Sam: Say what you want, Linda and I are in love.
Maggie: Yeah, except for her boning my boyfriend, you two are the perfect couple.
Sam: Listen, Catwoman. At the end of the day, she is coming back to me, and we're gonna be happy! And where are you gonna be? All alone somewhere, plotting some little revenge scheme, that's where!
Maggie: Let me tell you something, Sam. Listen to me very carefully. Are you listening?
Sam: Yes.
Maggie: The only way that girl is coming back to you is if a blast of semen catapults her across the street and through the window.
Mathew Broderick
Meg Ryan
Addicted to Love
Not really a sexy quote, but it has to do with sex and its funny as hell.