Introspective discussion about ourselves from within the hobby

[discreetgent]

Originally Posted by boredinbingo

Do you think the needs that you are getting met go beyond the physical or just wanting some company with a nice woman?

If there are any providers reading - what needs beyond the financial are getting met for you? - I don't expect providers to weigh in but it would be neat to hear their side.

These points have come up - fairly often - on this board and on the ASPD HDH board beforehand. You will find quite a divergence among the denizens here. Effectively these two questions (really just mirrors of each other) boil down to "is it all about the money?" "is there anything beyond the money?" and on those topics very heated arguments have broken out.

[discreetgent]

Originally Posted by boredinbingo

This hobby also creates a barrier between us and the rest of the people in our personal lives. This is such a charged topic that you generally can't share it with others without some sort of judgment. I don't get a lot of relief from this sort of isolation by posting on the board.

I find part of this to be accurate. However, I have over time formed friendships with others from the boards; that plus the boards does, for me, make it far less isolating.

I think it's fair to say we aren't like a lot of people in this world because we are capable of doing something that others are not. I want to know why.

I suspect the answer is different for each person.

I do sometimes feel weird after meeting with a provider. I can't be the only one.

I'm not trying to lead a group therapy session but I just want to know if we share some common experiences/doubts.

Personally, the only time it felt a bit strange was after my first such meeting, and in hindsight that was more about a new experience than the specific experience of hiring a lady in itself. So for me it does not feel strange and have never had any doubts. More than that I'm not going to go into it would be far too much information to share in a forum.

[Marcus Aurelius]

I leave. I feel down.

Not because I was cheated. Or that I didn't get what I came for.

I have always made a connection. Every freaking single time.

If only.

What powerful two words. I will always remember and cherish what has transpired. If they only knew what they meant to me. What they gave me.
What I have to offer. A moment in time that will be forgotten like the passing wind in such a short time because we are like dust. Ladies, for me you offer such a great gift. A rare and cherished gift indeed.
It's in no way friction and imagination. I have and will always be grateful.
Regrets. I regret that I have not made the sacrifice necessary to see some of you. And some I cannot allow myself because I am not enough of what I was. You know who you are. Time and circumstances mold us into what we are. I wish. I wish you knew. You young bucks with means are lucky.
However I look into the eyes of my children and I smile till it hurts.
I have known happiness and great tragedy. I sample what nectar I can while I can. Achilles mother didn't know she left a flaw. I have many of my own making.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by discreetgent

Effectively these two questions (really just mirrors of each other) boil down to "is it all about the money?" "is there anything beyond the money?" and on those topics very heated arguments have broken out.

Now DG don't get riled but I think they are two very different questions.

To the first question, I think its never about the money if the money has been taken care of. If not then it will be all about the money. (But that is how it is in my personal life also. I want my women to feel financially comfortable. Probably for somewhat selfish reasons.)

Once the money has been taken care of then the second question can be answered in a resounding yes.

Economics is a huge factor in each and every one of our lives. We maybe loaded and forget that we do not have to take costs into consideration but therein lies another economic factor. We are loaded, flush with cash and do not have to worry about money. So once again money is the huge elephant in the room.

Originally Posted by Rudyard K

What!? I ain't no "dude".

Awwwwww, sure you can be. You can be anything you wanna be! Thats what all us crazy liberal feel good wacko's tell everybody.

Originally Posted by Marcus Aurelius

You young bucks with means are lucky.

Hey don't forget us old bucks!

[WTF]

Originally Posted by boredinbingo

I worry about this too. As much as we like to put on a bravado that it's all in good fun and that we're not hurting anybody, I do wonder sometimes if we are. I'm not afraid to admit that getting involved in this has changed my life forever. I don't know if I would go down this road again if I went back, it's hard to say.

If you think you are hurting another then rethink your interaction with them. You no longer play in a sandbox or poop your pants but that does not mean you wish you never had, We all grow, when something gets old , move on but do not discount the experience in the growth process.

OK thats all my Dr Phil for the month.

Originally Posted by boredinbingo

I think it's fair to say we aren't like a lot of people in this world because we are capable of doing something that others are not. I want to know why.

I think you are giving us way to much credit...we are all human and all capable of all kinds of chit! Fuc'n being one of the more pleasurable ones!

Enjoy my brother, if it is no longer fun move on. No more paid nookie for you but don't beat yourself up.

[charlestudor2005]

Originally Posted by WTF

OK thats all my Dr Phil for the month.

Wish this were the first of the month instead of the 16th. LOL

[Bettie Blue]

"This hobby also creates a barrier between us and the rest of the people in our personal lives. This is such a charged topic that you generally can't share it with others without some sort of judgment. I don't get a lot of relief from this sort of isolation by posting on the board."

the need for confession, perhaps?

[WTF]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

Wish this were the first of the month instead of the 16th. LOL

Just be glad it's not the 1rst of May.

[charlestudor2005]

Originally Posted by boredinbingo

This hobby also creates a barrier between us and the rest of the people in our personal lives. This is such a charged topic that you generally can't share it with others without some sort of judgment. I don't get a lot of relief from this sort of isolation by posting on the board.

Originally Posted by Bettie Blue

the need for confession, perhaps?

[Hint for Bettie: If you click on the "Quote" Button, the portion of the quote you want to respond to is available for edit, and also will create an ">" that will take you directly to the post. For multiple posts, hit as many "Multi Quote" buttons as you want to, then click on "Reply." It will look a little like what I did above.]

No, not confession. I fear that it is more like an undercover cop. You're working in a world that you need to be alone in. You can't tell anyone you know about your activity in the world, and you really don't develop friends on the Board because you only know them by their handles. So, you are really isolated. You can't share your "hobby" or posting experience with anyone. It is too dangerous; too close to outing yourself. Your friends and family, no matter how much they love you, will be pretty judgmental about your activity in the hobby, and won't easily forgive and forget.

Despite the fact that hobbyists and providers are regular people, too; people with families, who love and hate and do all the things we do; they are still despised and looked down upon by the members of our families, and we would be severely judged by our families if they found out about our hobby activities.

[WTF]

Shit, act like you are giving to a charity and do it without having to be praised for doing so. Instead of breast cancer research you are funding some young ladies education and teaching a bit of what the real world is like. Nothing is free.

Works wonders for your soul. And for God sake quit doing something if it makes you unhappy. There is a natural law at play here...people quit doing something only when the pain exceeds the gain. Some people never quit smoking...they love it that much. So only you can make that choice and remember you can't make a judgement/choice for another.

[Guest053011]

53% of all people will have an extra marital affair. 40% of men have seen a prostitute, even if just once. Those are just the ones who will admit it, never mind the ones who lie when asked.

That’s hardly isolating. For most of human history prostitution, or having a mistress, was a normal part of life. This changed only in the 19th century when the concept evolved that people should marry for love. Before this social change, marriage was an institution - it was an alliance, it was political, it was strategic, it was based on wealth, power and security. Even weddings as we know them, where the bride is the princess, and it’s a grand celebration of their love - is surprisingly modern.

I would not steal, lie to my best friend, spread gossip, steal from my job, be dishonest in my business dealings, hit my spouse or sexually abuse my child - yet many of the people who would look at me as a monster do those things. I am a respectable contributing member of society, my shame is not a matter of me being a bad person but the result of an intolerant society. We are hardly the only people that are marginalized in our culture, in many places in the world women and the poor still do not have basic human rights, homosexuals still are sadly mistreated and cause rage and fear. I’m often told that in the US, immigrants are socially stigmatized. Highly sexual women, regardless of context, continue to be painted as sluts and whores who lack self-love.

If you feel bad about participating, don’t. It’s not for everyone. Just like marriage and child rearing aren’t for everyone. An ancient wise man once said: If your desires lead to bad things, be suspicious of your desires. I would suggest looking into your internal dialogue during your date, what you really think of her, to find out why you feel strange at times. Do you really think she’s an equal? That she’s a dignified and respectable person with much to offer outside of giving you an orgasm? Do you believe she can be a good friend, a good mother, a good neighbour?

I have said before I felt terrible for the first three years of my companionship career - not because I’m a bad person or doing something bad, but because I had absolutely no desire to participate in the formula for life the world had laid out as “normal”. I would very much like to live my life out in the open, loud and proud. I'm not sure that will be possible in my lifetime, but I do have those in my life who are completely embracing of my choices.

There is always a barrier between us and other people. Human psychology is vastly complex, and it is a rare experience to be able to tell any human being everything about your thoughts, desires, dreams, fantasies, and secret moments. We all have them - even if we've been faithful and never booked a compensated date.

Frankly, I’m kind, considerate and good to people - regardless of how I met them. After nearly a decade of participating in this hobby, I feel the same is true of most people I’ve met. I have found this life incredibly fulfilling, aside from financial benefits, and I have absolutely no regret or guilt.

[charlestudor2005]

See below.

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

53% of all people will have an extra marital affair. 40% of men have seen a prostitute, even if just once. Those are just the ones who will admit it, never mind the ones who lie when asked.

That’s hardly isolating.

I didn't mean to imply that the percentage of people hobbying was an isolated number. What I meant was that participating can be very lonely, even with the numbers of people out there who hobby.

I would not steal, lie to my best friend, spread gossip, steal from my job, be dishonest in my business dealings, hit my spouse or sexually abuse my child - yet many of the people who would look at me as a monster do those things. I am a respectable contributing member of society, my shame is not a matter of me being a bad person but the result of an intolerant society. We are hardly the only people that are marginalized in our culture, in many places in the world women and the poor still do not have basic human rights, homosexuals still are sadly mistreated and cause rage and fear. I’m often told that in the US, immigrants are socially stigmatized. Highly sexual women, regardless of context, continue to be painted as sluts and whores who lack self-love.

+1

[pjorourke]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

53% of all people will have an extra marital affair. 40% of men have seen a prostitute, even if just once. Those are just the ones who will admit it, never mind the ones who lie when asked.

Better make that 41% -- I lied.

[pjorourke]

Originally Posted by Rudyard K

What!? I ain't no "dude".

Just when you wear that special hat.

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

I didn't mean to imply that the percentage of people hobbying was an isolated number. What I meant was that participating can be very lonely, even with the numbers of people out there who hobby.

I agree, I wasn't really referring specifically to you Charles. That's why I've always stated that these forums are very important. This gives many people an opportunity for perspective, friendship, to decompress, to find context for their experiences. It should be treated with the same reverence we would treat any other community in our lives. To say "hey it's a hooker forum" when there's bad behaviour only feeds into the stereotypes we should be deconstructing, killing, changing. We should have a higher standard for ourselves, one that creates a dignified experience for all those invovled. People need and deserve a safe place to discuss. Bullying, intolerance, and generally an acidic atmosphere is nothing more then internalized self hate finding a voice online.