Ditry 1 Liners. Mature Audience Only!

[Maxxi Roxx]

Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!

Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!

Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

Q: How do you kill a circus clown?
A: Go for the juggler!

Q: Why couldn't they get the dead mans casket lid shut?
A: Because he overdosed on viagra!

Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?
A: Because his wife died!

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!

Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection? A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

Q: Why can't Jesus play hockey?
A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q: Three words to ruin a man's ego...?
A: "Is it in?"


Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

Q: What do you call an afghan virgin
A: Mever bin laid on

Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
A: E.T. eventually went home!

Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A: A lickalotopis

Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
A: Dating children.

Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?

Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
A: Because he was looking for Pooh

Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A: Ate something

Q: If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?
A: Three feet of my cock up your ass.

Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
A: Boobies

Q: What do you call ball's on your chin?
A: A dick in your mouth!

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!

Q: Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader?
A: They both suck for four quarters.

Q: What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A: A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off

Q: Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?
A: The grass tickles their balls

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.

Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
A: About three inches.

Q: What's worse than spiders on your piano?
A: Crabs on your organ.

Q: Why did the Mafia cross the road?
A: Forget about it.


Q: Why do men like big tits and a tight ass?
A: Because they’ve got big mouths and little dicks.

Q: Whats long hard and full of seamen?
A: A submarine

Q: Whats long, Hard and Erects stuff?
A: A Crane!

Q: What do you get if you cross a gay midget with a vampire?
A: Cocksucker!

Q: Why doesn't Tom Cruise eat bananas?
A: He can't find the zipper!

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's pussy?
A: The other guys waiting their turn!

Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A: It’s not hard.

Q: Why doesn't Tom Cruise eat bananas?
A: He can't find the zipper!

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's pussy?
A: The other guys waiting their turn!

Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A: It’s not hard.

Q: How do you know if you have an overbite?
A: If your eating pussy and it tastes like shit!

Q: If women with big tits work at Hooters, where do women with only one leg work?
A: IHOP!

Q: When is an Elf not an Elf?
A: When she's sucking your cock, then she's a goblin.

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.

Q: What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?
A: Their last big hit was "The Wall"

Q: What is white at the top and black at the bottom?
A: Society!

Q: Have you heard the one about the lesbian that took Viagra?
A: She couldn’t get her tongue back in her mouth for a month!

Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
A: Because they have cotton balls.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What do you call a virgin on a water bed?
A: A cherry float.

F.Y.I.: I posted this for shit and giggles, nothing more nothing less.

You can find the rest here: http://www.jokes4us.com/

[badhusband]

Good ones!