Hobby Dating...

[Guest082418-2]

The dreaded guranteed heartbreak... Or is it???

Sorry it turned into something so long... I have been talking about this with girls and guys and decided to make it a public discussion. Maybe others will have better advice...

Many times I have had deep feelings for my guys and developed strong friendships. 4 times thru my hobby years (2002 - 2016) I have given all of me to a man that started as a client and it quickly changed. Who knows why the bells ring, the butterflies flutter, and you can not stop yourself. If you are in this hobby for more than $$ then you will understand. If your the one protesting how wrong it is, then I feel sorry for you as you have obviously been the victim of the heartbreak.

Married and hobbying was a blast. It was kinky and somethjng I shared. Now as a widow its different. I tried dating and having a normal life. I should have been living the dream but I felt jaded I guess. I found I got more pleasure and less drama being a provider. So I gave up doing the 'normal thing' and came back to what I knew.

You guys seem to be more interested in my pleasure not just yours. Which seems odd when you really think about why you come to me.
I also know that the reality is your not paying for sex but the ability to walk away after and not be worried that your gonna be found out when the mistress gets jealous you took your wife to the opra and not her.

So is anyone else willing to admit they have found more thru the years.
What did you do? How do you as guys know she is really into you and not your money? Ladies, how do you know its you not just your goodies he is there for?
Do you read each others reviews? Do you become inactive in the hobby?

Each of my situations were different but they were very real. I still speak to all but one of my special lovers. If I needed them I feel sure they would find a way to be there for me. I KNOW I would them.

So my experience, my advice... If you fall in love, if your lucky enough to find 'that something more' ENJOY IT... Take it as it comes, one day at a time. The most important thing. She was a provider when you met her ~ He was your client. She is most likely not going to be able to stop the hobby and he is not able to leave his real life. Accept what it is you have and do not try to chance who they are.

I have had 3 rules for my hobby boyfriends in the past... i think it's why it worked. I do not care where you get your appetite, come home to eat. If you still need something more lets go out together. No secrets, he has to hide this part at home, I want to be the safe place where he can be himself. And the hardest for me. HIS family must always come first. It can suck at times but the reality is if things at home are running smooth he has more quality time with me. And honestly if you truly love him, you realize his heart is split between two. You can never make him choose...

[drsmooth1]

I'll chime in. It's happened a few times for me where it was a bit more than a business transaction but never where I'd say love was the bond. That's a scary thought for me, bad decisions are made in the name of love, but a strong affection, most definitely.

I'd say I knew it when the clock wasn't an issue for her and I'd enjoy lingering, almost forgetting time. Without ever saying a word to the effect I knew when they would schedule a time for us that would ensure the maximum time we could spend together and not just engaging in sex, even sharing personal nuggets of our lives with each other.

Not every man is capable, not every woman is capable of giving of oneself, enjoying an emotional and physical relationship and remaining balanced with the reality that there has to be limits and boundaries.

That being said it has become very difficult to find that anymore in the hobby, some would say find a sugar baby but that would be far more complicated for me and far more prone to becoming disastrous. Thus the hobby has diminished in it's pleasure for me, all business and scanty pleasure, those I met early in my hobbying days provided a joyous illusion that this was how it would be.

Now I'm left reflecting on those gorgeous relationships as I continue seeking another whirlwind experience.

[Guest082418-2]

Thanks Dr Smooth...

I had a friend in Bham when I lived there. He drove a ups truck for a while. He even made the trip from Bham to Atlanta for a date after I moved back there. I found myself messaging him on occasion just because he knew EXACTLY how to put a smile on my face. I still think of him and the name I used for him made us both smile...

awwwww The memories of Yesterday...

Early 2000's they were the best. The hobby was still somewhat new to the internet, magazine adds in Atlanta's creative loafing were still a big thing. We still had some level of discretion and the women that were providers were here because they felt 'a calling' of sorts. Yeah sure she needed the finances but it was fun and exciting NOT just a job..

I was accused recently of just looking for a boyfriend not the BFE and maybe that is what it seems to newcomers but those of us that have been around know what it once was and still search for it...

[Guest072918]

I really started the hobby because I could not take the emotional roller coaster of affairs, of falling in love with another woman and the heartbreak when we could no longer see each other as two people in love. In each case, I was never looking for an affair or to fall in love, circumstances put us together and love blossomed. While I cherish each lady with whom I was fortunate enough to meet and fall in love, it still hurt at the end and left me with a deep empty feeling. Interestingly, I still have long-distance friendly relationships with two of the ladies I was blessed to fall in love with.

Like Dr. Smooth, there is something missing with "just" seeing providers. While the sex is great ("I want it, I love it, I want some more of it!!"), there is still the need for that emotional connection. As Tim McGraw put it:

"Know the difference between sleeping with someone and sleeping with someone you love."

So, a part of me yearns for that emotional connection, as I jump from one provider to the next even seeing some repeats along the way. Its been about 8 years since my last love affair. Am I ready for the next one? Is knowing the heartbreak at the end worth the joy of sharing deep intimate love with another? Has 8 years been long enough to heal those wounds from the last time? They say we keep making the same mistakes over and over in life. I guess that's me, waiting to have the next love affair...

[cafriend]

It can be completely natural to find someone that you click with in the hobby. I have experienced feeling as you describe three time since I started playing. When this has occurred, I have stopped seeing other ladies for the duration of our time. I believe that the feeling were mutual, in each instance there was something that caused our relationship to cool or end.

In one case, we spent almost every waking hour together when not working. I travelled for business and she was located near once of my satellite offices. We enjoyed dinners, time out together and played occasionally. She stayed with me when I was in town, and knew she was safe while I was there. This was a close to a real relationship that I have had while hobbying, with intense emotions and feelings.

As to your comment about guys wanting to satisfy your needs as opposed to themselves. I guess in my life's experience have found that when the lady that I am seeing enjoys herself, then there is a sense of accomplishment. While that sound a little corny, I get more out of playing by seeing women who enjoy the experience as much as I do.

[Guest091823]

Bravo Heidi! Your posts are a breath of fresh air in the community and such a break from all of us becoming just "names and numbers". I've had visits where I left completely empty and robotic and then, I've had regulars that I felt such a connection it was a bit scary. But, if I had to choose between the two, it would definitely be the latter. I'm a "pleaser" type and honestly, sometimes there's nothing more exciting than to feel you've occupied a place in someone's thought outside the hour you paid for. There's a couple providers I seen that I have been tight with beyond the "in/out" bit and sometimes it's reaffirms you're still people. Keep posting this stuff so we can all think a little!

[Guest072918]

This is supposed to be a coed discussion. But, other than Heidi, this has been a sausage fest. So, ladies, have you ever had feelings for a special client that you connected with? Someone that you particularly enjoyed his company and you always looked forward to time together, knowing it was more than just a client-provider business relationship??

[gimme_that]

Originally Posted by Woodford

So, ladies, have you ever had feelings for a special client that you connected with? Someone that you particularly enjoyed his company and you always looked forward to time together, knowing it was more than just a client-provider business relationship??

It's always been about the money. The money is the main reason yall meet initially. I can imagine many ladies wouldn't find meets enjoyable if money wasn't attached to it. If she likes you that much she can go ahead and pay you back after the session.....sneak it back into your wallet.

That's like asking a client to pay for a gfe session while a lady's on her period without any type of sex being offered. You know I didn't show up for the ambiance.........we want the sex. They want the money.

[Guest072918]

Originally Posted by gimme_that

It's always been about the money. The money is the main reason yall meet initially. I can imagine many ladies wouldn't find meets enjoyable if money wasn't attached to it.

we want the sex. They want the money.

Understand that, Gimme. That's the start. But the really good ladies understand this business and the fantasy that we are paying for is more than just sex. They understand that many of us also want to feel a connection to another human being that enjoys the time we spend together, that our time together is not just one-way. That's why many of us are like cafriend that want the ladies to have a good time as well. Those are the ladies to whom I give my repeat business.

So, I'm a little surprised that the ladies haven't recognized the marketing opportunity with this thread to profess that they too have developed feelings for special clients. Many of us want to be that special client.

[hotrix1]

you're right about the last comment. Problem is where does the fantasy stop and reality begin? Too real for me to want a repeat of this.

Had a recent encounter with a popular provider from the Panhandle board that started hot and heavy with the texting and hot pics after I saw her. Went on for close to 3 weeks. All the while I thought it might be because she really did like me and respected my opinion. This was her reason why she supposedly kept in contact and she didn't do this with all her other clients. She wanted to see me at my place for less than her normal rate. Yeah, right! Although it was nice to be made to feel like you made a connection, it was still at her mood and whim.

Found out this was STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE with most clients with this provider later on. Even though it was a bit of a letdown, it was still nice while it was going on. I was the fool for thinking I was that "SPECIAL" client. And as far as respect goes, so much for that. After I gave her my opinion on a subject we disagreed on all communication stopped, she drops the act and can't even be bothered.

Now I'm not even allowed to set any more appointments with her because I became too REAL. I knew from the start it was TGTBT yet it was still a letdown nonetheless. You just never really know if it was real or you're just a John that makes her feel good about herself knowing she has the ability to string you along and get you to pay attention to her. That's just my 2 cents worth.