drunken posts! the most honest of times!

[Guest061511-2]

I know people should refrain from posting while intoxicated but I just can't help myself. So a few things I've always wanted to know. What do you really think of providers? What would you do if you found out your girlfriend was an escort? As a provider I find it hard to date. What do you do if you like a guy? Say hey my name is britney and I am an escort? I feel like most guys wouldn't look at me for who I really am. They might just think I'm a slut and think yey free pussy if I told them what I did, so I don't even bother trying to date. Am I selling myself short here? I don't want to lie, because then whatever connection I have is fake. Its such a starnge thing providing. Strange but good in many ways, so isolating in other ways. but if you asked most hobbyist if they would mind their so doing this they would probably say hell no. Eloquence has no room in my drunken stooper so forgive me for my drunken rambling. Any thoughts on this?

[missi hart]

i'm not drunk, but i'll still try to be honest i don't think being a provider should preclude you from dating, though it has to make things a little tougher than normal, i.e.by either contemplating hiding the fact to someone who might not understand/approve, or to be approached by someone who would be more interested in you because of the provider aspect. i def agree with you that to have a solid relationship, honesty is of utmost importance. the bottom-line is to find someone you truly connect with. if he can accept what you do and he genuinely cares for you and vice versa, then great. if he doesn't like/accept you providing, then you would have to make the choice about what is truly important to you. but it still comes down to want you really want, being in control of it, and never letting any obstacles stop you from getting what you truly want.

you are a great girl, so i hope it all works out.

[Mr No Confidence]

Originally Posted by BritneyBangs

Strange but good in many ways, so isolating in other ways.

All that runs through my head as I read that comment is a conversation I had with a drug dealer. Too bad there's no place on this site for a story about a drug dealer with feelings of isolation and loneliness. lol

Eloquence has no room in my drunken stooper so forgive me for my drunken rambling. Any thoughts on this?

You're not drunk enough, you spelled eloquence right.

[GRIN OF SIN]

That's a toughy. I think with your line of work, you may have to stay in "friend" zone before thinking about "relationship". If there's a dude you dig, let him know up front and if he gives the vibe that he's put-off by the occupation, then ask if it's cool to be friends. After he gets to know you and sees that there is potential for something more, he may be a little less judgmental about it all.

I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions to the rule, but if a guy isn't invested in a chick (dating for a few weeks with the possibility of becoming more serious) he'll be prone to cutting his losses and moving on. It's not just occupational choices, it could be various reasons that trigger this: middle of a divorce; just started AA; just got out of rehab; still lives with ex boyfriend; moved from New York to get away from her unstable pimp who goes by the name IcePick Pete... etc, etc.

Pretty much, any kind of baggage that may be more trouble than it's worth, will deter most men during the "getting to know you phase". This doesn't mean they won't sleep with you... but for the most part, they probably won't stick around, as it's on the list of red flags when it comes to potential relationships.

However, like I said, if the guy already knows you and there is already a connection there, he may start to rationalize -- "It's just a job, it's just sex..." -- in order to move forward. I've seen it a hundred times: once a guy starts to like a chick, it's almost impossible to convince them to stay away from said chick. God forbid if the she is great in the sack and knows how to cook... at that point, you might as well start looking for a tux, because they's gettin married eventually. Oh the memories. Anyways, that's just my 50 cents.

[Marcus Aurelius]

Let him know up front. A few guys could handle it.

[78704]

The late Harry S. Browne argued that honesty caused extreme disruption - aka drama - in the short term and happiness and peace in the long term; that if you expressed the real you it would attract people who liked the real you into your life and repel people who disliked the real you out of your life. Bad news is, repulsion happens pretty much right away, attraction takes a while.

"What would you do if you found out your girlfriend was an escort?"

You mean, we've been dating long enough for her to be my girlfriend and I'm just finding out now? I think I'd be happier if I found out sooner, probably ideally before we have sex. Or, you know, just after; great time to break stuff to a guy. ;-)

[harkontume]

Originally Posted by BritneyBangs

I know people should refrain from posting while intoxicated but I just can't help myself. So a few things I've always wanted to know. What do you really think of providers? What would you do if you found out your girlfriend was an escort? As a provider I find it hard to date. What do you do if you like a guy? Say hey my name is britney and I am an escort? I feel like most guys wouldn't look at me for who I really am. They might just think I'm a slut and think yey free pussy if I told them what I did, so I don't even bother trying to date. Am I selling myself short here? I don't want to lie, because then whatever connection I have is fake. Its such a starnge thing providing. Strange but good in many ways, so isolating in other ways. but if you asked most hobbyist if they would mind their so doing this they would probably say hell no. Eloquence has no room in my drunken stooper so forgive me for my drunken rambling. Any thoughts on this?

Brit Baby... Lie till you die kiddo..

Dating is one thing.. but I think Providing / Relationship is in the long run mutually exclusive. ( IMHO)

[Marcus Aurelius]

Originally Posted by harkontume

Brit Baby... Lie till you die kiddo..

No no no.

[TaylorMaiden29]

put your most regular client on a monthly retainer and call him your boyfriend. Problem solved.

[Guest092810]

Originally Posted by TaylorMaiden29

put your most regular client on a monthly retainer and call him your boyfriend. Problem solved.

I would love to be on retainer. Great idea!

[knotty man]

although most of the women here say they could never "date" a client. sometimes it may be the easiest and most honest relationship you could have. the provider/hobbyist relationship is upfront from the very beginning and leaves no room for "casting stones".im usually comfortable enough to tell the lady im seeing most of my hopes and dreams as well as my fears and kink. i dont know how much of that is reciprocated and how much is just part of the gfe, but if it is true with some guy you feel you have a real connection .then your further along than most real relationships. i truly fear the day that i become involved in a serious relationship with a civie. cuz she will deserve to know my sexual background ( not specifics just that i saw or see providers). that is a MAJOR,MAJOR,MAJOR hurdle and one that cant be discussed too early and by the time its apprpriate its usually too late. the feelings are too strong and the hurt too great. seeing a provider or client eliminates the need for "the talk". these are just my feelings ,but its a very thin line to walk

[Guest092815]

Originally Posted by TaylorMaiden29

put your most regular client on a monthly retainer and call him your boyfriend. Problem solved.

I love it! so pragmatic and practical thinking. You made me smile.

Imagine, life can bee as easy as we let it--sometimes.

[Takeshi Miike]

I think it could be possible for a guy to date provider, but I think how long it worked out would depend on what the features of the relationship were like. For instance, would you give your BF a good reference to see another provider? It's one of those things, if a GF is providing, can she deal with her BF hobbying? You know the whole, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander" type of thing.

Personally, I don't hobby when I'm in a relationship, but that's primarily because I don't normally have open relationships and I'm getting what I need at home. I have had long term FWB relationships (you know the guy you call in between relationships) and those normally end because the girl starts to see you as BF material or you move away. What I would wonder is if a provider would be down with an open relationship or would you get the "Oh, that's not the same, I do that for work" type of justification for a double standard in regard to exclusivity in the relationship.

[Gump42]

Brit,

I think you need to decide what kind of relationship you want. If you just want companionship, perhaps you could date a hobbyist. If you want something more serious, you might want to consider an "open", swinger type relationship. If you want a monogamous relationship, then save all the money you can and be prepared to retire. Yes, some men can handle your profession. But you can't continue your profession and expect you SO to be monogamous.

I have my doubts about many men willing to accept your career. I don't think responses from men in this forum provide accurate statistics, as most are very open minded. In the civilian world, I think you'll need to look for a swinger friendly guy, or retire. I also think you'll run into plenty of men that say they're cool with it, only to find they're using you for sex and money.

Interesting topic as I've been curious about these issues as well. A successful provider can make a lot of money, but it does seem like a career that's emotionally isolating. Sex and money is great, but there are a lot of other enjoyable things in life as well. Spending your days with someone you care about, is your best friend and also a great lover, is tough to beat!

Good luck,

E.

P.S. Don't get too sentimental and depressed. There are plenty of people out there that are married, have car payments and a mortgage, a couple of rug rats, live in a sexless marriage and are freaking miserable. The grass is always greener on the other side :-))

[Guest031411-2]

In vino veritas (in wine [there comes] truth)

Wow, such a personal question and the answers are only up to you. Yes, there is many opinions posted and will continue to be posted. Ultimately you will need to decide three things: what do you truly want out of life that will make you happy, what you will do achieve happiness, and do you have the desire to truly make it happen.

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man [woman].
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

For example, as suggested, does continuing to have a regular client just pay a monthly fee so you can "claim" him as a boyfriend really define what you are looking in a boyfriend? If having someone that you can see a little more frequently that will always have an expectation of sex from you as he is paying for it define a boyfriend for you, then by all means follow that suggestion. If your definition of a boyfriend is different then you need to decide what that is and work towards having those types of relationships. I would advise against seeing a current hobbiest of yours as suggested, as the original suggestion also indicated that continual concept that the hobbiest is more invested than the provider. A common refrain we often see posts about..."dating a provider" typically the start of the title.

I tend to side with Marcus Aurelius' posts and 78704's post regarding honesty upfront to get the short-term drama out of the way and then long-term peace will follow. Very sage advice that should be considered in all aspects of life.

Yes, I think there are men out there that could handle it with the caveat that there would be a goal and strategies in place for an exit plan from the lifestyle. I can assume there is a man or two that wouldn't care if you were still doing this at 55, but think about the three things that you would have to decide that go with having a happy life and a relationship.

To answer your direct questions, could I deal with an SO who was a provider? I could if she was truthful and upfront about what events occurred that lent itself to her current occupation; if she had a plan (strategies and milestone dates) for where she wanted to be in 1-year, 5-years, and 10-years; and she was actually working that plan to success. The foundation for any successful relationship is a commitment to communicate.

Could I deal with it if I had been lied to upfront? See previous paragraph and the discussions that would have to occur.

What do I really think of providers? First, let me state that my intent is to not lump all providers into any specific category, but as a generalization I have 3 categories. I have met some that I enjoy spending time with as they are in the business because they truly love what they do. The ones I enjoy being with are very well-balanced in their life in that they do have a life outside the business. This category of provider is usually intelligent [do not mis-interpret as being well-educated], has a wide array of interests that they pursue, and recognizes their time is important to them and as such, don't always spend all of their free time on the boards. These successful ladies are, for the most part, slightly utr part of the scene and have friendships and relationships outside the business. A connection (not a relationship) on a mental level is as important to me as the physical reason we get together.

Then there is that category of provider that I occasionally see that is simply a, to be blunt, a port in the storm. No mental connection exists or can be developed to any meaningful level so it boils down to a pure physical need. A physical attraction on my end exists and that is the extent of my needs and reasons for seeing this person.

The last category of provider is the ones that I won't see. It can be that a.) they don't do anything for me to make a physical connection, or b.) their posts tend to not stimulate enough to want to develop a mental connection. Generally speaking, these tend to be the providers that do not seem to me to have a life beyond the boards in that they don't appear to be well balanced or have any outside interests.

Ultimately, as I have stated, this is a very personal choice that only you can make. My input is just that...take it for what a few typed words on a website can mean.
I hope you the best in whatever course of actions you choose!