The Obstacles to Sex

[NinaBrooke]

Hello ,

I am not sure if anyone knows Alain de Botton, he wrote some great books about Love and Romance, putting down the history of these agendas in a great personal and funny review.

Here is an article I hope some of you find intriguing as well, it`s about the "obstacles we face to get a fulfilling sex life". I think it`s a nice read:



"It is rare to get through this life without feeling — generally with a degree of secret agony, perhaps at the end of a relationship or as we lie in bed frustrated next to our partner, unable to go to sleep — that we are somehow a bit odd about sex. It is an area in which most of us have a painful impression, in our heart of hearts, that we are quite unusual. Despite being one of the most private of activities, sex is nonetheless surrounded by ideas about how normal people are meant to feel about and deal with the matter.

In truth, however, few of us are remotely normal sexually. We are almost all haunted by guilt and neuroses, by phobias and disruptive desires, by indifference and disgust. None of us approaches sex as we are meant to, with the cheerful, sporting, non-obsessive, constant, well-adjusted outlook that we torture ourselves by believing other people are endowed with. We are universally deviant — but only in relation to some highly distorted ideals of normality. So it's time to accept the strangeness of sex with good humour and courage, and start to talk about it with honesty and compassionit's time to accept the strangeness of sex with good humour and courage, and start to talk about it with honesty and compassion.

What, therefore, are some of the things that get in the way of that mythic ideal: great sex?"





http://www.powells.com/blog/original...ain-de-botton/

[ICU 812]

For me, limiters are age, health and money.

[Guest121613]

some of the limitations i have encountered in the past that was a barrier to "great sex", is when a person thinks it needs to be:

do a
then b
then c
then d

and if one parts partner makes it a process, or expects another to do it a certain, then I think that is limiting

sex should never be a duty, and I think can be a common barrier

[Ed Highlight]

My biggest limitation is a lack of willing participants!!

[WTF]

Originally Posted by Ed Highlight

My biggest limitation is a lack of willing participants!!

Since when did you ever care if your hands were willing?

[mikkifine]

Psychologists are discouraged to use the term normal or abnormal when describing a person's behavior or demeanor.

For example, 50 years ago it was considered normal for a child to grow up with two parents. Now it is considered normal to see a lot of single parents.

Normalcy is based on what the majority of the population is doing. I think being normal is flat our boring.

[Ed Highlight]

Originally Posted by WTF

Since when did you ever care if your hands were willing?

I have taken advantage of myself against my own will at times!!

[xoxoalice]

" What gets in the way of great sex? "

That is a beautiful question to ask. Sex is just one way we can relate to each other.
In essence, most that are having this challenge lacks a basic understanding of people because they don't really understand themselves and/or sometimes they don't sincerely care. When there isn't a common ground of something, there is usually chaos. To fully answer the question, one would need to study all human relations in their own uniqueness. Everyone has value if you are looking for it. Sometimes it is fun to rise to the challenge and other times you do what you can. This may or may not help . . .

[EmilyEzzell]

Our own mind gets in the way
Fear of others opinion...rejection
Normal vs abnormal

I like to use common/uncommon vs normal/abnormal

[pyramider]

Rejection is not an issue for the men. We have grown up with rejection all thru our formative years into puberty, high school, and life in general. We become immune to rejection. Taint that a wonderful thing.

[*GoddessDallas*]

This is a HOBBY site.
I have seen 40-60 for CFS on here.
I think de Botton is speaking of a monomamous. loving relationship...not P4P.

[EmilyEzzell]

My response was not regarding hobby. Hobby is a place to explore and let go of inhibitions.
I was responding to relationships in real world and possible obstacles to sex in that context

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by mikkifine

Normalcy is based on what the majority of the population is doing. I think being normal is flat our boring.

O hell yeah!! And here is one of my favourite quotes:
"Whenever you see yourself at the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect"

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by *GoddessDallas*

This is a HOBBY site.
I have seen 40-60 for CFS on here.
I think de Botton is speaking of a monomamous. loving relationship...not P4P.

This is true that it`s a HOBBY site, but I think a good point is where the hobby derives. And since part of the hobby is casual sex or the "promise" of "adding" something or giving a compensatory act , an adventure that sometimes is missed in real life, and the marketing of entertainers derives from that sociological context, I assume the "core" to the hobby can be discussed here , too. We have seen numerous threads where not only the Hobby was discussed, so I don`t see a problem here

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by EmilyEzzell

Our own mind gets in the way
Fear of others opinion...rejection
Normal vs abnormal

I like to use common/uncommon vs normal/abnormal

I can relate to that. What I also see as resembling to what you point out is the "marketing" of sex in times of capitalism as something that is regarded with a certain "performance pressure" and to act in circumscribed ways to not get rejected or seen as abnormal. The standardizising of sex acts in ways to portray "good versus bad" sex is supporting the notion of fear in the sensual enviroment, and so it is comprehensible that many people or we all (if I dare to speak so inclusive) experience these fears to some extent in some situations .