Welcome to ECCIE - Sign up today!

diddler · 11-06-2011, 06:09 AM

If it were me..I would slowly get up tell the person you are feeling ill give their money back, ask them to leave and never see them again.

MsElena · 11-06-2011, 08:49 AM

Not only is a guy farting while in the midst of a BJ, but there's one more thing that will make a provider gag, ruin the mood and make a lady fake it like she's never faked before.......skid marks on the sheets/bed. Why is it that both men and women don't know how to wash their ass properly? If you know you're going to see someone, wipe down before meeting up with them. They do make travel size packs of baby wipes.

malwoody · 11-06-2011, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsElena

Not only is a guy farting while in the midst of a BJ, but there's one more thing that will make a provider gag, ruin the mood and make a lady fake it like she's never faked before.......skid marks on the sheets/bed. Why is it that both men and women don't know how to wash their ass properly? If you know you're going to see someone, wipe down before meeting up with them. They do make travel size packs of baby wipes.

Mizz E,

I find myself agreeing with you, not only in this thread but also in
several others lately..

Kinda scary, I'm concerned that folks might get the wrong idea.

If I'm not careful I could become known as Mizz E's BITCH...

JRLawrence · 11-06-2011, 12:14 PM

Reminds me of the story about the guy who went to the doctor with the complaint that his farts didn't stink.

So the doctor wrote him a prescription for decongestants for a head cold.

JR

buzzworm86 · 11-06-2011, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsElena

Not only is a guy farting while in the midst of a BJ, but there's one more thing that will make a provider gag, ruin the mood and make a lady fake it like she's never faked before.......skid marks on the sheets/bed. Why is it that both men and women don't know how to wash their ass properly? If you know you're going to see someone, wipe down before meeting up with them. They do make travel size packs of baby wipes.

Ms. Elena, if you are not at home and need to wash the butt you need to get several paper towels, wet them, on one or two put some hand soap on them, on the other towels saturate with water, and bring some dry paper towels also. Does this before you go into the bathroom stall to relieve yourself. After relieving yourself wipe well with a wet towel; wash and wipe well with the soapy towels; use the wet towels to rinse; examine for any remaining discolorations, repeat if necessary, and then dry. I do this frequently if away from home and only takes a couple of minutes to clean up.
There is no excuse for a dirty butt, it is just laziness.

MsElena · 11-06-2011, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by malwoody

Mizz E,

I find myself agreeing with you, not only in this thread but also in
several others lately..

Kinda scary, I'm concerned that folks might get the wrong idea.

If I'm not careful I could become known as Mizz E's BITCH...

Hahahaha I'd like to see that in a sig line for you.

mojoworkin · 11-06-2011, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsElena

Not only is a guy farting while in the midst of a BJ, but there's one more thing that will make a provider gag, ruin the mood and make a lady fake it like she's never faked before.......skid marks on the sheets/bed. Why is it that both men and women don't know how to wash their ass properly? If you know you're going to see someone, wipe down before meeting up with them. They do make travel size packs of baby wipes.

Mind boggling. This stuff actually happens? How unclean does someone have to be to leave skid marks on the sheets? Not sure baby wipes will take care of a problem like that. Farts in the face, shit on the bed, it's no wonder some providers don't last long in this business.

MsElena · 11-06-2011, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mojoworkin

Mind boggling. This stuff actually happens? How unclean does someone have to be to leave skid marks on the sheets? Not sure baby wipes will take care of a problem like that. Farts in the face, shit on the bed, it's no wonder some providers don't last long in this business.

MoJo,

The baby wipes are for the person to wipe their ass before showing up to a visit. Just in case they missed something.

Yes, this happens among other things. You'd be amazed how some guys take advantage of incall locations and don't seem to care.

I will call a guy out about the skidmarks and ask that he replace the sheet. I'm not keeping a sheet that has shit on it. I don't care how many times I wash and bleach it, its still going to be in my head and its gross.

Enchanterlingum · 11-06-2011, 07:30 PM

A shower worked into the session would ensure cleanliness. I never could get my ex to play in the shower, so that would be a nice bonus to me.

In fact when remodeling the bathroom, I almost put in a shower big enough for 3 under the auspices of making it "wheel chair compatible" with benches and grab bars. Maybe in the next house...

hughhefner · 11-09-2011, 03:52 AM

I remember a number of years ago on one local discussion board there was a link to a SW board in town. I've never been down that road, but thought it would make for some interesting reading. A poster from out of town had just arrived in KC. He met a lady on 40 HW who he said smelled like "ass." I started laughing out loud. Undeterred (undeTURD?), the next day, our adventurer found yet another lady who smelled like "ass." He finally asked why the hell the ladies in KC all smell like ass! Now I was ROFLMAO.

I could imagine the poor guy just trying to enjoy himself, but was paying the price for how he went about it.

Well, of course, depending on the kind of pond you're fishing in, you may be smelling ass as well as other organic aromas from the frontside bus. Definitely not my choice of experience, though I've had it too many times for one lifetime. I'm afraid this territory is rife with added extras that no client (well, maybe some) pays for and no provider hopes for.

Now we also have vaginal farts, though they typically don't come with noxious gas, not that I've ever smelled anyway. For those clients with anal ineptitude, though, plastic trash bags to serve as bed liners might be made available for an extra fee. Of course, who is going to admit this before the session begins? Guilt post facto is how it goes. Guys who lay down rubber should probably be penalized at least 10 yards, maybe more. Tread marks and farts are a part of life for some. However, viscous and solidified farts are tragic. Sure, shit happens, but preferably not in bed.

Guest080613 · 11-09-2011, 05:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bartipero

By "when you're in the area", do you mean you're going north on I-135 near Kechi and someone in a strip shopping center blasted one, an SBD in a restaurant booth next to you, or perhaps the stall next door? Maybe you're giving your Clydsedales too much hay and need to run it out of them or stick a garden hose up their butts and turn it on. Lol (On second thought someone is probably looking for that, so scratch that.) No, I get it...pretty unbelievably bad behavior. Carry a liter with you -- or a can of Lysol--a few might get the hint...or fine them.

It's probably the cops in Kechi those speed trap sawed off little bastards. Yes I'm bitter, first ticket I've had in 25 years came in that armpit of a town. (If you're from there I don't care if you're offended you should fuking move)

Sorry, I got off subject...

As to the original question I'm like some others, WTF? I'm an old bastard and I don't think that's ever happened to me, nor do I expect it ever will. If the body is such that it's hard to control at that time for christsake change positions for a while. This ain't rocket surgery.

Jack

vitokc · 11-09-2011, 11:31 AM

It's really simple. If you have plans to see a provider, stay away from Taco Bell before you go. No fiber for breakfast that morning. Can't offer help to guys who
can't wipe their ass properly. The ladies shouldn't have to provide wipes for
their nasty asses. Really, if their ass is nasty, what does that say for their overall
hygene?

Hey123 · 11-09-2011, 12:24 PM

This whole thread has got me ROFL!! Sorry ladies, I know it cant be funny when its "in your face", but sure makes funny reading. :-))

royamcr · 11-09-2011, 12:42 PM

Stay away from me about 8 hours after eating pizza.

Tiffany Cums · 11-09-2011, 05:45 PM

Oh, I just hate, hate, hate skid marks on the sheets! OMG! Then I get embarrassed FOR them, like WTF? THEY should be the ones embarrassed, right??