Hooker BlOOps - OOps - BLOOPERS!!

[Guest013121]

Originally Posted by JD Barleycorn

Don't know if this is an oops or not. Picked up a SW some years back in the early morning hours (about 6 AM). She started giving me head while I was looking for a parking spot and she fell asleep! Wasn't sure of the protocol so I kept driving around with her face in my lap. I could have finished but then what? Do I open the door and just dump her out? Figured I'd let her get some sleep.

You and your SW girls. Funny though! Lol

[Guest030817]

As many stories begin, I had quite a bit to drink one night. I offered to let a friend use my place for a couple of hours early the next morning. Good thing I gave her the room number, because I was OUT and and never would have heard the phone. I woke up to her at my door.

Staying true to my word I wrapped up in some blankets and went to the car, turned on the heat and went back to sleep. She returned and told me she had left the door cracked because she wasn't sure if I had my key.

So, I went upstairs and jumped back in the bed and went to sleep. Housekeeping knocked at my door twice and I yelled at them to go away, I was staying until the next day.

Ring, ring. I answer the phone, irate. (I am hung over peeps, please let me sleep!)

The clerk asks me WHO I AM? WTF?? I proceed to tell her in a highly irritated voice.
She then asks what room I am in. Seriously....You called me! I'm in 305. She says are you sure, mam? It felt like the twilight zone. YES I am sure.

She said, "mam, would you mind stepping into the hall and checking the number on the wall?"

Sure as shit...it said 315. So now I am waaaay confused. I look around the room and notice that none of my things are there and the bed is stripped.

I guess I took a right instead of a left and saw the door housekeeping had cracked and apparently made myself at home.

I really can't remember what my excuse or reasoning was, but I do remember her saying, "it's alright, sometimes we all end up in the wrong bed!"

[lawyerinjeans]

A sacred oath was taken that this would never be spoken of, but it happened a few years ago and the lady is no longer working and has moved from the area so it will all be on me.
I had seen this provider several times and we were very comfortable with each other. She had mentioned that she really enjoyed being submissive and thought she had developed the requisite trust to explore this with me. The next visit she brought quite a bag of toys and after a few glasses of wine she went in to change while I explored the bag-o-toys. Seeing what was there gave me a good indication of how the evening was going to go. She came out looking the perfect slut. I started with a litte verbal humiliation and otk spanking, etc. As we explored the toy bag, things got pretty damn hot. Long story short, we ended up in the bedroom with her bent over the bed hooked to a spreader bar. I was behind her working up a good pounding and she was begging to be spanked harder. She reached over grabbed the riding crop and handed it to over her shoulder and said "please fucking use it!" It was so hot that I went into overdrive and reached up to grab her by the hair and pull her back on me while raising the crop to give her a good smack. Now, I had noticed that her hair had looked somewhat different, but didn't think anything about it. But when I grabbed her hair on the back of her head to pull her back, the hair piece, or extensions or whatever, came loose or unhooked or whatever which caused me to loose my balance somewhat. Evidently there was a fair amount of her real hair mixed in with the hair piece and when I was sort of falling backward grabbing her hair, it pulled the hell out of her real hair and she gave a pained scream and I let go just allowing myself to go ahead and fall backward on my ass. Well, as I mentioned, I had the riding crop in my hand and as I started to fall I sort of threw it so I could catch myself. The crop hit the lampshade knocking the lamp over. The crop bounced off the shade and hit me in the eye which made me yelp in pain. Her real hair being pulled caused her to rear up and when she heard the commotion with the lamp and my cry of pain, she tied to turn and see what the fuck was going on. She, being hooked to the spreader bar, took about two or three spread-legged stumbles backward before loosing her balance and as she started to fall, turned to catch herself and in doing so, stuck her finger in my OTHER eye which hurt like hell and I yelped again as she crashed to the floor. As we both laid their in a tangled heap, I wondering aloud if braille was going to be difficult to learn, which made her start to laugh. If you think this SOUNDS funny, you should have been there. Anyway, the laughing took on a life of its own and we couldn't stop. She finally laughed so hard she peed on the floor which only caused more laughter. There was actually more chaos (wine bottle went with the lamp, spreader bar cut my leg...,I mean this is the short version). We finally gained our composure, but there was just no going back to what we were doing before. But that evening gave a whole new meaning to "Play safe".

[BirdogKC60]

Originally Posted by lawyerinjeans

But that evening gave a whole new meaning to "Play safe".

Good thing OSHA didn't have a swarm team out...this would certainly be considered unsafe working conditions!

[zeejoe]

Shit, good thing she had a sense of humor, LIJ, .... sounded "Legally Actionable".

[Wizard of Ahhhhs]

Funny story, Ari!! But...

Originally Posted by Ari816

...I do remember her saying, "it's alright, sometimes we all end up in the wrong bed!"

You can say that again!!!

[Guest123017]

Jesus, I thought my hobby-retard-moment was good - these are priceless!!!

I went to the hotel, made the call, got the room number, went all dyslexia on it and went to the wrong room on the wrong floor. Here's where it gets 'different'. I knocked and was let in by this cute gal who looked nothing like the gal in the pictures (it happens a lot in this hobby).

My story - you all know why I am there...

I proceed to set down the bottle of wine I brought along with 300 reasons I wanted to see her for an hour. She looks at it and asks what that is for...

Her story - she's not a provider, she's from out of town visiting a friend, staying in a hotel, was set up on a blind date...

Interesting Q&A followed...

And luckily some laughs...

[Guest030817]

This is so much fun. I am LMAO!!!
For those who have been around for awhile, you will understand this fantasy blooper, made up, of course.

So...As part of the EF Team....I scheduled a foursome with Zoey, Porsche & Ari + 1 very high profile client.

Things were as you would envision in your wildest dreams. Until all went terribly wrong!

I was new to the hobby, so my Agent Provocateur style was on a Playboy bunny level.

Zoey rips off my bra and throws it, as you do with undergarments. Everyone is in action when the client yelled out. FIRE! Yep, my favorite playboy bra in flames with my candles.

Mess with fire and ya might get burned!

[Guest030817]

Oh yea, and there was the time that there was a tornado and my friend and I had to evacuate to a garage with everyone else from the hotel, for lots of reasons, he had no business hanging out with me

....and the time I was in a duo and there was a building wide fire alarm. There is no f'n way he was going to be seen with the two of us...so we just continued on with the beat of the fire alarm.

[royamcr]

Originally Posted by nudiej

Jesus, I thought my hobby-retard-moment was good - these are priceless!!!

I went to the hotel, made the call, got the room number, went all dyslexia on it and went to the wrong room on the wrong floor. Here's where it gets 'different'. I knocked and was let in by this cute gal who looked nothing like the gal in the pictures (it happens a lot in this hobby).

My story - you all know why I am there...

I proceed to set down the bottle of wine I brought along with 300 reasons I wanted to see her for an hour. She looks at it and asks what that is for...

Her story - she's not a provider, she's from out of town visiting a friend, staying in a hotel, was set up on a blind date...

Interesting Q&A followed...

And luckily some laughs...

Wow, so did you at least get a BJ out of it?

[royamcr]

Seems like these wrong room stories are common. I did one too a few years back. Locals know that there are 2 Holiday Inns within close proximity, one in Westport and one on the Plaza. Probably a couple miles from each other or less. Ya you guessed it, I went to the one on main first, funny room number also, 420. lol. Knocked on the door and no answer, not sure if there was someone peeping and just didn't open. So I left and called and initially was kinda miffed that I got no showed until realized I was at the wrong 420 at the wrong Holiday Inn. lol This was with the late Sasha, I think about a week or so before she died. It was bring a bottle of wine Monday, lets just say she had lots of bottles of wine on display that day. Popular gal but could never tell since she was impeccably clean.

[Guest030817]

Originally Posted by royamcr

Seems like these wrong room stories are common. I did one too a few years back. Locals know that there are 2 Holiday Inns within close proximity, one in Westport and one on the Plaza. Probably a couple miles from each other or less. Ya you guessed it, I went to the one on main first, funny room number also, 420. lol. Knocked on the door and no answer, not sure if there was someone peeping and just didn't open. So I left and called and initially was kinda miffed that I got no showed until realized I was at the wrong 420 at the wrong Holiday Inn. lol This was with the late Sasha, I think about a week or so before she died. It was bring a bottle of wine Monday, lets just say she had lots of bottles of wine on display that day. Popular gal but could never tell since she was impeccably clean.

Omg!! I never met Sasha but knew close mutual friends. I was literally traumatized when I heard the news. That is a heartbreaking story that we should probably not expand on, just my opinion.

Yes, I know what IMHO means, but I am a Catholic School girl who was instructed to write in complete and grammatically correct sentences, hence my long posts....and zest for a particular pleasure...(you fill in the blank.)

*Please excuse any typos as I do most everything from my phone. It's not a lack of skills so much as it is a lack of sight...and possibly eye hand coordination at this time of night.

[royamcr]

Ya we were all saddened to hear that and terrible how it happened. Totally preventable also.

[RandB fan]

Originally Posted by royamcr

Ya we were all saddened to hear that and terrible how it happened. Totally preventable also.

yes

I remember her best as "The midget pussy"

She must have made Pyramider feel like he was John Holmes, her pussy was that small.