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03-22-2010, 01:11 AM

I need to right a bunch of wrongs. I wasted thousands of hours and thousands of dollars here in the "hobby". And yes, wasted is the key word. None of it was worth it, absolutely none of it. I hurt my wife, I hurt my kids, I hurt my mom, my wife's mom, I hurt myself. My youngest kid's stomach is in knots every day because he doesn't know if his mom and dad can work things out. And, because of all my horrible deeds in this "hobby", I don't know if my wife can ever get over all the pain I caused her. My wife has never been with another man, so the girls on here that know me know she has really missed out. My wife took her wedding vows seriously, something no one on here that is married has done. Forsaking all others, to death do us part, she lived those words, I didn't, and I broke her heart, and I hate myself for that. She didn't deserve it, she didn't deserve any of this. She is full of hate, and I put it there, this hobby put it there. She can't trust me now, because I lived a lie for so long. The sight of my face repulses her now, and I can't blame her for feeling that way. She closes her eyes and she sees all the provider's faces I was with.

And, for the record, since that's all anyone really cares about, I didn't rat anyone out. My wife is very smart, and very forensic. I was careless in covering my tracks, my phone broke, and she was setting up my new phone and she found phone numbers and emails, and googled and researched, and found eccie and all the horrors it holds. And, she wasn't snooping, she was setting up my new phone to be nice! I betrayed her, and I will pay for it forever now.

The hobby is full of lies. Most of my reviews were lies. None of the girls were as attractive as I said they were, they all had flaws. If any of the girls were really all that hot, they wouldn't be on here providing. Go back and look at my reviews, then look at the pics, nobody was really all that. And, most of my activities were BS too, I was definitely not all that either.
More evidence of the lies rampant in the hobby, none of these 20-30 year old girls really want anything to do with us 40-50-60 year old, mostly overweight guys. They put on fake smiles, grin and bear our grossness, then shower as quickly as they can and run to the bank. That's the truth, wake up and realize it, and stop it! Intimacy is meant to be shared between people that love each other, or at least are attracted to each other. The best sexual experiences of my life, are still with my wife, because they were real, because the meant something, because we felt something. My wife and I didn't have sex for 10 years, so I started looking elsewhere, the biggest mistake I ever made. I kicked her out of our bedroom for snoring, which was stupid. I was also verbally abusive to her for years. No wonder she didn't want to have sex with me. All I had to do, was reach out to her, and I could have had better sex than I ever had here in the hobby. I hope someday I can have that kind of sex with her again, sex that really means something, but I may have hurt her too much.

Some people on here have claimed to be my friend, and have expressed kind words, or so I heard. But the truth, if I had a REAL friend on here, they would have encouraged me to stop doing this, to think about my wife, to think about my kids, to think about GOD, and to not do this. REB and me were friends, but most of our friendship was through the hobby. I know of at least 3-4 other relationships with married people that he has been involved with that ended badly, so I hope he learns from this, and doesn't encourage married people to hobby. I don't blame REB though, I blame only myself. I do encourage REB to get out of the hobby too, though, he doesn't need it, and it does damage people's lives. A true friend who is right with GOD would encourage people to leave the hobby, and that is what I am doing now.

If anyone really wants to be my friend, I welcome you with open arms. But, you have to leave the hobby to do so. I will preach to you against it, I will do anything in my power to get you to leave it, guy or girl. It is wrong, it is evil, and its out of my life forever.

I don't blame anyone but myself. But, I do blame the hobby itself also. I was so stupid, its right there in black and white, in THE good book, where it really counts, "THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY". Plain and simple, black and white, no ifs, ands, or buts. For the people that aren't married, read Revelations, it is full of damnation for whores and whoremongers. The hobby is wrong, the hobby is a sin, period, end of story.

Here is the only good part out of all of this. I was lost, but now I'm found. I was blind, but now I see. I am a Christian again, and I am saved. I pray others will learn from this and leave the hobby, guys and girls alike. THINK ABOUT THIS! Think about the hobby and look in your wife's eyes. Think about the hobby and look in your kid's eyes. Think about the hobby and think about standing before GOD on judgment day. I have done these things now, I wish to God I had done them before I ever started. It would have saved me thousands of hours, thousands of dollars, and millions of heartache, for my wife and me, and our family. I will NEVER, EVER, EVER engage in the hobby again, and I urge everyone out there to do the same.

I know many people will scoff, roll their eyes, blast me, say I will be back, take bets even of when Big Pimpin will return. Even if things can't be reconciled with my wife, I will never, NEVER, EVER participate in the "hobby" again. I was lost, but now I'm found. I was blind, but now I see.
I am better than this now. I don't have to resort to paying someone for companionship. I have lost 16 lbs, and will lose more. I have regained my dignity. I only want to be intimate with someone who WANTS to be intimate with me now, intimacy was never meant to be a business transaction.

Here are the real last words of Big Pimpin, ans, jus so u nose dis really be me, heah it is, u no whut I'm sayin? All u fools out deah, get da hell out of here! LOOK AT YOUR WIFE, LOOK AT YOUR KIDS, LOOK AT GOD, AND SEE IF YOU CAN STILL DO THIS! This is the gospel of Big Pimpin, and if it saves 1 or 2 people, gets them to stop doing this, then Big Pimpin didn't die in vain.

JennsLolli · 03-22-2010, 01:36 AM

Don't drink the Kool-Aid, kids.

rCoder · 03-22-2010, 02:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JennsLolli

Don't drink the Kool-Aid, kids.

His ramblings sound like he already had a glass...

RIP Big Pimpin

AustinBusinessTraveler · 03-22-2010, 03:03 AM

I'm always amazed at how people find God / Christianity when they are in some serious shit. It's just an impressive ratio.

BP, wish you the best and hope all turns out well. And while you may not believe it, it will turn out for the best - whichever way that is.

dammit · 03-22-2010, 05:35 AM

Some how I doubt that was BP...

Gentleman · 03-22-2010, 06:15 AM

No One, best of luck to you in the future, sir.

G

sixxbach · 03-22-2010, 06:29 AM

well if it is good luck man! alot of what was said was true but i will do what i want. i think i do enough in my "real life" that the sins i commit in the hobby will be forgiven if there is a God.

tcreative2 · 03-22-2010, 07:44 AM

There's a lesson to be learned here by the married guys, especially those with children ......... call it fate or nature or God ...... what ever you're comfortable naming it ........ truth has a way of expressing itself when the time has come ........ all decisions have consequences, be sure you're prepared to deal with them ...... best of luck TGFBI, you'll find peace in time and be a better man for the lessons you've been given to live

guest021911 · 03-22-2010, 07:50 AM

I actually DO believe it is BP and believe what he has written. The hobby is a VERY addictive behavior. After doing it for a while,it becomes the norm. We get EXTREMELY comfortable doing it and think we will never get caught. His words speak truth and wisdom. I hope one day to be able to walk away from the hobby for good before going thru what BP did. It's the debilitating pain that it would cause others that worries me the most. One day we will all walk away from the hobby. It's the mental bondage of the hobby that is the most difficult to overcome.

dammit · 03-22-2010, 08:26 AM

Well, there is the old story about Lot's wife and not looking back

. If it is BP I would have to agree with ABT

Iron Butterfly · 03-22-2010, 08:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheCandyMan

I actually DO believe it is BP and believe what he has written. The hobby is a VERY addictive behavior. After doing it for a while,it becomes the norm. We get EXTREMELY comfortable doing it and think we will never get caught. His words speak truth and wisdom. I hope one day to be able to walk away from the hobby for good before going thru what BP did. It's the debilitating pain that it would cause others that worries me the most. One day we will all walk away from the hobby. It's the mental bondage of the hobby that is the most difficult to overcome.

Well said CM, I do think that we all have our own battle with the right and wrong, be it the hobby or be it life. We make our own decisions and as life we must live by them. Many think that the repercussions of the hobby only affect the married men, the ones with SO's, but it really affects all of Hobbyist, and Provider, for good or bad. The main thing here is to do what feels right to you, if you can live with what you do, then live. If you cannot live with what you do, then maybe what BP talks about is something you should look at.

So many have jugged what is right or wrong. Is it right to cheat on your spouse, is it wrong to not live the life you desire? The only one that can truly judge you is you. I cannot speak for those with wives or SO’s. I cannot say if this is wrong, or if it is right, for the hobbyist, or the Provider, and no one here should do so in my humble opinion. We are consenting adults and we can choose how to live our lives.

We all will come to a point were we question what we do here, the best thing to do is not let too much time go by before you check in and see how you feel, if it feels good then live, if it feels bad, then do something about it. It really is a hobby and like many hobbies it has risk. If you were a cliff jumper (thrill seeker extreme sport enthusiast), and you had a family that you loved, and loved you, and depended on you, would you take the risk? Or would you live safely not truly living the life you so desire.

DM

nuglet · 03-22-2010, 08:46 AM

No one said:"

All I had to do, was reach out to her, and I could have had better sex than I ever had here in the hobby. I hope someday I can have that kind of sex with her again, sex that really means something, but I may have hurt her too much.
Actually dude, I have said this since the beginning. My SO and I both enjoy the company, neither one of us is "playing around" on the other. Good luck to you, but you were given several chances to keep your relationship alive... everyone makes choices..

RALPHEY BOY · 03-22-2010, 09:08 AM

[QUOTE I do encourage REB to get out of the hobby too, though, he doesn't need it, ][/quote]

I will toot my own horn on this..

Yes, I do not need the hobby, Yes I can get a date and have good social skills, Yes I am an attractive, educated, and good looking man.

I am not here to judge BP or add to what happened, or defend his or my actions. I have done P4P for many years for reasons of my own. I am not the family man type.I do not see myself doing this until i die. I would not hobby if I was married or had a SO. not my style, the guilt would kill me.

I hope it all works out BP...

Guest062610 · 03-22-2010, 09:20 AM

**please note the the author of this thread cannot reply as his account was closed for violating the rules of this site**

I'll say what I tell anyone that leaves this hobby...Good for you, Good luck and never look back!

LAP

Guest030911 · 03-22-2010, 09:38 AM

We are all adults and we make choices and live with the consequences.

Big Pimpin just reminded us all actions have consequences. This is not a victimless crime. Other people feel hurt by our actions and there is a reason we have to hide them. Maybe it should not be criminal, but that is for another thread.

Good luck, BP. You may be swinging the pendulum all the other way to the other side, but sometimes that it is what it takes to find balance. Thank you for keeping us abreast of the events going on. (I said breast.... I must be sick... nooooo. denial is a wonderful thing).

Take care, brother. Unfortunately, I am sure you will be back unless the old lady learns that sex is a need in a marriage and it must be taken care of regularly.