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Account Disabled
User ID: 2211
Join Date: Nov 1, 2009
Location: North West Houston
Posts: 744
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Copied form a journal entry i made along the way....
So yesterday i get up, pick the laundry off the floor, load the dishwasher, mop the tiles, then head to the shower. My excitement and anticipation growing, leading to down right state of mental bliss. Knowing the entire time, thinking this was going to be a hard session, fearing that Daddy's awareness of my recent busted lip by a client, meant my fate was sealed. i was not allowed to be marked by others. This sent my mind soaring, racing back to the day i met my Master.
The moment i had feared and wondered if i could handle on a very emotional level finally has met its day. i have many times in the past felt that i had crossed some sort of line, some where, some place, some time, something, went terribly wrong. For most of my entire adulthood life i felt a man should not hit a woman, its wrong, even now i find myself installing these values into my Son, knowing full well what a hypocrite i am. The complexities and everything that comes with it is a little much for my mind to grasp at times, and entirely to much for a Young mind to comprehend.
So i'm driving and quite worried, fearful, stressed, anxiety is sinking in, frantically at that, as i'm late. In the 30 min drive it took me from my house to that dirty sleazy motel, i convinced myself to yet again just embrace the moment, no matter how bad things possibly get. To serve him with grace, and respect, and just be grateful. He was amazingly gentle and apologetic someone had hurt me. i wasn't prepared for this.
Very little did i know that it would end up much more devastating and terrifying then anything W/we had ever done before. As a Master Slave relationship, in very advanced stages, W/we enjoy some very extreme play.The gentle side, with no rough play or very little, sent me into a realization how much i loved him, and needed him. Laying the tracks to my next train wreck it seems, making myself vulnerable in ways, i had not intended. The level of play is almost always very intense with U/us. Daddy, for the first time ever, has pushed me further then i was willing to go. Never once thinking as his slave this was possible. i knew things were going to be difficult for me, in both the physical and mental aspects. i never intended to give him less then 100% of myself, i didn't realize, how much indeed i had held back. How deep seeded resentment,anger,hate,fear had destroyed so much of the caring loving person i use to be. Seeking the relationship i found was a sure bet, to get the desires i had met, without getting hurt. Which takes me back to beginning, trying to figure out the reason i find myself here yet again.
While i was fairly new to being submissive i knew right away i had found a side of myself that had always been there. Marrying very Young, having kids, creating what i thought was a life, had forbid me from finding myself. Not knowing what i was missing, i wasn't looking. Till the end, the pieces were falling apart and after many years of us both fighting it for the kids, we had reached a point of being tired. We both felt it, but it was never before mutual and at the same time. After 11 years of marriage, 4 kids, a house, a new car, etc etc, What the hell was i thinking? To start over and go through that train wreck again wasn't set in the cards for me. Towards the end he and i were having really rough degrading sex, with true emotion of hate and anger behind it. While at first i didn't get it. Why in the mist of a divorce i would all of damn sudden enjoy the sex i refused before? i do mean very adamantly, the man got a bj on his Bd and Anniversary, and
i knew he might forget the Anniversary, giving me a get out jail free card.
Looking back after things that were said and done, crying it all out, begging to go back to the way it was before, not knowing how hard being alone was. How my bed felt empty and cold with a heart to match. Well after a while, i just got a grip, things were not going to work, he wasn't coming home this time and for my own best interest and that of my kids,i had to move on. Working in a bar, having a night life, drinking, partying all night, i had the life of a single woman in my 30's. Seemed ok, but casual sex wasn't for me. So i just stayed alone, there was no way in hell i was going to take one of those slobs home from the bar and just have a drunken orgasm and forget about it. i've seen enough cougars and hoochies from all ages to know that wasn't the answer. So i caved and out of mostly pure boredom starting browsing personal adds.
Not really with anything serious in mind, yet something that had substantial emotion. i browsed everything from Rants and Raves, Strictly Platonic, Casual Encounters, and more. i was able to quickly eliminate the possibility that my previous nightmare had not caused enough damage that i desired a female. Long story short i eventually stumbled on to an ad that left me captivated and stirred with desire i had not felt in a long time, even years, before my divorce. i wrote to Dom who i will leave nameless. He was from Cali but traveled to Houston a couple times month. We began talking and eventually met. Everything was ok for a while but ultimately the brat that was demanding and needy still, and my Vanilla emotions destroyed the relationship.
Back to square one, but knowing what i was seeking had its points of advantage. i knew really quickly that Craigs List was prob not the best way to go again. So i sought more specific sites. Alt and collar me then became my new play ground. This time with a little insight, and hope. i made this huge long list. Things i needed to find in a Dominant. Writing that now, it makes me laugh. Anyways, He was to be attractive, sensual, emotionally stable, available, the list went on and on. In no way shape fashion or form was i going to set myself up yet again for another failed relationship. This time the need for emotions and caring seemed to have taken the backseat to the sexual side. i knew i wanted and needed a loving, caring,understanding person eventually. Thinking that as with most things one might lead to the other.
Dozens and dozens at i time, i rejected, over and over, He's too Fat, He's disgusting, He has no teeth, He radiates Child Molester. The list kept growing of what was NOT going to happen, and my hopes yet again began to fade, even depression. There really was not one person that i felt had what i needed. i wasn't going to compromise, not this time. So i thought, but did anyways. i met a Doctor who was mildly Sadist, and had some of quality's i needed, i was getting closer and fucked. YAY, for me, till the end of O/our first session, when i already knew the brat was alive and doing well. i don't know why, i wanted this, to at least have a play partner. We talked online back and forth a while and decided to meet. Scared to death i agreed. Only being my 2nd encounter w a Dom on a "in person" level.
i was told to wait for him to finish his dinner meeting he would call when he was done.i was to meet him at his house. i was hesitant and reluctant, this didn't seem safe. But if i didn't take a risk then i wasn't going to get anywhere. i waited, he called half way through his dinner meeting, asking where i was. i told him since i was up and dressed i went to the bar to wait. i remember telling ppl who were smoking to get away from me so i didn't smell bad, lol. Even though i myself smoked. He instructed me to only have 1 drink, he didn't want me to drive that far intoxicated. Me being a bar tender knew i could handle much more and still be fine. So i started off from square one, disobeying.
Once i arrived after the long drive and thinking many times to myself how foolish i was being, but determined to try. He met me outside, opened my car door, escorted me up the long walkway, the house was huge and just totally breath taking. i remember thinking ok, his doc story is true and kind of getting complacent. The second i entered the room, he told me he didn't allow any clothing in his house on females. To strip down naked and leave my heels on. This was more then i had bargained for, way too fast. i complied though, feeling self conscious, insecure, and just really uncertain. Naked and scared he immediately once my shirt was off and my skirt, put my hands behind my back in restraints.
He led me into the living room where he had meticulously laid out many items. They were intimidating at the time, though i cant remember what they were now. He did blindfold me right off the bat to go with the hand restraints. He went to spin me around at some point, in heels,blindfolded and no hands, i stumbled a bit. He saw this as a sign i had too much to drink. "Did You disobey me" he asked? No Sir, i stood right there and lied, being thankful my lying eyes couldn't be seen. "What did i tell You about drinking and driving?" i replied thinking carefully and yet still lying. "Sir, You said i could have one drink." "Yes i did" he replied with the sound of anger. "i only had one i said." He proceeded to ask what i had? "A Long Island iced Tea" i replied, knowing i'm lying. He grew even more angry, "what is in a Long Island?" Knowing full well i knew the answer. i answered him in a "bartenders" point of view "Rum, Gin, Vodka,Triple sec, Sweet Sour, and a
splash of Coke." This made it worse, "And how many liquors is that?" He asked. i replied with the answer of "4 Sir." "Did i say You could have a double?" "No Sir, You didn't" i replied thinking what a bunch of bs to myself.
Then it was on, and i was being punished, spanked, flogged and paddled. Once he was finished with that, he led me up the stairs to a bedroom. i could tell right away this wasn't his room, but a guest room. Where he took off the blind fold and the hand restraints. He placed me on the floor where i knelt giving him a blow job. After a few min had passed he told me to get on the bed, on all fours. i obeyed him, he began to thrashing my back with a very beautiful cat of nine tails. While he was so serious and i was thinking "is that the best You've got" some light laughter escaped, which i tried to hide as fake sobs. From that min on i knew he wasn't the one either, but i finished the session. He put on a condom and used my ass, then fucked me a while longer, we went back to oral, where he manged to gag me enough to puke all over myself and the floor. Remembering now, the carpet was thick and very plush like, long soft fur. i tried to clean the mess, and he
grew impatient. He took me back to the bed, replaced the condom and fucked me doggy style till we both came. He told me to take a shower, clean myself up, then meet him downstairs.
i showered, went downstairs, got dressed, he walked me to my car, kissed my cheek, and i left. We proceeded to exchange text and write back and forth, still getting to know each other for a bit. Ultimately every time he called and ordered me to come serve him, i found excuses,even lies as to why i couldn't. i wasn't going to be rude and tell him, it just wasn't that good.
So i continued my search, and i found this Dominant on alt. W/we began to chat online, as i stated before. i had narrowed my choice down to 3 from the MANY who wrote to me daily. By process of elimination i was down to 2 that drew extreme interest from me. So i proceeded for a good month to talk to the both, night and day online. Asking 1000's of questions, so intrigued and so eager to learn, to know everything about them. One day the chatting had become enough. He told me it was time to meet in person.
i was nervous, and eager, my pussy wet and pulsating, my mind excited, all kinds of different emotions playing in. i knew "this one" was different. Almost immediately i dropped men within 10 years of my age off my perspective list. Puppy's breath was a waste of time. Needing someone with experience, distinctive, sadistic, i knew exactly what i wanted.
Because my other two encounters left me unsatisfied and desiring so much, i came on very strong. W/we spent a great deal of time getting to know each other before meeting R/t and i was comfortable trusting him. W/we decided to meet for lunch. Not knowing what to expect, my legs trembled with fear, my heart pounded with anticipation.
This very handsome, tall, strong, dominant,secure,man walked straight in my home, like he owned the place. i immediately went into pos on my knees, legs spread, and arms behind my back. i had learned a little at this point. From the moment he hit the door i knew my ass was going to cash the checks my mouth wrote. Begging him to be brutal with me, craving to be sadistically dominated from day one. Little did i know he wasn't like the two before. i had met my match.
He almost immediately picked me up by my hair, and placed my body over my kitchen table. Where he paddled my butt long and hard, and progressed to crops. i was crying inside, yet feeling extreme relieve, and fear at the same time. Unwilling to show my pain, i tried to hold it in, tried to hold the tears back, not a good idea, he knew this, without even really knowing me. A subs first time with a true experienced top is unforgettable. The way he played me, read me and my body signs like a open book was horrifying to me.
After the extreme play had began to seemingly wind down, he again by my hair led me into the bedroom, where i laid on my stomach. My legs shaky and wobbly, my stomach queasy, i was so grateful he was finally going to give me his cock. So i thought, his 8 1/2 inch cock was hard and brutal, i had previously told him about a rape fantasy i had. Being pretty new still i thought i knew how that would play out.
Again he surprised me, pulling me by my hair and putting his large cock in my ass, and i cried, loud extreme, blood curdling screams for him to stop. He asked me "was this not the rape play You had in mind, Little Girl?" "No Sir, No Sir, it isn't please stop." No such luck. He knew also at that moment more about me and my extreme masochist tenancies then i even knew about myself, when he was finished raping my ass he then fucked my pussy until he had came. He then allowed me to cum with his permission, very gratifying and rewarding, i earned his cum. The best orgasm ever, had in my entire life. My body hurting from top to bottom, no way an easy session for me to start with, but by far what i needed. So i clean his cock off as i do every time, he gets dressed and goes home.
After a few hours of rest i log into my messenger, and Dom 3 and i began to chat. He asked me where ive been? Not one to lie, i tell him. i met a fantastic Dom, invited him here, he came and fucked me for a couple of hours and left. He became livid, i didn't know, didn't care, i was not owned. Well as it plays out and im telling him all the reasons i went for this Dom, instead of waiting for him. It began to sink in,"he's a doctor i said." "Very clean cut, educated, experienced." As soon as i said that dom 3 realizes he knows dom 2.
Small world, he identifies him by a tattoo, "Yes thats him." i had no problems admitting to what i have done and loving it. Come to find out dom 3 picked me from collar me and i picked dom 2 and they had been best friends for 30 years, and none of U/us knew W/we were talking to each other for a long time online.
Needless to say this lead to a long series of erotic lunches, the hottest threesomes,double penetrations,possible. After a while i knew things were not equal, as much as i tried, i felt more bonded and connected to Master. i began to favor him, and he me, in return. After about 6 months he collared me on my birthday with a very sadistic session, and i proved that very day, there were no limits with him, i am slave worthy. So here W/we are today nearly 2 years later.
This may seem extreme to some, but it's my story as it happened. Loved every min of my first encounter with my Master, couldn't wait to serve him again, needing to serve again almost immediately.
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