Short Stories: sessions that have gone crazy...

[Guest060214]

small studio apartment...we're going at it full steam in missionary, then we hear a key opening the front door. No knock, no bell, just open and enter. She jumps up, knocks me out of the bed, grabs her robe and starts running for the door. Too late, the dude is already in, I hear them talking. I get off the floor and start to get dressed in record time, cell phone falls on the floor making a loud bang, then there's silence in the other room. I'm dressed in a panic, obvious full erection, condom still on no time to worry about that.

She comes in and tells me it's the maintenance guy there to fix the garbage disposal. Probably clogged from all the used condoms? I leave and this dude is staring at me. I walk to the car, dick going soft, condom slides off and is now swimming in my shorts. Get in the car reach in and fish the slimy condom out and drop it in the door bin forgetting i put it there. Two days later at the carwash, they find it and I see one guy holding it up, showing another dude and laughing....

I was traumatized and gave up the hobby for two days.

[FunInDFW]

Condoms down the disposal?!

/random pro tip for smelly disposal: run ice through the disposal while on then a few sliced lemons. Works every time.

[TinMan]

The really important question is, who puts their used condoms in the garbage disposal?

Sorry, that probably wasn't the point of the story. I may need to recycle my "sneak out the back door of the trailer while hubby came in the front" tale I told earlier in the week.

Edit: damn, I was late on the condom down the disposal joke. Pro tip/ eat lots of pineapple so her disposal smells fruity fresh when she grinds up the used condoms.

[Guest060214]

Originally Posted by TinMan

The really important question is, who puts their used condoms in the garbage disposal?

Sorry, that probably wasn't the point of the story. I may need to recycle my "sneak out the back door of the trailer while hubby came in the front" tale I told earlier in the week.

LOL!.. Your story is great and it should be here.

I don't know why the garbage disposal was clogged but it was a professional incall just for sessions. It's not like she was cooking there..no food, dishes, etc....never got to ask what she put in there to clog it...

[melannie_star]

and this one time at band camp...

I had the wonderful idea of putting a cordless vibrating egg up my back side while taking it in the front..
Needless to say.. it did not come out without a fight.
So embarrassing, my partner in crime could not stop laughing long enough to push the off switch on the remote to stop vibrating. Trust me.. it was one of those, you had to be there moments!
I was freaking out.. but all ended well.

The End

[bojulay]

............and then the helicopters showed up.

I was lucky I wore that blue blazer, let me tell you.

It took days removing the asphalt gravel though.

[Alyssa Marie]

Can it be a gross story?? Like I have only had to ask two people to leave in all of my years of my fabulous life of escorting... This is one of them... Just let me know if it can be gross.

[Guest060214]

Originally Posted by Alyssa Marie

Can it be a gross story?? Like I have only had to ask two people to leave in all of my years of my fabulous life of escorting... This is one of them... Just let me know if it can be gross.

Yes, but it better be real gross

[FunInDFW]

Originally Posted by Alyssa Marie

Can it be a gross story?? Like I have only had to ask two people to leave in all of my years of my fabulous life of escorting... This is one of them... Just let me know if it can be gross.

Originally Posted by Jarvis

Yes, but it better be real gross

Seriously, you can't build it up and say something like he farted :|

[Luke Skywalker]

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[Alyssa Marie]

Hi, first off.. I have four brothers. I can handle and compete when it comes to "gross boys things" like a champion.

So.. In New York.. Hotel rooms can come pretty tiny. A guy scheduled a half hour. He comes up and excuses himself to the restroom. Great.. He's going to freshen up, drop the shoe money.. Well.. I start to hear a *gasp* (that's sarcasm) fart. I kinda giggled.. Thinking he's probably embarrassed. It was not your normal fart. Then I felt like I went in a fifteen second time machine.. Here came another one. Then three.. Oh, it didn't stop. So I say, "excuse me.. Are you ok?" And he says, "yes.. Sorry.. " then he finally comes out and he puts the money down..
I asked if he felt sick.. He said, just a little bit..
I said, I don't think today is the best day to do this...
Mind you, ten minutes of the 30 were already happening in the bathroom.. Where the shower water never ran!
So he really wants to stay.. He has put the money down.
I politely said, here.. Please take this.. And call me when you feel better.
He says ok and leaves.
I go to spray the bathroom.. Just incase..

Oh man, those were no farts! And homeboy didn't even flush!

[Guest060214]

You should have let him put a few skidmarks on the comforter. He drove all that way....

Originally Posted by Alyssa Marie

Hi, first off.. I have four brothers. I can handle and compete when it comes to "gross boys things" like a champion.

So.. In New York.. Hotel rooms can come pretty tiny. A guy scheduled a half hour. He comes up and excuses himself to the restroom. Great.. He's going to freshen up, drop the shoe money.. Well.. I start to hear a *gasp* (that's sarcasm) fart. I kinda giggled.. Thinking he's probably embarrassed. It was not your normal fart. Then I felt like I went in a fifteen second time machine.. Here came another one. Then three.. Oh, it didn't stop. So I say, "excuse me.. Are you ok?" And he says, "yes.. Sorry.. " then he finally comes out and he puts the money down..
I asked if he felt sick.. He said, just a little bit..
I said, I don't think today is the best day to do this...
Mind you, ten minutes of the 30 were already happening in the bathroom.. Where the shower water never ran!
So he really wants to stay.. He has put the money down.
I politely said, here.. Please take this.. And call me when you feel better.
He says ok and leaves.
I go to spray the bathroom.. Just incase..

Oh man, those were no farts! And homeboy didn't even flush!

[Alyssa Marie]

Originally Posted by Jarvis

You should have let him put a few skidmarks on the comforter. He drove all that way....

I'll that after you do this - let the next girl who you meet who claims to be on her monthly and can only do oral give you a ruby necklace.
Deal???



He actually took the subway.. And it was only a few stops. Don't dewl too bad for him.

[Chung Tran]

Originally Posted by melannie_star

and this one time at band camp...

I had the wonderful idea of putting a cordless vibrating egg up my back side while taking it in the front..
Needless to say.. it did not come out without a fight.
So embarrassing, my partner in crime could not stop laughing long enough to push the off switch on the remote to stop vibrating. Trust me.. it was one of those, you had to be there moments!
I was freaking out.. but all ended well.

The End

I always thought you had a bug up your ass.. now I find out you had an egg





just fucking with you about the bug..

[Guest060214]

the last time that happened she didn't tell me and I left looking like this...

Originally Posted by Alyssa Marie

I'll that after you do this - let the next girl who you meet who claims to be on her monthly and can only do oral give you a ruby necklace.
Deal???



He actually took the subway.. And it was only a few stops. Don't dewl too bad for him.