you. No, you can't talk of this world in your real life, but hopefully it has made you a better person, more understanding of others, more compassionate, more something. It would be a cruel trick of fate to enter and leave the fantasy we have here without taking something positive with you. As a living being, we grow or we wither and die.

[John Bull]

A little side message to EW, luv your new avatar, dear.

[MLG]

I say give it some more time and start looking in other directions. If u are unhappy with the playmates u have already had, then start looking in different playgrounds.

IF u find someone that *gets* u....treats u right....is professional....and shows u that there are MANY reasons to stay as there ARE women that can leave u amazed....well then, u would join the ranks of HobbyHeaven!

Good luck hon, whatever u decide to do.