Prostitution and Feminism

[Annef]

So, I was looking for books on feminism and prostitution and came across Jill Nagle (I'm sure a lot of you providers out there have heard, or read her stuff). I ordered the book Whores and Other Feminists, a collection of essays based on/around sex workers lived experiences. Kind of an ethnographic, qualitative approach to research in the area, which I think is needed if you're going to circumvent the usual moralistic road taken by mainstream feminism. I believe she also worked as a provider for a time, I believe. I was just wondering if any providers had any thoughts on her or could offer any other favorite writers/providers/academics/all three combined who offer an interesting take on the subject. She (Nagle) also coined a phrase which I now want on a teeshirt, "whore feminism". Love!

[G-whIZ]

You should ask StavinChavin, he is the expert on "whores" at least thats what he call all you dumb whores. Not my words, but his. Just quoting him.

[Annef]

Nice. I will keep an eye out for what I'm sure are his provacative and boundary changing thoughts on the subject.

[G-whIZ]

Nah, your all dumb whores in his opinion. He is just an angry tiny man who cant see his feet, nor seen his penis in years. Has a dicky doo. Talk about dick cheeze, in a literal term.

[Annef]

Shutup, tiresome.

[Outdoorsman]

I never heard of her, but I am intrigued and will have to read some of her stuff. I can only wonder what it is like as a sex worker. I do not really understand and would love the insight.

I can only imagine seeing 20 different men in a given week has got to be tiresome, mondane, and not eventful like it is for us hobbyiests. I believe it really is a job for you ladies, I think you act a lot. I think rarely do you have a mind boggling orgasm , if you do has to be from a regular you have seen several times. I also have to wonder who the hell is calling you ladies at 11pm on a week night? Really does the man work? If so is he in the medical field with weird hours? Just seems strange.

And then I wonder about how you ladies deal with the whole morality issue? Do you play on men's emotions that think they fall for you? Do you lose touch with reality by always acting? So many first dates that it becomes your personality and never going spiritually deep with people, few friends, being unable to discuss work at the Holiday dinner table with parents, siblings, etc. etc. Shame or guilt if any exists and then religious beliefs?

Just me - inquiring minds want to know, lol.

[Outdoorsman]

I am thinking hard about writing my own book from a hobbyiests point of view. I want it to be a good read though, and do not know if the masses outisde the hobby could relate or would understand, idk.

Do not worry ladies no names would be mentioned, lol. Actually book will have very little about sessions, more on our lifestyle, tribulations, etc. etc.

[DallasRain]

QUOTE

And then I wonder about how you ladies deal with the whole morality issue? Do you play on men's emotions that think they fall for you? Do you lose touch with reality by always acting? So many first dates that it becomes your personality and never going spiritually deep with people, few friends, being unable to discuss work at the Holiday dinner table with parents, siblings, etc. etc. Shame or guilt if any exists and then religious beliefs?

.[/QUOTE]

Great questions!!

I have no morals,so therefore no issues.......lol...just kidding!

As far as "acting",I think it comes "natural" to me!
In my sessions I like to experience as much fun as the guy, otherwise it becomes boring & mundane!I am a VERY sexual person and so therefore sex is a natural part of my life...I actually crave it and I think that is what helps me be a good provider!
As far as the guy "falling" for me,I have some that care deeply about me and I care deeply about them....but I consider myself an entertainer,so i keep that in a different perspective!

I have friends in my real life that know what I do and I have provider friends also,so we are able to discuss aspects of it....my real life friends who know about my work think it is cool!

As for my family,I was raised stict bible thumping baptist/my brother is even a preacher.......so they do not have a clue as to what I do....and they are all in texas,so that makes it easier to keep secret.
When I tour Texas,I do visit them.But if they ask why i am in town,I tell them that I am going to a bike show/rally or some other such event! They think i sell harley davidson stuff on ebay.They are not the nosey kind to check my story out,so it works well!I do not really care what my siblings think anyways...I was always the black sheep of the family. {I just never want my mom to know!}

[heidilynnla]

I think you missed your calling in life. You should write. I have some great stories if you need an interview!

Originally Posted by Outdoorsman

I am thinking hard about writing my own book from a hobbyiests point of view. I want it to be a good read though, and do not know if the masses outisde the hobby could relate or would understand, idk.

Do not worry ladies no names would be mentioned, lol. Actually book will have very little about sessions, more on our lifestyle, tribulations, etc. etc.

[heidilynnla]

I think a book about hobbying would be more interesting from a providers pov.
I only act when someone is gross (thank goodness that isn't the norm) or if his oral skills are um...awkward.

[Outdoorsman]

Plenty of books out there already from the providers point of view. I want something a little different. I think most ladies would find it very enlightening as most men in my experience have a hard time expressing their thoughts and feelings. I am lucky I do not have that crutch. We as men actually go through cycles of emotions in this Hobby and I think it would be a good read. I have written other things already, so no I have not missed my true calling, but thanks for the compliment!

And Heidi I think I would like that an interview gather some stuff together and we will talk.

Dallas I appreciate your honesty, you continue to impress me!!! So, if mom cannot know then there is some level of shame, I understand because I would never want my mom to know either, prolly same level of shame.

[Nicolet]

One of our own has written a book, Texas Golden Girl. Here is a link to her book and how to get it: http://www.escortmba.com/
For me, I am a lousy actress. I am the same with everyone I meet. And my special ability, that happens almost every time, YIPEE!! But if it doesn't, I don't lie about it.
I don't prey on anyones emotions, I have actually sent some gentlemen back home because I could tell they were not sure about the choice they were making. Each one said thank you to me for helping them rethink their situation. I can never be 100% sure they did not move on to another provider, but I would like to think they made an attempt and fixing what was wrong in the first place. I received an email yesterday from a guy who had pretty much texted me all day on the Fourth of July and he never followed through. He apologized for taking up so much of my time and wanted to offer me a gift for being so nice via text. Not sure if he will follow through on that, but it was still nice that he thought of me after all this time!
I haven't been in the biz all that long to really have some anecdotes, but I do have a few and BOY do I ever have some from my dancing days!

[LilRed]

Believe it or not, my Mom is the only family member who knows what I do. I am lucky that I was able to tell her and she handled it so well. She was the one person I did not want to hurt if they found out.

I have always been the odd one in both my family and my circle of friends. They all know I am a collared sub and have a SIR. They already think of me as the different and sexually explicit one. I have never been one that cared what others thought of me as long as I can look in the mirror and accept who I see. I like myself and I am not ashamed of what I do or who I am. I find it exciting when my SIR walks me around the Dallas Mall or an Hawaiian beach on my leash. I like being different.

Unfortunatley society sees it in a whole other light.

Outdoorsman, you do write very well.

[Annef]

That's funny Outdoorsman. That's kind of why I was doing a little research, seeing what was out there. I had thought of writing an article. The prevailing narratives out there seem to be the between the glamorous life of "high end call girls" (whoever they may be. I'm sure if that is the reality for some 22 years olds who look like models and live in la or new york) and the persisting idea in the popular imagination of the completely degraded streetwalker (Julia Roberts, et al) who needs to be saved. And there's a whole lived experience here that is neither one of those things.

I have found that there are some aspects of the job that make me feel very powerful, sometimes. Females have long been commodozied, our value being intricately involved with out sexual purity or sexual partners. Obviously, things have changed quite a bit in that regard in the last thirty years, but I still hear my neice (who is sixteen) be bullied and bully by using the word slut. So, its still there, some form of the madonna/whore complex and this idea that our value is somehow determined by sexual behavior. In alot of ways, I feel like I'm reappropriating that act. I don't think I'm as sexually adventuresome as Dallas, but I have never been a numbers keep, I could give a shit how many men I've slept with.

Certainly, the money feels powerful. There is nothing like being broke to make you feel paralyzed and small. I quit my job without having another one (stupid). It has taken me a while to find another one making the sort of money I was. It was definitely a choice for me. I had a choice to get two or three jobs making $10 an hour or to try this and focus on other things I wanted to do. Obviously, I chose this one, and I'm not sorry that I did. It's been an interesting sociological experiment to say the least. That being said, I do feel like we are kind of on the front lines of the typical patriarchal bullshit. I see this profession as being a rather intense microcosm of attitudes towards women in general. We kind of get it from all sides. Most women have taught to view us as either the enemy or some simple objectified thing that needs to rehabilitated and there are gender politis issues with a good deal of the men. Although, I don't think they see it. You know like, the very guys who are whiny, cheap bitches and want to haggle you down, are the very ones on this board passing ridiculous judgement on women who are too cheap are staying in one star hotels. Well, quit trying to negotiate the price down to nothing. I had a guy from this board call me, tout his reviews as being something worth having and then tell me gardner came and therefore he was fifty dollars short. I asked him whether he could go to the ATM like a respectufl human being. The answer was no. I did not see him, and never will. That was over $50, fifty dollars! If you're haggling over fifty dollars, that's about power, not money. Those sorts of things really, really bother me. Just felt so disrespectul.

That being said, the one thing that has also been a good experience for me has been the ability to have sex like a man. I am actually surprised how many times I have had a great time and when they go, they're gone. I don't think about them. I don't worry about whether they are going to call or did they like, like me. It's been very freeing for me in that way. I had an appointment recently. I had never seen him before, and he booked for two hours. I was worried, what if we don't really click and I have to spend two hours with him. That was probably one of the best appointments I've had. Just a strange connection physically and otherwise. But, I don't think about him in a romantic way. It was just an interesting experience.

My real conflict with everyhthing is kind of what does this mean for me, as a woman. Am I part of the problem? Am I contributing to patriarchal oppression? I've also found myself grappling with issues of monogomy and what means or should mean to partners. Obviously, we see a lot of married men. My idea was to use feminist theory and historically driven views of the work as a loose rubric, hopefully distill some issues out of that and then interview both providers and men who see women and write about the lived experience as opposed to the prevailing narratives in the popular imagination as well as the stale moralizing that is theory sometimes, most of the time. Doing documentary work is really my first love, thought it might be interesting and maybe help me metabolise my experiences here. There is alot written on it, but I think there needs to be a lot more. There is so much stigma around this, my god. And stigma means fear and fear means people behave irrationally. I love your idea, outdoorsman. I am curious as to where the shame comes from with gentlemen. Is that white, male guilt? Or just internalizing other people's judgement?

Lots more thought, but I have a caller. Gotta get this place cleaned up. You would think entertaining so much would make me keep things clean all the time, but no.

[Outdoorsman]

Thank you, LilRed.

Anne the shame for me comes from my desire to shape my image others have of me and please other people, so yes fear of others' judgment over me. It is not white male guilt, nothing to do with my race or gender and to be honest I do not feel any shame or guilt for things I have no control over, like my gender and race.

What type of man pays a woman to bed down with him? A man that is considered a family man, honest, hard working, with dignity and character? Nope, the perception in the public is that men who pay for these services are fat, ugly, desperate, low life scumbags. The perception of the type of men in this Hobby is way off IMHO. But my mother thinks I am a good man and good men do not pay women for sex. I like my mother thinking she raised a good man. I think I am a good man even though I have hobbied, and I realize another person's perception of me is irrelevant to my own happiness and joy, even my own mother's, but I am not that spiritually fit to have my mom know I moderate a website like this.