I Need Advice

[Guest123018-2]

Ive lately had a run of clients asking me out on REAL dates. Once in awhile I do say yes but ive learned my lesson on dating clients. How do i politely decline to date someone without losing them as a paying client? They have to understand I have a busy schedule and to take time out of that schedule for them then I'm taking time and money out of my pocket. And yes a few of them I would love to say yes and go out but I know better. Do men not understand what I do for a living? And how I fucking love what I do! Ive fallen for a client once before and have learned my lesson. Please anyone with advice?

[cycleguy]

Sorry honey. I love seeing you but I don't date clients because it can get too complicated.

[DallasRain]

Originally Posted by cycleguy

Sorry honey. I love seeing you but I don't date clients because it can get too complicated.

ditto!

SweetM,baby I would date ya too! But I say just let them know that personal ^& work do not mix and that you prefer to keep it that way!

[Guest123018-2]

Ty! Just seems when I go that approach I never see them again. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[yesI812]

Sure, its 200 an hour.

[Mister Purple]

Originally Posted by SweetM

How do i politely decline to date someone without losing them as a paying client? Please anyone with advice?

This is an interesting question about the nature of the hobby and relationships in general. If one of your clients had the looks and financial resources of your favorite movie star, would you still be so quick to say no? Then again, if they had those kinds of resources they wouldn’t have a problem with the usual rate for a “real” date. Ladies provide a fantasy. The better they are at that, the more real it seems. Some guys forget that and get confused. Then again, in any service oriented situation, the better your customer service is, the more loyal your clientele will be. Part of good customer service is taking a genuine interest in your client- getting to know them, finding out what their interests are, what they like and don’t like. That’s where the lines get blurred. A guy may want to test that. (Does she really like me or is it just about the donation?) When in reality, you may genuinely like someone, and still want to get what you want out of the relationship too. I’ve known ladies who would go to lunch or dinner “off the clock” but it was always tied to a regular hour appointment. Getting a little extra time and attention at a discounted rate (the meal) can make the client feel special and will likely keep them coming back. Don’t be afraid to be assertive about your boundaries and clear about your intentions. If you absolutely don’t date clients, then say so. If you don’t intend to see someone on a “real” date, but are willing to have a meal off the clock, then let them know ahead of time what your intentions are so they don’t get confused or get their hopes up. You may lose a client by being this honest, but you were probably going to lose them anyway. But you will still respect yourself for remaining true to your values, and if the client is wise, they will respect you even more for not leading them on/wasting their time.

[leo57]

Mr Purple covered this pretty well. It can be a problem for both parties. Ten years ago I had a lady that fell for me to the point she would no longer see me. She had been in the business for years, and I think she may have been ready to settle down or something, but we hit it off really well, and would spend more time talking than anything else. Honestly if I had not been at the point in life I was in she is the kind of lady I could have been serious about. After she told me she couldn't see me anymore because of where I was at in my life and she didn't fit, she went on to try dating a client that seemed almost as nice as me.... and it did not go well at all. In the end I felt really bad because our relationship caused her to try something that did not make her life any better.

Since then I have a few ladies that I really like as people and one of them is very special to me to the point I love her in the best possible way as a very close friend. She also feels very close to me and we have a great time just being together, and keep in touch even when we don't see one another for a while. At times it kind of feels as if the professional relationship we have get's in the way of being the kind of friends we feel like we are, but it is important to be able to differentiate between friendship and the hobby. I'm sure not everyone will find that easy to do. When two people like one another in more than one way, it is something that must be worked out honestly and carefully. I see it as my job to remember that when it comes to finances I must never allow the lines to be blurred. This is what she does for a living, and if she wants to have diner with me, or spend extra time with me off the clock and just hang out, then that is her prerogative, but out of respect to her it is my place to make sure she is compensated properly for the time I request.

On the other hand it can be difficult for a man to spend that much time close to a lady that he really clicks with and not fall for her otherwise as well.... Especially if he is in need of love in his life.

I assume the nicer sweeter ladies among you will have this problem. Others I've met or read about will never have to deal with this issue I'll bet. ;-) I guess that says a lot for you SweetM!

[bluffcityguy]

Originally Posted by Mister Purple

I’ve known ladies who would go to lunch or dinner “off the clock” but it was always tied to a regular hour appointment.

The few times I've had a meal off the clock with a provider, it's been in the context of a much longer session than a mere hour. More like 4 hours to overnight. (When I booked an overnighter it was sort of assumed that a meal together--or two (dinner and breakfast, of course)--would be part of the deal; on the slightly shorter-than-overnight sessions the lady was hungry for whatever reason, and we sort of agreed to do dinner together either as a breather between playtimes or after we'd finished playing.)

There are a couple providers I know who've wanted to do lunch or dinner with me as a "two friends getting together" date, and not as a romantic date. I haven't taken them up on that yet, but I probably will at some point; we do like each other's company, but neither of us have any interest in a romantic relationship--in fact, I'm reasonably sure neither of them would want to have sex with me in a non-commercial context, much less have a romantic relationship with me.

Cheers,

bcg

[Guest123018-2]

Ty everyone.