Why keep on going?

[buzzworm86]

This will be interesting if there is any response at all.


If a persons life is an absolute POS examples:


-$90,000 worth of education

-never had a girlfriend or SO.

-Income average over 30 years is $9,100.00

-In his mid 40s

-Severe depression and personality disorder

-no real friends

-worked the hardest he could for 1.5 years at a temp job to only receive a part time job at the company and this, in spite of the education is the best he has ever done and the best he can ever hope for, or have or look forward too.

The question is, given the above criteria why stay alive? What is the point at this stage, because no one will ever care for you, you are like a child and absolutely worthless and totally insignificant, why stay alive?

And if you absolutely can not stand being alive because of these things, why stay alive. There is nothing in it.

[dj8rocks]

Because there is someone that needs you. A person can't judge their self worth based on material things, such as all the criteria you mentioned for having a POS life. You just may have not met the person yet that does need you. But there is, and will be someone out here in this assed up society that we live in. I always look at myself and ask, have I made an impact on anyone's life today? And if so, I have had a very good day. If not, I always look forward to tomorrow, I look for ways that I can help people with things that no education or money or social status can provide. Such as, having compassion, empathy, being sensitive to their needs, these things are things that only a true human being can give to others. I have an analogy on life, it's hope and dreams. Dreams are what put me to sleep at night, hope is what wakes me up in the morning. Good luck, and stop setting yourself up for failure based upon what you may think society expects of you. dj8

[Audrey Astor]

I'll take the bait..

We have all been at low points in our lives. I believe that EVERYONE has something of value to offer society, and we are all "special" in our own way. That may sound very cliche, but it is true. I personally do not think that one has to have a huge income, a big bank account or a SO to be worthy. There are some people that work at Walmart, more than likely making very little money, who have made my day just by being nice and helpful.

If you or whoever view the things that you have listed as problems, change them. Put the education to use, get a higher paying job, find a SO. Nobody else can change these things. Happiness can only come from within. Maybe a different kind of work or volunteering would be more suited.

And if there is a feeling of ending it all, please reach out for help. That is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I'm sure there are people that care. I hope whoever this is about, feels better real soon.

[skbinks]

1. Get help. There are plenty of hotlines you can call and groups you can participate in.
2. Keep yourself busy so you don't have time to think about the bad things.

I had to do things in the service that I have a very hard time dealing with and that I have been repressing for years. Some things I didn't even remember until they made me. That sucked. My son keeps me going even though there are times I think he would be better off without me, but I know he wouldn't.

I have volunteered at soup kitchens along with other things and I go to group meetings at the VA. Because of all of that, I have learned there are many others out there that have bigger problems than I do.

Volunteer. You can do that at a soup kitchen, school, church, senior citizens home, Boy Scouts, etc. Help other people WITHOUT expecting anything in return. What are you good at, or something that you are "okay" at that can help other people? I am a computer person and used to help everybody with their computer problems. I stopped that because it started making things worse when even my family only called me if they had a computer problem. I finally told them they had to call me just to talk every once in a while too. They understood so I rarely get those tech calls from them any more. I used to be a chef but can't remember my recipes any more so stopped that because it was getting frustrating.

I am far from being a professional photographer but have found that I can help out people whether they can afford pictures or not. I take pictures for some of the providers in my area for free. I never expect payment of any kind but I do allow a tip if they want and even though it has been offered, I have never accepted any BCD for a tip as of yet. I have actually made friends with a few of the ladies outside of the hobby and done some RL photos for them too. I have always had fun doing it just because I get to meet new people and have someone to talk to even for just a short time.

I guess meeting new people and being able to help others is my way of making up for things that were beyond my control, things I had to do, and it does make me feel better.

One thing this all boils down to is, "don't be alone". Keep yourself busy so that you can see other things in life and meet new people, keep your mind occupied. I have a very good job but it doesn't allow me to see a lot of people so at one point I took a second job at McD's just to get out and meet new people so I wasn't just being a hermit. I used to help kids that were learning to bowl, mowed elderly peoples lawns for free. There are so many things that you could do to get out if you just think about it.

[albundy]

Do you have kids? Close relatives like brothers, sisters, or parents? If you have kids. You HAVE to get better. NO excuse for killing yourself and doing that to your children. If you have no kids, think of how it would affect you parents.

Get help. There are drugs that work wonders. My sister-in-law has severe depression and is bi-polar. When she takes her meds, she is pleasant and somewhat happy. When she decides not to take them, she is mean and self-destructive. Give it a try. Seek professional help.

Unless you've done something horrible (ie. Rape, murder, child molestation) you should be able to find someone who cares. Look for people with similar interests. Could be similar tastes in music, movies, religion, whatever. Go to a gathering of people like you. If you're into Sci-Fi, maybe a Trek convention for example, strike up a conversation, and see where it leads. Find people with similar interests on "fan" pages on Facebook. See if any of them live in your area and meet up to talk about or do whatever it is you have in common with them. Maybe try moving if possible and see what the job market and culture is like somewhere else.



You only get one life. A lot of people believe in the afterlife. That may be true, but there is no guarantees except for the life we have NOW. Being worm food is worse than loneliness. Loneliness can be corrected. Death cannot.

[Ed Highlight]

Buzzman, that there is a tragic story. But, no matter how awful that sounds, there is somebody, many in fact, below "that person" on the totem pole of life.

"That person" should quit having the pity party and take some steps toward personal improvement of any kind. Take small steps and celebrate each improvement.

Or, use the hose in the exhaust pipe method, the other stuff is too messy....good luck!! Whichever way you choose to go....

[pyramider]

Just because one is educated does not mean he is not an idiot. Example, putting this out on a SHMB.

Remember, it could be worse...the OP could be in Kansas.

[Ed Highlight]

Originally Posted by pyramider

Just because one is educated does not mean he is not an idiot. Example, putting this out on a SHMB.

Actually, that's exactly what it means....


Remember, it could be worse...the OP could be in Kansas.

Or Arkansas for goodness sake!!!

I thinck....

[MaxiMilyen]

Some of you are gonna think this is crazy talk, but it's worked for others, so please try not to negate what I'm about to say. Think about it a moment and hopefully you'll SEE........

It sux to feel the way ya do. Ya only have to do one thing to change your life. You are the only one who can do this. Taking anti-depressants might help a bit, but they tend to numb a person's feelings and every person alive is on this earth in order to feel, so I don't recommend it, but that's just me.

Do yourself the biggest favor anyone can do for themselves, change your thoughts. When you have a thought such as "I'm sad", feel it and then change it to, "I'm happy", or "I'm grateful" and feel that for a moment. Remember anything that has brought you happiness or caused you to feel grateful. Force yourself to smile if it takes that.

Me? I get up every morning and thank the "powers That Be" that I am breathing. It just gets easier from there. I am grateful for the dust that gathers on furniture, because it reminds me how grateful I am to have the furniture that I do, and gives me a chance to care for it in a manner that keeps it nice and can be enjoyed by others when they visit. Who doesn't like a clean home? I am grateful for my plants, they remind me there is life all around me, even when no one is here but me. I am grateful for hateful men on this board, just as I am grateful for the kind ones. Each affirm the kind of person I truly wanna be.

Be grateful for all the time you've had NOT working a grueling or boring job that brings you no satisfaction. Be grateful to know you are still young enough and have plenty of time to find "The One", or just someone you enjoy being with. Don't worry with it or ponder on it long, just focus on the person you need to be when ya find her. Be grateful to be able to hold a door open for someone in a wheel chair going into a market, even if they don't show gratitude. Be grateful to know you have it so much better than so many other people who live in war zones, aren't allowed to get an education or can't afford one, or anyone who has a lost a loved one, etc.... Be grateful folks respond to your thoughts here, as many have compassion for what you feel. If ya don't like what feel.....feel something else, hon. It's within all our power to change our lives with our own thoughts. Watch nothing but comedies for a while. Laughter...is a built in medicine none of us use nearly enough. When ya see the bad in something, look for the good too, it's there and you will see it......all ya gotta do is....... look. You will SEE it everywhere and before ya know it.

If ya live in a cluttered atmosphere or even kinda dirty.....get up and stop thinking sad thoughts.....focus on organizing your environment and keeping it clean. Bathe every day and improve your personal care habits. Make it your intent to not only be happy, but appear to be happy. A cluttered atmosphere does indeed add to a cluttered mind. Take your time, since you have it and focus on each task. Believe it or not.....it helps. Enjoy that you are being productive and be grateful that you can be. Some...simply can't.

No more whining, only shining of the light within. Ya got one.....we all do. People see it in those who shine. Turn yours on....you're the only one who has access to the switch. If you're waiting on someone else to do it.....it's not going to happen, hon. It's up to you.

I'm a big believer in, "if what you are doing doesn't work.....change it!" Don't exercise? Start. Don't eat right? Start. Don't say hello to folks or smile at others? Start. Keep changing what ya do, until ya do find what works for you. So what ya ain't got a job, ya got a mind, you can be productive, you can connect if ya want. It's just as easy to be happy as it is to be depressed. You've got sad down to a science.....now practice the other. Lotsa Luck! We're rooting for ya!

EDIT: We all have personalities. Just because yours has been deemed a disorder by an expert as such, doesn't make it a disorder, hon. So, change that thought too. You are perfect just the way you are. We all are. Even if we don't enjoy the personality of others.

[skbinks]

Originally Posted by MaxiMilyen

Watch nothing but comedies

Lots of great advice for you and will probably be more to come. I wanted to add to something MaxiMilyen said. I was in a sales class one time and one of the things they taught was to NOT watch the news because it can be very depressing and affect how you talk to people. I mentioned it to my Dr once, she said she never heard about that and she thought that would be a great idea for anybody with depression problems. She asked her depression group to refrain from it for 2 weeks and those that did, felt better. They weren't cured of course, but their moods improved.

[diwafiven]

I feel you all too well, as I am in a similar situation. Hell, last weekend was the first time I was able to bring myself to talk to a woman in something other than a business setting in 8 years because of my previous experiences with women. I am still a virgin and never kissed a woman (other than pecks on the lips, no tong). The woman I was able to talk to was an escort. I may not have lost my virginity that day, but she showed me kindness, she even texted me after the session inviting me to book another session with her if I got the chance even though I was literally shaking throughout the session.

How I fought those thoughts and feelings during the 8 years was by focusing on being the best person I can be. I may live a crappy life, I may be odd, and because of that thought of as a creep by most women. But when I die, I will die knowing I did my best to try and make the world a better place regardless of my shortcomings, and didn't end up stooping to the same level as those that harm others.

I am not going to try and tell you what you should do, as suicide is a very personal decision, and it is your choice to make. But I will say that if you do commit suicide, you will lose any and all chances to feel happiness or pleasure. I also think it would be quite painful in the end, emotionally and probably even physically. Emotionally because you will likely be thinking negatively when you die, and physically because our brains translate signals sent by the body when harm is done as various forms of pain.

If you want to talk about it more with me, send me a PM. I will also keep an eye on this thread in case you want the input of others as well. I will not judge you based on what you decide, and am willing to give you any unbiased data I can provide on the subject based on my research and personal experiences.

[DallasRain]

All lifes matter....get a counselor and get back to enjoying life

Hugs

[JohnnyYanks]

Originally Posted by buzzworm86

This will be interesting if there is any response at all.


If a persons life is an absolute POS examples:


-$90,000 worth of education

-never had a girlfriend or SO.

-Income average over 30 years is $9,100.00

-In his mid 40s

-Severe depression and personality disorder

-no real friends

-worked the hardest he could for 1.5 years at a temp job to only receive a part time job at the company and this, in spite of the education is the best he has ever done and the best he can ever hope for, or have or look forward too.

The question is, given the above criteria why stay alive ...

And if you absolutely can not stand being alive because of these things, why stay alive. There is nothing in it.

I agree with Socrates that the unexamined life is not worth living. It seems in this post you have passed beyond the examining stage and moved into sentencing. Asking for counter-argument to your fact finding?

I would suppose it is true that no one knows a life as well as the one who lives it. But that axiom is hinged on the one living the life: properly measuring; honestly measuring.

I question whether you qualify one either count as a knowledgeable assessor of your life. That is not intended as criticism; my experience is most are inaccurate when speaking of a life's worth, accomplishments, transgressions.

My thoughts on your "criteria":

— you spent 90k on education — so? If you're implying it was wasted, only if you didn't learn anything. If you're implying for 90k you ought have a well-paying job, well, that's just naive. But, that said, have you considered resuming your education to make your degree(s) more marketable? Surely you know by now what parts of your education is lacking.

— never had a girlfriend: so? How many have you pursued? None, one, two, five, ten, one hundred? If one doesn't ask one doesn't get. Want to make acquaintance with a lady with similar interests — put your butt where those similar interests are occurring. Do something/be something that would attract the interest of someone you might like — you'd be shocked how many women are attracted to "genuine." That's it, they'll take that first and last. Be real.

— you averaged in your teenage and college years, artificially deflating your yearly average — why? Were you expecting to make 50k at age 19? While at the University?
Be real.

— mid-forties is the new mid-thirties. And there's many a monger that would swap birthday's with you, this one included. Complaining about age is a non-starter and makes me further question your ability to be honest.

— mental health I have no comment on. Drugs therapy etc.

— no friends? same answer as no girlfriend — if you want 'em, make some. If you don't want 'em, don't list them as evidence you can't make 'em. Be real.

— "worked the hardest he could" Bullshit. You may have worked hard — which to some is an basic self-expectation not an accomplishment — but to suggest you maximized your potential for this 1 1/2 year period is just not believable. What is seems you are really saying is, "I tried really hard at the job and SEE! it wasn't good enough. Life isn't fair, it sucks and I suck and so I quit trying!"

Your post suggests to me that you are an extreme disappointment to yourself and that you are tired of the weight of that implication.

My suggestion to you is that there are quite a few other ways to measure a life (many of which have been suggested on this thread already), but they all start with you first getting real. Getting more fully honest.

Try something different. Something fearful. You can still reserve the right to terminate your life.

Best wishes.

[MaxiMilyen]

Originally Posted by skbinks

Lots of great advice for you and will probably be more to come. I wanted to add to something MaxiMilyen said. I was in a sales class one time and one of the things they taught was to NOT watch the news because it can be very depressing and affect how you talk to people. I mentioned it to my Dr once, she said she never heard about that and she thought that would be a great idea for anybody with depression problems. She asked her depression group to refrain from it for 2 weeks and those that did, felt better. They weren't cured of course, but their moods improved.

I haven't watched the news in years. Others are happy to share all the bad stuff happening in the world, why subject myself to it some more. Used to be a news hound, though. If I want someone to make me feel bad....I'll come here. I kid I kid! Sorta.....there will always be plenty of negative folks willing to see the bad in everything. I try to give others what they desire, but rolling around in muck, truly doesn't feel good. It's exactly why I only come here when I am tending to business. Otherwise, who wants to see a bunch of folks degrading and belittling one another. Not me.

So, I try, even though most think they already got all the answers and view women. or even men, in a negative light anyway. It never hurts to try to change negative thoughts and behaviors anywhere. It never hurts to keep saying, take responsibility for your experiences. You are getting exactly what ya went after, dwell on, think about, and even dread at times..... and it's not gonna be better than you imagine. If ya think women are hateful robots, you'll keep choosing hateful robots.....LOL It's your fault! Not theirs.

Many need to change what it is they are doing, in order to have a better experience, but some think they know better and insist it's gonna happen their way. It's not. No matter how much they insist. What they did, didn't work....keep trying, not the same thing, cause that didn't work, so yeah....try something else. Ya know? Not sure how to say it any clearer than that. LOL

Perception of self sure does change your outlook on life and everyone else. We all got agendas, messages, stories, and even some "feel" we desire to share. Why fuss about it......just do it. I'm a pleaser....happy to get the masses excited, worked up, and affirm I suck, because it's what some desire I do, and even expect. Is that who I AM.....ummmmm....no, not at all. LOL So, I consciously and with no effort....give that which they desire. Subconsciously, they may see my message of let's say, "screening is important". Mission accomplished....ya know? LOL Win Win for all.

I only manipulate my world and the outcomes.....cause my life, actually is, all about me. If someone else gets some benefit, awesomeness, it makes me feel even better, not just for me but for them. We are all connected, whether anyone wants to say something is a connection or not. This guy feels disconnected, but there's plenty here who know how he feels, and wish to make that better for him. We can't.....only he can. We can hope he sees things in a different light, cause HOPE, is something no one can take from another. Try as they might. There's always plenty of HOPE to go around.

[LondonSub]

Some great responses in this thread. Not the OP, but as someone who also suffers from depression and has from time to time had similar thoughts of ending it all, sincere thank you to the people who took the time to answer. Another idea to beat depression: if someone wants to make a real friend, and quickly, they can always visit their local animal shelter. There are always plenty of rescue dogs (and other animals) available for adoption, who will give you a kind of absolute & unconditional love that is on a whole nother level to human beings. They don't judge you, they don't see your flaws, they only see you as their best friend. Also most rescued animals somehow know what you did for them, and they don't forget it. Plus you'll be doing a good deed, and that's something to feel good about too.