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RETIREMENT AND SEX WORKERS ... AUNTY SEX
Seasoned Gals
What happens when prostitutes grow older? Well, in some cases, they get wiser. These veteran hookers say they're still in the game, and what's more, their clientele is still young.
TODAY, Revathy is in excruciating pain. As she sits awkwardly back onto the sofa, covered in an elaborate, faded brown rug, the tall, sinuous-looking woman takes a deep and noticeable breath. The pinched nerve, shooting spasms of pain along the span of her back, is an irksome inconvenience--she has already had to reschedule a client.
At first glance, Revathy appears somewhat androgynous. A dramatic-looking lady in her Saree, she looks like either an incredibly handsome woman or an ingeniously talented drag queen. Her ample chest, tucked into a maroon Blouse, seems at odds with straight hips and a sensuous voice as gruff as gravel being dragged through mud.
At 39 years old, Revathy has seen it all. Her face lends several clues. Wrinkles gather around a generous mouth used to chain-smoking, insults, begging for dope,
Revathy is still a working girl, a working woman, a semi-retired street prostitute who pulls tricks, a professional who, quite frankly, enjoys her job. She started out in her "10s, 11s, 12s" and, some four decades later, she's as much on her game as any woman who has built a skill set over a lifetime. What's more, her expertise attracts young men, clients who are looking for a mature professional who's well-schooled and well-trained.
"In Mumbai, I got INR 20,000/ one night. That was cool," she says casually. Revathy took the city of Mumbai to court last year after the police wrongfully strip-searched her. She won and took a vacation on the settlement. "He was in his 30s and real cute. We put on a couple of videos, lay on the bed and massaged each other, had sex and that was it. It was real nice."
In Bangalore, Revathy came across several brothels specifically for older prostitutes. "I met a 70-year-old hooker when I was in Bangalore," she says, her voice lowering in admiration. "She was fine, you know, 70 years old. Not bad." At 39, Revathy doesn’t exactly shirk the age thing--she knows she's slowing down--but, not one to cater to expectations, she simply sees aging as better business. "(Older prostitutes) can talk, we can get a conversation going and we're willing to spend the time," she says. "Some guys want mature women who aren't going to rip them off. So there's an advantage both ways."
Please Mr. Please
IN Nandhni's DAY, there were five times as many prostitutes in Mumbai as there are today. During that early 2001, prostitutes were proficient teachers providing sexual initiation for young boys, who filled the local brothels on half days and holidays. A great way, it could be said, to spend a kid's lunch money.
Coming from Mumbai, a place where the sexy older woman historically exists, Nandhini, a somewhat gamine, 52-year-old prostitute, has that dry English wit that lends an intellectual twist to her musings. Becoming a prostitute at 22, Nandhini saw her career change as a political move. When she picks up the telephone, a harsh, morning voice, deepened by nicotine, greets me, requesting me to phone her back--on my dime.
"I think what age gives you, regardless of what you do, is grounding wisdom and acceptance of human foibles," she says. "I don't think age is a disability. Of course, I wish I looked 20 years younger, but I've gained other things." Those "other things," professionally speaking, as Nadhini touts them in her online ad on caigslist.com, are giving "joy, integrity and compassion" to her clients. Or, as Nandhini puts it in person, "being older, sexier and very, very good."
And Nandhini heartily admits to having lots of practice. Her initial training came during the 1990s, a time when the maxim "Nice girls don't" was replaced by the liberating mantra "Yes they do, and they like it, too." "The first quality of a good whore is [determining], 'Were you a good slut?'"Nadhini says. Having hit 15 with a great pair of legs, just as the pill and the Chudhidhar into popular use, her answer is apparent. "Yes! And I was damned good at it!"
Nandhini's ad, which caught the attention of many client’s , Nandhini says. "Men really want to be good lovers, but in a relationship, everything is so loaded. It's like, you'll get pussy, but then you have to spend the day with the mother-in-law. This offered men a chance to learn." A healthy contingent of young men eagerly responded to Nandhini's ad.
Nadhini admits she is always pleasantly surprised that younger men find her sexually attractive. And her time with them makes her appreciate what an older woman can give: experience. "Men think they're supposed to like young, blond and bouncing," she says. "I hear from younger guys, who are almost ashamed, that say they don't know why but they've always found older women attractive." Nandhini begins to laugh slyly. "I tell them that mean you're very smart."
While declining the services of a 50-year-old prostitute donning a Mami's outfit, as "it wasn't [his] scene," he has slept with one whose age hovers around 40. "I'd be just as happy with an older one. Older prostitutes are comfortable with their career. You don't get the feeling you're abusing them," he says. And generally, he finds less-attractive prostitutes tend to be more skilled in technique. "The less attractive, usually the more attentive," he says. Not that age necessitates lack of beauty, but in prostitution, looks are not what's for sale. Sex is.
Paradoxically, within the parallel industry of S&M, age is actually a bonus. Malini a 27-year-old professional dominatrix, has found her clientele increasing as she heads toward 30. "Some of the most successful women in BANGALORE are mature women whose expertise is appreciated and sought after by clients," she says. Malini will lie about her age because the experience is amplified by the appearance of authority. And authority equates with age. "It's interesting, in this society that disempowers women who are 'too old' to be sexual, that I would find myself presenting myself as older," she says.
Malini, who is a graduate student, puts a decidedly academic spin on sex work and how older prostitutes challenge society's perception of it. She explains that in India, we tend to assign younger women victim status, assuming that they are too young to make their own decisions--especially when it comes to engaging in prostitution. However, when we see an older woman doing this work, it's more subversive. "Everything we are told about sex work--that it's demeaning to women and always forced--is contradicted by a woman in her 40s or 50s," Malini says. "At that age, she's supposed to be professional and make the right choice."
Mrs. Sowmya
AS A SOCIETY, we now stand at a time when the course of our lives has gone beyond marrying and reproducing, straight to death. "We have to stop equating aging with dying," says Mrs. Sowmya, sees old age as an outstanding phenomenon populated by pioneers with no social script. "What we've done in the last 100 years is create a new life stage. We've added 30 years life expectancy in a century," she says. "Our culture created old age--in terms of the species, this is brand new."
As far as older women are concerned, Mrs. Sowmya discovered that women find aging liberating. "They don't worry so much about turning heads, or is their makeup just right," she says. While the initial transition into losing one's looks is difficult, "old women don't give a hoot. Once, it's gone, forget about it," she says. "But women do stay sexually active."
Seeing women pursuing sex into old age challenges the traditional vision that consigns women to Biryani Cooking grandmas. It's a vision that counters the reality of many older women, including that of a local lady who remains nameless, is in her early 50s and who typically dates younger men. Describing herself as "still attractive enough to be intriguing," she says her younger lovers prize her for having the kind of sensuality that comes with wisdom and experience. "They expect an older woman to know what she wants; she doesn't have the same fears as a younger woman about acceptance," she says.
Mrs. Sowmya recently posted a personal ad seeking a younger lover and the responses just tumbled in. "I've always fantasized about being with an older woman--ever since I was barely old enough to have dirty thoughts," reads one response. "To this day, my greatest fantasy remains unfulfilled."
Nandhini finds younger men, too, are stretching their roles. "Young men in their 20s are much looser, they're less concerned with macho considerations," she says. "There's much less front and they're open to the idea of learning--this isn't seen as a failure."
WHILE LONG GONE are the days when brothels were as tolerated as cafes and men said that "nature moved them to go to sport," older prostitutes, it seems, are still initiating the young. If anything, Malini’s recent experience while shopping underlines the point, Malini across a rack of T-shirts in the GAP, had a conversation with a mother, who had her teenage daughter in tow. The mother, half-joking, said she had a couple of young boys and would love to send them to Malini when they were older. "I thought, 'She's got it, there's no shame here,'" Maini says. The two women laughed because such a gesture would cost the mother custody of her children and Malini her freedom, but the sentiment was real.
"I think it's becoming the new fashion," Malini says, exhaling on her cigarette.
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Retirement and sex workers and Aunty Sex in Bangalore
