A phrase to learn...

[Red Tex]

Okay, many of us have tried to be captain Save a Ho.

I am guilty on more than one occasion. I know it is going to end poorly, but I subject myself to it anyway.

Last night I heard the phrase "Mistakes follow Stupidity!"

I think that is nearly as good is "insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results."

I just think of all the damn messes I have tried to clean up, their mistakes, and you know what, it follows their stupidity! Then I fuck up because I am being stupid trying to fix it...

[IMAPACKIN]

How about: "You can't fix stupid"- Ron White

[pfmtony]

Anytime you enter a realm like this no matter how good your intentions, the result is certain. Some low life will drag you down to their level in the middle of their mess and then beat you with experience. It's easier for anyone to drag you down than it is to pull others up. Look at the economy and education system in the US if you don't believe me. You can't be capt save anyone, they have to work for it on their own.

[Gabrielle TallCoolOne]

I've been telling two friends that I'm gonna make them capes and have a burning of the captain save a ho ceremony!!!

[pmdelites]

red, hope you not only learn the phrase, but learn to apply it.

there's being compassionate and supportive.
but that's not the same as being enabling and throwing good energy/money after stupid.

best to you in your future interactions.

[Hercules]

The phrase to learn is; "Sorry Babe. Can't help ya right now". It will save untold aggravation.

And I'm just as guilty as RT of trying to help in the past. As I'm sure 99.9% of the guys who jump on someone who is currently getting taken and ridicule him (and in some cases 'her').

[Guest020720]

Which makes those of us who are working hard at fixing ourselves and something really does go downhill in a steaming pile of shit, super fast and out of control, look like beggars who won't do shit to get ourselves out of it when we ask for help.

Yet, here I am, with a car whose timing belt and water pump just went out - after totaling my car in November, and I've not asked the board for help fixing my problems. I'm renting a car, on my own. I'm renting hotels when I can.
I work with an incall partner - which has been previously arranged.

I wish there was someone I could ask to fix my problems, that would save me so much stress, and I'm always good at my word. I always have been. I've been in this biz too long not to be. But I don't want to be THAT girl. I'm a bit too hard headed to be like that.

And when I tend to reach out for help, it's not like there's that much help to be given anyways. So, I found it's better to figure a way out to fix things myself anyways.

Chin up, butter cup.

[Rehke]

I have an older female cousin who has struggled for most of her life. According to her, she's been repeatedly offered help and decided to refuse, mainly because she was worried about strings being attached.

Sometimes a girl asks. Sometimes she just sits back and let you do it to yourself.

And yeah, many times us guys offer "help" with ulterior motives.

I try not to be that guy with the ulterior motive. If there are strings, I state what they are up front. You can argue that what else is a girl gonna do, but in the end, she can decline. Accepting something (especially with a string attached) and saying later that "I didn't ask for that" is just plain disingenuous.

You might not have asked, but you sure took it too.

And I'll admit that my moral position when it comes to help with strings is a bit ambiguous. Part of it is that I just don't really believe in something for nothing. Part of it is that I'm using a resource that I could be using for myself for someone else's benefit and fulfillment of some kind of return also lets me know that this isn't just a case of me being used. Yeah, I'm very transactional in some ways.

Part of it is a narcissistic bent I have at times that I know best. I am pretty damn good at figuring things out and the number of times I do turn out right does create a bias that overrides keeping in mind my failures. Then again, I also pay a lot of attention to what other people do in successful endeavors and use that.

I've been developing this idea, based on my own experience in getting help in my life, that the people who would use any kind of help the best tend to ask for the least if not outright decline it.

And when they do get it, there are efforts to pay it back, sometimes irregular, sometimes it takes a while, but they actively acknowledge the obligations incurred even if they can't do anything about it and when they can, however little, they do something about it.

I have this belief that when two parties have needs that they can meet for the other, that it is possible to do so in a fair way that creates a good situation for both. And when both stay within the boundaries of that agreement, things go smoothly. When parts of the agreement start getting broken, then people have to act in a manner to protect themselves and usually that leads to a lot of heartburn.

Originally Posted by tntangie

Which makes those of us who are working hard at fixing ourselves and something really does go downhill in a steaming pile of shit, super fast and out of control, look like beggars who won't do shit to get ourselves out of it when we ask for help.

Yet, here I am, with a car whose timing belt and water pump just went out - after totaling my car in November, and I've not asked the board for help fixing my problems. I'm renting a car, on my own. I'm renting hotels when I can.
I work with an incall partner - which has been previously arranged.

I wish there was someone I could ask to fix my problems, that would save me so much stress, and I'm always good at my word. I always have been. I've been in this biz too long not to be. But I don't want to be THAT girl. I'm a bit too hard headed to be like that.

And when I tend to reach out for help, it's not like there's that much help to be given anyways. So, I found it's better to figure a way out to fix things myself anyways.

Chin up, butter cup.

[eccienewbie]

Here's an old saying I just made up : Don't rely on cliches and adages too much. They smack of a lack of imagination and the damage is usually already done once they come to mind.

ijs

[Gabrielle TallCoolOne]

Originally Posted by tntangie

Which makes those of us who are working hard at fixing ourselves and something really does go downhill in a steaming pile of shit, super fast and out of control, look like beggars who won't do shit to get ourselves out of it when we ask for help.

Yet, here I am, with a car whose timing belt and water pump just went out - after totaling my car in November, and I've not asked the board for help fixing my problems. I'm renting a car, on my own. I'm renting hotels when I can.
I work with an incall partner - which has been previously arranged.

I wish there was someone I could ask to fix my problems, that would save me so much stress, and I'm always good at my word. I always have been. I've been in this biz too long not to be. But I don't want to be THAT girl. I'm a bit too hard headed to be like that.

And when I tend to reach out for help, it's not like there's that much help to be given anyways. So, I found it's better to figure a way out to fix things myself anyways.

Chin up, butter cup.

I feel you tangie, I swear sometimes that someone cursed me at birth! lol Fortunately, through trial by fire, I have identified who in my family can be trusted, have a small handful of friends, and finally found good, good man. If I didn't have them right now I would be so screwed, and probably have a nervous breakdown! Feel free to PM me if you need to talk, vent, bitch...

[Laura Lynn]

Originally Posted by IMAPACKIN

How about: "You can't fix stupid"- Ron White

That is my favorite quote ever!

[Guest092216]

"You never know....'til you know."

Best. Quote. Ever.

[Luke Skywalker]

Rehke,

Part of my screening is to find out how well the provider has their shit together. I rather not be asked (or tempted to give) help. I rather see providers that need no significant help.

I have helped in the past Some years back I had a sugar baby, it would be a good novel to read. Thought me a lot. Since then, I have helped here and there, not in any significant way and I absolutely did not expect nothing in return. Just a gift for a friend, and I made that clear.

It is rare for me to see a provider BCD without meeting somehow and getting a good feel that she is in peace with herself and have her shit together. Then, the experience is great and situations like yours don't present themselves. I'm like Churchill, I can resist anything but temptation. So I rather not be tempted.

I'm sure you learned from your mistakes. I learned from mine. There are 3 types of people: Stupid, Smart and Wise. Stupid people never learn from their mistakes. Smart people learn from their mistakes. Wise people learn from other persons' mistakes.

Thanks for sharing your experience. Hopefully will help some wise people.

my .02$

Originally Posted by Rehke

I have an older female cousin who has struggled for most of her life. According to her, she's been repeatedly offered help and decided to refuse, mainly because she was worried about strings being attached.

Sometimes a girl asks. Sometimes she just sits back and let you do it to yourself.

And yeah, many times us guys offer "help" with ulterior motives.

I try not to be that guy with the ulterior motive. If there are strings, I state what they are up front. You can argue that what else is a girl gonna do, but in the end, she can decline. Accepting something (especially with a string attached) and saying later that "I didn't ask for that" is just plain disingenuous.

You might not have asked, but you sure took it too.

And I'll admit that my moral position when it comes to help with strings is a bit ambiguous. Part of it is that I just don't really believe in something for nothing. Part of it is that I'm using a resource that I could be using for myself for someone else's benefit and fulfillment of some kind of return also lets me know that this isn't just a case of me being used. Yeah, I'm very transactional in some ways.

Part of it is a narcissistic bent I have at times that I know best. I am pretty damn good at figuring things out and the number of times I do turn out right does create a bias that overrides keeping in mind my failures. Then again, I also pay a lot of attention to what other people do in successful endeavors and use that.

I've been developing this idea, based on my own experience in getting help in my life, that the people who would use any kind of help the best tend to ask for the least if not outright decline it.

And when they do get it, there are efforts to pay it back, sometimes irregular, sometimes it takes a while, but they actively acknowledge the obligations incurred even if they can't do anything about it and when they can, however little, they do something about it.

I have this belief that when two parties have needs that they can meet for the other, that it is possible to do so in a fair way that creates a good situation for both. And when both stay within the boundaries of that agreement, things go smoothly. When parts of the agreement start getting broken, then people have to act in a manner to protect themselves and usually that leads to a lot of heartburn.

[Randall Creed]

Many people in America needs help at least SOME of the time. Women have it pretty good because they have the advantage of being able to 'gift' something that they get to keep and gift again. They can also 'sell' it and still get to keep it to sell again. If a lady's having car trouble, or needs some rent money or needs help moving (we all know helping someone move SUCKS ASSSSSSS), etc, and in many instances, to make things 'even' all she's got to do is give up the pussy. I spend most of a day helping you move, or I help you get your car to an auto shop AND help you get it out (by paying out of my pocket), or if you're coming up a bit short on the rent money (by short I mean, oh, about 170-180 or whatever), you have the ability to make things right in 20-30 minutes.

This is a wonderful advantage for women to have, but here's my problem with it. There are those who like to flake out. These types like to procure a guy's help with whatever they need, knowing that many times, it's a huge favor of the guy to help her. When it comes time to give up the pussy (because both parties know that's what the guy wants), they wanna act all disgusted that her pussy is being treated as something 'cheap' or less than ideal (according to her). Oh, come on! You KNEW that when you asked to 'borrow' $200 that you know you're not going to pay back nor WANT to pay back, that the only other option was to give up the goods. This grinds THE HELL out of my gears when women do that.

Many guys have had this done to them AT LEAST once. What this does is not only burn bridges...for her, but it makes future bridges shaky for other girls. A guy just spent all of his day off helping you move, or just spent $200-300 of his own money helping you get YOUR car fixed, or he just contributed a couple hundred towards YOUR rent, not his. WHY SHOULD he trust the next lady if this has happened to him once or twice, or 5 times depending on his level of gullibility/compassion to help? The next girl might genuinely be in trouble, but shit, I'm NOT helping her. I'm 3 'fucks' in the hole. I can't AFFORD to keep helping anyone. Every time I do this, it sets me back a bit. Maybe MY car needed a little fixing, or maybe I was planning to hobby next week and was sitting on that 200 for that. Maybe my sick mom or uncle could've used the money, but I gave it to you and now you don't wanna fuck. It's possible that I might feel some kind of way about that.

Does this make sense, ladies? I posted this just to be devil's advocate here. My point is, when guys are hesitant to help, this is probably why. Some guys are like, 'to hell with her' right off the bat, and won't blink an eye. "That's HER problem, not mine." While others are inclined to get burnt one or two extra times, because they hate to see a damsel in distress, knowing that they had the ability to help.

I've helped ladies a few times. I've said no when I had the ability to help. I've been 'rewarded' for helping. I've been NOT rewarded for helping. If I can help without struggle, I'll probably help. If I can help with slight struggle afterwards (meaning I can stretch until payday in a couple days or whatever), I'm inclined to help. Once or twice I've actually helped when it would put me in great struggle, but this is also when I've said no the most times. Seems like some ask at the WORST times, like if I've paid a bunch of bills at once, knowing that I won't plan to hobby for a reasonable stretch. I've said no when I could've easily helped, simply because I was just at a point where I was tired of helping (I know too many broke people, apparently).

When I need help, I pretty much just tough it out until things smooth out, which means making sacrifices (no junk/snack food, minimal out of way travel, etc). This is the 'guy' way of doing it more often than not...at least for me it is.

[mtabsw]

I want the t-shirt:

Bad decisions

Make for

Great stories