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johnsontedt84 · 04-24-2014, 06:32 PM

I tried to help someone out today and they ended up lying to me and taking advantage of my generosity. It was outside the hobby just to clarify. I can see why now people are reluctant to help strangers now because of people out there like this. Being lied to is one of the few things that really pisses me off. I was just doing it out of the goodness of my heart and now this person has ruined it for people that I might have actually helped in the future. Now I'm wiser for this ordeal I had to go through and it won't happen again. Just wanted to rant and there it was.

If anyone wants to share how they tired to help someone in the past and they took advantage be my guest. I would like to hear of others experiences.

KCAsianDude · 04-24-2014, 09:15 PM

Happened to me more than I can count. I have a weak heart.
Most are either my close friends or relatives though.

SinsOfTheFlesh · 04-24-2014, 11:04 PM

Well, this probably won't be the answer you are looking for, but here goes anyways. And its going to be a long answer, so get comfy if you are willing to read to the end.

One of my fondest memories is of a road trip that my Mom, my sister and I took. I don't even remember where we were going or why. What I remember best about that trip was that as we were on the road, we saw a car blow a tire ahead of us.

I turned my head to look as we passed by the car, and caught a glimpse of a baby in the back seat. I turned to Mom and said "Mom we have to stop, there's a baby in the car". At the precise moment I told Mom to stop, my sister said the same thing. So mom pulled over, and we went back to help a very shaken up young mother change her tire. She looked about 19 or 20, and clearly had no idea what to do when it came to changing a tire.

Once the tire was changed we got back on the road, and my sister looked over Mom, and she was crying. Shawna asked what was wrong, and Mom just said she hoped she could take some of the credit for raising two daughters like us.

I have paid for groceries for strangers at the grocery store who were a little short at the register, given rides to someone who looked like they needed it. Up until about 8 months ago, I gave a discounted rate when clients brought food with them, that I in turn donated to Harvesters. Last year I donated just over 1,000 pounds of food thanks to the wonderful men of KC, and the extra groceries I always bought when I went to the store.

But, like you, I got burned a while ago. I have always believed that the good things we do come back to us one way or another, and about 8 months ago, that belief was shattered. I took the food drive special out of my showcase, and basically just said fuck it, every man, woman, and child for themselves. No more of this helping others bullshit.

But I also remember an incident when I was in college. At the time my Mom lived in Colorado, so the day after the fall semester let out, I threw a bag in the car and drove to CO to spend a week with her. I drove home on a Sunday, and just as I was passing a teeny tiny itty bitty little town, I blew a tire. Someone stopped to help me change it, and I asked him if there was a place in town where I could replace the tire. All I had was one of those donut spares, and still had 200 more miles to drive, so I knew that little donut wouldn't get me home. He directed me to a shop, and as I pulled in, the guy was locking the door.

The guy re-opened the shop for me, but he didn't have a tire to fit my car. So he drove to the next biggest town to get one. He was gone almost 2 hours. He came back, put the tire on my car. When it was time to pay for it, I had nightmare visions of Chevy Chase in Nat'l Lampoon's Vacation when he nose dived his car in the Grand Canyon. This guy could have charged me anything he wanted for that tire. All I paid for that tire was $50.00. I am certain he couldn't have made a penny off that tire. But he probably had a daughter, and hoped in his heart that someone would take care of her the way he took care of me that day. So he stayed 3 hours late, drove 2 hours round trip, and got me back on the road, for what was probably little or no profit for himself.

Over the past several months, as I've dwelled on the knife that was stuck in my back, I come back that incident alot. The round world theory - the belief that the good we do comes back to us - really does work. It just doesn't always work in the way we want or expect it to.

So the message is, don't stop helping others, even when your fingers get burned. Every time I dropped food off to Harvester's, I got a great night's sleep, and walked with an extra bounce in my step. What happened to that food once I donated it doesn't matter. Not to me anyways. I never saw the faces of the people I helped. What helped me was knowing I was helping. It just feels good.

But once we reach out to help someone, we don't get to control the outcome. Sometimes the people we reach out to will just lie to us and take advantage. Sometimes the people we reach out to will remember the kindness done to them and return the favor to the next person who needs help. We don't have a crystal ball to know when our help will make a difference and when it won't. That part isn't up to us. Maybe its up to God if you believe in one, or its up to karma, or maybe its just random chance.

What is within your control is how you see others, and what you choose to do when you see someone that needs help. Once I post this reply, I'm going to fix my showcase. It is time for me to get up off the mat too, and stop being mad at the world because of the actions of one person. Be mad for a while because someone lied to you and manipulated you. But don't stop doing good things. It is what lets me sleep at night, and why I can look at the person in the mirror and be proud of the person I see looking back at me.

dirty dog · 04-24-2014, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SinsOfTheFlesh

Well, this probably won't be the answer you are looking for, but here goes anyways. And its going to be a long answer, so get comfy if you are willing to read to the end.

One of my fondest memories is of a road trip that my Mom, my sister and I took. I don't even remember where we were going or why. What I remember best about that trip was that as we were on the road, we saw a car blow a tire ahead of us.

I turned my head to look as we passed by the car, and caught a glimpse of a baby in the back seat. I turned to Mom and said "Mom we have to stop, there's a baby in the car". At the precise moment I told Mom to stop, my sister said the same thing. So mom pulled over, and we went back to help a very shaken up young mother change her tire. She looked about 19 or 20, and clearly had no idea what to do when it came to changing a tire.

Once the tire was changed we got back on the road, and my sister looked over Mom, and she was crying. Shawna asked what was wrong, and Mom just said she hoped she could take some of the credit for raising two daughters like us.

I have paid for groceries for strangers at the grocery store who were a little short at the register, given rides to someone who looked like they needed it. Up until about 8 months ago, I gave a discounted rate when clients brought food with them, that I in turn donated to Harvesters. Last year I donated just over 1,000 pounds of food thanks to the wonderful men of KC, and the extra groceries I always bought when I went to the store.

But, like you, I got burned a while ago. I have always believed that the good things we do come back to us one way or another, and about 8 months ago, that belief was shattered. I took the food drive special out of my showcase, and basically just said fuck it, every man, woman, and child for themselves. No more of this helping others bullshit.

But I also remember an incident when I was in college. At the time my Mom lived in Colorado, so the day after the fall semester let out, I threw a bag in the car and drove to CO to spend a week with her. I drove home on a Sunday, and just as I was passing a teeny tiny itty bitty little town, I blew a tire. Someone stopped to help me change it, and I asked him if there was a place in town where I could replace the tire. All I had was one of those donut spares, and still had 200 more miles to drive, so I knew that little donut wouldn't get me home. He directed me to a shop, and as I pulled in, the guy was locking the door.

The guy re-opened the shop for me, but he didn't have a tire to fit my car. So he drove to the next biggest town to get one. He was gone almost 2 hours. He came back, put the tire on my car. When it was time to pay for it, I had nightmare visions of Chevy Chase in Nat'l Lampoon's Vacation when he nose dived his car in the Grand Canyon. This guy could have charged me anything he wanted for that tire. All I paid for that tire was $50.00. I am certain he couldn't have made a penny off that tire. But he probably had a daughter, and hoped in his heart that someone would take care of her the way he took care of me that day. So he stayed 3 hours late, drove 2 hours round trip, and got me back on the road, for what was probably little or no profit for himself.

Over the past several months, as I've dwelled on the knife that was stuck in my back, I come back that incident alot. The round world theory - the belief that the good we do comes back to us - really does work. It just doesn't always work in the way we want or expect it to.

So the message is, don't stop helping others, even when your fingers get burned. Every time I dropped food off to Harvester's, I got a great night's sleep, and walked with an extra bounce in my step. What happened to that food once I donated it doesn't matter. Not to me anyways. I never saw the faces of the people I helped. What helped me was knowing I was helping. It just feels good.

But once we reach out to help someone, we don't get to control the outcome. Sometimes the people we reach out to will just lie to us and take advantage. Sometimes the people we reach out to will remember the kindness done to them and return the favor to the next person who needs help. We don't have a crystal ball to know when our help will make a difference and when it won't. That part isn't up to us. Maybe its up to God if you believe in one, or its up to karma, or maybe its just random chance.

What is within your control is how you see others, and what you choose to do when you see someone that needs help. Once I post this reply, I'm going to fix my showcase. It is time for me to get up off the mat too, and stop being mad at the world because of the actions of one person. Be mad for a while because someone lied to you and manipulated you. But don't stop doing good things. It is what lets me sleep at night, and why I can look at the person in the mirror and be proud of the person I see looking back at me.

Everything sins says gets a thumbs up, but I ill add one more thing and it always makes me feel better. If the advice Sins gave doesn't work for you then I would simply suggest, KICK THEIR ASS, I know its not civilized but damn it can sure make you feel good.

old-tyme-racer · 04-24-2014, 11:49 PM

Right on Sins,

JayceeRivers · 04-25-2014, 08:54 AM

I have had many incidents in my life where I have helped people and found myself disappointed with the repercussions. Before I tell you one of these stories understand I hold no malice to this woman and I still push on helping those that seem to need help.

Several years ago I lived in Atlanta. At the time I was dancing at gentlemens clubs. I met a woman and we hit it off right away. It wasn't long before I figured out she had management and was tapering on risky activities within the club and outside of it. To complicate matters further her management was violently inclined and it was apparent those bruises she had were not from the stage or pole as she so often explained away. Normally I do not judge women for choosing management route. It is their choice and if it makes them happy who am I to say how they should live their lives? However I could tell in this instance she was not happy and could not break free.

So I extended my hand. I set her up in an apartment with the very little spare funds I had, acquired her a car, helped her change her look, and even supported her for the first three months of transition. (completely supported her and her son) Understand at the time I barely had the means to support myself so this was a big deal. After much discussion we decided to merge living arrangements, particularly as I was paying for everything and it was straining.

I had three rules. No men at my home. Ever. No drugs in my home. Ever. and the third was a combination of the above... No illegal activity in the home. EVER.

It wasn't long before I found her rolling in the sheets with two clients. And when I say rolling I do not mean the act of the body twirling as much as being so high that she didn't notice her son on the floor playing with one of her CLIENT'S GUN.

I kicked the men out and took her to the ER. After she came down she was furious. We decided to talk later that evening after work. Obviously she needed to be home with her child so I went to work tense and unhappy. When I returned she was gone. All she left behind was my furniture and a hint of cocaine dust on the counter. My dancer clothes, most of my closet, a laptop, a computer, a tv, all of it.. gone.

To this day I have no idea where she went or why with all of the help I offered she needed to return to drugs and such.

sherm · 04-25-2014, 09:23 AM

No good deed goes unpunished.

cright58 · 04-25-2014, 12:57 PM

Almost all of the times that I paid my good fortunes forward or was able to lend a helping hand to someone it was me that received the true blessings.

Urban Dahlia · 04-25-2014, 02:02 PM

Why do you care if they lied to you? Were you not just trying to do an act of Kindness and Goodness?

You Chose to help them. End of story.

What they choose to do with that money/gift/help, or the story they told you to get it, is on them. It is their problem, their consequence to bare.

The only problem you have is that you have decided to cut off wanting to help others in the future. I promise you this. If you stop Giving, you will see the decrease in your Life. Keep Giving, and you will increase your Life reaping Abundance. Do Not Stop The Flow Of This Energy!

When I give money or do anything for people, I already assume they are lying to me and going to use it for something worthless/bad. I decide that I am going to do my part, what God asks of me, and that is to Give. That's it! I don't worry about their choices because that is not my job, but God's job. We all make bad choices and mistakes. The last thing any of us need is another imperfect human judging us.

How do you know that your Act of Kindness will not impact that person in a positive way 3 months from now changing the course of their Life forever? You never know how things are constantly working for Good. Try to see the Big Picture of Life. It is a Cycle/Circle that is in constant motion. Do not stop that constant balance and motion of Giving and Receiving.

When you give money/something/anything... It only leaves your hand, NOT your Life.

Truth: What you sow, you will reap. Sow your seeds for a future reaping of the harvest, and Stop worrying about everyone else's choices of how they choose to live their Life.

Lastly, anyone who is hooked on dr*gs (Dr*g Addict) is not thinking with their normal brain. The drug has taken over, and has a mind of its own. Please try to have some compassion and understanding for people who are hooked on dr*gs as well as severe alcoholics. They honestly, know not what they do. It kills me inside. They need Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness. Man... sometimes that is very hard to do.

I have helped many a provider with this, and have had my heart ripped out repeatedly because they make some really bad decisions. I just ask God for strength and refueling to keep helping them.

There is nothing Sweeter than the day you see them Sober, Happy and Thriving. It makes all the shit I went through with them 110% totally worth it! I would do it for Anyone... Friend or Foe.

noleftturn · 04-25-2014, 02:21 PM

Very well said!

johnsontedt84 · 04-25-2014, 04:31 PM

Thank you ladies you are right, I shouldn't let one person ruin it for everyone else. I was just mad at the moment but have sense calmed down and will continue to help those in need when the opportunity presents itself.

Urban Dahlia · 04-25-2014, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnsontedt84

Thank you ladies you are right, I shouldn't let one person ruin it for everyone else. I was just mad at the moment but have sense calmed down and will continue to help those in need when the opportunity presents itself.

Heck yeah it makes you mad. We all know exactly how you feel, and can empathize. I apologize if my words came across as me pinning you in a corner with confrontation. I am a bit (a lot, cough cough lol) Type A lol.

All I meant by it was that when you do something for someone else, your ARE going to blessed in some way/ some how sometime down the road. I Guarantee It!

To me that last part of my sentence is worth being deceived, lied to and taken advantage of. People lol.

I am a weirdo, and do all kinds of experiments all the time. I get bored, and need a journey or an experiment lol. I have tested the Give and Receive Theory thoroughly.

The more I give, the more I have/get and the more I I find myself surrounded in abundance in all areas of my life. When I get stingy, greedy, fearful or controlling and stop giving... I have less appointments, less spending/bill money, less joy, less help from friends/strangers, basically less of everything. And it sucks. So I hopped back into the Circle (circle of trust lol), and started participating again.

Sometimes I'm in the Giving cycle, and sometimes I'm in the Receiving cycle. It's a good balance, and as extreme as my personality is... Balance usually renders a more joyful living experience lol. Although I won't lie... It is super fun to be in the Receiving cycle lol. Hey I like to go shopping Ha Ha :-P

johnsontedt84 · 04-25-2014, 06:48 PM

No need to apologize Dahlia, I thought it was good constructive advice and I did ask for it. I can't and won't get upset if I ask you to share and turn it back on you if I didn't like what you had to say. I appreciate the kind words and you taking time out of you day to respond, and no offense taken.

Urban Dahlia · 04-25-2014, 06:50 PM

Sweetness! Thank You :-D

Silverchair · 04-25-2014, 07:08 PM

I agree with Dahlia's sentiments - the caveat for me though is I will help others as long as they are helping themselves with the help they are being given.

I'm my 20's I was earning decent money and helped ALOT of my friends in many situations - on drugs, legal issues, family problems causing them job losses and homelessness - I've seen a lot.

I noticed and realized early on that those I was helping that weren't putting in effort to use my help (money, a place to stay, my time to help them deal with things) effectively were not getting themselves into a better place. They were just relying on me to keep them getting by.

I was handicapping those people by not giving them initiative to help themselves.

These days I continue to champion and assist anyone I meet, no matter what situation they are in. However I always tell them that I will do whatever I can to help as long as they are demonstrating they are not taking my help for granted and are putting in effort to use the help to better themselves.

If they are not using the help to better themselves and taking it for granted, I'm out. I refuse to handicap those people by giving them no reason to work on being better.

It's cheesy but I like the Hope For The Holidays phase on 98.9 - "Not a handout, but a hand up.
Sums my sentiments when it comes to assisting those in need pretty well.