Things I (Should Have) Learned from Grandma

[Gramps111]

My grandmother died in her late 80s, but her birthday is coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce: The long walks we used to take to the shop in town; the 5 cents she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or cleaning off the sidewalks; and her soothing hands when I would get hurt.

But the thing I remember most was her sage advice. Once, when I was about 13, we were sitting in the park enjoying a cookie and Coke. She told me that one day I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family. "Always remember this," she said … be sure you marry a woman with small fingers and hands."
I asked, "How come, Grandma?"

She smiled and said gently, "Makes your dick look bigger."
Grandma was special!

[Enchanterlingum]

When I was 9 years old, my 74 year old great-great-Uncle (who was my grandfather's uncle, but only a year older than him) once told me to keep the women lined up outside my bedroom. I didn't know what it meant at the time. As I got older, I figured it out.

As I got even older, I realized that he spent his entire married life living with his wife and her sister. Then I found out that he married a 15 year old when he was 18, then had himself declared legally insane so he could have the marriage annulled and marry his second wife.

Uncle Kenneth ruled.

[Jmister]

on my grandpa's 90th bday he told me "my dick doesn't work right. be careful Danny.thanks for the cheese, i love you"

[bigcockpussylicker]

my made up grandpa told me;
I passed the love of my lifeup and now, instead, what do I have?
My whole life's some money in the bank, some suits in my closet and a string of one-night stands.

me: oh, ok? so I should marry the girl I emotionally bond with visave oxytocin/dopamine elevation(after I cum)_?

HELL NO
My life rocks! Money, suits, and sex? These are tears of joy! I could be cooped up in an apartment, changing some brat's poopy diaper but instead I'm out in the world being awesome 24/7/365! You let me dodge a bullet, big guy(points up)

[i'va biggen]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like Grandma did.
Not screaming and crying, like the other passengers in the car did.

[sinbad6969]

About age 16 or 17 my Dad told me that if I wasn't in bed by 10:00 to come on home.