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03-07-2018, 09:43 PM
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#1
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Valued Poster
Join Date: Nov 18, 2013
Location: Northeast Indiana
Posts: 748
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Grammar Nazi Humor
A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
A subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
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03-08-2018, 03:04 PM
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#2
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Lifetime Premium Access
Join Date: Jun 13, 2010
Location: Overland Park, KS
Posts: 846
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Lemme guess...English teacher?
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03-08-2018, 04:33 PM
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#3
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Ribbed, For Her Pleasure
Join Date: Dec 31, 2009
Location: Not Chicago
Posts: 16,442
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A man approaches an English teacher in a bar and asks, "Hey, babe, what's happening?" She replies, "A gerund." 
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03-08-2018, 05:25 PM
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#4
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Valued Poster
Join Date: Nov 18, 2013
Location: Northeast Indiana
Posts: 748
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteGentleman
Lemme guess...English teacher?
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No, retired engineer. I do love the language, though.
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03-08-2018, 05:25 PM
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#5
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Valued Poster
Join Date: Nov 18, 2013
Location: Northeast Indiana
Posts: 748
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chicagoboy
A man approaches an English teacher in a bar and asks, "Hey, babe, what's happening?" She replies, "A gerund."
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Excellent!
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03-09-2018, 01:25 PM
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#6
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Let's Have A Great Year!
User ID: 1650
Join Date: Jul 28, 2009
Location: Indianapolis & Touring
Posts: 10,589
My ECCIE Reviews
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03-09-2018, 01:27 PM
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#7
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Let's Have A Great Year!
User ID: 1650
Join Date: Jul 28, 2009
Location: Indianapolis & Touring
Posts: 10,589
My ECCIE Reviews
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03-09-2018, 01:37 PM
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#8
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Let's Have A Great Year!
User ID: 1650
Join Date: Jul 28, 2009
Location: Indianapolis & Touring
Posts: 10,589
My ECCIE Reviews
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03-09-2018, 08:30 PM
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#9
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Valued Poster
Join Date: Nov 18, 2013
Location: Northeast Indiana
Posts: 748
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tia travels
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^ This is the best!
And, even with "Das Untergang" having been used so many times, most of them are still funny as hell. Including the Grammar Nazi one.
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03-09-2018, 09:48 PM
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#10
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Valued Poster
Join Date: Jun 2, 2015
Location: WNY - W Central FL
Posts: 1,528
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Vas machan zee, translates to wtf,I think!
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03-10-2018, 12:58 PM
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#11
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Valued Poster
Join Date: Nov 18, 2013
Location: Northeast Indiana
Posts: 748
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lickidyclit
Vas machan zee, translates to wtf,I think!
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Close. "Was machen Sie?" Literally, "What do you make?" Colloquially, more like "what the hell are you doing" or "what are you up to." Depending on the tone of voice and the context, yeah, "WTF" might be more or less equivalent.
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03-12-2018, 12:04 AM
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#12
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Valued Poster
Join Date: May 1, 2010
Location: St.Louis
Posts: 411
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I've always wondered what the actual conversation would be like if you put someone that spent their entire life in the Deep South at a table with someone that was born and raised in rural Scotland.
Another of my "life goals" is to get a dalmation puppy.....and name it "Stripe"!!!
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03-12-2018, 07:50 AM
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#13
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Valued Poster
Join Date: Jun 2, 2015
Location: WNY - W Central FL
Posts: 1,528
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Quote:
Originally Posted by James1588
Close. "Was machen Sie?" Literally, "What do you make?" Colloquially, more like "what the hell are you doing" or "what are you up to." Depending on the tone of voice and the context, yeah, "WTF" might be more or less equivalent.
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No fair,you must have a German dictionary, eh? Notice my Canadian dialect? Lol!
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03-12-2018, 04:11 PM
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#14
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Valued Poster
Join Date: Nov 18, 2013
Location: Northeast Indiana
Posts: 748
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Murf76
I've always wondered what the actual conversation would be like if you put someone that spent their entire life in the Deep South at a table with someone that was born and raised in rural Scotland.
Another of my "life goals" is to get a dalmation puppy.....and name it "Stripe"!!!
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Way back when I was still a working engineer ... back in the late 1980s, this would have been ... my employer sent me to Dallas for a short course in using a particular piece of design software. This was at a time when, yes, there were PCs, but it was still reasonable that our host provided few enough that each computer was shared by two guys. And my "lab partner" was a real, for-sure Scottish engineer, as much of a cliche as that sounds. He wasn't all that hard to understand. You just had to listen carefully, and slow him down sometimes. I liked the way he tortured his vowels. When he wanted to change a design parameter to see what effect it had on performance, he'd say, "Let's have a look at that." Except he didn't say "look." He said something like "looouuiuuk." Always having a looouuiuuk at something, he was. Also, it was his first visit to the States, and he wanted to try something he considered extremely exotic: he wanted a root beer. (Well, really, what he wanted sounded more like a rooouuiut beer, but, you know.) A bunch of us went out to lunch with him and we saw that he got his root beer. I think he was greatly disappointed.
Hey, give Stripe a milk-bone for me, okay?
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03-12-2018, 04:13 PM
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#15
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Valued Poster
Join Date: Nov 18, 2013
Location: Northeast Indiana
Posts: 748
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lickidyclit
No fair,you must have a German dictionary, eh? Notice my Canadian dialect? Lol!
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You got me. I'm busted ...
Eh?
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