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Account Disabled
Join Date: Jan 8, 2012
Location: Where the East peters out
Posts: 1,156
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A LONG Vanity: One clients perspective after one year in the hobby
I had my first ever “hobby” encounter 1 year ago this week. I tend to be an analytical, introspective guy, but in the social universe I inhabit , there’s really no one I can discuss this stuff with. I have some observations I’d like to make. I am curious if others have had similar experiences or feelings. And I have some things I want to get off my chest. Thanks to all reading this thread for listening to me, and taking the place of a licensed psychotherapist. If anyone sees anything they think I have wrong, please let me know. I’m willing to learn. If you’re not interested, that’s fine too. I think there’s a thread on big boobs further down………
Getting started is tough:
I did a lot of research for my first visit, primarily on TER. My first visit was to a nice backpage lady who has a few reviews on TOB, many more on TER. There were two ladies I had decided on, and attempted to see. One screened…..and I didn’t have references. Since I was unwilling to reveal any personal information, I couldn’t see her. The second required no screening, and I set up a date.
Groucho Marx once quipped he would never join a club that would have someone like him for a member. I finally understood the wisdom of that quip. I was certain I had just made a date with LE. I patrolled the entire hotel for 45 minutes before knocking on her door. I checked the parking lot for vehicles with government plates. I checked stairwells. After 45 minutes of vigorous, nervous hiking, I probably smelled like I had just visited the gym. Once in the room, I did not have the foggiest idea of how to proceed. I wouldn’t make the first move to get undressed. Since she had not screened me, she wouldn’t either. We finally broke the Mexican Standoff after she scolded me on my behavior, and gave me a safety lecture. I never saw her again, but I did get a taste of the forbidden fruit. I wanted more.
I did more research and settled on another lady. She screened….and this is when I discovered my first lady wouldn’t provide references. Dammit……I was back to square 1. This is when I finally understood: To find a high quality provider, at some point, you are going to have to provide “someone” with some personal information. Someone who is involved in an activity that our society frowns upon. How do you know who to trust? I’m no private eye. The lady I wanted to see had a very professional-looking website. She was mentioned by name in the narrative of a different provider’s website. She had lots of excellent reviews. And that was all I had to go on. I took a leap of faith, and gave her a great deal of personal info. Probably too much.
I cruised her neighborhood for a few minutes before our appointment…..looking for the dreaded LE. Fortunately, I had found a true professional. My 2nd experience exceeded my wildest expectations. I was well and truly hooked. AND, she provided a reference for a 3rd lady…in a different city….who would also provide references. I used those references to acquire a P411 account. Shazzam! I was a player! (NOT!)
I have been keeping to the P411 ladies since then. As it is no longer needed, I try to keep my personal info to myself. But, I still try to be careful….and maintain some level of situational awareness. This makes me appear shy and bumbling on my first meeting with a lady. And, I find I focus on improving one or two aspects of my perceived shortcomings from my previous first time encounters….to the point where I make horrendous new mistakes. Like a recent encounter where I gave the young lady an opportunity to steal my car. (She declined…If she’s reading this: thank you!)
I still have a lot to learn.
I may be a lot more timid than the average guy…but I don’t think so. And, I understand why the ladies need to screen. But I feel that, in general, the ladies take for granted the sacrifices a guy has to make to see them. Maybe they’re used to a constant stream of confident, experienced, talented men with lots of time on their hands and nothing to lose…..but I don’t believe this either. The money is nothing. If we didn’t have it we wouldn’t come calling. But if a guy has a lot to lose, and selects the wrong lady……his life could be ruined. Combine that fear with the normal guy vanity stuff (do I smell like an open sewer, is my dick big enough, am I too ugly/old/fat/bald/inexperienced), and it’s a wonder we can get it up at all.
NCNS:
This hurts, particularly when you have really been looking forward to meeting someone for a long time. Especially if this is your only sexual outlet. I travel a lot, and need to make arrangements far in advance. I rarely have the opportunity to make a spur-of-the-moment decision. Ladies, please don’t do it. Guys, please don’t do it to the ladies.
Age….It Matters:
I’m in my mid 50’s. I don’t need drugs, but where I used to be a high-powered semi-automatic rifle….I’m now pretty much a single shot muzzle loader. And don’t think for a minute that I am not painfully aware of what time has done to me. You may be very young and very pretty, but if you don’t understand this about me, we’re not going to click.
I have seen one provider with an age differential around 30 years from mine. This young lady was beautiful , and hotter than a 3-dollar pistol. She was also younger than <self snipping of what is probably a forbidden topic>. I felt icky for weeks afterward…..
I like beautiful, nubile women as much as the next guy, but if you are younger than certain people I know, you are going to make me very uncomfortable. Please be reasonably honest with your age. If you have lowballed it, I may pass over you because I believe you to be in that range that will make me uncomfortable.
The Money:
This is not a poor man’s game. We all make trade-offs, and my situation is such that the hobby is my only possible source of release. I’ve seen 9 different ladies in the past year. Some several times. This may not seem like much to some, but it is 400% higher than my total for the 50-some years before this.
Tally up the costs for the year, and I am over $7K. Yeah, there are some bigger-ticket adventures in there. I have splurged when I wanted to. But I was surprised at how quickly it added up. This is more than I had intended to spend, but less than I can afford. LOL…..and for some of you cynics out there……yes, the rent got paid. On time, even.
The Ladies:
I believe the female form, in every single one of its infinite permutations, is the most beautiful thing in the world.
I very quickly had to change my perception of the ASP. The stereotypical dim-witted, gum-chewing, bleach-blond with the “joisey” accent has not once opened any of the doors I’ve knocked on. Nor have any super-models or movie stars. They have all been fairly attractive, normal, well-groomed women with a surprising amount of intelligence and poise. Surely they can be successful in some other line of work? Why are they doing this? Why are they having sex with losers like me?
To assuage any guilt I may feel for taking advantage of a lady in a bad situation, I keep telling myself that they are very successful in a job they enjoy. After all, this is what they tell me in their ads…..and they wouldn’t lie, would they? I work numbers in my head, like: $250 per hour times 3 hours per day times 5 days per week times 52 weeks per year equals $195,000 per year…….. tax free. This makes me feel good for them. I am learning first hand that….at least in some cases…..the part about them loving what they do may be a lie. This makes me feel bad for them. I have lost some sleep over this. Even though this is supposed to be a business relationship, I want to be a helper, not a hurter. If I find out a pimp is involved, that is an absolute deal killer for me.
A surprising thing I discovered: After a happy session with a lady, I feel very protective towards them. Never mind that most of the providers I’ve met could probably kick my scrawny white-bread ass in a stand-up fight. This is, I’m sure, a chemical response the human species has evolved over time. And it wears off after a little while. But it is very real, and I was surprised by how strong it is. No doubt this is the cause of “Captain-Save-a-Ho” syndrome. I’m sure I have displayed it in many postings, and many old-timers have read them, recognizing it for what it was, laughing. So be it. It’s a nice feeling as long as you recognize it for what it is. I choose to look upon it as a benefit rather than a curse…..and so is born another white knight.
In addition to being incredibly talented, pretty, and experienced, some of the ladies I’ve met have just been nice…..very, very, nice. Scary nice. Bring-them-home- to-meet-mama nice. This, too, surprised me. More than anything else I’ve experienced in the hobby. Yes, I understand that it is part of the skill-set that makes them successful at what they do. Still, one must keep a very Spock-like rein on one’s emotions. I have lost sleep over this, too.
I wonder if the ladies really know how they affect men, mentally? Yeah, they probably understand it on some instinctual level. But to really, truly understand it, and how to deliberately use that affect to achieve specific goals? To quote Kipling: “The female of the species is more deadly than the male.”
The Ladies Guild:
All those websites the ladies can sneak off to and talk about us guys. Or blacklist us. Am I the only guy that wonders about this? I imagine the ladies discussing our various strengths and weaknesses in great detail. The review boards are the only intelligence source we men have to combat this massive word-of-mouth network….and they are flawed.
The Power Struggle
All I wanna do is just get laid. That’s not too much to ask, is it? Apparently, in this community, it is.
Rule number 1, and I learned this the hard way: Don’t start a rate thread. Rule number 2, I’m still learning: Stay the hell away from rate threads others have started.
And of course, the over-riding rule above all other rules: Give the lady the donation she asks for, and STFU.
The golden rule of business is that “He who has the gold, makes the rules.” I’m not thinking that works in this situation. The truth is, as the customer, the only asset I am bringing to the table is my money. I am getting a service I want for that money. If the service is good, tip. And it should be as simple as that.
Only it isn’t. Because this service involves emotions. Feelings. The clients sense of self-worth. The providers sense of self worth. There is a power-struggle here. Who has the upper hand? Some people get satisfaction from “being superior” to other people. No one wants to feel inferior. No one wants to feel like a rube. All of this struggle is played out over the vast arena of providers capabilities, clients desires, societal judgement in general, and the danger of outing either the client or provider. It is fascinating to watch. It is impossible to fully understand. It is the concentrated version of the human drama. Like any power struggle, there will be battles, cautious peace treaties, victories, alliances, and casualties.
And now, for better or worse, I’m a part of it. I’m a year wiser, and still learning. To the ladies that made my first year such an adventure: thank you.
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