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Bobave · 03-18-2012, 07:25 PM

I've been seeing a certain provider for a few years. For no particular reason (sorry, Forrest), I seem to have gravitated mainly to her in the last year. As a result, I have been confiding some personal matters to her , as she has with me. Nothing heavy duty, but over this last weekend I realized that she is the central confidente for some things...

I don't regret it, but I'm having second thoughts about associating personal communications with a provider. Let's be clear: even though we have good chemistry in session, she has given no indication whatsoever that I am special to her on an emotional level.

On the one hand, pillow talk is a benefit I would expect beyond a point, but I'm beginning to think maybe I'm edging the line...

Yeah, I know, the fact that I'm voicing concerns is probably guidance, but just asking for feedback from folks who have been in this spot (and I know there are some). PM if you prefer, both hobbyists and providers.

pickupkid · 03-18-2012, 07:41 PM

hope it wasn't anything important ...pillow talk ..keep it simple

canuckvic · 03-18-2012, 07:44 PM

Do what you're comfortable with and if there is a level of concern you feel, communicate that to her and see where she stands. It's inevitable seeing the same provider several times that you both will naturally gravitate to a personal level. If you decide to devulge deeper and you have any concern about the level of privacy, you must openly communicate that so you both are on the same page. The emotional connection from her, may never happen and you must be okay with that, it's seldom that any providers allow themsleves to get emotionally attached.
I wish you luck in your future pillow talks.

wildwooly1 · 03-18-2012, 07:55 PM

There are some things that are better to get off your mind ..be it a bartender,friend,provider,barb er or a family member and some things you just cant talk about with your friends and family members so in my view point its okay to confide in a provider..does she really care ..who knows but the main thing is the relief of getting it out there and to have someone to talk to.
Im a talker and i commonly chat with different providers about some of my personal problems and antidotes in my life...dont get me wrong these providers are someone ive seen several times and i enjoy their company..and i feel they enjoy my company too.
I still understand im paying for their time and if i want to use it as therapy to talk its my choice and it does help.
So i dont think its that crazy to confide in someone you enjoy to be with.

shorty · 03-18-2012, 07:56 PM

I've got a similar situation here. I used to have a ATF lady that we confide a lot about ourself and our personal lives. We both agreed that we have become very good friends outside of the hobby. We agreed that it would be best to stop the client/provider deal and just be friends. As a result, our friendship is stronger than ever with us talking at least once a week and hanging out about once a month or so.

So what I'm trying to say is do you see her as a friend and vice versa? If you it has mutually become a friend thing, then I would stop seeing her and find a new ATF. If its just pillow talk, then be more selective on your talk and bang away!!

Fast Gunn · 03-18-2012, 08:21 PM

Just remember your Miranda rights before you open up.

"You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right,

Anything you say can and will be used against you"

tonytiger4u · 03-18-2012, 08:42 PM

Are you trying to say that you are falling for her? Or just concerned about giving personal info? There are no right or wrong answers to both questions. Every case is different. If you are falling for her, it will be harder and harder to see her without feeling worse after she leaves. You've got to deal with it straight up, IMHO. It will likely lead to the end of your relationship with her but you never know. This is just one of the side effects of hobbying.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bobave

I've been seeing a certain provider for a few years. For no particular reason (sorry, Forrest), I seem to have gravitated mainly to her in the last year. As a result, I have been confiding some personal matters to her , as she has with me. Nothing heavy duty, but over this last weekend I realized that she is the central confidente for some things...

I don't regret it, but I'm having second thoughts about associating personal communications with a provider. Let's be clear: even though we have good chemistry in session, she has given no indication whatsoever that I am special to her on an emotional level.

On the one hand, pillow talk is a benefit I would expect beyond a point, but I'm beginning to think maybe I'm edging the line...

Yeah, I know, the fact that I'm voicing concerns is probably guidance, but just asking for feedback from folks who have been in this spot (and I know there are some). PM if you prefer, both hobbyists and providers.

Still Looking · 03-18-2012, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fast Gunn

Just remember your Miranda rights before you open up.

"You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right,

Anything you say can and will be used against you"

I use to see Miranda... wouldn't let me do a review! Told me to keep my mouth shut! LOL

Fast Gunn · 03-19-2012, 04:18 AM

. . . Always the clown!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Still Looking

I use to see Miranda... wouldn't let me do a review! Told me to keep my mouth shut! LOL

Still Looking · 03-19-2012, 05:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fast Gunn

. . . Always the clown!

That’s funny, I don't care who you are! LOL

I'm very open with ATF'S. But then I'm single. I try very hard NOT to bring drama to the relationship. Always happy and funny! Maybe that’s why I send so much OTC time with them.

Yesterday, I changed out a tire, drove the car to get the tire repaired. Still had time to relax before my appointment with a new provider. SL AAA road service strikes again. To have a friend you must first be a friend!

Outdoorsman · 03-19-2012, 07:24 AM

I have an ATF that knows everything about me, even though, recently she complained she does not know enough, lol. I cinfide in her as she understands this lifestyle much better than my civilian friends. But she also confides in me, it is a two way street for us. We are good friends and if me stopping fucking her is what I have to do to keep her as a friend, that is what I would do, no second thoughts.

One step further, I also have a male hobbyiest friend I trust and confide in. He helps me as he understands the male side of this type of lifestyle better than my ATF, lol. I am a person that gathers info before deciding what to do and I know I do not always have the best answers so I listen and the decision is up to me.

Best of luck.

charlestudor2005 · 03-19-2012, 08:38 AM

If you need someone to confide in, for whatever reason, my advice is NOT to do so with a provider, even if she is an ATF, or especially if she is an ATF. That relationship is designed to go sideways no matter how careful you are. And down the road, you can be open to her blackmail, whether it be financial or emotional, if you have confided a lot with her.

My advice is to take you confiding to a professional counselor. Your health insurance will probably pay for 6 sessions. That professional counselor is required to keep your confidences. And if you have to pay, the counselor's price per hour will be much less than the provider's.