Question for Race play when and what is Appropriate when playing with this fetish

[Tylus_amore]

Okay here goes, I know i have not been on here in a while Sorry. (busy) anyways i took a trip to the mid-west more specifically St louis MI, I have never received so many N****er calls or anything. I can't say that they meant any disrespect by it because i'm not sure if it was just race play or if they really didn't have problem with N****r's as i heard several times in a lot of my calls.

My fiancee is an older white male and we don't have these race play fetish/ issues ever... (if either one of even engage in it we know where to stop) while huge white cocks are gorgeous (which is as bad as race play gets with me) ... i'm not sure how to react. upset,concerned sad..ect.... not sure if i'm being sensitive or something
note**** these different subs do not know me nor have they ever had a session or anything like that. Some did mention they liked race play but proceeded with some pretty disrespectful actions. It almost made me say no more tours to certain areas.
So in a nutshell when is it appropriate to start, appraoch, engage in the the race fetish play thing.....

I never thought i would say this but its good to be back in Dallas...

[blowpop]

Verbal abuse can certainly be a part of BDSM play, but as with any other ways to inflict discomfort, the terms should be negotiated in advance.

[captnzen]

Verbal humiliation is mind blowing but it takes a great deal of groundwork, respecting the limits of all involved. To toss off racial epithets without it being mutually negotiated is classless, hillbilly b.s.

[Tylus_amore]

I noticed...

Originally Posted by captnzen

Verbal humiliation is mind blowing but it takes a great deal of groundwork, respecting the limits of all involved. To toss off racial epithets without it being mutually negotiated is classless, hillbilly b.s.

[MrLoverman]

I love race play and age play also. I love being dominated by an older mature black or white women .being there sex slaves and collared and leashes like a piece of property .
I also love to hear them tell me to eat theyr black/white pussy its such a huge turn on.makes my cock hard as a rock.

[Willen]

Blowpop is spot on. We can role play on the board in any number of ways, so long as both parties agree to the terms of the scenario in advance. I've done things with, and called, women things I would not dream of doing in ordinary circumstances. But as a white male my advice to a (hugely hot) woman of color, would be to avoid any situation which in the least makes you concerned.

[ElisabethWhispers]

Tylus,

First: Welcome back!!!

Second: I hope that I'm getting the gist of your question and my response makes sense.

Third: If someone calls you up, you answer the phone and they're calling you derogatory names and not mentioned fetish play then they're being an asshole and you need to hang up, and make a note with that number attached siting that he's a wanker or a jerk off. And if they call back, don't answer the phone.

There is NO excuse for this type of crap behavior. And St. Louis is a decent town. I don't see men being MORE rude, or inappropriate, in that area of the US anymore than any other.

A long while ago, I got a series of calls that asked if I would like to be humiliated. And I said yes to a few of them because I needed the money. I HATED it. Grabbing me and calling me a fat and dirty whore. Wanting to spit on me. And God knows what else. I dare not say more.

Some people get off on that. But I'm also sensitive and I feel that life is difficult enough without being called names. I know the difference between business and real life and fantasy. And I KNOW that it's play.

Last week, I received a call from a guy wanting to see me for three hours. Screening went great and I was ready to see him until he told me what he wanted. He wanted to put heavy makeup on my face, make me wear a red wig, harsh eye makeup (so far I wasn't too concerned), then he wanted to pretend that I was his mother-in-law and spank me hard with a hairbrush, verbally abuse me (ugh, what he wanted to say was awful) and then have very rough (pretend rape) sex.

I declined. Jeesh. Why put myself through THAT?

That type of play does reach deep into a person's insides. No one understands, who hasn't done it, what we go through anyway.

We have to deal with egos, potential danger, men who wish to want more than we wish to give but we often do anyway, intimate difficulties with clients, personality chaos and so much more that it would take a book to describe what we experience in this line of work. We have to deal with reviews, which are pretty much tasteless but damn if I'm not in the thick of that, right?

And we give up a bit of our soul/heart/being every time we give of ourselves. I do not fake it. I'm me when I'm with a man. But I give a piece of myself to every single one of them. And it's wearing at times.

So no. I wouldn't accept being called names even though I have clients that LOVE it. I know a few women who do as well. These are my thoughts on it. If they didn't call you and specifically suggest a certain type of play that caters to race play, then screw them and don't play into their hands.

Otherwise, if you're interested in the psychological (and very real) aspects of race play, no one is better to get to know than Mollena.

###

I've been following this lady's blog and twitter feed for awhile. I'm a REAL fan.

The reason why I'm mentioning her is that one of her specialties is race play. She is submissive. If you read through her blog, you'll probably find some excellent information and more than what we can share here.

The Perverted Negress - It ain't just the hair that is kinky!

http://www.mollena.com

She actually has an article that has been published in the annual "Best Sex Writing" and I believe it was back in 2011. Maybe 2010. She wrote an article about how it is being a black submissive and the basis of her report is race play.

This annual publication probably isn't what you think. It's not a book of literary porn.

It's a selection of previously published articles concerning different types of sexuality. The 2012 edition features articles as diverse as men who like fat chicks, polyamorous relationships, the one that I mentioned above, care and treatment of a man's cock (it was kindof funny!), about monogamy and the writers are good and some of the names will be very familiar to some of you.

I cannot recommend this series of books highly enough.

And it was through these books that I discovered Mollena!!!

Excellent topic and touchy. It's a difficult topic to discuss, I think.

Take care,
Elisabeth

[Bend It]

Thanks for a very thoughtful post, Elisabeth.

[ElisabethWhispers]

Originally Posted by Bend It

Thanks for a very thoughtful post, Elisabeth.

Thanks. I deleted three paragraphs of text before posting. Guess I was feeling prolific last night!

[nubuzz2010]

I just added this to my hard limits, never thought anyone could get off on this level of degradation or humiliating someone else.

[technoid_x]

Blowpop is correct. Race play should be negotiated first or indicate that it is not on the menu or the session will be terminated without refund.

[ElisabethWhispers]

Originally Posted by nubuzz2010

I just added this to my hard limits, never thought anyone could get off on this level of degradation or humiliating someone else.

It's an activity that I'm just not good at nor do I wish to be. Now sometimes, men will get embarrassed and delightfully humiliated because I've dressed them up in lingerie or done something raunchy to them.

That's a bit different!

[Tylus_amore]

The race play isn't really a big deal, sometimes that and age play is a huge turn... It was more along the lines of what Elisabeth whispers said with me answering the phone and not knowing them and just pouring on the racial slurs and they were not clients of mine yet.. This was the problem. If it was agreed upon before hand and limits were set then that's fine with me but i had not seen or met this disrespectful individuals before...

[nubuzz2010]

I agree with totally with you, EW.
That's a different type of humiliation with no underlying hateful intent.

[Tylus_amore]

also i try to accommodation my clients so much that everyone knows me as a sweet heart in which some guys take advantage of that.. Like the first thing i learned recently is that.... collect money first... I had one of my regulars screw me over an appointment worth 450.00 so i did have to grow some thick skin on what i will and will not put up with...