Hobby perspective after some years?

[Guest112814]

Originally Posted by DarthDVader

A question for you NHR: weren't you just recently caught in a series of lies and you came back with a new handle because you were banned? I think the moral credibility of your post is in question ...

Wondered and asked that myself. Seems for two guys that for sure every post and comment on most of them, two questions don't get answered:

NHR - were you not involved in a lie that was over a year long and then got caught when you were trying to set up having one provider pay for a session with another provider because you're cheap, have an attitude against women, and are proven to be a liar? It's a simple yes or no question. Don't think because you don't address it that people forget and it will go away - people think you're a douche.

BB/PMFTony - did you not say you would not post any more based on the results of YOUR poll? Then stress several times how it'll be easy to walk away and how much of a man of your word you are? As with NHR, don't think because you don't address it (or the vague manner you have about it being the ladies that wanted you here) it will go away either. I don't think you're a douche, I just feel for the production you put on about that post we deserve an explanation. Even if it's a "I screwed up" I could respect addressing something that YOU made to be a big deal.

Sorry everyone, like I've said before, think we all have a little Sweater Puppies in us.

[Guest062114-5]

I sort of miss Sweater Puppies...oh, no I don't. LOL

She was mean to MyRidiculouslyAttractiveNurse.

EasyLoveMe, I don't think you're going to get am answer...

[DarthDVader]

Please, keep the comments within the subject of the thread ...
Its been an interesting discussion so lets keep Sweater Puppies chained ...
THX

Originally Posted by EasyLover214

Wondered and asked that myself. Seems for two guys that for sure every post and comment on most of them, two questions don't get answered:

Sorry everyone, like I've said before, think we all have a little Sweater Puppies in us.

[DarthDVader]

Now, this are interesting thoughts Rehke ...

The bad boy/girl and our subconscious being the partner in Tango is an interesting approach to the thought of being truthful to our expectations and reasons of hobbying/providing ... then we will be able to truly enjoy the ride ...

Sometimes black sometimes white all within our personal limits and the spontaneity of the moment ... out of a set script I prefer ...

DDV

Originally Posted by Rehke

The liking for the bad boy/bad girl, and the feeling that we can somehow bring out the better side of that person is a powerful emotional driver of choices.

But life isn't that black & white. I've experimented with some of those alternative choices and well, there are some types I just can't get into. So, in truth, my choices are limited by myself internally.

Sometimes a partner in the tango is your own subconscious.

I will also say this...that in every experience I have had, what has been given as advice from older to younger hobbiests has always borne out true, without one single exception.

[pyramider]

Originally Posted by DarthDVader

How much taint have you sown may I ask?

Since you have asked, I have sown bushels of taint. Read my reviews, there are over one hundred on icky, about two hundred on aspd. That is not counting my tainted tent revivals ...

THN, I am not a doctor. ,,, I am a professional.

[Guest112814]

Originally Posted by LilMynx69

I sort of miss Sweater Puppies...oh, no I don't. LOL

She was mean to MyRidiculouslyAttractiveNurse.

Agree on both accounts, I won't get an answer and I'm obviously a fan of THN so I didn't like the unprovoked, untrue knocks against her.

Originally Posted by DarthDVader

Please, keep the comments within the subject of the thread ...
Its been an interesting discussion so lets keep Sweater Puppies chained ...
THX

Will do, but you brought the issue up with NHR and when you do that you open it up to comments or narrative you may not like. Obviously great thread by the way, when on topic

[pyramider]

Originally Posted by DarthDVader

How much taint have you sown may I ask?

I have sown bushels of taint with well over one hundred reviews on icky.

THN, I am not a doctor .... Pssst, I am a professional and not a lackey of the insurance industry.

[Guest092216]

Originally Posted by pyramider

THN, I am not a doctor .... Pssst, I am a professional and not a lackey of the insurance industry.

Hahahaha! Me toooooooo.
.

[Rehke]

This mostly falls within my thought of knowing what you are doing.

It ties into another basic idea about negotiation. There are 3 agendas you should be aware of in any interaction:

1. The agenda that the other reveals to you
2. The agenda that the other is concealing
3. The agenda that the other has, but is unaware of

Apply the same to yourself.

How we perceive our environment and ourselves as well as the subconscious drivers are powerful forces in our behaviors. In many ways, we are not rational creatures and are often unaware of how irrational we are. Some of the work in behavioral economics, game theory, etc., really do bring out a lot of clues about our cognitive biases.

As time has passed, my own needs have changed and the hobby provides less and less to meet those needs. The time limitations versus the amount of cost just don't provide me with a value proposition in most cases.

OTOH, perusing the discussions on the D&T and SD forums has pretty much pointed me to a different experience that matches what I'd been doing in my relationships from a young age anyway. I think for me, it's that while I have some of the common hobbiest characteristics, I have other things going on in my head that make me ill-suited to engage in this indefinitely.

Once in a while to scratch an itch, between situations? Yeah, I can see that. But as a primary outlet/activity?

Originally Posted by DarthDVader

Now, this are interesting thoughts Rehke ...

The bad boy/girl and our subconscious being the partner in Tango is an interesting approach to the thought of being truthful to our expectations and reasons of hobbying/providing ... then we will be able to truly enjoy the ride ...

Sometimes black sometimes white all within our personal limits and the spontaneity of the moment ... out of a set script I prefer ...

DDV

[Guest092216]

I said this this this morning in an email to another hobbyist who reached out to me trying to explain some situation he got himself in and I think it applies here as well:

If you wanna throw your money away! Throw it this way!! I promise to put it to good use! I may live in a really nice apartment (the cost equivalent of a private home + incall - i just prefer one highly secure spot) but other than that I live very frugally! I don't give money to a manager or pimp or homegirl or driver or boyfriend, cousin, neighbor, dood I met last night, maintenance man, fedex dood, fuckstick in a closet or any of that crazy bs. I do give a good chunk of change to sitters but never more than $200/wk. I have student loans I'm paying off so I can get back into nursing school and finish the last year of my bachelor's in nursing. I drive an economy car - not even $500/month car payment! I get my hair and nails done and spray tan but designers bags aren't my bag baby! I love boots too but the most i'd ever spend on a pair is $200 per season.

You guys who wanna buy chicks cars and throw thousands and thousands of dollars at girls who are just playing you - shit!!!! I'll play u if thats what you need to spend your money on. Wanna get married? Knock me up? Be my one and only??? Sure baby, whatever you say and then some! Now where's my money???

These are things I will never ever EVER understand.....but like I said, if u wanna throw your money away I can put a trash can outside my door. Lemme know lol

Ya I'm a "hooker, whore, provider, etc", sure, of course. But one thing I can't do is take something I didn't earn. I'm sorry you guys keep getting played by these girls. Rehke, at least you are willing to see how you are responsible for what has happened to you and aren't playing the blame game. That is something!

Like GI Joe says, "Knowing is half the battle".

Happy Monday y'all!

[SD2011]

Originally Posted by thathottnurse

I said this this this morning in an email to another hobbyist who reached out to me trying to explain some situation he got himself in and I think it applies here as well:

If you wanna throw your money away! Throw it this way!! I promise to put it to good use! I may live in a really nice apartment (the equivalent of a private home + incall - i prefer one highly secure spot) but other than that I live very frugally! I don't give money to a manager or pimp or homegirl or driver or boyfriend, cousin, neighbor, dood I met last night, maintenance man, fedex dood, fuckstick in a closet or any of that crazy bs. I do give a good chunk of change to sitters but never more than $200/wk. I have student loans I'm paying off so I can get back into nursing school and finish the last year of my bachelor's in nursing. I drive an economy car - not even $300/month car payment! I get my hair and nails done and spray tan but designers bags aren't my bag baby! I love boots too but the most i'd ever spend on a pair is $200 per season.

You guys who wanna buy chicks cars and throw thousands and thousands of dollars at girls who are just playing you - shit!!!! I'll play u if thats what you need to spend your money on. Wanna get married? Knock me up? Be my one and only??? Sure baby, whatever you say and then some! Now where's my money???

These are things I will never ever EVER understand.....but like I said, if u wanna throw your money away I can put a trash can outside my door. Lemme know lol

Ya I'm a "hooker, whore, provider, etc", sure, of course. But one thing I can't do is take something I didn't earn. I'm sorry you guys keep getting played by these girls. Rehke, at least you are willing to see how you are responsible for what has happened to you and aren't playing the blame game. That is something!

Like GI Joe says, "Knowing is half the battle".

Happy Monday y'all!

LOL!

excellent

[dookie]

Hmmm. I would describe my learnings as "filling in the holes" (truly no pun intended).

I have been in the Dallas hobby space on two separate time periods. In the first one (about 10 years ago) my SO was just not a matching personality. So I just loved providers who were very personable, GFE, made me feel like a King. And as ridiculous as it may seem, I just wanted an enthusiastic, personable lady whom I could imagine as a partner for a 1-3 hour session.

With my current SO, she is a total personality match - I love being around her, and she is quite beautiful as well. That said, the physical side of the relationship is limited. When I re-entered the hobby I was quite disappointed in "not making the personal connection" like I used to. Now I realize that it hasn't happened as much because I don't need that. But I do need a stronger physical connection and attraction.

So as my personal needs have changed, so have my decisions around who I choose to play with inside the hobby.

[DarthDVader]

The word Negotiation within the hobby scares me ...
Negotiation has been key in my professional life and im proud to say that Im very good at it ..
Ive learned two things:
That the best negotiation is when you reach a win win situation and
You dont get what you deserve but what you negotiate ...
How can we apply it in the hobby?
There are things that are non negotiable ...
Maybe arrangements come in place? or the concept of a frequent flyer that provides benefits?

About the agenda, there is no way to know but by:
1. Reading reviews
2. Reading the lady's posts to understand her psique ...
3. Directly asking other guys that you trust
4. Exchange PM or text messages with her
5. Have a drink or lunch prior to the appointment

Originally Posted by Rehke

It ties into another basic idea about negotiation. There are 3 agendas you should be aware of in any interaction:

1. The agenda that the other reveals to you
2. The agenda that the other is concealing
3. The agenda that the other has, but is unaware of

[Rehke]

It's more complex than simply wanting to throw money at someone.

It's this stupid idea that you can help someone who is simply unable to figure out life and get some value in exchange.

I think the best realization I've had, especially when I look at ALL of my relationships is that I'm a natural Sugar Daddy fishing in the wrong damn pond.

When I was 19 and my GF needed a car, she got one. And that wasn't the last time.

I've always been the one with the dominant income in all of my relationships and I have leveraged that to deal with issues.

Add to that something of a Wounded-Bird syndrome (I adopt stray animals too) and a leaning toward the codependent, and you have a really good recipe for this. What really gets me is that my female cousin who shares similar background issues does the same damn thing. I'm just in better shape than a lot because I've got enough sense to know that at some point, if the exchange does not even out, it's time to stop.

What's been a real eye-opener is getting an idea of what it really means to be a real sugar daddy, what to look for in a sugar baby worth investing in and to raise the bar as for what I'm really seeking.

Keep in mind also, that you're getting my perspective from the angle of working my way out of things. I'm posting a lot of this for a few reasons, one being to purge some of the emotional content and another being to hopefully give some insights to other men stuck in the same trap.

I do think some of the things that have evolved in our society just before the start and during my lifetime have really been hard on men. I compare the relationship and caring I witnessed with my grandparents versus the behavior of both genders from my father's generation to today and I'm appalled. And it's taken me a long time to understand myself and my behaviors, but I do have to look at both my mother and step-mother and thank them for giving me a really good conditioning in these areas.

It is very liberating to be just get up and leave a psychobitch starting her tanturm stranded at the restaurant (her ride left her there, I did pay my tab!), to just plain tell the girl ya catch talking to other guys after she's told you she wants to be exclusive to kick rocks, to decline to help a situation when my advice is ignored. To own what is my own shit and do other people the true kindness of letting them own their own shit.

I think you have to be there to understand it. The abuse in both our histories allows me to understand my cousin and others who have gone through it and the way it fucks up your thinking. What I don't understand is how anyone can be so stuck that they cannot find a way out, I have.

Originally Posted by thathottnurse

I said this this this morning in an email to another hobbyist who reached out to me trying to explain some situation he got himself in and I think it applies here as well:

If you wanna throw your money away! Throw it this way!! I promise to put it to good use! I may live in a really nice apartment (the cost equivalent of a private home + incall - i just prefer one highly secure spot) but other than that I live very frugally! I don't give money to a manager or pimp or homegirl or driver or boyfriend, cousin, neighbor, dood I met last night, maintenance man, fedex dood, fuckstick in a closet or any of that crazy bs. I do give a good chunk of change to sitters but never more than $200/wk. I have student loans I'm paying off so I can get back into nursing school and finish the last year of my bachelor's in nursing. I drive an economy car - not even $500/month car payment! I get my hair and nails done and spray tan but designers bags aren't my bag baby! I love boots too but the most i'd ever spend on a pair is $200 per season.

You guys who wanna buy chicks cars and throw thousands and thousands of dollars at girls who are just playing you - shit!!!! I'll play u if thats what you need to spend your money on. Wanna get married? Knock me up? Be my one and only??? Sure baby, whatever you say and then some! Now where's my money???

These are things I will never ever EVER understand.....but like I said, if u wanna throw your money away I can put a trash can outside my door. Lemme know lol

Ya I'm a "hooker, whore, provider, etc", sure, of course. But one thing I can't do is take something I didn't earn. I'm sorry you guys keep getting played by these girls. Rehke, at least you are willing to see how you are responsible for what has happened to you and aren't playing the blame game. That is something!

Like GI Joe says, "Knowing is half the battle".

Happy Monday y'all!

[Sir Lancehernot]

Originally Posted by Rehke

It's more complex than simply wanting to throw money at someone.

It's this stupid idea that you can help someone who is simply unable to figure out life and get some value in exchange.

Thanks for bringing something into sharp focus for me. I fall into the same category, except for me it's "this stupid idea that you can help a pretty young woman achieve her goals or simply make it day-to-day, by doing something other than just paying her to have sex with you, and get some value in return."

"Value" is a relative term. It doesn't mean freebies, though a guy would be a fool to turn down that type of value. But it might mean a better, more intimate P4P experience. It might be going to a movie, putting your arm around her, and snuggling while you smell her clean hair. It might be buying her lunch and just enjoying conversation about anything besides what brought you together. Or it might be simply relearning the joy you get from helping others.