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Toolman · 04-20-2011, 09:21 PM

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

Did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no. I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and got hit by a car.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of clever ways to mess with you.

Seedy · 04-20-2011, 10:01 PM

LMMFAO

Waitt · 04-20-2011, 10:36 PM

funny shit there

Guest120711 · 04-21-2011, 12:22 AM

Too friggin' funny!

1ThickBlond · 04-21-2011, 01:20 AM

LOL! that's too f*cking funny!!!

AllisonofHouston · 04-21-2011, 04:23 AM

TFF !!! Oh I needed that...that was priceless !!!thanks Toolman..

tyboy1 · 04-21-2011, 05:10 AM

ROTFLMMFAO. Thank you sir.

LittleSpike · 04-21-2011, 08:05 AM

The perfect answer to a stupid question. I applaud you

LS

oilfieldscum · 04-21-2011, 08:36 AM

Now that's a good one!

sofiaofhouston · 04-21-2011, 11:35 AM

You could also say you volunteer with Meals On Wheels and you enjoy sneaking the dog food in the soup....I do that...

In order to satisfy my need for selfless devotion I must volunteer once in a while, so why not make it fun?

Valerie · 04-21-2011, 12:54 PM

That's just great

...I wish I had been behind her, I would have totally started in on her about the "Meow Mix" diet after you were done

Guest050715-1 · 04-22-2011, 10:23 AM

I would have paid money to see something like that. I love saying off the wall things to people. I once told a Christian that knocked on my door to witness that my catchup was rancid and then closed the door.

sofiaofhouston · 04-25-2011, 12:38 PM

I like calling ADP emergency response on Jehova Wintesses, while yelling " be right there, I'm getting my bible". I consider it my civic duty ya know protecting the neighborhood.....