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Join Date: Dec 23, 2012
Location: Houston
Posts: 538
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I've never been able to have a successful tease and denial session with a woman I've met casually, so I can't conceive of a way to make it work with a provider.
But there is absolutely no doubt that many women will respond to tease and denial. Here is a my experience with it.
The first ingredient is trust. This is why it's difficult for me to think of successfully pursuing tease and denial with a provider (or a civvie one night stand, for that matter).
I'm talking about specific kinds of trust.
She has to trust you'll bring her to orgasm. If she doesn't trust this, then she'll be fixated on whether she'll be physically capable of cumming when you bring her to the brink then back off.
She has to trust you understand her body, and how it reacts to different stimuli.
It's helpful if she trusts you not to hurt her, either physically or emotionally.
It's especially helpful if she trusts you with her fantasies, her past experiences with sex, both good, and especially bad. If you can relate to those experiences, not be threatened by either the good or bad, and she feels this to her core, that puts her in a good mental state.
There has to be great communication. Without the communication, there won't be the trust. Also, I don't care how amazing of a sex partner you are, every woman is different, reacts differently to various stimuli, and can even react differently to the same stimuli given the environment, the mood, and the person doing it. Getting her to a place where she feels comfortable enough to share what she's going through, what feels good, what doesn't feel good, in a way that doesn't make either of you feel insecure, awkward, or threatened, is very helpful.
So if you have complete trust, and you have terrific communication, there are still some other essential ingredients.
Anticipation
Relaxation
Feeling desired
No distractions
All of these are absolutely critical.
Anticipation, IMHO, is the MOST important aphrodisiac in existence. If I can get a woman to anticipate our time together, I'm in my best place to give her a mind blowing sexual experience. And there is no such thing as too much anticipation if you have a woman in this mindset. Unless you don't deliver, but we'll pretend we live in a fantasy world where that doesn't happen.
Relaxation is important, because a woman's orgasm is so mental. The way I describe it to my partners is that our minds are like a crystal decanter of water from a melting glacier, with a ton of silt in it. Our daily lives are the equivalent of taking a stick, and vigorously stirring it up. We have thoughts pinging all over with no conscious effort on our part, like the silt spinning around in the water.
That's not a good place for tease and denial. What we want to do is get the woman in a place where all those thoughts drift to the bottom, so that all we have left in her mind is "as clear as if angels washed it," so she can focus wholly on the pleasure we're about to bring her.
No distractions are vital, because once we have a woman in that state, it doesn't necessarily take much to get her out, whether it's the ringing of a phone, the knocking of a door, or even a loud noise which startles her. Any kind of fear, or the recollections of other responsibilities, are the worst.
I've done this in over a hundred ways. Role playing can be nice. But the main ingredients of trust, communication, anticipation, relaxation, feeling desired, and no distractions were the common element.
I'll give you an example.
So Jennifer and I had been going out for a few months. She worked as a credit analyst managing a team of 3 for a big global electricity company. We'd been enjoying hot sex, but I was going out of town for a week on business, and she was unable to accompany me. I planted the seed that I was going to do something special for her on my return.
Before I left I carefully hid a variety of items throughout her house.
When we'd talk on the phone during the week, I would ask her questions as to what she thought I had in store for her when I got back.
Each day I would FedEx instructions on where to look for one of the items I had hid. One day I left velvet covered restraints. Another day she found a blindfold. Another day it was massage oil. Another was a toy she had previously picked out.
I also sent her a huge spray to her work.
I knew which restaurant her friends were going out to, and I arranged for a special dessert (flaming banana foster) to be presented to them as my treat.
All of it was leading to that Friday night. I had already had a limo take her to work that day, and then pick her up afterwards to come straight to my place.
What I HADN'T told her is that I got an earlier flight, arriving around 11am, instead of 4:30pm, so that I had most of the day to prepare.
When she opened the door she saw petals of roses leading up the stairs.
Along the way she would come upon sets of instructions asking her to disrobe various articles of clothing, along with something describing a part of her body, whether her hair, the nape of her neck, the way her fingers feel when she traces them down my arm, etc., ending with a question, such as, "Do you know how much I desire you?" "Do you know how much I need to touch you?" "Do you want me as much as I want you?" etc..
The trail led to the master bedroom, where she was asked to take off any remaining clothes, put on the blindfold I had left for her, sit on the edge of the bed, and call out, "I am ready, S."
At this point I came out, took her by the hand, and led her to the bathroom.
In that house I had a huge master tub. I had the limo driver text me they were on their way, so I could make sure and draw a hot bath. I had added Origins Ginger bubble bath (I had taken Jennifer by a store one time and had her smell different scents, so I knew she thought it smelled nice).
I let her soak in the tub while I carefully washed every part of her body with a sea wool loofah. While sensuous, I wasn't overtly sexual. The process took a long time.
Afterwards, I dried her off. I had some Egyptian cotton towels sitting in a towel warmer. This time, I was a little more sexual, making kisses on her skin, and then drying them off.
Then I led her back to the bedroom, where I laid her down on her back. I softly kissed every inch of her skin, starting with her forehead, over her face, jawline, spending time on each ear, down her arm, spending time on each finger, to the underside of her wrist, her elbow, her armpit.
Something interesting, is that if you find a place that's ticklish, keep it in mind. A place that's ticklish in a normal state can be a tremendous erogenous zone when a woman is worked up. It provides an intense sensation if touched in the right way.
After that, a great deal of breast play, working down the stomach. Here, the Nina Hartley video is great. Indirect play really is often best when working with the clitoris, specifically at first. In any case, I play around enough to get her worked up (about 20 to 30 minutes), and then roll her over. I kiss down her back, slowly. I spent a lot of time on her backside, including all the crevices, but obviously that isn't for everyone.
From there, I tease a great deal from behind --- doggy style with the tongue, as it were --- having her lift up her hips. After getting her worked up again, I have her roll over, and start at the feet. I caress, nibble, suck, and massage one foot, then go up her leg slowly. Massaging the big calf muscles is great, and again, look for ticklish spots. I pay some attention to the underside of the knee.
As I work up the inside of the thigh, the breathing can grow ragged. I spend a lot of time teasing once again, applying my tongue to the outside of the labia, and slowly licking just along the outside. I'll massage the clitoris on the outside of the hood only, never making direct contact, and I try to limit how much I do on the outside, even.
After I have her breathing heavily, with her trying to reach to my hair to pull me into her, and having to slap away her hand, I then start back down on the other foot, and work my way up once again.
Once I finish the inside of her thigh, I'm ready to start to work.
The first thing I do is put both of her wrists in restraining clamps. They're lined, and I instruct her on how to release them, so she feels safe. Then I put a pillow under her hips to raise her up. At this point, I get serious.
A couple of things about DATY. I've always found my best success is when I drag my whole tongue, firmly pressed, along the clitoral area. I do change up the sensation, but it's very mixed as to what each woman wants. Some are more sensitive than others. Some need a harder pressure. All of them have needs that change through varying degrees of arousal. And all of them react differently to various pressures on other regions. For example, some women go ga ga by stimulating the perineum internally. Some don't want you going anywhere near there. Most women like massaging the G-spot internally, but some don't react as strongly. You absolutely should have a clean shave, and your nails must be cut. There's also sucking, and rapidly vibrating your tongue across the clitoris. You'll have to experiment, and hopefully have a partner who will let you know what they like and what they don't like quite as much.
In any case, I must have brought Jennifer to the brink 4 times. As she screamed in frustration the last time, I lifted my mouth to her ear, released her wrists, and explained that this time, I promise I wasn't going to stop for anything.
Again, this goes back to trust. I've established that as much teasing as I've done prior, this time I'm going all the way, and I say it in a way she believes me. It's the promise, the anticipation, and the sexual release that comes from the trust. She knows I mean it, and she believes me.
And then I carry through. Her orgasm was extraordinarily intense.
Some things here, too. When a woman is having a multiple orgasm, at first she can handle clitoral stimulation, and even desire it. But at some point, it literally becomes too sensitive, to the point where it's painful. I usually just press my mouth as firmly as possible, with my tongue flat, and hold on, until she indicates she can't handle it any more.
What I have found is that with some women, you can still stimulate the clitoris indirectly, by pushing on the muscle just an inch or so above the clitoris, so that it gives some pressure there. If this works for a woman, she can literally come over and over and over again until she collapses in exhaustion. It doesn't work for every woman, although some women can develop the ability, but when it does, it's pretty cool.
Some other issues. With tease and denial with a woman, especially a woman that desires you, they're going to want your cock in them, way before any of this finishes. That's fine, but that's going to produce a different kind of orgasm, if it produces an orgasm at all. And you can always return to oral stimulation, but it's going to be different. Not worse, just different.
In addition, I've never been into hurting people. The same way that the tickling sensation can be used as an erogenous zone, so can the pain sensation. That's other people's cup of tea, but I'm confident tease and denial using pain can be effective for the people who are into that --- and probably way more effective, since control and lack of control is a huge part of the stimulation of the mind.
The whole session in this instance was about 6 hours from the time she walked in the front door, to when she told me she couldn't take any more. The fucking session afterwards was great, but that didn't come until she had fallen asleep next to me, and woke up later.
There are plenty more stories. I like performing tease and denial with women. It's a pretty cool feeling. I find it very fulfilling when I do it right. But it takes some very specific circumstances, and it tends to take a very specific kind of woman. I know there are other men who undoubtedly are more skillful than me, but if I know a woman well, if she's willing to get vulnerable with me, communicate with me, and trust me, then often I can create a pretty neat session.
Anyway, I don't know if this helps, but I will tell you it can be an awesome experience for both parties.
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