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Camille · 08-09-2010, 04:19 PM

Slam the door in their face? That's hardly good behaviour is it? You might find this thread pointless or useless but the fact remains that simply stating "Obese" doesn't cover it does it? Obese is different things to different people..unlike age or race. Furthermore, unless someone was extremely rude or dangerous I would never slam the door in their face. How mean.

Camille

guest060911 · 08-09-2010, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Camille

Ladies, do gents usually let you know in advance?

I request via email and screening form the physical description of all potential new friends. I ask for age, race, build and disabilities. Most gents reply with a “I’m a 55 yr old WM, bald and about 235lbs. I’m a little on the cubby side” etc. If they don’t provide the answers to these questions in their initial inquiry, I reply with a follow up email explaining that I prefer to get to know my friends before meeting. At that time, I pose a series of questions including the ones on physical description. This works well for me and I don’t have to note anywhere on my site if I discriminate or not based on certain criteria. I simply select out the gentlemen I do not prefer to see at that time.

And you are completely right when you say “not all money is good money.” That is my motto and what I tell myself every single day.

Good luck!!

guest060911 · 08-09-2010, 06:32 PM

[quote=charlestudor2005;489439]If you don't want to see overweight/obese guys, say so clearly. Turn them away at the door if they show up after knowing your restrictions...Just say so up front./quote]

Camille, I disagree with the gentleman’s comments above. I believe you should not state anywhere on your site that you discriminate based on weight or you may turn off in shape clients who will think you are superficial. Similar to when a lady says she will not see AA clients, you have some non-AA clients who decide not to see her, because they feel she is racist and they do not want to patronize someone like that. It is your prerogative who you wish to spend your precious time with and if you ask the right questions, you should be able to screen out the clients you do not want to see without hurting their feelings or negatively impacting your business by turning off the clients you DO indeed want to see.

Regards.

atlcomedy · 08-09-2010, 07:46 PM

[quote=GiamarieLynn;490220]

Quote:

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

If you don't want to see overweight/obese guys, say so clearly. Turn them away at the door if they show up after knowing your restrictions...Just say so up front./quote]

Camille, I disagree with the gentleman’s comments above. I believe you should not state anywhere on your site that you discriminate based on weight or you may turn off in shape clients who will think you are superficial. Similar to when a lady says she will not see AA clients, you have some non-AA clients who decide not to see her, because they feel she is racist and they do not want to patronize someone like that. It is your prerogative who you wish to spend your precious time with and if you ask the right questions, you should be able to screen out the clients you do not want to see without hurting their feelings or negatively impacting your business by turning off the clients you DO indeed want to see.

Regards.

I think GML states this much better than I did earlier, although I was attempting to make the same point. It is you choice to see who you prefer, but that screening can be done in other ways than via your website. Sometimes being too candid on the site turns off people that meet your acceptable criteria but just have been raised/conditioned that it is improper to discriminate based upon race, creed, age, etc. (even if it is a complete double standard in that he would never want to see an old heavy black woman under any circumstances

). It is more about perception than reality.

As for airplanes, I think we've all been there at somepoint in one form or fashion, but I think you buy your (single) ticket on a common carrier with an implicit caveat emptor. You know what could happen. It could be hot, smelly, and intimidating but unless your phyisical space is invaded, I think it kind of "is what it is"

I'm 6'5" barefoot so I know what it is like when I'm in the middle on a full row regardless of who is next to me. When I end up with a middle seat it is usually because I was last minute, last ticket sold & just remind myself I'm fortunate to be on the flight and getting to my destination. I will say I think most big people go out of their way to not be a burden to their seatmate, even it it means contorting their body in a terribly uncomfortable position. I know I do.

Camille · 08-09-2010, 08:11 PM

Gia

Thank you for your reply. It covers the bases of trying to calculate the fit without hurting someones feelings at the door..which is EXACTLY wjat I am trying to do. I will take your suggestion onboard and make the ammendments asap. It was gracious and both thoughtful of you to share.

One of the reasons I had decided to be more explicit on my site was because I have a couple of wonderful men over time who were rejected due to their race. They weren't told that at the time and they both spent ages trying to figure out what they had done well in their initial email approach. I don't want someone to feel like that..I want them simply to find a better match.I guess the way to combat that is to thank them for their well thought out and polite email...

Thanks again for your help...and your comments too ATL. And yes, agreed, flying van be a crap shoot! As an additional..did you know about www.seatguru.com
Its very helpful if yoi can't book your seat at the time of purchase or if you are running late on check in.

pjorourke · 08-09-2010, 08:26 PM

[quote=atlcomedy;490398]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GiamarieLynn

I'm 6'5" barefoot so I know what it is like when I'm in the middle on a full row regardless of who is next to me. When I end up with a middle seat it is usually because I was last minute, last ticket sold & just remind myself I'm fortunate to be on the flight and getting to my destination. I will say I think most big people go out of their way to not be a burden to their seatmate, even it it means contorting their body in a terribly uncomfortable position. I know I do.

This is why God invented first class seats.

Randy4Candy · 08-09-2010, 08:47 PM

The below is not about the OP, Camille, because she posed a fair question and knowing the potential for answers to degenerate even tippy-toed into it with a disclaimer. It is, however, about several of the replies. People should have standards about all things and be matter of fact about them, respectfully. It ain't that hard, sports fans. However, as in all things, there are proper, classy ways do do it.

It seems to me that there are almost as many ways to offend or provide discomfort to others as there are people. And, by all means, we should concentrate on those instead of other things which could keep us less apart. There is such an undercurrent of entitlement and "personal space" these days that it would be sad if it wasn't so disgusting. I used to think that this affliction existed mainly among the 20-something and younger crowd but, now I'm not so sure. It could be that this attitude has merely permeated most of society and it surely is exascerbated (sp?) by the ease of being alone and hopping on the computer and hiding behind a handle. No fuss, no muss, no accountability. Yes, let's also hide behind the facade of alleged (heavy on the "alleged') wit and humor.

In the end, it's a weak, sad person who depends on elevating one's self by tearing down others. But, it's easy, quick and so, so conveinient.

charlestudor2005 · 08-09-2010, 10:34 PM

[quote=pjorourke;490499]

Quote:

Originally Posted by atlcomedy

This is why God invented first class seats.

Let's not blame God for this. He doesn't need those big seats.

charlestudor2005 · 08-10-2010, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Camille

What would you consider obese? 50lbs over weight? More? less?
Also, gents, when contacting a provider would you disclose that you are obese if you were or would you say nothing if there is no note on her website to do so? Ladies, do gents usually let you know in advance? Obviously I am asking this for a reason but I'm curious to hear the thoughts of others.

Thank you

Camille xx

Quote:

Originally Posted by Camille

For myself, I prefer not to see men over the age of 65 and also men that are obese. Both are primarily based on health issues..and come with some historical context. I met once with a gentleman that was obese and his breathing was so labored that I really felt uncomfortable. It placed limits on the session and I felt as though I was reeling myself in. It's awkward. I am also more concerned with health issues of men over the age of 65. For me, the risks are ones I don't want to take. Now, all that said, I don't mind at all a man who is carrying extra weight. Extra weight is extra weight..not a health issue to anywhere near the same degree as obesity. One of the reasons I asked is because I found obesity defined as "50lbs over your height/weight proportions" which sounds a bit light to me. I would have thought it was more than that. So back to the original question. Would a man say something or should a woman post something on her site?

C

Quote:

Originally Posted by Camille

As I said, I wouldn't consider 50lbs over as obese (I'm thinking more 100 + pounds) but your explanation tells me why it is flagged up at that stage...sort of a red flag to let you know which direction you are heading in.

The issue for me was that at 100+ over, the gentleman was higjly restricted in his flexibility and even in good old missionary, his breathing was extremely patchy and labored and he was breaking a deep sweat. That frightens me. An appointment is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, not frightening and stressful. I suppose if people take offense to the note on my website I will have to live with that..it's easier than living with the alternative for me.
Camille xx

Quote:

Originally Posted by Camille

Personality kindness and intrigue fly out of the window for me when someone needs a 15 minute recovery time just from walking from their car to my hotel room (and no, that's not a joke). That is NOT healthy. Of course, I cannot control the outcome of anyones health...nor can I see what is hidden..I realize I am already taking that risk. I am not willing to take the risk I can see though..I'd like to minimize the chances of me having calling the paramedics which is something I unfortunately have had to do once before. It's shit scary stuff.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Camille

Slam the door in their face? That's hardly good behaviour is it? You might find this thread pointless or useless but the fact remains that simply stating "Obese" doesn't cover it does it? Obese is different things to different people..unlike age or race. Furthermore, unless someone was extremely rude or dangerous I would never slam the door in their face. How mean.

Camille

What I gather from this is that you don't see men over 65, over 100 lbs overweight mostly due to health conditions.

Now, I just raced through your website, and didn't see any reference to this in the two pages I expected to find it (if I missed it, I'm sorry). So, I guess you're willing to waste your time and the hobbyist's time to determine these issues during screening.

I would suggest to you that you place some reference to these restrictions on your website, but instead of just two restrictions, list three along the following lines:

"If you have any of the following conditions, I would prefer you not contact me:

If you have any health conditions that would impair your activity or mine (after all, health conditions are not limited to the obese and over 65)

If you are nearly or over 100 pounds overweight

If you are over the age of 65."

Wasted time is lost money. And I would hate to have my time wasted in the screening process only to get a denial.

IMHO, if you're going to have these limitations, you need to set them out like the NBA providers do. And put them on your Welcome Page and on your FAQs page.

Camille · 08-10-2010, 11:30 AM

There was a very specific reference to weight and age which I changed after Gia's comment. My contact page has the ammendments.

Camille

charlestudor2005 · 08-10-2010, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Camille

There was a very specific reference to weight and age which I changed after Gia's comment. My contact page has the ammendments.

Camille

Not to put too fine a point on it, you might include the language on your P411 page, for a couple of reasons: a lot of guys, like me, make appts. through P411, and you're in your final tour...

Just sayin'

Good luck on your tour, and your future adventures...