Rainbows and Unicorns... and a few Trolls

[CuriousRogue]

I'm not a prolific poster (in fact this is my first after the flip). But given the tone of a few of the threads that have gone on recently, I just wanted to make a couple observations.

I enjoy spirited discussions and welcome alternate opinions. While some of recent posts have yielded shocking and facinating insights (from both sides of the fence), I do feel that there has been some excessive trolling going on. Oh its been entertaining, but in a f'ed up car crash kind of way.

So why do I care? Two reasons really. First is I just like folk to treat eachother with as much compassion as they can manage.

But secondly, I like hearing from the ladies. As much as I enjoy the entertaining zings and barbs being thrown, I love hearing from the ladies. Even - or even especially - when I disagree. Example: Knowing that my non-platinum economic status classifies me as a "bottom feeder" in certain circles is valuable info on a number of levels.

Also: please consider the noobie's perspective. While some trollfests may have a rich history of colorful characters and events, without the historical context... well... you get my point I hope.

I *like* to get a feel for personality before I commit -- so I like female participation in the forums. But I'd like girls with backbones of less-than-industrial-strength-titanium to feel welcome as well. A new girl should feel this is a safe place to be expression-wise.

*Really* not meaning to sound preachy. Just some thoughts from a dude not part of the inner-sanctum

[PamperingAngel]

oops. lol. I'm new and I already feel very welcome! Thanks!

[dookiexp]

Originally Posted by CuriousRogue

I'm not a prolific poster (in fact this is my first after the flip). But given the tone of a few of the threads that have gone on recently, I just wanted to make a couple observations.

I enjoy spirited discussions and welcome alternate opinions. While some of recent posts have yielded shocking and facinating insights (from both sides of the fence), I do feel that there has been some excessive trolling going on. Oh its been entertaining, but in a f'ed up car crash kind of way.

So why do I care? Two reasons really. First is I just like folk to treat eachother with as much compassion as they can manage.

But secondly, I like hearing from the ladies. As much as I enjoy the entertaining zings and barbs being thrown, I love hearing from the ladies. Even - or even especially - when I disagree. Example: Knowing that my non-platinum economic status classifies me as a "bottom feeder" in certain circles is valuable info on a number of levels.

Also: please consider the noobie's perspective. While some trollfests may have a rich history of colorful characters and events, without the historical context... well... you get my point I hope.

I *like* to get a feel for personality before I commit -- so I like female participation in the forums. But I'd like girls with backbones of less-than-industrial-strength-titanium to feel welcome as well. A new girl should feel this is a safe place to be expression-wise.

*Really* not meaning to sound preachy. Just some thoughts from a dude not part of the inner-sanctum

I highlighted the points I 100% agree with great post!!

As for your last point im affraid there will always be that inner-sanctum its human nature. I just do not see providers who attempt to buy into it. Plenty of them don't amazingly.

[Baloney Pony]

Originally Posted by CuriousRogue

Knowing that my non-platinum economic status classifies me as a "bottom feeder" in certain circles is valuable info on a number of levels.

Howdy, Folks!

CR,

Excellent observation.

As I said on ASPD - Hobbyists don't just use reviews to determine which ladies they'd like to see.

While reviews are immensely helpful, reading the posts from the ladies provides a much more in-depth picture.

[sixxbach]

true....

[Guest062010]

Always have been lots of trolls who are content to out themselves as such. They make it easy for a lot of us to sit back and decide who's on our DNS list. Beyond that, there are times when it gets just ridiculous seeing the same things here that were going in our last little world. The same self-righteous pimps, misogynistic hobbyists (oxymoron?), liberated femme nazi providers, etc. are who I show the new ladies I help as examples of what to stay away from.
<snort> Not sure who said the whole thing about the bottom feeding shit.. my only comment to that is this - So glad you're holding out for that 1% of the population who has disposable income right now and can afford you! I like my men not so cash poor..my men that work and faithfully spend a portion of their hard earned CONSISTENT paychecks on me! Yay! for you!! Muah~K

[CuriousRogue]

Not to cross-threads here, but a quick shout-out to Down41: I certainly wasn't calling you out as a troll -- or trying to single out anyone in particular for that matter. Even with the "bottom feeder" comment, it was not my intent to target anyone, but was just using it to illustrate a point. I thought your thread started with potential (and many interesting points were made in it in any case). *Not* trying to drag the another closed thread out, so that's all I'll say.

But a general (again, not directed at anyone): In in any good natured game, you need willing good-natured players. As soon as one player is unwilling, the game stops and becomes something else. If you know somebody has a hot button, feel free to push it once to make your point. Push it twice if you really feel the need to drive it home. But no need for everyone to hammer on it right?

Peace all, and ladies: thanks for participating!

[Whispers]

Originally Posted by CuriousRogue

.... in any good natured game, you need willing good-natured players. As soon as one player is unwilling, the game stops and becomes something else. If you know somebody has a hot button, feel free to push it once to make your point. Push it twice if you really feel the need to drive it home. But no need for everyone to hammer on it right?

Not necessarily....

If every time you start to play the game the same player decides to play but then seems unwilling once they are no longer winning.....

If every time you play the game the same player whines the same way,,,,,over and over again.....

Do you take the game away and decide NoOne can play now?

Sorry but that's bad parenting....

Sometimes you need to let that hammer come out and let the other players put the whiner in their place.... The field has a way of leveling itself out,,,,,

and the process has a way of making everyone grow up.....

If not........ you are letting the whiner control and define the game......

[Aidan MacKenna]

The mass exodus from ASPD has brought with it posters with less propriety than I enjoy. I am extremely entertained by quick wit and banter, but even in the Houston Co-Ed Forum, people have gotten down right nasty and I think you are right, it's scaring the girls away from posting. Even the ones with backbones, such as myself, are inclined to stay the hell away. My advice? Be nice to one another, make it fun and flirtatious and the girls will return tenfold... I'm just saying.

[WickedHeather]

i said early on that the drama would find its way here.

and sadly, it's been pretty high the past few days. no fun, healthy debates. no flirting and bantering...just people looking to create and and stir the sh*t.

if you don't feed the trolls, they go hungry and eventually go somewhere else. unfortunately so many seem to find that kind of behavior entertaining. and as long as that is the case it will just keep going on.

on the upside, it really does give others a look at the 'true colors' of those you wouldn't touch with a 10 ft. pole.

[CuriousRogue]

Whispers: I may have to respectfully disagree. But then again, I'm more of a swords-into-plowshears type of guy. Any metaphors involving pulling out hammers to mold the masses to a particular vision of a social ideal... um, well I find it unsettling. "Who watches the watchmen" and all that... not to mention the whole "He with the biggest hammer wins" issue. I just don't think this is the best format for a Social Darwinism experiment.

Which is not to say you haven't made some very good points.

[Whispers]

Originally Posted by CuriousRogue

..... Any metaphors involving pulling out hammers to mold the masses to a particular vision of a social ideal... um, well I find it unsettling.

I was responding within the context of how you phrased your post and was not referring to molding the masses.... Just the"one player" that needs to grow up...

Originally Posted by AidanMacKenna

The mass exodus from ASPD has brought with it posters with less propriety than I enjoy. I am extremely entertained by quick wit and banter, but even in the Houston Co-Ed Forum, people have gotten down right nasty and I think you are right, it's scaring the girls away from posting. Even the ones with backbones, such as myself, are inclined to stay the hell away. My advice? Be nice to one another, make it fun and flirtatious and the girls will return tenfold... I'm just saying.

Do people come to flirt online or do they come to discuss matters related to the hobby? Do they come for fun or to find information in order to make a decision?..... There are differing opinions on the subject..

That's a question that gets asked time and time again...... IMO,... If a board has reviews that are accurate and informative as well as information that is useful to the Hobbyist the board will grow and providers will find their way there to advertise.....

I haven't seen any MASS BASHING of providers that any lady should be afraid of..... In each community there are one or two that don't know when
their opinion is not cared for and/or are incapable of presenting it in an acceptable fashion....

You should not lump yourself in that kind of group or be afraid of what that individual experiences.....

[Guest061511-2]

Originally Posted by WickedHeather

i said early on that the drama would find its way here.

and sadly, it's been pretty high the past few days. no fun, healthy debates. no flirting and bantering...just people looking to create and and stir the sh*t.

if you don't feed the trolls, they go hungry and eventually go somewhere else. unfortunately so many seem to find that kind of behavior entertaining. and as long as that is the case it will just keep going on.

on the upside, it really does give others a look at the 'true colors' of those you wouldn't touch with a 10 ft. pole.

I agree with you 100% most of the bad apples out themselves without even knowing it!

[Pearl Man]

I know that the owners of this site are dedicated to making it a friendly, informative and entertaining place where everyone can feel comfortable. Right now there are literally thousands of new members signing on weekly and lots of technical issues to deal with but they still manage to keep it all together and respond to problems quickly when they arise. My thanks and congratulations to them. If there are members who are trolling or otherwise disrupting things for the rest of us, please don't run and hide. Send the mods a note or report the post. They do pay attention.

[GneissGuy]

Sorry, kids, but the trolls won't let it work without moderation. If you go to a lot of bulletin boards, you will find a range from unmoderated bulletin boards that are simply flame fests to tightly moderated boards where you have no idea what will get you booted off the boards. If you don't moderate, you end up with usenet in the bad old days with 90% of the messages being spam, or with Craigslist.

If you go unmoderated, the trolls will push the envelope. If they can't get flame fests or get the staff to come after them, they'll just be more outrageous. Peer pressure won't work with most trolls.

You'll end up with a forum with nothing but trolls and a few thick skinned people. Newbies will be afraid or unwilling to post. Many of the ladies will be unwilling to participate.

The staff will have to decide how far they'll let the trolls roam.

This needn't be oppressive. A good moderator can tell people what the limits are without being threatening or offensive. Just because the moderator tells you not to post about xyz doesn't have to be something that ruins your self esteem. Only the repeat offenders will have anything to be offended about.

Yes, a moderator can be an asshole. That doesn't mean that they have to be. Even a moderator who runs a tight ship can be a nice guy.