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BellaireBoy · 03-19-2012, 09:58 PM

So fucking frustrating. Tonight is gonna be my vent night and y'all are my unlucky audience. What is it that turns the coolest most fun woman in the world into a grumpy nagging wench? I swear to God I have to go strip clubs or AMP's several times a month just to escape my home life and clear my head. It's so nice just to talk to a woman without her bitching about something or telling me what I'm doing wrong, or God forbid act like having sex with me isn't the last thing she'd rather do. I'm 26, make a shit ton of money, and take care of everything she needs, and she acts like I'm an imbecile. It's not like she's even ever considered that I managed to thrive for 23 years without her help, but now she can't go two fucking minutes without correcting me. Do any of y'all have this problem?

IIFFOFRDB · 03-19-2012, 10:05 PM

Yup. Fuck it. Hence my avatar name. But i'm alot older maybe you will get lucky. Life is to short to figure this out after 50. Move-on Brother. RUN NOW.

Jackie S · 03-19-2012, 10:18 PM

Sounds like you are sufferring the same fate as about 55 percent of all married men and women.

I was lucky to be married to the same wonderful woman for 30 years before cancer took her.

You didn't say if kids are in the picture, but regardless, you are too darned young to look forward to a future filled with the type of mysery you described.

Roothead · 03-19-2012, 10:25 PM

wasn't there, but got to that stage over time by taking each other for granted... but figured out how finesses it on both our parts.....

That said, did not get married until she was 28 and I was 33... got our jollies out prior to getting married, along with grad school and establishing great careers.... you are way too young to be at this level of frustration....

I hope you find strength to find a solution, regardless of if that means the big "d'

BellaireBoy · 03-19-2012, 10:36 PM

We have a daughter, 7 months old, and we both love her to death. My wife and I love each other too but I'll be damned if we're not always fighting since the baby was born. I work my ass off so she can have her house in the Woodlands, drive a Yukon, stay home from work, and have a housekeeper, but she still acts like she's got it soooo tough staying at home with the baby. She claims she's too tired to have sex, so we've probably done it 5 times since the baby came, I'm a young red blooded 26 year old, what other choice do I have than to outsource her marital duties to some home 20 year old at Treasures?

IIFFOFRDB · 03-19-2012, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BellaireBoy

We have a daughter, 7 months old, and we both love her to death. My wife and I love each other too but I'll be damned if we're not always fighting since the baby was born. I work my ass off so she can have her house in the Woodlands, drive a Yukon, stay home from work, and have a housekeeper, but she still acts like she's got it soooo tough staying at home with the baby. She claims she's too tired to have sex, so we've probably done it 5 times since the baby came, I'm a young red blooded 26 year old, what other choice do I have than to outsource her marital duties to some home 20 year old at Treasures?

Mans got to do what he has to do. It's not just you. The world is fucked.
Check out this 30 year old song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhR_GeJ_scs

Sweet N Little · 03-19-2012, 11:14 PM

Good luck sweetie, if it's that bad...abandon ship now is my advise

Missy Mariposa · 03-19-2012, 11:24 PM

Quote:

but she still acts like she's got it soooo tough staying at home with the baby

Have you ever been the sole caretaker of a baby? As in 100% alone for several hours a day, multiple days in a row. I was a nanny and it IS fucking EXHAUSTING. The last thing I wanted at the end of the day was to have sex, and I wasn't even the mom! Yes you give her nice things, but she has a squalling pooping spitting up baby to deal with and while work may not be much of an escape it's more than she has. So cut her slack in the tired department, especially if she's nursing. 7 months or not, it's still tiring.

I won't comment on the 5 times - I'm a believer in the fact that she has the right to that choice (withholding) but you also have the right to your choice to screw someone else as you are a human being with one life, wants, needs, and desires that you have a right to fulfill - ring or no ring.

The bitching department? That's what AMPs and SCs are for as you've already discovered. You might want to remind her the things you said here - you do a lot for her and she doesn't seem to appreciate it. I'd also remind her you were a self sufficient adult before you even uttered her name and you can take care of yourself.

I'd also consider a counselor before the love fades and you end up in a marriage with someone you can't stand because you don't want to lose everything.

i'va biggen · 03-19-2012, 11:39 PM

Wedding cake seems to change a womans attitude

gnadfly · 03-19-2012, 11:56 PM

Unfortunately I told my son: never put a ring on a woman's finger. There is no reason to. In today's society the woman has every advantage. They can stay home, get fat, reproduce, bitch and one day because Oprah told them they aren't doing as well as they should go to a lawyer and get half. And the courts will accommodate them.

Feel lucky you live in Texas. In Las Vegas they throw men in jail everyday for no reason. If the police get a domestic call, someone goes to jail and inevitably its the man. No abuse, no marks, no evidence. The woman just gets tired of hearing about her gambling/sex/spending/alcohol/drug/child rearing problem and makes a call.

Yes, I have a daughter.

charlestudor2005 · 03-20-2012, 06:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Missy Mariposa

Have you ever been the sole caretaker of a baby? As in 100% alone for several hours a day, multiple days in a row. I was a nanny and it IS fucking EXHAUSTING. The last thing I wanted at the end of the day was to have sex, and I wasn't even the mom! Yes you give her nice things, but she has a squalling pooping spitting up baby to deal with and while work may not be much of an escape it's more than she has. So cut her slack in the tired department, especially if she's nursing. 7 months or not, it's still tiring.

I won't comment on the 5 times - I'm a believer in the fact that she has the right to that choice (withholding) but you also have the right to your choice to screw someone else as you are a human being with one life, wants, needs, and desires that you have a right to fulfill - ring or no ring.

The bitching department? That's what AMPs and SCs are for as you've already discovered. You might want to remind her the things you said here - you do a lot for her and she doesn't seem to appreciate it. I'd also remind her you were a self sufficient adult before you even uttered her name and you can take care of yourself.

I'd also consider a counselor before the love fades and you end up in a marriage with someone you can't stand because you don't want to lose everything.

MM, for once I agree mostly with you. I was the primary caretaker of a newborn, and it is really no fun. If she's got a housekeeper, she's ahead of the game.

If she doesn't feel like sex anymore, then you have to honor that. But just because she says "no" doesn't mean you have to go dry. After the first babe was born, my SO only wanted sex to have another. I grudgingly agreed, but she never got pregnant. When we stopped, I cut her off from sex completely. I decided my sexual advances had been spurned for the fuckin' last time. We haven't had sex in over a decade, and I wouldn't anticipate that we will have it ever again.

But, like MM implies, for your family's sake, you gotta take care of yourself.

A lot of couples have successfully set aside a "date" night. Sex is a part of the night. Or the whole thing. The babysitter comes in early, maybe a Saturday afternoon. You & the wife get showered and dressed up and go out to a local hotel. Have your fun and games. Then go to dinner, and maybe a play or a movie. Make it regular like clockwork. Nothing interferes on the calendar with this. This is you and the wife time. Is it expensive? Yes, but worth it.

As a guy, you'll always want your sexual appetite satisfied. As a mother, she'll always feel a pull to her mothering instincts that have taken over her life. Both of you have to compromise.

But in the end, if she isn't willing, you gotta take care of yourself.

SmileHobbyOhYES · 03-20-2012, 08:16 AM

I won't be long winded....
Three things ...
Tell her to make arrangements for a baby sitter / help around the house because you want her to be rested for the other things life has to offer like romance.
Tell her its time for marriage counselling and time to get back the old flame.
Tell her these things are not up for debate.

Grifter · 03-20-2012, 08:59 AM

Lessons from a guy in his late 30s who has been right where you are.
****This really should have been number one but I made the list and Im not going to renumber all of them. NUMBER ONE ITEM IN DEALING WITH A NEW MOTHER dont apply logic to the situation, you need to frame your approach in emotional tones. Most of what is frustrating you is how she is feeling. Most of whats frustrating her is that you dont understand that. She went through a hormonal change during and after the pregnancy that you didnt. So while she feels differently about fucking everything you havent changed in nearly the same way. Conflict is inevitable.
1. You arent the center of her attention anymore and its fucking frustrating. This improves over time but it really took our youngest getting to be about 3 to get some level of normalcy back.
2. Taking care of that first baby for a first time mom is amazingly stressful. DO NOT DISCOUNT THIS. Spend 1 week being with that kid for 24/7 and you will understand. Yes you have given her everything she wants but trust me until she finds her feet (with the second kid its all new ground with this one) she will be a wreck and society these days doesnt help.
3. She probably is feeling inadequate as a mother, so shes picking at you.
4. She doesnt feel attractive because her body isnt what it used to be or she feels like its not which is really all that matters. If she doesnt feel attractive she is not going to want to have sex. Do NOT make sex an issue while she is feeling this way. It will only reinforce some insecurity that you only want her for her body and since thats not something shes happy with right now shes fucked. Women want security so reassure her that shes not just your fucktoy.
5. Really focus on bonding with your child, I am sad to say I resented my first kid for all the reasons Im talking about and really cheated us both out of what could have been a good couple of years. Take the kid for a an hour or so in the evening, go in another room and just talk to her, or lay her on your chest. It gives mom a break, it makes her feel secure that you are in it together. Because believe me shes feeling like shes doing all the heavy lifting right now. Remember dont use logic here just think about how shes feeling.

6. You can get angry and lay down the law but you wont find many marriages that are happy that way.

Things have changed for you and your wife. You have to change with them or you wont be happy. I have been down this road and I pulled the car out of the ditch but it wasnt a short trip.