Ever Fallen For Your Provider Or Client ?

[HedonisticFool]

Originally Posted by alluringava

It was definately alot of both. Ofcourse everyone is entitled to their opinions. I was actually shocked to find this discussion. I figured the fact of becoming emotionally involved with a provider or client was taboo. I personally would have never shared my story with fear of ridicule. Glad to know I'm not the only fool.
Press on people...spare no details.

Falling in love with a provider and vice versa doesn't make one a fool...you can't help what happens emotionally between two people. It takes a lot of work and effort and communication to date someone in this profession. I married a client, dated others, and it didn't work out primarily because of the jealousy issue... [/quote]

Although we never dated when we were provider/client, I'll admit I had feelings for her. I was very attracted & drawn to her since the beginning & found myself seeing her repeatedly. I had experience with many other providers before, but none ever made me feel like her. I could not ever put my finger on what exactly had me so attracted to her. Later she admitted to having feelings for me, but before that we never spoke of it...but I could sense something from her. I never thought of us dating before, hell I was married at the time, but never would considered otherwise unless she would quit the biz. She later quit because she got pregnant, like I said before, and told me after our son was born, did not want to go back to it again. I guess what I'm saying is I would not have really considered a life with her if she continued as a provider. Either way, I called myself a fool because of finding love in one of the most unconventional ways.

[JacobJ]

BP girl broke my hobby cherry, and we really hit it off. I would see her regularly and she would spend hours on me, and we would spend hours talking before and after. Seemed sincere and I was really into her. After a few months (and a hell of a lot of $), I decided I could be honest with her and share that I was feeling uncomfortable with the thought of her with other men--especially on the days I would see her. I tried to be very careful and explain that the issue was mine, not hers; but she heard what she thought I was saying instead of listening to me and turned into a wounded animal

She went on the attack and started talking about how she usually had to rush men out the door before I got there, etc. etc. It really stung, in fact I can still feel it. I was such a poser

I learned a very valuable lesson that day. Play and have fun, but keep your heart tucked away nice and tight.

[tonytiger4u]

What a great thread! Thanks to the OP.

[Old-T]

Originally Posted by burkalini

I mixed the two together. Met a provider.Became my ATF. Became exclusive to me.Quit the business and became my girlfriend. She wanted to get married after a year and I didn't. It ended. It was bad and I will never repeat that again

I'm sorry it didn't work out, but it sounds like the issue was she wanted marriage and you didn't. She quite working, so from what you're saying it doesn't seem that her working or not working was the problem.

[Outdoorsman]

The biggest issue for me is trust. The lady acts for a lving, faking orgasms, faking liking the man she is with at the time. Most providers are nice to me because I am a repeat client and I book longer sessions. So, how do I know if she really likes me or if she is just after my money?

I typically tend to think she is only after my money. That being said, I have known some provders for years now and after that time frame you tend to know how she really feels, it is displayed in her actions. The key is giving love enough time to bloom when it starts off in this environment.

I know I did not involved with this hobby to find love, actually I was just getting divorced and wanted sleazy sex, not a relationship. But we are all human and we never know when it will happen, we fall for a person.

There aer success stories in this biz of couples making it. The prbolem is the statistics are very, very low. A mountain of prbolems exist in any normal relationship, a relationship found here has two mountains of problems.

The jealousy issue is a big one, I cannot have my SO having sex with other men. I know she is not in love with the men she sees, I also know she would rather not be there but needs the income. Some things are just sacred for me, my SO is one of them. I do not sleep with women when in a relationship and I have to have the same in return. i am not in the least bit a jealous person. But getting into a relationship with a provider for me means I have to step up to the plate and support her if we are to be a couple. It is that simple.

I would be willing to invest in a business in her name only to provide her adequate income. It would have to be in her name so she understood I have no desire for her to lose her independence, hell that is part of what attracts me to a lady. But for me to put that kind of money into a venture I do not own, I would have to have the most ultimate of trust and know at the deepest level that she is not using me for my money. Not an easy obstacle to overcome for me.

I can certainly deal with the past, not an issue for me, hell I am hobbyest, wann know how many women I fucked? A lot!!!! I chose not to live in the past but in the present and build together for a future.

My recommendation is to leave it at a business relationship, but if it happens I understand the only person I have control over is me. I cannot force her to stop working, I cannot make her honest, I cannot force to stop faking orgasms, I cannot expect her to change anything about her. If I can accept that and she is willing to work at "Us" than we have a shot, but she has to make an effort as well. That is what i need to see for me give my trust, an honest effort to be with me.

[shorty]

Originally Posted by Outdoorsman

The biggest issue for me is trust. The lady acts for a lving, faking orgasms, faking liking the man she is with at the time. Most providers are nice to me because I am a repeat client and I book longer sessions. So, how do I know if she really likes me or if she is just after my money?

I typically tend to think she is only after my money. That being said, I have known some provders for years now and after that time frame you tend to know how she really feels, it is displayed in her actions. The key is giving love enough time to bloom when it starts off in this environment.

The only way for one to know if there's something between a provider and hobbyist, is when she stops charging you. Anything other than that, she's after your money, eventhough she makes it seem like she wants to be with you and tells you more personal things about herself.

[Naomi4u]

Originally Posted by Outdoorsman

The biggest issue for me is trust. The lady acts for a lving, faking orgasms, faking liking the man she is with at the time. Most providers are nice to me because I am a repeat client and I book longer sessions. So, how do I know if she really likes me or if she is just after my money?

You would know if she's after your money or not. With my boyfriend (and again he was never a client - we just became friends on a hobby board and our relationship grew from there), I always offer to split/pay for things. If she never offers and she's all take, take, take, only contacts you when she want something done, needs money... then it's safe to say that she's only interested in your wallet.

I typically tend to think she is only after my money. That being said, I have known some provders for years now and after that time frame you tend to know how she really feels, it is displayed in her actions. The key is giving love enough time to bloom when it starts off in this environment.

Actions speak louder than words. If she's telling you, how much she "loves" you, "likes you" but yet only comes around when she wants something - again red flag. I have found a lot of guys in this hobby are delusional. Ask her to pay for something and see how that goes. She is an escort. No way she can be "broke".

I know I did not involved with this hobby to find love, actually I was just getting divorced and wanted sleazy sex, not a relationship. But we are all human and we never know when it will happen, we fall for a person.

Agreed!

There aer success stories in this biz of couples making it. The prbolem is the statistics are very, very low. A mountain of prbolems exist in any normal relationship, a relationship found here has two mountains of problems.

Relationships work because TWO people want it to work. A lot of guys here can't see when a lady is clearly using them for money. That is the problem. She makes you THINK you're in a relationship but you're really not. Most of the stories I have heard of falling are clearly NOT relationships. The guy was tricked into thinking he was in a relationship not knowing he was messing with a gold digger.

The jealousy issue is a big one, I cannot have my SO having sex with other men. I know she is not in love with the men she sees, I also know she would rather not be there but needs the income. Some things are just sacred for me, my SO is one of them. I do not sleep with women when in a relationship and I have to have the same in return. i am not in the least bit a jealous person. But getting into a relationship with a provider for me means I have to step up to the plate and support her if we are to be a couple. It is that simple.

Yes. However,One must be mentally secure and strong if he's dating an active provider. Yes she sleeps with other men but let's be honest here - she doesn't have feelings for them. So you read her reviews and now you're mad because you think she liked that particular guy a bit too much - well a big chuck of this business is acting. A lot of guys tend to forget that then start to fall in love with the provider. If you really want to know if she INTO you, call her just to chat, ask her out to dinner (for free),,,etc. Another one of my girlfriends met her husband on a hobby board, he stays home and she works. SHE asked HIM to quit his job and stay at home and screen her calls for her. A lot of people may scream "PIMP" but he's not. Those were her wishes. It wouldn't work for me but it works for them. I've seen them together on several occasions and I've never seen a happier couple. Different strokes for different folks I guess....

I would be willing to invest in a business in her name only to provide her adequate income. It would have to be in her name so she understood I have no desire for her to lose her independence, hell that is part of what attracts me to a lady. But for me to put that kind of money into a venture I do not own, I would have to have the most ultimate of trust and know at the deepest level that she is not using me for my money. Not an easy obstacle to overcome for me.

You are a sweetheart .

I can certainly deal with the past, not an issue for me, hell I am hobbyest, wann know how many women I fucked? A lot!!!! I chose not to live in the past but in the present and build together for a future.

Again you are a sweetheart

My recommendation is to leave it at a business relationship, but if it happens I understand the only person I have control over is me. I cannot force her to stop working, I cannot make her honest, I cannot force to stop faking orgasms, I cannot expect her to change anything about her. If I can accept that and she is willing to work at "Us" than we have a shot, but she has to make an effort as well. That is what i need to see for me give my trust, an honest effort to be with me.

Well said. As with my bf, I asked him if I should stop providing and he said no that I didn't have to do that. I know he wants me to lol and things would probably be much better if I did (I don't know if it can get any better than this) but this is what it is for now.

Just some honesty from me this afternoon.

xoxoxo,
Zarah

[Outdoorsman]

Zarah you speak wise words. Those are some indicators that one can look for if falling for someone in this hobby. From my point of view I would look to the splitting, the paying for things, etc. I call the act of showing appreciation for the another person, true genuine appreciation.

I had a good friend tell me on this board that when a woman sheds a tear on a moments notice, due to a problem I am having with her, it is more than likely geniuine. I read people all the time as a student of human behavior but at times i doubt myself and my abilities to tell if it is real or not. That is my issue, trusting my gut feeling. I just do not want to be hurt.

I have been married once and my divorce was the single most painful experience of my life. I am trying hard not to repat that. Sometimes I try too hard though.

Thx for the therapy!!!

[burkalini]

Originally Posted by Old-T

I'm sorry it didn't work out, but it sounds like the issue was she wanted marriage and you didn't. She quite working, so from what you're saying it doesn't seem that her working or not working was the problem.

Your right it wasn't her working as she is still not working. She has retired from the hobby. Other than that I will leave the rest personal

[HedonisticFool]

Hey, does anyone also think this discussion maybe getting a little over analytical?

[Old-T]

No, I think it's one of those topics that engenders serious feelings and opinions in people. I'm glad that this thread has stayed civil even though some of us obviously see things very differently. In my opinion that's one of the best features of this site in general. On some other sites it would have degenerated into trashing people, personal attacks, etc.

[Gucci]

Originally Posted by tonytiger4u

What a great thread! Thanks to the OP.

You're welcome Ive enjoyed reading what people really think about that type of situation, because lets be honest if you've done ". This " long enough you've had to have come across someone you've liked at some point or another. The mindset for both parties involved has to be on the same page or it'll dissolve faster than the initial thought began.

[Gucci]

Do either of you have to quit to make it work ? He stops being the hobbyist and you stop being the provider, and do you still give him the same level of " service " whenever you have sex once a relationship has been established ?

[Outdoorsman]

The two people in the relationship are still human. And the sex is better at times and at times boring, just like when I was married. When she wants to make me happy and is in the mood to please Outdoorsman the sex is better than the service ever could have been. When she is not in the mood but goes through the motions because she cares for me, the sex is more mundane and boring.

At times all i want to do is please her, and vice versa, it is a relationship. The fact that the two people come from the hobby world does not make them less human.

Neither party has to quit anything, if the two agree. For me, the answer is yes, we both have to quit when we decide to make a committment to each other, but that is just me. She could very well be okay with her working and me hobbying while we are together. If her work is that important to her than she cannot be my girlfriend, that simple.

[i'va biggen]

If I ever found one who liked me so much she quit charging me,I would be faithful...