ANNOUNCING: HomieHoes

[Toyz]

HomieHoes

Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to “HomieHoes”. A stellar level of service previously not available in the hobby. A celestial group of beautiful, mega talented, perfectly presented Ho’s for your mongering pleasure.

Are you tired of wacked out nut cases?
Are you tired of whacking your nut in case?

With one of our glorious HomieHoes, you will not suffer such suckage ever again. HomieHoes GUARANTEES your nut! No other service can do that, but at HomieHoes we are so confident in our girls that we give you a “Must Nut” guarantee.

HomieHoes are available for all levels of the hobbying budget. As the managers of HomieHoes-Homie our CEO & Conductor, Die Hard (our enforcer), and Toyz (humor, quality control & merchandising) we combine years of mongering across the globe to understand what you-the hungry Mongoloid-desires AND can afford. We are not some fly by night Pimpage offering delapidated retreds or doctored up pics of yesteryear.

All HomeHoes are certified virgins plucked at the height of their desirability.
We also strive to provide a menu that caters to all needs. Please feel free to ask for any quirk or strange bizarre fetish that your sick mind can imagine if you don’t see it listed below:

• Ho Blow (just your basic blow-n-go)
• Home Blow (for our single mongerers or those that have their own abode)
• Home Bound (those that are into bondage)
• Homie don’t play ‘dat (for you sick fucks that like to be dominated)
• Home Slice (just a straight lay)
• Home away from home (car service)
• Home Town Drag (you wanna guy? (We’ll find one for you-however, dudes do not come with the Homie guarantee…they have not been tested out, although we do seek guidance from S.O.B. on our choices) Due to rampant ass damage, we can no longer offer this service. Please seek medical attention if you suffer from R.A.D. (Rampant Ass Damage) you have incured.
• Home Sweet Home (FS delivered at your choice of destination)
• Home Wrecker (the ultimate fuck-yo-brains out providers. DISCLAMER: HomieHoes will not be responsible for any damage-physical or mental-that may be incurred by the use of one of our patented “Home Wrecker” Ho’s which constitutes the TOP 5% of our already world class selecton)

LISTEN TO OUR FORMER HOMIEHOES:

Many famous actresses, models & influential woman started their careers as HomieHoes. Not only does HomieHoes development teach superior Ho Skillz, it also teaches them life skillz. Here are what a few former HomieHoes have to say about their time as HomieHoes.

Adrianna Lima:



My time as a HomieHoe taught me grace under pressure. PimpDaddy Homie, who I still see on occasion, taught me so much about life, love, and how to pull a train!

Halle Berry:


Much of my success I have had in life I attribute to being a lifetime HomieHoe! PimpDaddy Toyz is one of my favorite weekend buddies & I learned the fine art of fellatio from him. Thank you Toyz! See you Saturday!

Scarlett Johanson:


I still work part time UTR for HomieHoes. PimpDaddy DH is my main squeeze & regularly disciplines me and keeps me in line. For prospective HomieHoes, it ain’t easy but you will be a better woman for it!

CAN ANYONE BE A HOMIE HO?



Absolutely not. HomieHoes has a strick qualification policy & process that will rule out 90% of the applicants. We put each Homie Ho through a strict certification process. Each Ho must grade out in the 98 percentile of a battery of grueling tests. A sampling, but certainly not the entire gamut, is listed below. Each Ho contestant must pass these tests in order to be deemed worthy of wearing the crown that is awarded to each HomieHoe.

• The Toyz overnighter…which will engage the potential HomieHoe on several areas of expertise. Conversation. Can the potential HomieHoe keep up? Can she deftly discuss a myriad of subjects, showing grace, knowledge, intelligence all the while being treated to fine wine & rich food? Then, retreat to the Toyz Lair for an entire night of multi position, multi orgasmic tests covering all positions & all areas of difficulty?
• The Die Hard Monster Slam. Can the candidate handle two hours of continuous DH pounding? Will she remain wet, willing, passionate throughout this grueling test of endurance, flexibility, mental stress and physical challenge? Many a candidate looses their minds here & are relegated to other, less prestigious, Pimping services.
• The Homie Chuga-Chuga OOmp OOmp. Can the HomieHoe wannabe survive PimpDaddy Homies “Train from Hell” & live to tell about it? Will she jump the tracks? Will her caboose ever be the same? Girls, this is a tough one. As conducter Homie takes you through the paces you must perform at the top of your game. Second place is looserville when you try to jump on the Home Town Express.

So, buckle up gents! There is a new train in town & its set for high speed excitement!! Don't wait, because the tickets are selling fast! Get your caboose in gear & grab your seat while you can!!

[cramster]

Sounds good sign me up!

[homer13]

Don't forget to tell all the gents that we not only provide them with a hot ho but we also have classes on how to please that ho. The next class will be on cunnilingus and other tongue pleasing techniques. Classes do fill up fast and only the first 10 to pass screening are in each class. Once I have the ten in place I will let them decide which hot ho will be used for demonstration purposes and as always they will be available after class for a one on one (or two, maybe three depending on the lady) private session.

All classes are 50 bucks per applicant so pm me for your reservation.

Oh and SL just informed me that we can no longer offer the dude selection. He said our insurance won't cover ass damage anymore.

[mirandalee]

WTF u guys are so entertaining love it, this ho almost died laughing lol...

[xxnubyxx]

"All HomeHoes are certified virgins plucked at the height of their desirability."

I'm assuming this is a joke, but a small part of me hoped this is real...

[homer13]

They are all virgins to somebody.

[rockerrick]

Or some part of them might be virgin ! Insert evil laugh here ! LOL . At least they'll feel like one before I finish !

[Toyz]

Originally Posted by xxnubyxx

"All HomeHoes are certified virgins plucked at the height of their desirability."

I'm assuming this is a joke, but a small part of me hoped this is real...

"Virginality is often just a state of mind"...

Confucious

[mirandalee]

Shit its been in awhile i may feel like a virgin lol... please dont hurt me be gentle lol..

[Toyz]

Originally Posted by mirandalee

Shit its been in awhile i may feel like a virgin lol... please dont hurt me be gentle lol..

Miranda thats the spirit! As part of HomieHoe training, we teach you how to bolster hobbiers egos. You'll learn such ego boosting lines as

"Oh baby, this is my first time...please enjoy but be careful"
"My GOD you are soooo big!!!"
"Hey han-som man" (sorry flashbacks to my Thailand time)

[Ebony Jasmine Love Austin]

Hey, I look just like the second girl.....

after a whole bottle of Belvedere.

[knotty man]

put me down for girl #2. love puttin cream in da coffee

[Ebony Jasmine Love Austin]

P.S. Toyz, you're really good with words.

[mirandalee]

Lol Toyz yup I guess keep it coming boys.. more more more lol..

[Still Looking]

Originally Posted by homer13

Oh and SL just informed me that we can no longer offer the dude selection. He said our insurance won't cover ass damage anymore.

This one is driving me crazy. I keep telling him we will NOT be doing the mens section because of insurance. He just keeps PM'ING me saying, "Get Er Done"