Guys, If your SO started putting out...

[ass_man]

I've come to realize that it's more than just variety that I crave. I think I truly am addicted to sex. And I prefer it to be especially kinky or dirty. Unfortunately you don't always find the dirty kind of sex with a "sweet innocent take her home to meet mom" kind of girl. I loved my last SO with all my heart and soul but unfortunately she was absolutely boring in bed. Her idea of great sex was to pretty much lay there while I did all the work. She never sucked my dick, wasn't into touching herself, didn't like toys, dirty talk, porn, or anything else that doesn't even seem all that dirty to me. Worse yet, she didn't want me to masturbate because she felt I should save myself for her. And so, to avoid sneaking around all the time and coming up with new lies after every girl, I got into the hobby world instead of having affairs. It was a quick fix for the times I felt like being really dirty.

But now that I'm no longer in a relationship, I still find myself really attracted and turned by hobby girls. I don't know what it is about a girl that has sex all day that turns me on so much but I really do love the hobby world. And honestly, I don't know how you other single guys feel about it, but I would not be opposed to seriously dating a provider at all. I've had some of the most rewarding relationships with providers over the years. And I would love to be apart of someone's life on more serious level. Honestly I just can't go back to vanilla sex anymore. And I have no idea where else to find someone that is as dirty as me.

So, what if your SO was a provider? How would that affect your sex life?

[Aphrodite]

I have really gained a lot of insight from reading the varied responses. Thank you!
It would be great if there were cut and dried answers/solutions for each relationship and what it required to fix the sexual issues. Easier said than done.

I do know that I have struggled (in the past) with thyroid issues, postpartum depression, burn out (thought it was depression), anemia (no energy, at all) and emotional 'resentment' that led me to shut down my sexual desire. There is a way to 'fix' all of those things if one is willing.

I have also counseled previous clients to look at the time frame when their SO shut down sexually. Many of the guys could pin point it to something that occurred in the marriage. I do know that if a woman's spirit/heart is wounded -it is highly likely she will shut down her sexual response to her partner. Several guys figured out how they inappropriately responded to their wives and needed to go back and make it right...and it opened a door for them to work on that aspect of their marriage.

Of course, when you throw in sexual repression, childhood sexual abuse and negative body image...it gets far more complicated.

I would love to write the manual for wives though...and open their eyes to see the ignorance of expecting a guy to 'behave' after the woman has cut him off, sexually.
*rolling eyes* Some even to the point of expecting the husband to forgo masturbation and accept that 'no sex' is fine and dandy.

More later...time for beddy bye...minus any SO

A

[Zimmie6942]

This is the real world. But in my fantasy world I would have a hot 30 something blond who like me somewhat but really liked girls and would love to bring them home once in a while. Then maybe I wouldn't meet with providers but its too much fun meeting new girls and finding the ones you want to see over and over and being able to keep it a fantasy and not emotional. The problem with monogamy is it always ends up coming with attachment and then insanity and then little to no sex or passion or anything but work work work. To me this is more honest, fun, rewarding, and reliable then what most people consider a normal relationship. In my fantasy world or sorry my real world my girl is always happy to see me and likes sex or at least she acts like she does. And we its over I can get back to work and get shit done. Much more fulfilling to me. But then again I'm up at 4:30 in the morning on this site, what was the question again,,,

[icuminpeace]

Originally Posted by LuvThatKitty

I like the variety!





No pun intended, but damn that sucks dude! I don't think I've ever been with a gal, in or out of the hobby, that did not at least like DATY.

It sucks completely. I can tell you exactly how the sex routine goes and how long it lasts. It's fucking boring.

[saustin]

Originally Posted by Aphrodite

I have really gained a lot of insight from reading the varied responses. Thank you!
It would be great if there were cut and dried answers/solutions for each relationship and what it required to fix the sexual issues. Easier said than done.

I do know that I have struggled (in the past) with thyroid issues, postpartum depression, burn out (thought it was depression), anemia (no energy, at all) and emotional 'resentment' that led me to shut down my sexual desire. There is a way to 'fix' all of those things if one is willing.

I have also counseled previous clients to look at the time frame when their SO shut down sexually. Many of the guys could pin point it to something that occurred in the marriage. I do know that if a woman's spirit/heart is wounded -it is highly likely she will shut down her sexual response to her partner. Several guys figured out how they inappropriately responded to their wives and needed to go back and make it right...and it opened a door for them to work on that aspect of their marriage.

Of course, when you throw in sexual repression, childhood sexual abuse and negative body image...it gets far more complicated.

I would love to write the manual for wives though...and open their eyes to see the ignorance of expecting a guy to 'behave' after the woman has cut him off, sexually.
*rolling eyes* Some even to the point of expecting the husband to forgo masturbation and accept that 'no sex' is fine and dandy.

More later...time for beddy bye...minus any SO

A

Very poignant insight, Ms. Aphrodite. The "wounding event" sounds familiar. What do you see as having revived your activity?

Why was the bride smiling as she walked down the aisle? She thought she'd given her last bj...until she met the ripped pool guy next door.
Thanks.

[Reincarnated]

Once a week of regular sex were I felt like she really wanted to be with me in an intimate way, would all that it would take. Been married 20 years in Sept and it has been this way for the past 15 of those 20. Right now I have to beg and when she finally gives in she just lays there and doesn't participate. Doesn't want to kiss or touch me or anything. My hand is almost as good. Thus, I hobby and have found the passion I want, even if it is just an IOP. She won't even fake it....

[icuminpeace]

My SO said this week that she would gladly pay for a service that provided blowjobs, and that perhaps many other wives would that don't like to give blowjobs would be interested in paying it for their husbands. Apparently she doesn't know about Eccie. I just stayed quiet.

[Aphrodite]

Reincarnated - I just heaved a heavy sigh as I read your post. I wonder if some women(many?) don't get it re: a man's heart and the wounding that rejection brings? I really have to assume many woman are too selfish to care or clueless.

In fairness, it is a recent societal shift that acknowledges men as having emotions that are as deeply felt as a woman. Does anyone else remember 30-40 years ago when men were perceived as being 'unemotional' and expected to be stoic, no matter what?
As our culture has shifted re:women's roles/rights, people marrying later in life, a higher divorce rate and of course, the sexual revolution that took us from Elvis's hips being scandalous to Internet porn - there has been a growing understanding of how men and women navigate emotions. (How was THAT for a run-on sentence? *grin*)

I have to admit that, even at my age, I am still trying to learn and grow in my understanding of human nature and sexuality. Again, I grew up hearing that "boys don't feel the same emotions that girls do" and "all men want is sex, not love". Men weren't expected to need 'connection and intimacy'.
It is hitting me, as I type this how dramatically things have changed in forty short years!

So, I wonder how many women of 'my generation' still hold to some of this conditioning?
To be fair, with that old mindset - there was an unspoken sense of 'male entitlement' in our culture. The husband got the biggest piece of meat, the comfiest chair to watch tv and so on. I remember my own mother once declaring, "Why the hell should the best piece of steak go to the one with a penis?? Most women work as hard and no one offers her the larger portion."
My point being, from a standpoint of 'age' - I wonder how many of us are trying to wiggle out of that 'culture warp'?


Other thoughts for reflection (I could be cleaning my house so thank you for indulging me in distraction) that I have spent years studying/contemplating...
Childhood sexual abuse will mess with what you believe to be true about sex, power and your own sexuality. I have counseled many victims of childhood abuse (in a former lifetime) and was amazed at how shifting a few simple beliefs gave that person a breakthrough and ability to get his/her power back.

I have several RW female friends that are shut down, sexually and wonder why their husbands cheat or worry they will. To which I respond with a gentle but firm, "Duhhhh,are that fucking clueless??" :-).
We all need the same basic things from an intimate relationship - affirmation, affection, acknowledgement, and appreciation. Once I finally 'got it' regarding this and how much we ALL crave this - it helped me see men, in a whole new light.

SAustin, in answer to your question of how I changed those things...
In short, I took ownership and realized it was impacting every part of my life. I read, researched, and made some dramatic changes that made a huge difference. I am sad when I see women who settle for bad medical advice or feel powerless to change their lives. Simple places to start are to look at: your hormone levels, STOP EATING PROCESSED CRAP because the chemical sludge only messes with our minds, bodies, energy and emotions; do some therapy sessions to get 'unstuck', AND (biggie) if what you are doing doesnt work - do something different :-)

Geez...apologies for so much info...but, this is a topic I am pretty passionate about and uh, something that has brought many of us 'here'. Yes?

There are other observations floating around in my head but I will save them for another time. Maybe as I reflect on subjects re: intimacy/sexuality/etc., I will just post a thread for others to chime in w/opinions.

Final thought: I see the 'IOP'mentioned so often and I wonder if it is truly an that illusion that affirms the time spent together or if it is a desire to walk away from an encounter knowing: "I feel affirmed, I feel that someone looked in my eyes and 'got ME', his/her smile was genuinely for me and yes, it was great blowing off some sexual stress and tension - it felt wonderful to share that intimate part of me w/o rejection"
I know I do...

Peace,

A

[texasfeet]

If I got it at home, wouldn't be here...