How To Impress A Hooker Rules

[KatherineVernon]

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #49: Hookers don't give freebies just because you THINK you have a nice cock. My baker has really nice cake pans, but no free cakes for me.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #53: Chat to him/her for more than 5yrs on and off without EVER making a booking.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #26: Make a booking once, then think you are entitled to a lifetime of a relationship and sexual advice.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #27: When you get hung up on for calling after midnight, call back another 5 times, just in case she's changed her mind.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #42: So you no-showed twice before. Surely she'll take your call this time. Keep trying.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #12: Tell her how the last hooker gave better head than she did, then push her head down to gag point as you say it.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #32: Ask her if her daughter's tits are as big as yours.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #38: Ask her to recommend who they can see next time instead of her. Sharing is caring.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #72: Send her photo of you having sex with a tranny. That will SURELY make her want to see you again.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #87: Promise her a weekly stipend, then when she depends upon it, take it away and show her who's boss. That will ENDEAR you.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #76: Be UNRELIABLE, UNDEPENDABLE and NEVER keep your word. Try to use him/her as a drug runner for your out-of-control drug habit.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #18: Keep sending her stupid pictures of you dressed in drag so she can send them to your wife when she's had enough of you.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #92: Blame her for EVERYTHING that goes wrong, internet outages, your soft cocaine cock, your inablity to turn her on.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #45: Call her best friend to book a date. That will give them both a good laugh at your expense, before pity for you sets in.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #52: NEVER, EVER take accountability for your actions. You don't want her to think you might be weak.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #84: Make sure you are the center of the Universe and her needs are NEVER addressed.

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #50: Keep snorting cocaine until you die from it. She'll be impressed when your wife and kids find you dead in ladies lingerie.

****Now before anyone gets the wrong idea (like I'ma bitch, jaded or pissed off), these were fowarded to me by a good friend.****

I'm just saying.

[Guest101311]

i absofuckinglutely love this. could you PM me the whole damn thing!!!

[Anita Lay]

what belinda said, yea.

[classyteri]

Ditto on Belinda's words....F'in awesome....also would love the whole list...#62?

[KatherineVernon]

Yes, Ladies. I will PM you all on this.

[Guest032514-1]

Get the feeling this lady tangled with a cokehead?

It is funny (I notice no gents commenting, c'mon now...yall know this is freakin hee-lair-ee-us)

[Rival]

Whoops. I realize I violated #38 this week with a really great ECCIE provider. Sorry Girl. It makes sense now, but it seemed like a logical Newbie question at the time. To her credit, she did give me some great advice.

[JustaGuyinMS]

Babee:

I just noticed the same thing - except for Rival. It is very funny, but at the same time, it's very good advice to some guys, who probably aren't laughing.

JaG

[bearden-M]

#12

[Anita Lay]

Bearden,
The lady providers that I know on Eccie are top notch and it's clear if you look at their reviews. We have no idea of the lazy providers you seen and I am sure other client's would love to know who they are when you MAKE A REVIEW.
I will vouch for the ladies that make a big dent in their income when they:
travel ,maintain the up keep of their auto, higher insurance on auto due to extensive traveling, pay for lodging, cosmetic surgery,advertisng, gym fees, medical out of pocket due to not having insurance, taxes higher due to being self employed, and thats just some of the expenses. It's not as lucritive as you would think.
Some providers have more than one job just to take care of their family because they get no child support or benefits with a part time job. Just saying.
There are some providers that give discounts to their regulars and show appreciation.
I am sure the men around here will lead you in the right direction.
Hugs and Kisses

[bluffcityguy]

Originally Posted by KatherineVernon

HowToImpressAHooker Rule #53: Chat to him/her for more than 5yrs on and off without EVER making a booking.

I should be embarrassed to admit that I've not only broken this rule, I've stomped it flat, swept up its dust, and ground that dust into close to subatomic particles.

One lady in the St. Louis area and I kept up a chat/email acquaintanceship for about 13 years without ever making a booking.

When I finally got around to asking if she'd be available when I was going to be back in St. Louis visiting family (I was just checking availability, and not even ready to commit yet) her response was so enthusiastic that sealed the deal for me. We met for a couple hours a month later, and had one of the best times ever (well... I know I did. She didn't seem to hate it, though).

I won't keep her hanging for another 13 years, again, for sure.

However, I wouldn't be tempted to break any of the other rules on this list.

Cheers,

bcg

[leehf321]

just a thought, but if you have your own baker then dont you think you should get the cakes for free?

[Anita Lay]

If you own the baker he probaby owns a pussy cat and the trade off is a fair deal,.
The whole population is not in this equation. You funny Leehf

[leehf321]

Just didn't want to win the lottery, hire a baker and then find out i still had to pay for the f'n cakes. I'll just make sure that there is a pussy cat in the deal...

[guest03271-3]

You may want to add:

"If you really, REALLY want a 'Free Ride', ask an Airplane Pilot instead of a Provider... He is more likely to comply with the request... even though it will cost him a LOT more time and money!"

Enjoyed the "Rules"... I can take a hint, and a joke!

magichands