Balancing discretion etiquette with information sharing

[algrace]

+1 JR
Your insight is much appreciated

[algrace]

Is it sufficient to share BANNED status only under a given member's name/avatar?

Should the community be informed of the length & violated rule(s)? Generally, I share the sentiment it's none of my business unless affecting safety.

If the ban is permanent, can the wording be changed to more at: excommunicated?

[Nia Baby]

Great post AL! Something to consider for sure....

Originally Posted by algrace

When a provider or hobbyist is presented with the choice of what to do with real life personal information about another provider or hobbyist...

Sadly, a recent experience serves as a reminder that not everybody in the hobby is a lady or gentleman. Whether disclosure is by pure accident or as a result of malicious intent, a case of TMI can have very disruptive consequences.

I'm not trying to lecture anyone or teach a lesson, but I believe we all know what the "correct" answer(s) are. Discretion is very important in this hobby.
Consider how advanced search engine systems have become, then couple that with ever-increasing use and presence of social networks.

[Saintliest]

I've known providers personal information, some accidentally, some because they wanted to, and another friended me on facebook actually. I accepted after a few days, but I immediately sent a message letting her know that I had seen her about 4 times before. I didn't take the friend request all that serious, mainly because she had about 800 others, and I'm pretty sure the only reason why she added me was because we had mutual friends and that she was "probably not thinking the most clearly at that moment". Oddly enough, she was someone that I was pretty worried about. After awhile, I sent her a few messages, asking how she was and that I hoped she was doing ok. I know that she was reading them, but never really replied to me aside from the beginning with the one or two word response of, "OK" or "I'm Fine". I knew it was bullshit, but whatever. After awhile, I realized there was nothing I could do to help her out, she had to do it on her own. I also got tired of seeing the memes and updates about finding a good guy, all girls have baggage but you gotta see past it, I like to smoke....and I defriended her. Sometimes I wonder if I was a dick to do so, but then I go back and think of the messages I sent that were just about finding out how she was without a reply, and I think that I tried to help...if not just for a person to listen to....and she didn't even take that. What throws me for a loop is this, she never defriended me nor blocked me, and I know she was reading them. It is what it is. I know her name, where she went to school, we even share some of the same friends. But all that stays with me.

[bikebryan]

When I lived in DC a provider I had seen several times used to shop in the retail store where I was an Asst Manager. She recognized me but we never really acknowledged me...both of us practiced a lot of discretion.

My true ATF shared with me her real name, along with names of her kids on session. However, I rarely called her by that name. It just felt weird to me.

[algrace]

Originally Posted by bikebryan

My true ATF shared with me her real name, along with names of her kids on session. However, I rarely called her by that name. It just felt weird to me.

Yes, when it feels right to use their pseudonym no need to make things more complex.



32 answers and about 32 days left to cast votes.

[Peter Devlin]

I'm gonna go ahead and be shallow on this, because I think we're mostly powerless in this area;

If it's a male, I'd ignore it. He's on his own. Sorry.

If it's a female, I think I'd send a PM, something to the effect of; "Pardon me, but I thought I'd mention noticing your RL identity is showing", respond if you want the details...that would be an "in-general" action, and may well be ignored as bullshit or spam, etc...not much else can be done...

Better still,(if I find her appealing), I would endeavor to arrange some "time" with her and mention it face to face.

Shallow, I know. Such is life in the "Information Age".

[algrace]

Nearly two weeks left on this anonymous poll. With only 36 votes tallied, it seems a bunch of KC area actives have yet to weigh in on the matter.

[Guest082614]

Originally Posted by algrace

Nearly two weeks left on this anonymous poll. With only 36 votes tallied, it seems a bunch of KC area actives have yet to weigh in on the matter.

or they just don't care.

[algrace]

Originally Posted by ou812ne

or they just don't care.

And that's fine, too.

I merely bumped as a reminder. Perhaps some other threads were more entertaining or attention-getters. Ooh, a squirrel!

[super_delfin00]

I've had a provider from here as a patient. Never seen said provider, but recognized her mug from her pics. Met her mom, met her kid. Know her real name, and know where she works to this day outside the hobby. Not much point in telling her. Not much point in really doing anything with it. It is what it is. Over the years I've run into this scenario at least 2x a year. Don't really care that I have the info...but still have it.