Sex is like carpentry....

[Guest081314]

Originally posted by the lovely Gina Finn of Utah on another board. Thought it was worthy of a re-posting.....

Sex is like Carpentry

The cardinal rule is to always select 'good wood'. Bent, split, rotted, or damaged wood will not produce a desirable result and can often leave you disappointed in your finished project. Take your time to select not only the proper species of wood but examine and inspect it, ensuring it's hard enough to suit your intended project.

The grade does matter. There's paint grade and there's stain grade. Yes, stain grade is more expensive but if you want a natural look as opposed to a flawed object under paint, you're going to have to pay more for it. Because of the cost factor, go slowly with stain grade. Replacing a damaged piece can be devastating.

Select the right nail. Using a nail that's too big will cause more damage than you can fix. Using a nail that's too small won't provide stability, though you can improvise with a bit of glue.

Always pre-drill! I can't stress this enough. Take the time to prepare your project to accept the nail smoothly. Just ramming it in may result in cracking or splitting. No amount of wood putty can fix this!

When you decide to put 2 pieces together, gently clamp. Gently. Clamping too hard might leave the wrong impression and ruin your project for future use.

I should point out it's better to lube the equipment, not the wood. Unless, of course, the wood has a protective waterproof cover. Then lube away!

How do you deal with warped wood? You make it wet. I mean REALLY wet, heat it up... the steamier the better. When it's nice and hot, you apply firm pressure until it's molded the way you want.

When you're finished, take your time to pat yourself on the back and admire your work!

[LNK]

Good one. Where is UC? We need his comments on this, I think.

[SexyKaylen]

I like it...

[i'va biggen]

Providers should always have a trade to fall back on.

[SexyKaylen]

So right sir..lol

Originally Posted by i'va biggen

Providers should always have a trade to fall back on.

[SinsOfTheFlesh]

Unfortunately, women make lousy carpenters after years of being told that this [__] is 6 inches

[KCSmutMonkey]

Originally Posted by SinsOfTheFlesh

Unfortunately, women make lousy carpenters after years of being told that this [__] is 6 inches

Hey, haven't you ever heard the phrase "You always round up!"???

[Unique_Carpenter]

LNK: Just got in from the shop.
Thank you TD, for sharing with this board an excellent analysis of premium woodworking. On occasion, I am on the east side of Salt Lake, early to mid-winter.
I would add to the comments above that one must allow, and set aside, sufficient time for the entire project to be successfully completed, as a detailed enjoyable project can easily take the better part of an entire weekend day, or longer. As mentioned above, carefully selecting the wood you want to work with is the key to beginning a project of this nature. I will also add that I have found that different projects require different types and grades of wood. It’s all simply part of what you want to experience as you journey through various areas of the craft. With careful handling, I have seen rough lumber become a gorgeous work of art. And I have seen, and felt, a fine piece of timber resonate as it is carefully worked.
In selecting the wood, whether rough or smooth, Oak, Mahogany, Ash, Walnut, or others, and again, as mentioned above, a careful inspection is needed. I have found that carefully tracing the grain on the wood will allow you to feel, or sense, if the wood itself desires to be handled. And, on occasion, during this selection, perhaps something originally thought to be a flaw, will turn out to simply be a shadow that obscures underlying beauty that wants to come out and be seen.
To conclude, just some thoughts from someone who appreciates sharing the craft with friends.
Btw, a current project is a major part replacement on a friend’s roll top oak desk.

[woody4eroticfun]

Nothing better than drilling a nice piece of ash.

[DestinyInKC]

Originally Posted by woody4eroticfun

Nothing better than drilling a nice piece of ash.

LOL

[BigDeal]

Im so BOARD with this thread....can we NAIL it down and move on.....

[ss4699]

Originally Posted by SinsOfTheFlesh

Unfortunately, women make lousy carpenters after years of being told that this [__] is 6 inches

estimation is not a skill that carpenters even want to try - use the tape and measure to the nearest 1/4"....the saw cut is that wide

Originally Posted by Unique_Carpenter

LNK: Just got in from the shop.
"....sufficient time for the entire project to be successfully completed, as a detailed enjoyable project can easily take the better part of".... "carefully selecting the wood "ie" you want to work with is the key....."I will also add that I have found that different projects require different types and grades of wood.... you want to experience as you journey through various areas of the craft." ...."I have seen rough lumber become a gorgeous work of art". .....In selecting the wood, whether rough or smooth, Oak, Mahogany, Ash, Walnut, or others, and again, ...a careful inspection is needed. I have found that carefully tracing the grain on the wood will allow you to feel, or sense, if the wood itself desires to be handled. And, on occasion, during this selection, perhaps something originally thought to be a flaw, will turn out to simply be a shadow that obscures underlying beauty that wants to come out and be seen.

As a rough in (framer), trim and cabinet guy, there are things that shoud be screwed and not NAILED....and some that should be glued, TIGHT to hold them together~
sometimes nails just will not work. Predrilling for nails, rarely but for screws, essential. For finish on trim, nails and filler in most cases will do. For cabinetry, a whole different world trim hides the nails on the surfaces and gluing is essential...http://www.bobvila.com/articles/how-to-build-cabinets/
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Originally Posted by woody4eroticfun

Nothing better than drilling a nice piece of ash.

Well stated Woody

Originally Posted by td84x

Originally posted by the lovely Gina Finn of Utah on another board. Thought it was worthy of a re-posting.....

Sex is like Carpentry

The cardinal rule is to always select 'good wood'. Bent, split, rotted, or damaged wood will not produce a desirable result and can often leave you disappointed in your finished project. Take your time to select not only the proper species of wood but examine and inspect it, ensuring it's hard enough to suit your intended project.

Depends on the purpose and intent.if you are doing sub work, places that do not show - behing the doors, under the sheet rock. makes little different - studs are studs.....comments are welcome!

The grade does matter.

I would choose piece of a Kaylen or SOF over many other species available locally.

There's paint grade and there's stain grade. Yes, stain grade is more expensive but if you want a natural look as opposed to a flawed object under paint,

BUT if you can get the good stuff for the a better price why not go for her...I mean it....

go slowly with stain grade. Replacing a damaged piece can be devastating.

I would go slowly with any one of the fine ladies I me trims or pieces of quailty available here if I was still in the "market".

Select the right nail.

OR SCREW for the job .... too small won't provide stability, though you can improvise with a bit of glue. Always pre-drill! I can't stress this enough.[/QUOTE]agree

Take the time to prepare your project to accept the nail smoothly.

Yes, and the lady, I mean lumber must prepare too. A house or room or apartment JMMED TO THE TOP with stuff, shows a piece that just is not ready to "provide" properly for the needs of her carpenter/client.

Just ramming it in may result in cracking or splitting. No amount of wood putty can fix this!

Some ladies, I mean lumber loves to be rammed? Agree or disagree?

When you decide to put 2 pieces together, gently clamp. Gently.

always a great way to start the project......

Clamping too hard might leave the wrong impression and ruin your project for future use.

yes true in most skilled work!

You make it wet. I mean REALLY wet, heat it up... the steamier the better. ....you apply firm pressure until it's molded the way you want.

hot and jucie, oh my....

When you're finished, take your time to pat yourself on the back and admire your work!

Take a deep breathe.....