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defroy · 01-30-2012, 08:56 AM

Okay here's a question for the masses. If you want to change and you don't do anything to day to make it happen. What makes you think tomorrow will be any different for today?

Outdoorsman · 01-30-2012, 03:51 PM

Waiting for others to change to your liking is pure insanity. Living in denial is pure misery. Yet we as human beings tend to do it everyday.

At times I want to shake people that refuse to see the light. You too can live in happiness, it takes being honest with yourself. When iam honest and look at the real part or role I play in a situation I can easily rectify it. If I live in denial and make up excuses I tend to end up in pain. An example would be if my SO cheats on me and I take her back because I believe she is sorry, but she does it again and I take her back again. I am just living in denial, I am lying to myself and making up excuses of why I let her get away with cheating. I tell myself she loves me, she is hurting right now or whatever. It is a lie I tell myself to make myself feel better about taking her back. All my frineds and family that truly love me, tell me to stay away from her, but in my mind I know better, I love her, and she is a good woman. etc.etc. All lies I tell to Outdoorsman so I do not feel bad about doing something stupid yet again. If I continue to wait for her to change, I am just being insane. I can only control me!! If I stop lying to myself and listen I will do what is best for all in the long run.

I created my own pain and destruction in the above scenario because I took her back. But the good news is I can make up for that mistake and never take her back again. Find a woman that truly loves me. I have to start with telling myself the truth and learning to listen to those that really care for me.

If I keep repeating the same cycle all i will know is pain and suffering, but crazy thing is if someone were to ask if I were happy, I would have said "Yes." The brain is amazing as it fools us to beleive we are doing right when we are doing wrong. Ask any criminal if murder or whatever crime they committed was wrong and listen to the plethera of excuses of why their particular situation it was okay to steal, rob, or kill. We lie to ourselves.

I try hard not to lie to me, but alas I am human and at times I fail, but as long as I keep trudging forward I will live a happier life than most, just my .02.

defroy · 01-30-2012, 04:03 PM

well said... here is what i try to get people to understand the choices you make today are the changes made tomorrow

heidilynnla · 01-30-2012, 10:58 PM

We all know what the definition of insanity is. I have; and continue to, make mistakes in life. I don't have regrets and learn from mistakes. What else can you do?

Had I realized this years ago, I would have listened to the old people! What "inspired" this thread, Defroy?

Quote:

Originally Posted by defroy

Okay here's a question for the masses. If you want to change and you don't do anything to day to make it happen. What makes you think tomorrow will be any different for today?

Nicolet · 01-30-2012, 11:17 PM

With all the trials and tribulations I have been through, I would not change a thing. Because a lot of the things that have happened in my life have been extremely challenging, but I still look at life as the glass is half FULL. I would not be the woman I am today were it not for the many twists of fate. Being open minded, and thoughtful of others makes me a better person, not better than anyone else, just better at understanding the differences and finding joy in those differences.

defroy · 01-31-2012, 01:48 PM

Okay this has nothing to do with anyone here. Just something going on in my head. If you say I need and what your help to quit whatever it is you need help with, a smoker wanting to quit if you buy the next pack did you really want my help? If a girl here says to you I really hate this and I want and need out and help is offered if they tell you I have to do this because I cant do anything else then did they really want out? you have to put forth some effort to get some results.
If someone goes on a diet and asks you to help then and you find them in a store with ice cream in their hands do you walk away if a drug dealer or user or both says I want to quit and you give them a direction to go how many times do you say no this way not that. I know this sounds like ramblings, maybe it is. just really don't want to give up on a friend and very tired of seeing them make the same mistakes

Outdoorsman · 01-31-2012, 03:45 PM

I cannot live other people's lives for them, I have enough on my plate with my own shit. People have to want to change before it ever happens, then people have to make an effort to change. I want to be buff and built like a body builder with six pack abs, but if the workouts, sweating and getting fit is too much for me, I will not be buff. That simple. So, want and effort is the combination required for change.

Same with smoking, alcoholism, etc. etc. Gotta have the want and the effort to get help. People will rely on otheras becausae they think they are tooweak to diet or change. It is untrue we each can change, but we must figure out that it is okay to get help, it is okay to screw up, just because guy has ice cream when on diet doe snot mena it is completely screwed, he can still move forward with diet, we wall take backward steps in our forward momentum, just do not dwell on it and move forward.

I hope I am making sense, but that's how I see it.

Nicolet · 01-31-2012, 03:47 PM

Sounds like a noble idea to want to help someone. People struggle with their own demons, some manage to shake the demon, others can't. I don't mind helping someone out, I'll go above and beyond to help in any way I can. But if they keep returning to the same thing they say they want to distance themselves from, all one would be doing is enabling the bad behavior. There are the rare ones, who will take even the simplest act of kindness and run with it and succeed. That is always a wonderful thing to see, someone who can defy the odds!

stavinChain · 01-31-2012, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by defroy

I know this sounds like ramblings, maybe it is. just really don't want to give up on a friend and very tired of seeing them make the same mistakes

Oh, so THAT'S what the rambling is about. You can't change someone, only they can change themselves; and only if they truly WANT to change.

Are you enabling this person's bad habits? Cut it the fuck out!

Sometimes, no matter how much you care for/love someone, the very best you can do is BE THERE to help them pick up the pieces of their shattered life after they've crashed and burned. Until it reaches that point, you gotta stay out of the way so you don't get injured.

defroy · 02-01-2012, 06:21 AM

i don't want to turn my back on these people, for the most part I'm about the only friend left and then what kind of friend would I be? I know you can't help people that refuse to help themselve I wish they could see the posts here it's been some very good conversations about this.

DallasRain · 02-01-2012, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by defroy

i don't want to turn my back on these people, for the most part I'm about the only friend left and then what kind of friend would I be? I know you can't help people that refuse to help themselve I wish they could see the posts here it's been some very good conversations about this.

I commend you for being such a good friend....I know you and what kind of guy you are,and you are a real sweetheart!..........BUT be very careful! When you try to help somebody out in that type of situation,you become an enabler.
{it is like a child seeking negative attention}

JazzmineRayne · 02-09-2012, 12:09 AM

Insanity --- Doing the same thing but expecting a different result!!! Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt!!! I know for myself that I hesitate change for fear of the unknown. I am learning to embrace it more now though & it doesn't take me as long to get off my butt & do what I need to do to get some positive results.

And I have learned that I can never make anyone make changes in their lives. When the pain of staying the same outweighs the fear of change, action will happen. When I have a friend, I accept them for who they are & for who they are not. I do not be-friend someone because of the mistakes they make. I have been in the position where I was fearful of making changes that were necessary, my friends were tired of hearing me whine but they didn't turn their back on me. And when I did what I had to do, they were right there to help me through. I think people actually think that they can change other people or situations when in reality the only thing that I can change is me, my actions & my reactions. As soon as I accepted that hard fact, it became so much easier to move forward. It can be painful to watch people we care about go through pain. But that pain may be necessary for them to grow into a better person....

Be the friend you are okay with being!!!!