New Kind of Joke

[The Plumber]

An older leaker becomes a sugardaddy to an underage lady and he falls very much in love with her. However, no matter what he does sexually, the girl never achieves orgasm.

He decides to take her to a sex therapist who makes the following suggestion. "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the girl fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."

They go back to the leaker cave and follow the therapist's advice. They hire a handsome young teenager from the girl's high school and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the therapist.

"Okay", says the therapist, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your sugarbaby and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the therapist's advice. The young teenager gets into bed with the sugarbaby and the leaker waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the girl soon has an enormous, room-shaking screaming orgasm.

The leaker smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "You see, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!

[JackNapier]

I'll do you one better:

Two leakers, Larry and Joe, were riding DART to downtown when a really pretty nun got on at the Mockingbird station. Larry was so smitten with her beauty that he sat down beside her and started a conversation. Of course, with him being a leaker, she got creeped out after a few minutes and left the train, but not before he managed to ask her to have sex with him. She refused and left him there feeling rejected.
As they continued on the train, Joe says. "I couldn't help but notice what just happened, and being Catholic, I know where that nun's convent is. I can help you score with her!"

"How?", said Larry.

"There is a cemetery next to the convent, and every evening, the nun goes there to pray. You can put on some white robes and cover yourself in glitter. With the right mask, you can pretend to be God and command her to have sex with you", suggested Joe.

Larry thought that was a pretty good idea, so he put on some white robes and a God mask and glow-in-the-dark paint and hid in the cemetery the next evening. Just about sundown, the nun appeared and knelt to pray as expected.

Using his best Heston impersonation, Larry jumped out and said,"I am God and I have heard your prayers! I will grant everything that you ask, but to prove your faith in me, you must have sex with me first."

The nun was stunned, but she agreed, only asking that the sex be anal sex so that she might remain a virgin. Larry hiked up her robes and bent her over the nearest tombstone while he had his way with her.

When he had finished after a couple of minutes, he couldn't resist gloating, so he ripped off his mask and said,"Ha! It's me, Larry, the guy from the train!"

The nun ripped off her mask and laughed, "Ha yourself! It's me - Joe!"

[The Plumber]

OK, I will add that one to my blog.


Q: Why do leakers like to watch porno movies backwards?
A: They like the part where the prostitute gives the money back.

Q: How does a leaker find a sheep in tall grass?
A: Very satisfying.

Q: What’s the difference between a leaker and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!

[JackNapier]

I didn't we were allowed one-liners! Here goes:

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see a leaker backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. Do you know how leakers practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

The leakers were having a secret meeting at Bonedaddy's when there was a grease fire in the kitchen and the place burns down with everyone in it. They find themselves at the Pearly Gates where the line of souls is expected to make one last confession before they become angels. They are directed to the line in front of St. Jude, who is the patron saint of lost causes, he is addressing the first woman in the line.

"And so," says St. Jude, have you ever had any contact with a penis?"

"Well," says the woman, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger."
"OK," says St. Jude, "dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven."

The next man admits, "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one in the showers at gym class a bit."

"OK," says St. Jude, "rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven."

Suddenly there is some jostling in the line as the leakers try to cut in front of each other.

"Well now, what's going on here?" says St. Jude.

"Well, your excellency," says the Larry who is trying to improve his position in line, "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Joe sticks his ass in it."